When/How to Give Scary Information
NCMama
Seth, 11, is going hiking with his Dad for a few days in a couple of weeks. He's nervous about going - he's always declined before, when his Dad offered, but this time he said he wants to go. He's asked his Dad a couple of times if he's absolutely miserable, if they can leave. His Dad has assured him that, of course they'll leave, no problem.
I woke in the middle of the night the other night with a fear popping up. His Dad has asthma, and he's had it well under control for years. It used to be a lot worse when I first met him. He told me of a time that he had gone hiking before we met when he had a terrible asthma attack, and very nearly died. He ended up in the hospital for close to a week. I don't remember the details - did he drive himself to the hospital? Was he hiking with someone else? I guess that's not important now. Anyway - my fear is that he will somehow get sick on this hike, and it will be just him & Seth. They're going to be out of cellphone range for a large part of the hike.
I'm wanting to give Seth information about what to do if something does happen to his Dad, but I don't want to freak him out! I can't think of how to bring it up. I realize I don't need to tell him about the other time his Dad got sick (just realized that in writing this, boy it helps to write stuff out!) and I can just present it as information. "Hey, since you're going hiking, here's information you need."
That feels so unnatural when I write it out! "Present information", etc. I guess my fear is getting in the way of our flow! A healthy friend recently died suddenly with a stroke; I think that's got my awareness on "Anything can happen!" His Dad is mostly healthy - but so was my friend. He had recently run the Boston Marathon!
All right, so in the flow of our conversation, I can bring it up - not even specifically about his Dad, just "stuff you need to know when you go hiking".
I think I've mostly worked it out in this post, so thanks for being here! If you have additional thoughts or insights, let me know.
Thanks,
Caren
I woke in the middle of the night the other night with a fear popping up. His Dad has asthma, and he's had it well under control for years. It used to be a lot worse when I first met him. He told me of a time that he had gone hiking before we met when he had a terrible asthma attack, and very nearly died. He ended up in the hospital for close to a week. I don't remember the details - did he drive himself to the hospital? Was he hiking with someone else? I guess that's not important now. Anyway - my fear is that he will somehow get sick on this hike, and it will be just him & Seth. They're going to be out of cellphone range for a large part of the hike.
I'm wanting to give Seth information about what to do if something does happen to his Dad, but I don't want to freak him out! I can't think of how to bring it up. I realize I don't need to tell him about the other time his Dad got sick (just realized that in writing this, boy it helps to write stuff out!) and I can just present it as information. "Hey, since you're going hiking, here's information you need."
That feels so unnatural when I write it out! "Present information", etc. I guess my fear is getting in the way of our flow! A healthy friend recently died suddenly with a stroke; I think that's got my awareness on "Anything can happen!" His Dad is mostly healthy - but so was my friend. He had recently run the Boston Marathon!
All right, so in the flow of our conversation, I can bring it up - not even specifically about his Dad, just "stuff you need to know when you go hiking".
I think I've mostly worked it out in this post, so thanks for being here! If you have additional thoughts or insights, let me know.
Thanks,
Caren
Debra Rossing
Exactly (what you worked out as you wrote it out). Both DH and I have
health issues. I work fulltime so DS (12) is home with DH while I'm at
work. In addition to health issues (pre-existing stuff) there's all
sorts of accidents that can happen - DH gets hurt mowing the lawn, for
example. We have explained, over time, in developmentally appropriate
ways, how to help should it be needed, where the first aid stuff is, how
to contact first responders and me. For example, DS knows that if my
blood sugar goes low, I need something quick sugary and he knows where
the glucose tablets are and what they look like (I always carry some
within reach). There have been a couple times when I've been home and
tested (felt weird) and said "My blood sugar is low" and DS went and
mixed up a quick half glass of chocolate milk (which is actually a good
option). It was something he could do right then, without hunting for
anything, just react. Knowing both sides of things: what the issues are
AND what to do about them is important. Without the latter, the former
is likely to be more scary.
Knowing what to do, having information built in so that there's not even
any thinking involved so much as reacting, has really helped DS (and all
of us) to not be afraid. It's kind of the same way my mom instilled
defensive driving tactics in us as we learned to drive. It wasn't a
lecture or 'scary' thing - just tidbits as she was driving about how she
kept her eyes out for 'what if' situations so she could be ready. Came
in handy too: I was driving on a two lane back road when the vehicle in
front of me slipped on ice and spun into an oncoming vehicle. My car
started to slip and I automatically reacted, bringing my vehicle to a
safe stop without hitting anything. Can't say that I consciously
remember what all I did, I just went into 'auto pilot'. (I also sent my
mom a bouquet of flowers that day as a thank you) Both DH and I have
CPR/AED training and once DS is physically big enough to handle the
physical aspects of it, he'll have the opportunity to take the same
training as well.
I'm sure that his dad, if he's an experienced hiker, has a properly
stocked first aid kit in his gear. That might be another touch point to
include - have him show Sean where the first aid kit is and how it's
laid out (band aids here, bug bite stuff here, and so on) and that would
be a perfect time for him to mention where he keeps his asthma meds as
well. That would be a good addendum to whatever information you provide
for him, kind of building a coherent whole of the information.
Deb R
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health issues. I work fulltime so DS (12) is home with DH while I'm at
work. In addition to health issues (pre-existing stuff) there's all
sorts of accidents that can happen - DH gets hurt mowing the lawn, for
example. We have explained, over time, in developmentally appropriate
ways, how to help should it be needed, where the first aid stuff is, how
to contact first responders and me. For example, DS knows that if my
blood sugar goes low, I need something quick sugary and he knows where
the glucose tablets are and what they look like (I always carry some
within reach). There have been a couple times when I've been home and
tested (felt weird) and said "My blood sugar is low" and DS went and
mixed up a quick half glass of chocolate milk (which is actually a good
option). It was something he could do right then, without hunting for
anything, just react. Knowing both sides of things: what the issues are
AND what to do about them is important. Without the latter, the former
is likely to be more scary.
Knowing what to do, having information built in so that there's not even
any thinking involved so much as reacting, has really helped DS (and all
of us) to not be afraid. It's kind of the same way my mom instilled
defensive driving tactics in us as we learned to drive. It wasn't a
lecture or 'scary' thing - just tidbits as she was driving about how she
kept her eyes out for 'what if' situations so she could be ready. Came
in handy too: I was driving on a two lane back road when the vehicle in
front of me slipped on ice and spun into an oncoming vehicle. My car
started to slip and I automatically reacted, bringing my vehicle to a
safe stop without hitting anything. Can't say that I consciously
remember what all I did, I just went into 'auto pilot'. (I also sent my
mom a bouquet of flowers that day as a thank you) Both DH and I have
CPR/AED training and once DS is physically big enough to handle the
physical aspects of it, he'll have the opportunity to take the same
training as well.
I'm sure that his dad, if he's an experienced hiker, has a properly
stocked first aid kit in his gear. That might be another touch point to
include - have him show Sean where the first aid kit is and how it's
laid out (band aids here, bug bite stuff here, and so on) and that would
be a perfect time for him to mention where he keeps his asthma meds as
well. That would be a good addendum to whatever information you provide
for him, kind of building a coherent whole of the information.
Deb R
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Debra Rossing
Oh BTW we've also had lots of discussions of 'scary' stuff for other
reasons too: FIL was very sick for several months before he passed away
a couple years ago (including kidney dialysis - we went to visit when he
was hooked up to the dialysis machine and the nurse on duty was glad to
show us a cut away model of the filter and explain all the tubes and
equipment); my dad had a heart attack and bypass surgery a few years
ago; my mom had yet another heart surgery last year; DH was hospitalized
with what they said was a TIA (mini stroke) a couple of years ago.
Through all of it, we made sure to take quiet times together to talk and
ask/answer questions, pull out the human body books and look up stuff,
and so on. Funny: prior to my mom's surgery, they needed to do a cardiac
catheterization. So, I was explaining that to DS and he said "Oh yeah, I
saw that on 'House' one time..." That made it much easier to explain -
he already knew what it looked like, being able to picture it took away
a lot of the scary unknown.
Information at a level that is appropriate and lots of space to be and
think and talk and ask.
Deb R
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reasons too: FIL was very sick for several months before he passed away
a couple years ago (including kidney dialysis - we went to visit when he
was hooked up to the dialysis machine and the nurse on duty was glad to
show us a cut away model of the filter and explain all the tubes and
equipment); my dad had a heart attack and bypass surgery a few years
ago; my mom had yet another heart surgery last year; DH was hospitalized
with what they said was a TIA (mini stroke) a couple of years ago.
Through all of it, we made sure to take quiet times together to talk and
ask/answer questions, pull out the human body books and look up stuff,
and so on. Funny: prior to my mom's surgery, they needed to do a cardiac
catheterization. So, I was explaining that to DS and he said "Oh yeah, I
saw that on 'House' one time..." That made it much easier to explain -
he already knew what it looked like, being able to picture it took away
a lot of the scary unknown.
Information at a level that is appropriate and lots of space to be and
think and talk and ask.
Deb R
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intended solely for the use of the individual or entity to whom they
are addressed. If you have received this email in error please notify
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This footnote also confirms that this email message has been swept by
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