How to talk with new unschooler about what we're doing
Hael
My 9-year-old step-son has been homeschooled by his grandmother (Gram) for 4 years, since he "started school." Lots of unnecessary details -- but I am "taking over" his learning now -- which, because I am a John Holt devotee, actually translates to something more like, my step-son is taking over his own learning now, and I'm facilitating.
I know there has been some discussion of the whole transition and not freaking out if they want to "do nothing" for awhile, but I've got to find some way to transition a little more carefully, mainly because I'm walking some fine family lines.
I am anticipating some early incredulity from Julian -- "You mean we're NOT doing school today?" I'm imagining the little imp running and bragging to his older sister (who attends public school), "I didn't do ANY school today!!"
I know some of this can't be avoided; he's been like a caged animal for the past four years, and he "hates" school and everything to do with it. He tries to determine what activities we are doing that are supposed to be educational, so he can avoid them.
But I'd like to have a discussion with him about what we're doing -- just not sure how to approach that.
As a sample of how I'm planning this first week, with a tiny bit of structure, but nothing like he's used to:
- help me transplant my spider plant;
- turn the "school" room into a seed propagation room, since he wants to join his dad in the growing business this year;
- create new World of Warcraft characters together and join new guild;
- check out his new tools he got for Christmas and try to match up one of his Scout projects with the new tools;
- go to a craft store and get some clay;
- plan a week's worth of suppers together;
- whatever strikes him as interesting;
- help his dad with the harvesting in the greenhouse on Friday
- etc.
Also, when he asks me, as we're doing some activity, "Is this school?" what do I say? I've done some little activities and things with him in the recent past that could most certainly have been considered learning activities, but I never know what to say when he asks with a skeptical expression, "Is this supposed to be school?"
Advice highly appreciated.
Deb
I know there has been some discussion of the whole transition and not freaking out if they want to "do nothing" for awhile, but I've got to find some way to transition a little more carefully, mainly because I'm walking some fine family lines.
I am anticipating some early incredulity from Julian -- "You mean we're NOT doing school today?" I'm imagining the little imp running and bragging to his older sister (who attends public school), "I didn't do ANY school today!!"
I know some of this can't be avoided; he's been like a caged animal for the past four years, and he "hates" school and everything to do with it. He tries to determine what activities we are doing that are supposed to be educational, so he can avoid them.
But I'd like to have a discussion with him about what we're doing -- just not sure how to approach that.
As a sample of how I'm planning this first week, with a tiny bit of structure, but nothing like he's used to:
- help me transplant my spider plant;
- turn the "school" room into a seed propagation room, since he wants to join his dad in the growing business this year;
- create new World of Warcraft characters together and join new guild;
- check out his new tools he got for Christmas and try to match up one of his Scout projects with the new tools;
- go to a craft store and get some clay;
- plan a week's worth of suppers together;
- whatever strikes him as interesting;
- help his dad with the harvesting in the greenhouse on Friday
- etc.
Also, when he asks me, as we're doing some activity, "Is this school?" what do I say? I've done some little activities and things with him in the recent past that could most certainly have been considered learning activities, but I never know what to say when he asks with a skeptical expression, "Is this supposed to be school?"
Advice highly appreciated.
Deb
plaidpanties666
One thing you could do is tell him you want to take a vacation from school for awhile. Vacation sounds fun, but it can also allay any kind of worries of "but how will I learn" in a child who has been told (as most are) that "education" is how they learn.
If he asks "how long" the vacation will be, that's a good time to talk about learning and motivation and also about deschooling - how he needs time to unlearn the bad habits of "being taught". He'll know he's done deschooling when *he* no longer divides his life into "school/learning" and "fun".
But a shorter answer could be "as long as we want" if he's not the type for big, long explanations.
You could say "I'm sorry, is this not as much fun as I/you/we thought it would be? we can do something else."
If he's asking that a lot, you may be filling up too much of his time with "activities". Kids can need a good bit of "down time" when deschooling, even from homeschool - sometimes especially from homeschool if they've gotten used to a "learning moment" concealed behind every chocolate chip and game. Keep the vacation analogy in mind - what would you do if you had a nice long vacation to do Whatever you wanted? Do some fun stuff, just because. This is My last weekend of vacation from work, and I've spend most of it watching tv with Mo, curled up on the bed enjoying each others company. That's a big part of unschooling, too.
---Meredith (Mo 8, Ray 16)
If he asks "how long" the vacation will be, that's a good time to talk about learning and motivation and also about deschooling - how he needs time to unlearn the bad habits of "being taught". He'll know he's done deschooling when *he* no longer divides his life into "school/learning" and "fun".
But a shorter answer could be "as long as we want" if he's not the type for big, long explanations.
>>> Also, when he asks me, as we're doing some activity, "Is this school?" what do I say?*********************
You could say "I'm sorry, is this not as much fun as I/you/we thought it would be? we can do something else."
If he's asking that a lot, you may be filling up too much of his time with "activities". Kids can need a good bit of "down time" when deschooling, even from homeschool - sometimes especially from homeschool if they've gotten used to a "learning moment" concealed behind every chocolate chip and game. Keep the vacation analogy in mind - what would you do if you had a nice long vacation to do Whatever you wanted? Do some fun stuff, just because. This is My last weekend of vacation from work, and I've spend most of it watching tv with Mo, curled up on the bed enjoying each others company. That's a big part of unschooling, too.
---Meredith (Mo 8, Ray 16)
[email protected]
How about not planning his week before you talk with him?
Suggestions, availability, choices -- along with an explanation that there is often something to learn from even the least "educational" looking thing so he shouldn't be surprised if he learns even when a day or an activity doesn't feel like school. Or maybe he won't learn anything new but, hopefully, he'll enjoy himself and that's fine too.
That sounds closer to an unschooly start to me. Rather than a week's worth of planned activities that were not his choice.
Even if he chooses most of the same things and you chose them because you know that's what he likes, the decisions need to be his.
And if he brags to his sister that he had fun and didn't "do school," good for him!
Nance
Suggestions, availability, choices -- along with an explanation that there is often something to learn from even the least "educational" looking thing so he shouldn't be surprised if he learns even when a day or an activity doesn't feel like school. Or maybe he won't learn anything new but, hopefully, he'll enjoy himself and that's fine too.
That sounds closer to an unschooly start to me. Rather than a week's worth of planned activities that were not his choice.
Even if he chooses most of the same things and you chose them because you know that's what he likes, the decisions need to be his.
And if he brags to his sister that he had fun and didn't "do school," good for him!
Nance
--- In [email protected], "Hael" <dlmckee@...> wrote:
>
> My 9-year-old step-son has been homeschooled by his grandmother (Gram) for 4 years, since he "started school." Lots of unnecessary details -- but I am "taking over" his learning now -- which, because I am a John Holt devotee, actually translates to something more like, my step-son is taking over his own learning now, and I'm facilitating.
>
> I know there has been some discussion of the whole transition and not freaking out if they want to "do nothing" for awhile, but I've got to find some way to transition a little more carefully, mainly because I'm walking some fine family lines.
>
> I am anticipating some early incredulity from Julian -- "You mean we're NOT doing school today?" I'm imagining the little imp running and bragging to his older sister (who attends public school), "I didn't do ANY school today!!"
>
> I know some of this can't be avoided; he's been like a caged animal for the past four years, and he "hates" school and everything to do with it. He tries to determine what activities we are doing that are supposed to be educational, so he can avoid them.
>
> But I'd like to have a discussion with him about what we're doing -- just not sure how to approach that.
>
> As a sample of how I'm planning this first week, with a tiny bit of structure, but nothing like he's used to:
> - help me transplant my spider plant;
> - turn the "school" room into a seed propagation room, since he wants to join his dad in the growing business this year;
> - create new World of Warcraft characters together and join new guild;
> - check out his new tools he got for Christmas and try to match up one of his Scout projects with the new tools;
> - go to a craft store and get some clay;
> - plan a week's worth of suppers together;
> - whatever strikes him as interesting;
> - help his dad with the harvesting in the greenhouse on Friday
> - etc.
>
> Also, when he asks me, as we're doing some activity, "Is this school?" what do I say? I've done some little activities and things with him in the recent past that could most certainly have been considered learning activities, but I never know what to say when he asks with a skeptical expression, "Is this supposed to be school?"
>
> Advice highly appreciated.
>
> Deb
>