Struggling and scared
Lora P
I am so upset right now. I feel like a failure as a mother. My children are not making progress with their learning. They both struggle with daily things like reading and writing and basic math. I have unschooled for so long and the problem now is I am worried about them when it comes to being "tested" by their peers, family that is not on board with homeschooling in general let alone unschooling, and the potential of being "turned in" for lack of educating them. My stomach hurts. They are frustrated and I am just at a loss as to what I can do. How can a child learn math or reading or writing without schooling, yet this is not what I want to embrace with them. I don't know where to go or who to turn to and I just feel like I should crawl in a ball some place and cry.
Joyce Fetteroll
On Mar 5, 2012, at 12:38 PM, Lora P wrote:
They aren't ready to memorize bits of abstract knowledge. That's what *passes* for reading and math in school. But, in actual practice, doing school math or reading doesn't mean they can do either when they encounter them in real life. Being able to add numbers on a worksheet doesn't mean someone understands addition or can add up how much money they have to figure out if they can afford a toy. Being able to read controlled readers doesn't mean a child can read a note left for them. School pretends they're the same. They aren't. So kids who are "doing" math and reading in school, really quite often aren't.
Start reading here:
http://sandradodd.com/beginning
http://sandradodd.com/reading
And follow the links.
Two others that will help are:
Why You Can't Let Go:
http://sandradodd.com/joyce/talk
Products of Education
http://sandradodd.com/joyce/products
If they're doing daily math and reading, it doesn't sound like you were unschooling. You have unreasonable expectations of what unschooling looks like and what your unique kids should be able to do. That's bound to cause knots in stomachs.
Unschooled kids *do* learn math and reading but it doesn't look like school math or reading and it doesn't come on the school schedule. They learn, real functional math and reading by doing both in real life a little at a time, for their own purposes.
If you go here:
http://joyfullyrejoycing.com/
Down the left side are several pages on reading and math.
http://sandradodd.com/world
(Scroll down. The US is at the bottom.)
But natural learning doesn't look like school learning. It isn't linear. It jumps all over the place, like building a jigsaw puzzle.
In school it's like they start at the top left of the jigsaw puzzle and work over and down, putting pieces where the teacher tells them. If the goal is to complete, say, the top center figure, by 2nd grade, the teachers press them to do so. You can expect "progress" will look a certain way and the kids will go through the motions. Not liking it. Not really understanding what they're doing or why. They're just doing what they're told.
With unschooling, they fill in the jigsaw puzzle where interest takes them. If you focus on them completing the top center figure as they would in school, you'll miss what they're doing *instead*.
So by focusing on math and reading, you're missing what they're pulling in instead.
Joyce
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
> My children are not making progress with their learning.Unschooling won't look like "progress" in any usual sense when thinking about learning in school terms. Unschooling looks like playing.
> They both struggle with daily things like reading and writing and basic math.Why are they doing daily math and reading? If they're struggling at anything, they aren't ready for it.
They aren't ready to memorize bits of abstract knowledge. That's what *passes* for reading and math in school. But, in actual practice, doing school math or reading doesn't mean they can do either when they encounter them in real life. Being able to add numbers on a worksheet doesn't mean someone understands addition or can add up how much money they have to figure out if they can afford a toy. Being able to read controlled readers doesn't mean a child can read a note left for them. School pretends they're the same. They aren't. So kids who are "doing" math and reading in school, really quite often aren't.
Start reading here:
http://sandradodd.com/beginning
http://sandradodd.com/reading
And follow the links.
Two others that will help are:
Why You Can't Let Go:
http://sandradodd.com/joyce/talk
Products of Education
http://sandradodd.com/joyce/products
If they're doing daily math and reading, it doesn't sound like you were unschooling. You have unreasonable expectations of what unschooling looks like and what your unique kids should be able to do. That's bound to cause knots in stomachs.
Unschooled kids *do* learn math and reading but it doesn't look like school math or reading and it doesn't come on the school schedule. They learn, real functional math and reading by doing both in real life a little at a time, for their own purposes.
If you go here:
http://joyfullyrejoycing.com/
Down the left side are several pages on reading and math.
> and the problem now is I am worried about them when it comes to being "tested"What state do you live in? Are you on a local state unschooling or homeschooling list. The best ward against fear is information. Find out what unschoolers do in your state to prevent such things from happening. Or if they even do happen. If you're not there are links to groups here:
> by their peers, family that is not on board with homeschooling in general let alone
> unschooling, and the potential of being "turned in" for lack of educating them.
http://sandradodd.com/world
(Scroll down. The US is at the bottom.)
> They are frustrated and I am just at a loss as to what I can do.The first step is to stop setting them up to be frustrated. Do things they enjoy.
> How can a child learn math or reading or writing without schooling,They do. Because it's natural to pull meaning from chaos. It's what our human brains are designed to do. Our brains don't memorize nearly as well which is why schools need to spend a huge amount of time getting facts into kids' heads.
But natural learning doesn't look like school learning. It isn't linear. It jumps all over the place, like building a jigsaw puzzle.
In school it's like they start at the top left of the jigsaw puzzle and work over and down, putting pieces where the teacher tells them. If the goal is to complete, say, the top center figure, by 2nd grade, the teachers press them to do so. You can expect "progress" will look a certain way and the kids will go through the motions. Not liking it. Not really understanding what they're doing or why. They're just doing what they're told.
With unschooling, they fill in the jigsaw puzzle where interest takes them. If you focus on them completing the top center figure as they would in school, you'll miss what they're doing *instead*.
So by focusing on math and reading, you're missing what they're pulling in instead.
Joyce
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Meredith
"Lora P" <lcmpek@...> wrote:
In what way do they struggle? Are they trying to do things they aren't ready to do? Are you helping them do the things they want to do, or are you trying to prompt them to be more independent than they are ready to be?
On another list (sorry folks, this is cross posted!!!) you made it seem like the problem was other kids teasing yours about not knowing certain school tricks, but in this post it seems more as though the trouble is that you are the one looking for "learning" to look like school.
It might help to do some reading at the link below to get an idea of what natural learning is and looks like!
http://sandradodd.com/seeingit
You sound really overwhelmed! It will help both you and your kids to make a conscious effort to focus on what they Can do, and what they Do know, rather than comparing them to people who have been trained to do a specific repertoire of tricks. You're kids don't know the same tricks! But chances are they have a whole lot of knowledge and experience in areas their school peers don't.
---Meredith
>***************
> My children are not making progress with their learning. They both struggle with daily things like reading and writing and basic math.
In what way do they struggle? Are they trying to do things they aren't ready to do? Are you helping them do the things they want to do, or are you trying to prompt them to be more independent than they are ready to be?
On another list (sorry folks, this is cross posted!!!) you made it seem like the problem was other kids teasing yours about not knowing certain school tricks, but in this post it seems more as though the trouble is that you are the one looking for "learning" to look like school.
It might help to do some reading at the link below to get an idea of what natural learning is and looks like!
http://sandradodd.com/seeingit
>>I have unschooled for so longIf you've been unschooling for a while, then ideally you should have a pretty good sense of your kids interests, skills, and strengths. But plenty of people get into unschooling without knowing more than "no curriculum" and "kids will learn what they need to know." I'm guessing you need to spend some time learning about unschooling on the one hand, and spend more time engaged with what your children are doing on the other.
>>I don't know where to go or who to turn to and I just feel like I should crawl in a ball some place and cry.**************
You sound really overwhelmed! It will help both you and your kids to make a conscious effort to focus on what they Can do, and what they Do know, rather than comparing them to people who have been trained to do a specific repertoire of tricks. You're kids don't know the same tricks! But chances are they have a whole lot of knowledge and experience in areas their school peers don't.
---Meredith
Kelly Lovejoy
-----Original Message-----
From: Lora P <lcmpek@...>
To: unschoolingbasics <[email protected]>
I am so upset right now. I feel like a failure as a mother. My children are not
making progress with their learning.
-=-=-=-=-
Do you have them locked in a basement? <g>
-=-=-=-=-=-=
They both struggle with daily things like
reading and writing and basic math.
-=-=-=-=-
How old are they?
==-=-==-
I have unschooled for so long and the
problem now is I am worried about them when it comes to being "tested" by their
peers, family that is not on board with homeschooling in general let alone
unschooling, and the potential of being "turned in" for lack of educating them.
My stomach hurts.
-=-=-=-=-
How long? Do you understand how unschooling works?
Don't allow "testing" by anyone. You're their mom. Stand up for them.
-=-=-=-=-=
They are frustrated and I am just at a loss as to what I can
do.
-=-=-=-
What's frustrating them?
-=-=-=-=-=-=-
How can a child learn math or reading or writing without schooling,
-=-=-=-=
*HOW* long have you been unschooling???
Do you understand that learning happens ALL THE TIME?
-=-=-=-=-=-
yet
this is not what I want to embrace with them. I don't know where to go or who to
turn to and I just feel like I should crawl in a ball some place and cry.
-=-=-=-=-
I'm thinking that you're not quite sure what unschooling is and how it works. I'm thinking you think there is an imaginary timeline to follow.
I'm thinking you need to spend a little time learning more about unschooling if that's what you want for your children.
Can you get to an unschooling conference? The "season" has started, so there will be one *somewhere* almost every month. Where do you live?
~Kelly
Kelly Lovejoy
"There is no single effort more radical in its potential for saving the world than a transformation of the way we raise our children." Marianne Williamson
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
From: Lora P <lcmpek@...>
To: unschoolingbasics <[email protected]>
I am so upset right now. I feel like a failure as a mother. My children are not
making progress with their learning.
-=-=-=-=-
Do you have them locked in a basement? <g>
-=-=-=-=-=-=
They both struggle with daily things like
reading and writing and basic math.
-=-=-=-=-
How old are they?
==-=-==-
I have unschooled for so long and the
problem now is I am worried about them when it comes to being "tested" by their
peers, family that is not on board with homeschooling in general let alone
unschooling, and the potential of being "turned in" for lack of educating them.
My stomach hurts.
-=-=-=-=-
How long? Do you understand how unschooling works?
Don't allow "testing" by anyone. You're their mom. Stand up for them.
-=-=-=-=-=
They are frustrated and I am just at a loss as to what I can
do.
-=-=-=-
What's frustrating them?
-=-=-=-=-=-=-
How can a child learn math or reading or writing without schooling,
-=-=-=-=
*HOW* long have you been unschooling???
Do you understand that learning happens ALL THE TIME?
-=-=-=-=-=-
yet
this is not what I want to embrace with them. I don't know where to go or who to
turn to and I just feel like I should crawl in a ball some place and cry.
-=-=-=-=-
I'm thinking that you're not quite sure what unschooling is and how it works. I'm thinking you think there is an imaginary timeline to follow.
I'm thinking you need to spend a little time learning more about unschooling if that's what you want for your children.
Can you get to an unschooling conference? The "season" has started, so there will be one *somewhere* almost every month. Where do you live?
~Kelly
Kelly Lovejoy
"There is no single effort more radical in its potential for saving the world than a transformation of the way we raise our children." Marianne Williamson
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]