tvgailo

Hello Everyone,

I'm Theresa and I have one 16 month old boy. I'm looking into my schooling options, but am a single mom. I was wondering what the possibilities were for unschooling as a single parent. The more I research, the more I get really excited at the thought of unschooling. If you are a single parent or know of anyone who is that unschools their children, what advice can you/they give me on single parent unschooling?

I would just like to add how inspiring it is to read all the posts about unschooling. I'm so glad that I found this group.

Thank You,
Theresa

Latha Poonamallee

Hi Theresa,
 
I am a single parent homeschooling my 7 year old boy. I don't know your situation, but I am a single (sole) parent. Reading the posts from unschooling parents with reluctant parents, I think the pro in mine is that I make my own decisions and do not have to really consult or convince anyone. My parents were initially concerned but I don't live with them, so I don't have everyday issues with them. 
 
Thank you for posting this question. It gave me an opportunity think about it in detail.  For me, the key issues are:
 
1. Financial Responsibility: considering that I cannot rely on anyone else (technically I can go to my parents, but) for financial support, I think it is important to address this. Not that it is a hurdle, but one does have to be creative in both finding appropriate earning opportunities and letting go of a few opportunities that may be very exciting. In my case, my job (I am a professor in a research school) requires only around ten to fifteen hours of face time at work. So as long as I can manage this job well and keep it, my financial concerns are not huge. And I decline many lucrative consulting opportunities so I don't spend any more time than absolutely necessary away from my son. I also know that there are many other single parents who are homeschooling their children making those choices.  Compred to families in our income levels, we also live frugally. I consciously chose a smaller house so my mortgage and utilities do not break me. I
spend on stuff that he needs but skimp on things that he is not majorly into (clothes etc.) I spend a little bit on professional wardrobe but almost none on social clothes, etc. Any big expense, I try to save up rather than run a debt.
 
2. Finding good caretakers: I think if you have to end up working outside the house, this is a key issue. I have been fortunate to draw on my ethnic and homeschooling networks for this. Currently, I have a local homeschooling teenager taking care of my son. I picked someone who is fun and can drive because it makes my life easier and my son's days more varied and interesting. She is able to drive him to beaches, parks, playgrounds etc.More importantly, I make sure that I find someone who my son connects well with.
 
3. Support Networks: I have found this to be an important issue too. However, for this, I have had to be open minded in building support where I can. I would love to be embedded in an unschooler's network, but I live in a region where we are the 'only' unschoolers. But over time, I have created good, solid relationships with local 'at home schoolers' who are ever willing to support me and my son. In some ways, I am much closer to them than 'friends from work'  etc. I have also needed to build similar trusting adult relationships for my son because I don't think it is a healthy situation if I am to be the only adult he can rely on or talk to.
 
4. Lack of Personal Time: I am sure it is the case for any homeschooling parent, but if you are single, I think it is compounded. You don't have a spouse to pick up the slack. As is it is, I am away from my son a few hours a week and this means, I work a lot of hours every night on my research, teaching preparation etc. On top of it, I am neither inclined to pay for babysitting nor being away from him (even if I am willing to pay), for times when it is not absolutely necessary. This means that I have absolutely no time on my own when I am not working. So, I find little oases whenever possible. Some nights, I may take a break from work by watching a movie on my computer (Netflix is wonderful). I almost always try to wake up before him so I can get half an hour or so of quiet time with my coffee. What gets me down occasionally is that sometimes my life can get in a rut, because I don't have much time to pursue what may add a little spice and variety to
my life. We do a lot of things together: hiking, skiing, walking etc. I also live in a beautiful place and so sometimes, I find that taking a drive with him listening to his own stuff on his walkman and me listening to my music relaxes me, connects me with nature (even as I burn precious oil) and gives me that bubble of 'me' time.
 
5. Housework: I am sure that this is the same for all homeschoolers. I am a lot more comfortable with the house being in a mess. As long as it is clean enough to be healthy, I don't obsess about clearing all surfaces and keeping everything organized all the time. I grew up with servants and so I am used to everything being just so and letting go in this area took me a little bit of time. But I was frazzled all the time, because I was always working. Ofcourse, planning and organizing almost every space with bins helped in picking up stuff a lot. I don't usually expect my son to pick up etc. but I enlist his help in areas that he likes to do: for ex. cleaning windows and glass doors to the deck. He loves to do it. Similarly, he loves to rake and so I take his help in that. But, we have very long winters, so we don't have many months of outside chores. I hire help where I need and can afford - like snowremoval etc. We will not be take our car out if our
driveway is not shovelled everyday, perhaps even more than once some days. So it is money wellspent!
 
6. Singleparent-single child companionship: I don't know if it is just a single parent thing or single child thing, but it definitely gets compounded in our configuration. My son is quite social (although not a major extrovert) and so there are times when there is so much energy I can put in being a companion to him. So, cultivating relationships with neighbors who have kids who may be in school etc. has helped in building a social life for him in the weekends etc. And I really constantly look for interesting things that both of us can do together.
 
7. Avoiding negative thoughts: Because I am a single parent, I know I need to think about what will happen if something happens to me. I took out a decent insurance, talked to my sister and close friends about being potential guardians, executors, drew a will and decided to forget about it. I also try to keep these people closely informed about my parenting choices, Viyan's interests and growth so they will know him reasonably intimately should something happen. I also make sure that he stays in touch with his cousins in India, building a longer term family network for him.
 
I hope this is helpful. Please feel free to email me offlist if there is anything that I can help. I don't want to burden the list.
 
Good luck.
 
 
Latha

--- On Sun, 9/20/09, tvgailo <tvgailo@...> wrote:


From: tvgailo <tvgailo@...>
Subject: [unschoolingbasics] Reposting- Single Mama Wanting to Unschool
To: [email protected]
Date: Sunday, September 20, 2009, 4:30 PM


 



Hello Everyone,

I'm Theresa and I have one 16 month old boy. I'm looking into my schooling options, but am a single mom. I was wondering what the possibilities were for unschooling as a single parent. The more I research, the more I get really excited at the thought of unschooling. If you are a single parent or know of anyone who is that unschools their children, what advice can you/they give me on single parent unschooling?

I would just like to add how inspiring it is to read all the posts about unschooling. I'm so glad that I found this group.

Thank You,
Theresa



















[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

Elli

Wow, Latha, this was beautiful!!

I love all the practical ideas and considerations in your response.

Thanks for sharing this with all of us.

Love,

Elli

Bekki Kirby

Yes, I agree with Elli- absolutely awesome response. I'm filing it away in
my head, in case... I am incredibly unhappy with my marriage but grinning
and bearing it for a while yet for the sake of the choices that having his
income gives me. I haven't been able to wrap my brain around a vision of
the future where I'm single and still able to mother my children the way I
want to.

Bekki

The true test of intelligence is not how much we know how to do, but how we
behave when we don't know what to do.
-John Holt

Education is the ability to listen to almost anything without losing your
temper or your self-confidence.
-Robert Frost

Mother of four angels, two pirates, and one TBD
Kayla (10)
Hunter (b. 8/9/03, d. 8/22/03)
Jo (misc 1/15/04)
Jared (4)
Camelia (b. 12/16/07, d. 12/10/07)
Hope/Chance (misc 11/25/08)
Capt. Jack probably arriving 12/09


[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

Theresa Gailo

Hi Latha,

I've been keeping an eye out for responses, I don't know how I missed yours, but I'm so happy for your post. Thank you so much for taking the time to share your inspirational story on single parent unschooling. Your post made my day and it is so great to hear it from someone on personal level. Stories like yours keep me going. I am a newly single mother so your situation definitely helps ease my mind on any of the doubts I've had for being able to unschool as a single parent. Unschooling is something that I've kind of already been practicing with my son, but didn't know there was a name for it. So unschooling when he's school age would just sort of flow naturally. I am looking at my situation now and I feel that it is very possible to continue unschooling when my son is of school age. What you shared has definitely helped me to see further than my own thoughts on unschooling and attachment parenting. I really appreciate your thoughts and for
offering to answer any more questions or concerns I might have about unschooling.

Thank You Again,
Theresa

________________________________
From: Latha Poonamallee <pclatha@...>
To: [email protected]
Sent: Thursday, September 24, 2009 5:10:21 AM
Subject: Re: [unschoolingbasics] Reposting- Single Mama Wanting to Unschool


Hi Theresa,

I am a single parent homeschooling my 7 year old boy. I don't know your situation, but I am a single (sole) parent. Reading the posts from unschooling parents with reluctant parents, I think the pro in mine is that I make my own decisions and do not have to really consult or convince anyone. My parents were initially concerned but I don't live with them, so I don't have everyday issues with them.

Thank you for posting this question. It gave me an opportunity think about it in detail. For me, the key issues are:

1. Financial Responsibility: considering that I cannot rely on anyone else (technically I can go to my parents, but) for financial support, I think it is important to address this. Not that it is a hurdle, but one does have to be creative in both finding appropriate earning opportunities and letting go of a few opportunities that may be very exciting. In my case, my job (I am a professor in a research school) requires only around ten to fifteen hours of face time at work. So as long as I can manage this job well and keep it, my financial concerns are not huge. And I decline many lucrative consulting opportunities so I don't spend any more time than absolutely necessary away from my son. I also know that there are many other single parents who are homeschooling their children making those choices. Compred to families in our income levels, we also live frugally. I consciously chose a smaller house so my mortgage and utilities do not break me. I
spend on stuff that he needs but skimp on things that he is not majorly into (clothes etc.) I spend a little bit on professional wardrobe but almost none on social clothes, etc. Any big expense, I try to save up rather than run a debt.

2. Finding good caretakers: I think if you have to end up working outside the house, this is a key issue. I have been fortunate to draw on my ethnic and homeschooling networks for this. Currently, I have a local homeschooling teenager taking care of my son. I picked someone who is fun and can drive because it makes my life easier and my son's days more varied and interesting. She is able to drive him to beaches, parks, playgrounds etc.More importantly, I make sure that I find someone who my son connects well with.

3. Support Networks: I have found this to be an important issue too. However, for this, I have had to be open minded in building support where I can. I would love to be embedded in an unschooler's network, but I live in a region where we are the 'only' unschoolers. But over time, I have created good, solid relationships with local 'at home schoolers' who are ever willing to support me and my son. In some ways, I am much closer to them than 'friends from work' etc. I have also needed to build similar trusting adult relationships for my son because I don't think it is a healthy situation if I am to be the only adult he can rely on or talk to.

4. Lack of Personal Time: I am sure it is the case for any homeschooling parent, but if you are single, I think it is compounded. You don't have a spouse to pick up the slack. As is it is, I am away from my son a few hours a week and this means, I work a lot of hours every night on my research, teaching preparation etc. On top of it, I am neither inclined to pay for babysitting nor being away from him (even if I am willing to pay), for times when it is not absolutely necessary. This means that I have absolutely no time on my own when I am not working. So, I find little oases whenever possible. Some nights, I may take a break from work by watching a movie on my computer (Netflix is wonderful). I almost always try to wake up before him so I can get half an hour or so of quiet time with my coffee. What gets me down occasionally is that sometimes my life can get in a rut, because I don't have much time to pursue what may add a little spice and variety to
my life. We do a lot of things together: hiking, skiing, walking etc. I also live in a beautiful place and so sometimes, I find that taking a drive with him listening to his own stuff on his walkman and me listening to my music relaxes me, connects me with nature (even as I burn precious oil) and gives me that bubble of 'me' time.

5. Housework: I am sure that this is the same for all homeschoolers. I am a lot more comfortable with the house being in a mess. As long as it is clean enough to be healthy, I don't obsess about clearing all surfaces and keeping everything organized all the time. I grew up with servants and so I am used to everything being just so and letting go in this area took me a little bit of time. But I was frazzled all the time, because I was always working. Ofcourse, planning and organizing almost every space with bins helped in picking up stuff a lot. I don't usually expect my son to pick up etc. but I enlist his help in areas that he likes to do: for ex. cleaning windows and glass doors to the deck. He loves to do it. Similarly, he loves to rake and so I take his help in that. But, we have very long winters, so we don't have many months of outside chores. I hire help where I need and can afford - like snowremoval etc. We will not be take our car out if our
driveway is not shovelled everyday, perhaps even more than once some days. So it is money wellspent!

6. Singleparent- single child companionship: I don't know if it is just a single parent thing or single child thing, but it definitely gets compounded in our configuration. My son is quite social (although not a major extrovert) and so there are times when there is so much energy I can put in being a companion to him. So, cultivating relationships with neighbors who have kids who may be in school etc. has helped in building a social life for him in the weekends etc. And I really constantly look for interesting things that both of us can do together.

7. Avoiding negative thoughts: Because I am a single parent, I know I need to think about what will happen if something happens to me. I took out a decent insurance, talked to my sister and close friends about being potential guardians, executors, drew a will and decided to forget about it. I also try to keep these people closely informed about my parenting choices, Viyan's interests and growth so they will know him reasonably intimately should something happen. I also make sure that he stays in touch with his cousins in India, building a longer term family network for him.

I hope this is helpful. Please feel free to email me offlist if there is anything that I can help. I don't want to burden the list.

Good luck.


Latha

--- On Sun, 9/20/09, tvgailo <tvgailo@yahoo. com> wrote:

From: tvgailo <tvgailo@yahoo. com>
Subject: [unschoolingbasics] Reposting- Single Mama Wanting to Unschool
To: unschoolingbasics@ yahoogroups. com
Date: Sunday, September 20, 2009, 4:30 PM



Hello Everyone,

I'm Theresa and I have one 16 month old boy. I'm looking into my schooling options, but am a single mom. I was wondering what the possibilities were for unschooling as a single parent. The more I research, the more I get really excited at the thought of unschooling. If you are a single parent or know of anyone who is that unschools their children, what advice can you/they give me on single parent unschooling?

I would just like to add how inspiring it is to read all the posts about unschooling. I'm so glad that I found this group.

Thank You,
Theresa

[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]







[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

[email protected]

Theresa

I am so glad that you found my post relevant and meaningful. You can definitely do it. If there is anything I can do to help at any point please do not hesitate to contact me.

Good luck

Latha
Sent from my BlackBerry Smartphone provided by Alltel

-----Original Message-----
From: Theresa Gailo <tvgailo@...>

Date: Fri, 25 Sep 2009 12:03:56
To: <[email protected]>
Subject: Re: [unschoolingbasics] Reposting- Single Mama Wanting to Unschool


Hi Latha,

I've been keeping an eye out for responses, I don't know how I missed yours, but I'm so happy for your post. Thank you so much for taking the time to share your inspirational story on single parent unschooling. Your post made my day and it is so great to hear it from someone on personal level. Stories like yours keep me going. I am a newly single mother so your situation definitely helps ease my mind on any of the doubts I've had for being able to unschool as a single parent. Unschooling is something that I've kind of already been practicing with my son, but didn't know there was a name for it. So unschooling when he's school age would just sort of flow naturally. I am looking at my situation now and I feel that it is very possible to continue unschooling when my son is of school age. What you shared has definitely helped me to see further than my own thoughts on unschooling and attachment parenting. I really appreciate your thoughts and for
offering to answer any more questions or concerns I might have about unschooling.

Thank You Again,
Theresa

________________________________
From: Latha Poonamallee <pclatha@...>
To: [email protected]
Sent: Thursday, September 24, 2009 5:10:21 AM
Subject: Re: [unschoolingbasics] Reposting- Single Mama Wanting to Unschool


Hi Theresa,

I am a single parent homeschooling my 7 year old boy. I don't know your situation, but I am a single (sole) parent. Reading the posts from unschooling parents with reluctant parents, I think the pro in mine is that I make my own decisions and do not have to really consult or convince anyone. My parents were initially concerned but I don't live with them, so I don't have everyday issues with them.

Thank you for posting this question. It gave me an opportunity think about it in detail. For me, the key issues are:

1. Financial Responsibility: considering that I cannot rely on anyone else (technically I can go to my parents, but) for financial support, I think it is important to address this. Not that it is a hurdle, but one does have to be creative in both finding appropriate earning opportunities and letting go of a few opportunities that may be very exciting. In my case, my job (I am a professor in a research school) requires only around ten to fifteen hours of face time at work. So as long as I can manage this job well and keep it, my financial concerns are not huge. And I decline many lucrative consulting opportunities so I don't spend any more time than absolutely necessary away from my son. I also know that there are many other single parents who are homeschooling their children making those choices. Compred to families in our income levels, we also live frugally. I consciously chose a smaller house so my mortgage and utilities do not break me. I
spend on stuff that he needs but skimp on things that he is not majorly into (clothes etc.) I spend a little bit on professional wardrobe but almost none on social clothes, etc. Any big expense, I try to save up rather than run a debt.

2. Finding good caretakers: I think if you have to end up working outside the house, this is a key issue. I have been fortunate to draw on my ethnic and homeschooling networks for this. Currently, I have a local homeschooling teenager taking care of my son. I picked someone who is fun and can drive because it makes my life easier and my son's days more varied and interesting. She is able to drive him to beaches, parks, playgrounds etc.More importantly, I make sure that I find someone who my son connects well with.

3. Support Networks: I have found this to be an important issue too. However, for this, I have had to be open minded in building support where I can. I would love to be embedded in an unschooler's network, but I live in a region where we are the 'only' unschoolers. But over time, I have created good, solid relationships with local 'at home schoolers' who are ever willing to support me and my son. In some ways, I am much closer to them than 'friends from work' etc. I have also needed to build similar trusting adult relationships for my son because I don't think it is a healthy situation if I am to be the only adult he can rely on or talk to.

4. Lack of Personal Time: I am sure it is the case for any homeschooling parent, but if you are single, I think it is compounded. You don't have a spouse to pick up the slack. As is it is, I am away from my son a few hours a week and this means, I work a lot of hours every night on my research, teaching preparation etc. On top of it, I am neither inclined to pay for babysitting nor being away from him (even if I am willing to pay), for times when it is not absolutely necessary. This means that I have absolutely no time on my own when I am not working. So, I find little oases whenever possible. Some nights, I may take a break from work by watching a movie on my computer (Netflix is wonderful). I almost always try to wake up before him so I can get half an hour or so of quiet time with my coffee. What gets me down occasionally is that sometimes my life can get in a rut, because I don't have much time to pursue what may add a little spice and variety to
my life. We do a lot of things together: hiking, skiing, walking etc. I also live in a beautiful place and so sometimes, I find that taking a drive with him listening to his own stuff on his walkman and me listening to my music relaxes me, connects me with nature (even as I burn precious oil) and gives me that bubble of 'me' time.

5. Housework: I am sure that this is the same for all homeschoolers. I am a lot more comfortable with the house being in a mess. As long as it is clean enough to be healthy, I don't obsess about clearing all surfaces and keeping everything organized all the time. I grew up with servants and so I am used to everything being just so and letting go in this area took me a little bit of time. But I was frazzled all the time, because I was always working. Ofcourse, planning and organizing almost every space with bins helped in picking up stuff a lot. I don't usually expect my son to pick up etc. but I enlist his help in areas that he likes to do: for ex. cleaning windows and glass doors to the deck. He loves to do it. Similarly, he loves to rake and so I take his help in that. But, we have very long winters, so we don't have many months of outside chores. I hire help where I need and can afford - like snowremoval etc. We will not be take our car out if our
driveway is not shovelled everyday, perhaps even more than once some days. So it is money wellspent!

6. Singleparent- single child companionship: I don't know if it is just a single parent thing or single child thing, but it definitely gets compounded in our configuration. My son is quite social (although not a major extrovert) and so there are times when there is so much energy I can put in being a companion to him. So, cultivating relationships with neighbors who have kids who may be in school etc. has helped in building a social life for him in the weekends etc. And I really constantly look for interesting things that both of us can do together.

7. Avoiding negative thoughts: Because I am a single parent, I know I need to think about what will happen if something happens to me. I took out a decent insurance, talked to my sister and close friends about being potential guardians, executors, drew a will and decided to forget about it. I also try to keep these people closely informed about my parenting choices, Viyan's interests and growth so they will know him reasonably intimately should something happen. I also make sure that he stays in touch with his cousins in India, building a longer term family network for him.

I hope this is helpful. Please feel free to email me offlist if there is anything that I can help. I don't want to burden the list.

Good luck.


Latha

--- On Sun, 9/20/09, tvgailo <tvgailo@yahoo. com> wrote:

From: tvgailo <tvgailo@yahoo. com>
Subject: [unschoolingbasics] Reposting- Single Mama Wanting to Unschool
To: unschoolingbasics@ yahoogroups. com
Date: Sunday, September 20, 2009, 4:30 PM



Hello Everyone,

I'm Theresa and I have one 16 month old boy. I'm looking into my schooling options, but am a single mom. I was wondering what the possibilities were for unschooling as a single parent. The more I research, the more I get really excited at the thought of unschooling. If you are a single parent or know of anyone who is that unschools their children, what advice can you/they give me on single parent unschooling?

I would just like to add how inspiring it is to read all the posts about unschooling. I'm so glad that I found this group.

Thank You,
Theresa

[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]







[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]




[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

[email protected]

I don't post much because I know that there are so many experienced and wise unschoolers on this list. Whereas this situation was something that I can add value. I am glad you found it useful.
Sent from my BlackBerry Smartphone provided by Alltel

-----Original Message-----
From: "Elli" <elinorsparks@...>

Date: Fri, 25 Sep 2009 16:39:39
To: <[email protected]>
Subject: [unschoolingbasics] Re: Reposting- Single Mama Wanting to Unschool


Wow, Latha, this was beautiful!!

I love all the practical ideas and considerations in your response.

Thanks for sharing this with all of us.

Love,

Elli




[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]