tamara.needham

I have a hard time articulating my thoughts so forgive me if this seems all over the place or doesn't make sense.
I have a 2 year old DD, and I am also 5 months pregnant. I have been reading about unschooling and trying to put in place the basic principles of respecting my kids needs but been having problems at night.
On the nights I'm not working I will usually lay in her bed with her cuddling till she falls asleep. Except lately she will seem like she's ready to sleep, seem like she's about to doze off and then suddenly she will have a burst of energy and start thrashing and kicking. If I tell her to stop and that she hurt me, she always just giggles and thrashes more. I am really paranoid about her kicking and my pregnant belly, and don't feel safe when she does this. I have tried a few things but they haven't seemed to work and I am running out of idea's other than to just leave her in her room to fall asleep on her own, but she will scream and cry and I don't want to do that.
I was hoping someone might have some suggestions..
I'm not sure if this is the right list for this but I wasn't sure where else to post..

JJ

> I have a 2 year old DD, and I am also 5 months pregnant. . .
> On the nights I'm not working

Which nights are your norm, working or not-working and for how long has that been the fact? In other words how routine or special is it for her to have you snuggling with her in bed? How does she go to bed/sleep the nights that you are working? (when, where, with whom, how easily) How long has she been weaned, assuming she is since ? How long has this time of evening been the time she is getting into bed?

> other than to just leave her in her room to fall asleep on her own

So not only does she have her own bed apart from the one you sleep in but her own room apart from the one you sleep in, is that right?

There are so many happy-sleeping ideas depending on all sorts of such variables, which is the good news. The more challenging news is that these variables keep changing so sleep needs-wants will also keep changing (especially for little ones, but for teens and adults too, pregnant ones for example! And older adults, which is affecting my family now)-- so it helps to be constantly aware and responsive and trying different combinations throughout life, with the goal in mind of happy sleeping for each member of the household, whatever it takes.

JJ

JJ

I was thinking it would help to make this explicit but then I failed to spell it out.

There are four possible results in the quest for happy sleeping, not just two like an on-off switch. Both happy and sleeping is the one we want. The others are: happy but not sleeping, sleeping but not happy, neither happy nor sleeping! And these four possible results may differ for each person in the household.

The more members, the more difficult to keep it all in balance for everyone, yet the more important because there is less room for error, with many more ways to go wrong than right.

Does that make sense? It is a larger insight that helps unschooling, to realize that merely sleeping or exercising or eating, say, isn't the ultimate object. Your unschooling goal is happy sleeping, happy eating, happy exercising. Happy cleaning, happy learning. Both are important at the same time and both are important for everyone, not just one parent or one child, and therefore worthy of your very best, most creative living. Leave it to chance and those chances are three out of four someone loses.

Heather B.

Often times unschooling is about thinking outside of the box. In order to meet everyone's needs conventional wisdom just doesn't seem to work out. Obviously I can't see into your home so forgive me if you already do some of these thing but the first thing that comes to mind is (if in fact she is ready to sleep):

*creating a bedtime routine. Maybe hair brushing or story reading or back rubbing or [insert idea here]
*dimming the lights and quieting the TV in the evening to promote relaxation
*Finding a new comfortable place for you guys to cuddle together

But, if she isn't ready for sleep can you get up and do something different? Plan some quiet activities for her in advance. My kids love to snuggle on the couch and fall asleep, sometimes watching a movie.

Sleep needs change, and they can change a lot over the course of a childhood. My kids are 12,6, and 2 and their sleep patterns vary drastically and even more so between the three of them. My six year old is the night owl and will stay up until 2am many days. It can be REALLY challenging trying to meet mine and his needs. But it's helpful for us to not expect sleep, and just try and accommodate his need to be awake longer. In time we've gotten much, much better at this and he's also become more relaxed at night.

Hope there is something in here that helps. :)

Heather B.


--- In [email protected], "tamara.needham" <tamaraneedham@...> wrote:
>
> I have a hard time articulating my thoughts so forgive me if this seems all over the place or doesn't make sense.
> I have a 2 year old DD, and I am also 5 months pregnant. I have been reading about unschooling and trying to put in place the basic principles of respecting my kids needs but been having problems at night.
> On the nights I'm not working I will usually lay in her bed with her cuddling till she falls asleep. Except lately she will seem like she's ready to sleep, seem like she's about to doze off and then suddenly she will have a burst of energy and start thrashing and kicking. If I tell her to stop and that she hurt me, she always just giggles and thrashes more. I am really paranoid about her kicking and my pregnant belly, and don't feel safe when she does this. I have tried a few things but they haven't seemed to work and I am running out of idea's other than to just leave her in her room to fall asleep on her own, but she will scream and cry and I don't want to do that.
> I was hoping someone might have some suggestions..
> I'm not sure if this is the right list for this but I wasn't sure where else to post..
>

plaidpanties666

"tamara.needham" <tamaraneedham@...> wrote:
>lately she will seem like she's ready to sleep, seem like she's about to doze off and then suddenly she will have a burst of energy and start thrashing and kicking. If I tell her to stop and that she hurt me, she always just giggles and thrashes more.
**************

Have you tried playing with her instead of trying to stop her? Maybe she needs to get a few last wiggles out before she can fall asleep! Try tickling or rubbing, rolling her back and forth... here's a whole page of ideas:

http://sandradodd.com/physicality/

---Meredith

Jeanette

When my oldest was little, he liked lots of stimulation to go to sleep. He would never nurse to sleep... So I always danced him. We didn't listen to soft music... It was always quite lively. I even remember dancing to Prince and Gwen Steffani...etc :). He loved the beat and the big dips I'd do with him. He was always asleep before the first song was over. He always asked to go to bed by 7 at night. When he was two, I got too pregnant and had early labor signs with the pregnancy of his brother. So...the dancing was done :(. Some things that helped him was me asking him what he did that day...even though I knew, the talking helped him. He also loved for me to stick my fingers in his ears and move them. Making that beat noise really settled him. At age 8 he still asks me to do this sometimes. Experimenting was key for us....and in the end I realized that stimulation was what he needed. When he falls asleep now he still likes to listen to loud music and
have a fan blowing right on him full blast.

Jeanette

On Jan 25, 2011, at 12:14 AM, "tamara.needham" <tamaraneedham@...> wrote:
I was hoping someone might have some suggestions..
I'm not sure if this is the right list for this but I wasn't sure where else to post..







[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

tamara.needham

>
> > I have a 2 year old DD, and I am also 5 months pregnant. . .
> > On the nights I'm not working
>
> Which nights are your norm, working or not-working and for how long has that been the fact? In other words how routine or special is it for her to have you snuggling with her in bed? How does she go to bed/sleep the nights that you are working? (when, where, with whom, how easily) How long has she been weaned, assuming she is since ? How long has this time of evening been the time she is getting into bed?

--------

Nothing has recently changed or become new in the bedtime area. I started working again when she was 15 months old, regularly Wednesday, Friday, and Saturday nights. She stopped nursing when she was about 20 months old. And she's been going to bed between 8-9 for as long as I can remember. On the nights I work, her dad will put her to bed and apparently they have their lil bedtime story routine and then she'll wave bye to him, he leaves and she goes to sleep?
But she refuses to let him put her to bed on the nights I don't work.

---------

>
> > other than to just leave her in her room to fall asleep on her own
>
> So not only does she have her own bed apart from the one you sleep in but her own room apart from the one you sleep in, is that right?
>

----------

She has always had her own room, we don't have room in our bedroom for a separate bed. And because of the pain medication Darcy has to take it wouldn't be a safe environment for her to sleep with us. There has been nights, he's slept downstairs I have tried to let her sleep in the bed with me. But she has difficulty sleeping in any other bed then her own.

JJ

If you need and can be happy with YOUR sleep by 9pm or so, then, you might tell her that, and invite her to help you settle into sleep. Your bed or hers, it might be her choice and not always the same. If she is helping, she stays with you and if/when she wants to be more active and you want not to, she can go to her own bed and/or have dad in for their work-night bedtime routine?

--- In [email protected], "tamara.needham" <tamaraneedham@...> wrote:
>
>
>
> >
> > > I have a 2 year old DD, and I am also 5 months pregnant. . .
> > > On the nights I'm not working
> >
> > Which nights are your norm, working or not-working and for how long has that been the fact? In other words how routine or special is it for her to have you snuggling with her in bed? How does she go to bed/sleep the nights that you are working? (when, where, with whom, how easily) How long has she been weaned, assuming she is since ? How long has this time of evening been the time she is getting into bed?
>
> --------
>
> Nothing has recently changed or become new in the bedtime area. I started working again when she was 15 months old, regularly Wednesday, Friday, and Saturday nights. She stopped nursing when she was about 20 months old. And she's been going to bed between 8-9 for as long as I can remember. On the nights I work, her dad will put her to bed and apparently they have their lil bedtime story routine and then she'll wave bye to him, he leaves and she goes to sleep?
> But she refuses to let him put her to bed on the nights I don't work.
>
> ---------
>
> >
> > > other than to just leave her in her room to fall asleep on her own
> >
> > So not only does she have her own bed apart from the one you sleep in but her own room apart from the one you sleep in, is that right?
> >
>
> ----------
>
> She has always had her own room, we don't have room in our bedroom for a separate bed. And because of the pain medication Darcy has to take it wouldn't be a safe environment for her to sleep with us. There has been nights, he's slept downstairs I have tried to let her sleep in the bed with me. But she has difficulty sleeping in any other bed then her own.
>

Bun

--- In [email protected], "tamara.needham" <tamaraneedham@...> wrote:
> Except lately she will seem like she's ready to sleep, seem like she's about to doze off and then suddenly she will have a burst of energy and start thrashing and kicking.

You could protect your belly with some sort of pillow or blanket when you lay together. (But still move if you have to to protect yourself if the thrashing and moving about seems risky.)

Could your daughter be overtired? Could she have gone to bed sooner and maybe more easily? Sometimes there seems to be a time when I can more easily fall asleep. And if I miss that, I have trouble feeling at ease and I feel restless and can't get in the right position and it takes way longer to actually fall asleep. So I read or do something else for a while.

Have you considered getting up for a bit? The change of scenery might help and she would not feel pressure to try to go to sleep if she doesn't feel ready and at ease. It is hard to lay there when you feel restless or if you feel pressure to sleep.

Even though it might have been late at night, if my kids didn't seem tired, we stayed up and did something. They've jumped on the bed for a bit late at night to burn off some energy and then eased into a more calming activity or taken a warm bath or shower and then watched a show on a portable dvd player in bed or read a few books with a flashlight in bed.

Some kids need more time to wind down. Try not to rush, even if you are anxious for her to go to sleep. Try to make it easy on her (and you will find it easier on you then too). Go with the activities that seem soothing for her. You'll slowly figure out certain things that seem to work for her. But do be open to change.

Laurie