co-sleeping with older children
unschoolingmom66
Hello,
Our family sleeping arrangements have varied since the children were born. After our first son was born he slept in the big bed with me and DH. Once our second son was born we split into two rooms, a parent and a child in each. Except for a couple of short periods of time when we tried having the whole family in one room (with a couple of beds pushed together to make one big bed- but no one slept well so we resumed the old arrangement) we've mostly been split into two rooms with one parent and one child each. For the most part this has been a comfortable arrangement for all of and there has been no pressing reason to change it. My children are now 10 and 12!
My 10 yr old has recently expressed interest in moving into his own room soon, and would like his older brother to share that room, however my 12 yr old is still feeling he wants to sleep with a parent.
It doesn't bother me or my husband if he sleeps with us. I have never pushed my kids to do things (giving up bottles, toilet training, etc..,) but rather I always went with the idea that when the time was right and they were ready, these things would happen naturally and easily. So far that philosophy has worked for our kids. Recently however, I have found myself wondering if I shouldn't be encouraging my older son to have his own room too. I've mentioned it gently once or twice in the past couple of years but he has resisted and I haven't wanted to make a big issue of it because i feel that if he has some need for the security of sleeping with a parent, then I want to honor that. He is otherwise very well-adjusted and independent. We've been unschooling all along except for a year of kindergarten for my oldest before I made the decision to keep him home.
Does anyone have any input? Should I allow the co-sleeping to continue until HE asks to have his own room (with or without my other ds)? Or should I be gently encouraging him to also consider sharing a room with his brother or having his own room?
Thanks so much in advance for your response.
Our family sleeping arrangements have varied since the children were born. After our first son was born he slept in the big bed with me and DH. Once our second son was born we split into two rooms, a parent and a child in each. Except for a couple of short periods of time when we tried having the whole family in one room (with a couple of beds pushed together to make one big bed- but no one slept well so we resumed the old arrangement) we've mostly been split into two rooms with one parent and one child each. For the most part this has been a comfortable arrangement for all of and there has been no pressing reason to change it. My children are now 10 and 12!
My 10 yr old has recently expressed interest in moving into his own room soon, and would like his older brother to share that room, however my 12 yr old is still feeling he wants to sleep with a parent.
It doesn't bother me or my husband if he sleeps with us. I have never pushed my kids to do things (giving up bottles, toilet training, etc..,) but rather I always went with the idea that when the time was right and they were ready, these things would happen naturally and easily. So far that philosophy has worked for our kids. Recently however, I have found myself wondering if I shouldn't be encouraging my older son to have his own room too. I've mentioned it gently once or twice in the past couple of years but he has resisted and I haven't wanted to make a big issue of it because i feel that if he has some need for the security of sleeping with a parent, then I want to honor that. He is otherwise very well-adjusted and independent. We've been unschooling all along except for a year of kindergarten for my oldest before I made the decision to keep him home.
Does anyone have any input? Should I allow the co-sleeping to continue until HE asks to have his own room (with or without my other ds)? Or should I be gently encouraging him to also consider sharing a room with his brother or having his own room?
Thanks so much in advance for your response.
plaidpanties666
How does he feel about having his own room/bed but still sleeping in the family bed? We did that with Mo for a couple years, she has "her own room" but at first it was mainly a place to store her clothes, books and toys. We decorated it how she liked and picked out special blankets and pillows, but not with any expectation that she "had" to sleep there. It was just her special room.
She's since started sleeping there, but she also still comes and snuggles in the family bed, generally first thing in the morning. Recently when she was sick I made her up a little "nest" on the floor next to me so she could sleep right beside me (we have a futon, so we're practically on the floor already). Eventually she went back to her own room.
---Meredith (Mo 8, Ray 16)
She's since started sleeping there, but she also still comes and snuggles in the family bed, generally first thing in the morning. Recently when she was sick I made her up a little "nest" on the floor next to me so she could sleep right beside me (we have a futon, so we're practically on the floor already). Eventually she went back to her own room.
---Meredith (Mo 8, Ray 16)
Kathryn Lewis-Peacock
What about getting a bunkbed set with a full/queen on the bottom and a twin
on top. That way, your younger son can take the top bunk and your older son
can take the bottom bunk w/parent until he is ready to sleep there alone.
They could also always be welcome in the family bed, obviously. Would they
go for that compromise?
peace,
kathryn
On Sun, Mar 14, 2010 at 11:23 AM, plaidpanties666 <plaidpanties666@...
Nonviolence is absolute commitment to the way of love. Love is not emotional
bash; it is not empty sentimentalism. It is the active outpouring of one's
whole being into the being of another.
--Martin Luther King, Jr. 1957
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
on top. That way, your younger son can take the top bunk and your older son
can take the bottom bunk w/parent until he is ready to sleep there alone.
They could also always be welcome in the family bed, obviously. Would they
go for that compromise?
peace,
kathryn
On Sun, Mar 14, 2010 at 11:23 AM, plaidpanties666 <plaidpanties666@...
> wrote:--
>
>
> How does he feel about having his own room/bed but still sleeping in the
> family bed? We did that with Mo for a couple years, she has "her own room"
> but at first it was mainly a place to store her clothes, books and toys. We
> decorated it how she liked and picked out special blankets and pillows, but
> not with any expectation that she "had" to sleep there. It was just her
> special room.
>
> She's since started sleeping there, but she also still comes and snuggles
> in the family bed, generally first thing in the morning. Recently when she
> was sick I made her up a little "nest" on the floor next to me so she could
> sleep right beside me (we have a futon, so we're practically on the floor
> already). Eventually she went back to her own room.
>
> ---Meredith (Mo 8, Ray 16)
>
>
>
Nonviolence is absolute commitment to the way of love. Love is not emotional
bash; it is not empty sentimentalism. It is the active outpouring of one's
whole being into the being of another.
--Martin Luther King, Jr. 1957
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
P F
Thanks so much for the responses! I think having his own room (with brother) that they could both sleep in if they'd like (but still be welcome in the family bed) is perfect. It would be 'their space' but no pressure. And if mom or dad wants they could sleep in with the kids too!
Great ideas, again- thanks so much for the input!
________________________________
From: Kathryn Lewis-Peacock <kmlewpea@...>
To: [email protected]
Sent: Sun, March 14, 2010 3:04:34 PM
Subject: Re: [unschoolingbasics] Re: co-sleeping with older children
What about getting a bunkbed set with a full/queen on the bottom and a twin
on top. That way, your younger son can take the top bunk and your older son
can take the bottom bunk w/parent until he is ready to sleep there alone.
They could also always be welcome in the family bed, obviously. Would they
go for that compromise?
peace,
kathryn
On Sun, Mar 14, 2010 at 11:23 AM, plaidpanties666 <plaidpanties666@ yahoo.com
Nonviolence is absolute commitment to the way of love. Love is not emotional
bash; it is not empty sentimentalism. It is the active outpouring of one's
whole being into the being of another.
--Martin Luther King, Jr. 1957
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Great ideas, again- thanks so much for the input!
________________________________
From: Kathryn Lewis-Peacock <kmlewpea@...>
To: [email protected]
Sent: Sun, March 14, 2010 3:04:34 PM
Subject: Re: [unschoolingbasics] Re: co-sleeping with older children
What about getting a bunkbed set with a full/queen on the bottom and a twin
on top. That way, your younger son can take the top bunk and your older son
can take the bottom bunk w/parent until he is ready to sleep there alone.
They could also always be welcome in the family bed, obviously. Would they
go for that compromise?
peace,
kathryn
On Sun, Mar 14, 2010 at 11:23 AM, plaidpanties666 <plaidpanties666@ yahoo.com
> wrote:--
>
>
> How does he feel about having his own room/bed but still sleeping in the
> family bed? We did that with Mo for a couple years, she has "her own room"
> but at first it was mainly a place to store her clothes, books and toys. We
> decorated it how she liked and picked out special blankets and pillows, but
> not with any expectation that she "had" to sleep there. It was just her
> special room.
>
> She's since started sleeping there, but she also still comes and snuggles
> in the family bed, generally first thing in the morning. Recently when she
> was sick I made her up a little "nest" on the floor next to me so she could
> sleep right beside me (we have a futon, so we're practically on the floor
> already). Eventually she went back to her own room.
>
> ---Meredith (Mo 8, Ray 16)
>
>
>
Nonviolence is absolute commitment to the way of love. Love is not emotional
bash; it is not empty sentimentalism. It is the active outpouring of one's
whole being into the being of another.
--Martin Luther King, Jr. 1957
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]