Shira Rocklin

Ok, this is probably already talked about somewhere, posted up somewhere
prominent, but I thought it would be a great idea to maybe discuss some
of the reasons why people feel attacked on this list - more than just
saying that this isn't a support list and is a list for discussion of
ideas... because even though I understood that when I joined, it took my
first post, and then a lot of 'lurking' to really absorb it.

So, I don't feel attacked here... I've pretty well absorbed how this
list works. I've come to understand that when I write something, and
someone else writes something back that 'seems' to be an attack... when
I look back at what I wrote, I can see that its because I left out
details which allowed responders to make assumptions. My sofa is old
and ratty, but it could just as easily have been a pretty sofa, and I
never included that in my first post. I didn't include my strong need
to have a comfy place to sit. I didn't include our financial
situation. Etc. So, there was a lot of room for various
interpretations, and many different kinds of advice based on that.
Reading, and weeding, through the various bits of advice, and then
posting to clarify my particular situation, and reading and weeding
again, I was able to re-evaluate my priorities, our true situation, and
my child's needs, to come to see a new 'reality'.

Language, terminology, details, so much matters when writing to this
list. The parents writing here are very very smart, they catch every
little nuance of what I write... I wish I'd had a high school English
teacher like that! Its novel to have someone catch all the little
assumptions in my writing!

And, I do think of this as a support group, but a of a different sort.
Support in finding new ways of thinking regarding children. Not support
in the way of commiseration.

I vaguely remember another group, something with the word 'shining' in
it, that was more of a support group?

Jenna Robertson

When I originally typed, "Is your couch more important than your children, or your relationship with your children?"  It was in no way meant as a criticism or judgment.  It was a thought question.  It was also not directed at anyone in particular.  It wasn't even about couches.
 
To me that is now a fundamental question of my life as an unschooler.  It can be applied to different areas where I'm struggling as an unschooling mom.
 
Is ______________  more important than my children?
Is ______________  more important than my relationship w/ my children?
Is ______________  contributing to joy in our house?
 
I can fill in the blank with the control of food, required chores, enforced bedtimes or whatever issue I'm trying to wrap my brain around.  And then think about it from different angles.
 
I think another question that is posed on this list in various forms is:
 
"What is the real issue here?"
 
The real issue may be having a comfortable place to sit while nursing.  The only piece of new furniture we've ever purchased to sit on was a chair w/ an ottoman for me to sit in when I nursed. 
 
The real issue may be that the issue triggers something from our childhood or a past relationship.
 
The list doesn't always need to get into what the real issue is, (some times it does help the learning process, some times it distracts) it may be enough for the person reading the post to have gained insight into their issues and to then seek support around that issue in a different place.
 
:)
Jenna
 
 


 
 
"What's the matter with you? All it takes is faith and trust. Oh! And something I forgot. Dust!"......
" Yep, just a little bit of pixie dust. Now, think of the happiest things. It's the same as having wings."                -  Peter Pan
 
 
 


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plaidpanties666

--- In [email protected], Shira Rocklin <shirarocklin@...> wrote:
>> I vaguely remember another group, something with the word 'shining' in
> it, that was more of a support group?

If you're thinking about "Shine With Unschooling" that's a discussion list much like this one, although with a different set of strong voices. Individual voices will come across differently, so it doesn't hurt to try out different lists from that standpoint.
There's a list of lists, websites, and other resources here:

http://www.organiclearning.org/resources.html