Amanda

Hi. My name is Amanda I have three children. Two boys ages 6 and 7 and a baby girl who is 17 months. Last year the boys went to Public school. Over the summer I felt it was in their best interest to stay home and homeschool. Well...we are only half through the year and running into all sorts of issues. It is a daily battle. Not at all what I pictured in my mind. I love my children dearly and wish to spend as much time with them and seeing them grow into fine adults. But...lately all there is is yelling and screaming and no one wanting to even think about school. I started reading "homeschool burn out" by the Moores. It got me thinking that I was going about this all wrong. First off, is the Moore formula unschooling or not? Second how does one go about unschooling? I did attempt this once a few months back and felt like they would just play all day and not learn anything at all. My hubby does want evidence that they are learning something so I feel I have to prove that we do "school". How do you let go and trust that they are learning or will learn what they need when they are ready? Also what about meeting state law? We live in MO, so I think all you have to do is track hours, not sure though. I want as a Mom to make sure my kids grow up happy and well educated. But I want it to be a fun and relaxed time, not like it is right now where I feel liking I am pulling out teeth. In fact, right now we are having a delightful afternoon, Emily is napping and the boys are free to do as the wish, amazingly they are building things out of pop cycle sticks and glue. My 6 year old is into anything hands on, science ex. arts and crafts, cooking, baking that sort of things. My 7 year old is harder to tell, he likes building and he reads sometimes by himself. I don't know...I guess I am looking for suggestions on starting and record keeping. Is it okay to let one child build all day (tents, forts, club houses and tower from all sorts of stuff) and the other to do arts all day? Are they really learning anything? What about math? The last couple of days I have been pulling out different games to get a way from the workbooks yet still feel like they are getting something. Should I make them play games? I know this is long and for that i am sorry. I thank you for all your help and suggestions.

Amanda

BRIAN POLIKOWSKY

 "I started reading "homeschool burn out" by the Moores. It got me thinking that I was going about this all wrong. First off, is the Moore formula unschooling or not?"


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No the Moores is not unschooling but even them tell you to NOT do anything like school work until kids are at leat 8 and with boys most likely 10 or older.


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 "Second how does one go about unschooling? "


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http://sandradodd.com/help

http://sandradodd.com/beginning

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"I did attempt this once a few months back and felt like they would just play all day and not learn anything at all."

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I find the above statement hard to believe. Children learn through play. Even schools know that.
Did you have to teach your children to walk and talk?
 Read some more:
http://sandradodd.com/pam/ilive

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"My hubby does want evidence that they are learning something so I feel I have to prove that we do "school". How do you let go and trust that they are learning or will learn what they need when they are ready?"

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http://sandradodd.com/seeingit

http://sandradodd.com/trust

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 "Also what about meeting state law? We live in MO, so I think all you have to do is track hours, not sure though."

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Check with your local homeschool group for yout local laws. Maybe here you can find some info:

http://homeschooling.gomilpitas.com/laws/blMO.htm

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"I guess I am looking for suggestions on starting and record keeping. Is it okay to let one child build all day (tents, forts, club houses and tower from all sorts of stuff) and the other to do arts all day? Are they really learning anything? "

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How could he not?


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"What about math?"

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http://sandradodd.com/math/

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 "The last couple of days I have been pulling out different games to get a way from the workbooks yet still feel like they are getting something. Should I make them play games? "

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Make them like force them? Unless you want them to hate games I would not force them ever.
If you are playing with them for fun and they want and like them go for it.





Alex Polikowsky
http://polykow.blogspot.com/

http://groups.yahoo.com/group/unschoolingmn/

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Amanda

--- In [email protected], BRIAN POLIKOWSKY <polykowholsteins@...> wrote:
>
> First thank you so much for the links, I found them to be of great interest and help.

> As far as the games go, I ask if they want to play and they do, I do not force them. I guess I was kind of wondering if suggesting activity's was an acceptable thing to do. And from what I read it is.

Today went great! In fact I was amazed at how well they play together when Mom is not interfering to do this or do that. I did make some suggestions such as I found this great experiment and I was wanting to try it out and asked if they would like to join me. I made sure they knew they had a choice and guess what, they both came running! I was even able to step back and let them explore on their own! They also got other things in that I didn't even stop and think about till we started unschooling. I am so excited!

Thank you again!

plaidpanties666

>>How do you let go and trust that they are learning or will learn what they need when they are ready?
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

How do you Ever know that to begin with? You can't know the future, after all, you can't know what they will "need" or when. No-one knows that. Schools don't, so they try to provide a catch-all, a "well rounded education" that, as the vast majority of parents, university professors and employers will complain, doesn't prepare them for their adult lives very well at all.

It might help to think about this on two fronts on the one hand, what will benefit your kids Right Now? What sorts of things will enliven the worlds of a six and 7 year old? What do your kids enjoy? Do and offer those things.

At the same time, consider what sorts of skills are most useful for adults – not just academics, that's really the easy part, but what things are valuable to people. What kinds of People do you hope your kids will be? The good news is, you don't have to teach those things! You can, instead, work on being more of those things, yourself. If you want to bring more joy into your children's lives, look for ways to be joyful. If you want to bring more confidence into their lives, develop your own confidence, your own sense of self. If you want them to have lives full of generosity, be generous to them.

Basic "academic" skills – the 3Rs – are Basic. What your kids need to know they can learn without teaching - which isn't the same as "on their own"! Kids need parents! They don't need parents shoving information at them, however. They need support, encouragement, sometimes a sounding-board, and sometimes a shoulder. They need choices and a chance to shine. They don't need drills or dull plodding through materials. That's a method for getting people to pass tests in the short run, but the vast majority of that so-called learning is forgotten the moment the test is over.

>>I want as a Mom to make sure my kids grow up happy and well educated
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What do you mean by "happy" and "well educated"? Its useful to think about that, especially, because those ideas can be in conflict! Do you worry if one of your children becomes an electrician rather than a CPA he'll be less happy? Those are the kinds of concerns that can cause you to push "education" over happiness without realizing it – my parents did, with the best intentions in the world! And it has taken me years to come to value my own happiness.

>>Is it okay to let one child build all day (tents, forts, club houses and tower from all sorts of stuff) and the other to do arts all day? Are they really learning anything?
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

This is part of what I mean! Kids learn all day long, and most of that learning looks like play. Not all of the learning going on is "academic" in nature (although there's some of that, enough to report to the state if you can learn how to look) but its all very real none-the-less. One of the things kids learn by playing what motivates them. Making a tent or tower involves working out some problems – a nice logic puzzle, some math and physics if you want to see some academics, but beyond that, they're learning how to handle frustration when things Don't work, they're learning what motivates them, as individuals, to continue. That's not something kids *get* to learn about very well if they're learning for someone else's purposes – they learn about being motivated from the outside, but not from the inside. Unschoolers get to learn about motivation from the inside – it's a valuable thing to learn!

>>Should I make them play games?

No! Invite them, if you really want to play a game with them, but don't spoil the joy of a game by making it a lesson.

I just got a game called Bananagrams – do you know it? It's a scrabble variant, played without a board. Anyway, my 8yo still uses a lot of invented spellings, so the first thing we did, when my partner and I got ready to play and Mo asked "can I play too?" was to let her know that *she* was welcome to spell things her way. Now, I could give you plenty of very educational reasons why that's okay, the study of learning is a substantial hobby of mine, but the *real* reason was so that we could all sit around and play the game together as a family and enjoy ourselves. Play games with your kids like that – for the enjoyment of the game and the enjoyment of doing things together. It won't hurt them, in the sense of undermining learning, I promise. It Will allow them to learn about happiness from the inside, not as something to which they can aspire (I want you to be happy) but something that's a part of their real lives, right now.

>>My hubby does want evidence that they are learning something
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What does he consider evidence? It might help to let him know that, while you value your kids' education, you need some time to do more research on the subject. Point out, if it helps him, the things that are obvious to you, and let him know you'll get back to him on the rest. Buy yourself some time to observe your children's play and time to figure out how to "interpret" that play as learning. You might want to get a book like "Literacy Through Play" to get you started, or, if you want something with a broader base: "Learning all the Time" or "The Book of Learning and Forgetting".

At the same time, invite your dh into your daily world. Tell him what fun things the kids have done each day, what were the joys. Give him something to carry with him to work to feel good about supporting y'all's endeavors, even if he doesn't quite understand them, yet. Let him know how much you, personally, value him, and offer him plenty of love and care – it helps! Connection and care are at the heart of unschooling, and many partners are "won over" by getting plenty of the same.

---Meredith (Mo 8, Ray 16)

Jenna Robertson

.. My hubby does want evidence that they are learning something so I feel I have to prove that we do "school".
 
It struck me as I pondered this post how many times spouses, grandparents, and even strangers want proof that unschoolers are learning something.  And yet when kids are in school or having school at home what serves as "proof" is actually a litany of what is being Taught.  "Today we did the 3 Times Table" yes, that was being taught, but did the kid actually learn it??  And even if the kid did the worksheet or passed the test, can they apply it to life?  will they remember it next week? 
 
With unschooling it tends to look more like the day I handed my youngest a dollar in case she and her sisters wanted to buy candy after they played at the park.  She was concerned that their friends wouldn't have money to spend.  Then she looked at the dollar and said, "I could buy 4 Air Heads with this."  And she continued to give 3 other spending options that would provide more than one treat.  When my girls were in school the teachers would comment on how kids these days struggle with coin amounts and doing math related to money because so few people use "real money."  The pretend plastic coins and work sheets at school can't compare to holding real coins in their hand.  On top of that, w/ shopping they are learning a host of real life skills and money math painlessly.
 
:)
Jenna


 
"What's the matter with you? All it takes is faith and trust. Oh! And something I forgot. Dust!"......
" Yep, just a little bit of pixie dust. Now, think of the happiest things. It's the same as having wings."                -  Peter Pan
 
 
 


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Jenna Robertson

But...lately all there is is yelling and screaming

One of my favorite blessings that has come from unschooling is the lack of yelling and screaming! :)  And I will admit that much of the yelling and screaming in this house originated from me.  I always pictured myself as a fun mother and then once I had 3 children I found myself grumpy and tired and yelling way (Way!!) too much.
 
Yesterday I took care of the basic needs at our house and then went to clean a friends house for 5 hours. I came home to children who had a lot of needs, supported children through 2 complete melt downs, helped clean a bedroom for a sleepover that didn't happen (reason for one melt down), made dinner, took care of all the general stuff that goes with a family of 5 and a house full of pets, and I had a hormonal headache.  I got to the end of the day and realized that I had never yelled.  That was a huge personal triumph, but also said a lot about the changes in our family because we are unschooling.
 
That doesn't mean I never have bad days, but I sure have many much better days and I feel better about myself as a mother and wife and person. 
 
:)
Jenna
 
 
 
 
 

 
"What's the matter with you? All it takes is faith and trust. Oh! And something I forgot. Dust!"......
" Yep, just a little bit of pixie dust. Now, think of the happiest things. It's the same as having wings."                -  Peter Pan
 
 
 

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BRIAN POLIKOWSKY

The other thing suggested to help spouses see learning is to tranlate to them what your children are doing into "educationese".
So me and my son love LOLcats ( I can haz chezburger).
If you are a fan you may know about "basement cat".
Basement Cat are pictures of balck cats that are captioned as somewhat "evil".
THere was a great picture of 3 cats on stairs the other day.
The bottom one was a black cat - .
further up was black and white cat with chest ,legs and a little white on face
the third one was a half balck , half white cat
next to them it read , accordingly
100% basement cat
75% basement cat
50% basement cat

So instead of saying: " We spent the day looking at LOLcats online" when you partner aks what you all did that day, you can say you talked about percentages.

Me and my 7 year old laughed about that picture and a few days later a he said our white cat ( that has a smuge of black on his head only) is a 1% basement cat and 99% Attic cat.
He got what percentages mean by just doing what he loves.
There were no lessons, no quizzes and no test.
But sure enough he learned from LOLcats.
I have plenty of stories like that.


Alex Polikowsky
http://polykow.blogspot.com/

http://groups.yahoo.com/group/unschoolingmn/

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