DJ250

Some great advice from a fellow unschooler for ya, for the original poster (sorry, can't find the original post to find your name!)

~Melissa, in MD

----- Original Message -----
From: Faith Void
To: [email protected]
Sent: Tuesday, March 24, 2009 8:51 AM
Subject: Re: [GrowingWithUnschooling] Fwd: Unlimited video games for six yearold





-- In [email protected], Karen James <semajrak@...> wrote:

I just want to take a quick moment and thank everyone in this group for all
of the energy and time they put into the questions and concerns posted.
Reading along with you all has exposed our family to so many wonderful
resources that we wouldn't likely have found on our own. The greatest so
far has been the book "Raising Our Children, Raising Ourselves"--a truly
enlightened and generous perspective on relationships.















****That is a wonderful book. It is full of usefull tools..
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My question is about unlimited video games. My son is six. He turned six
in November. Up until fairly recently we had what we called "VG day" which
was basically unlimited video game play all day for one day per week. He
looked forward to that and it seemed to work out well for our family. Of
course, he asked many times during the course of the week to play, but we
would say he could play on our VG day. After following a few discussions
posted here, we decided to allow him to play unlimited anytime. What we are
noticing is that he is getting very moody, and I am wondering if he is too
young for this kind of play. He was always a really happy guy. He had
abundant energy, tons of ideas for play and stories, he loved exploring
outdoors--generally very enthusiastic about life. Lately, he is seeming
kind of blue. He talks all the time about video games. His imaginary games
revolve around video games. He doesn't want to tell stories very much any
more. He is not interested in going outside. And, he is very moody.

















*** Step back and really assess the situation. What is really going on. I might keep track of what happens each day for a couple days. Just to really see reality.

It also sounds like a child that has been restricted diving full on into a passion. At 6 it will likely not take too long for the child to level out. I would have not suggested giving them full freedom all at once. That is too much responsibility for a small child. I would suggest taking it slowly. Saying YES more often. making video games more available. Making things related to video gaming more available, like magazines and books and board games.

What's done is done so I would say spend more time with him at the computer or game system. Buy him a hand held so that you and he can get out of the house. bring dinner and snacks and drinks to him. Eat and chat with him. Try to become part of his passion. Try to fill up him desperate need to get in as much gaming as possible. Do things that reassure him that it won't go back to scarcity. There is so much you can do, buy or make posters. My son loves to make playing cards that go along with his video games. We play games that correlate with the story lines (think Mario or pokemon) We play act them. Some straight from the game others more imaginative.

The moodiness is his swing to far to the other side of the pendulum. It will pass. You can do what you can to make it easier. Don't stand in the way. Offer him choices but don't force him away.
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Whenever he is asked to stop playing and join us, he really takes it hard.
For example, tonight, I told him and dad that dinner was almost ready. He
was playing with dad helping. Dad got up and moved toward the kitchen, and
Ethan continued playing. So, we said that when he was done his level (on
Zoombinis) he could join us. He chose not to and went on to doing something
different in the game. Usually, in the past, he has bounded out into the
kitchen turned on the music and munched on whatever was laying around. If
we asked him to help set the table, he would often say sure--and would
happily place all the cutlery in interesting patterns at our places. We
have always enjoyed eating together and lately this too has not been
something he has wanted to participate in. Dad went in and requested that
he join us. He closed the computer and came to the table, but he ate very
little and then wanted to go back. This family time is important to my
husband and I, and it has always been a pleasure for all of us, before the
games.



















***Why would he need to come to dinner? You need the connection. Does it have to be at dinner? Can you find ways to connect with him that met him where he is right now? He is 6, do you fear that he will be like this forever?
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When we are out in nature he talks a lot about is going home to play a
game. Of course, lately, going out to explore a bit isn't what he wants to
be doing in the first place, so it takes some creativity on my part to get
us there to begin with. It wasn't like that before. He loved being
outside--doing whatever. He loved adventure and he loved exploring. Now he
seems to feel burdened to "have to" do it. I didn't feel like I "had to"
get him out before. I do believe that outdoor play is an important part of
children's early mental development. At least, it is another important
experience for me and my husband--that he have a good amount of time
outside.














***He can go outside whenever he wants. He is still fearful that you will go back to taking away video games. He wants to be sure he takes full advantage of this opportunity. Don't drag him out. Let him be where he is. He will eventually want to be somewhere else. The same thng that is important to you may not be important to your son.

Does he have a gameboy or a DS?
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I could list many more examples, but this seems long enough. Mostly we are
concerned about the lack of interest in other things besides video games and
his change in moods. I am wondering if this is something others have seen.
Are we starting too young with video games? Is this a phase? Should I be
concerned?









***I think you started with limits. Now that it is unlimited there is a swing in his internal pendulum. It is ok like a pendulum he will come back to balance if you let him. Don't make it a control issue. Be with HIM where HE is, NOW.



Thanks again for your time and thoughts. I look forward to your replies.

Karen.

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--- End forwarded message ---



Faith
--
http://faithvoid.blogspot.com/
www.bearthmama.com






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