Okay, I'm sold!!!
Michelle Cloud
So, up until yesterday, my kids (15yodd, 11yods) have had a list of daily chores, bed times, limits on their video game time, and "regular" schoolwork stopped a week or so ago.
Last night we told the kids about no bedtimes and such and the chores - we told them there would be no more "set" chores, but if they would like to , if they saw things around the house that needed to be done, just go ahead and do it. We stressed again how they didn't have to if they didn't want to but that it would be helpful. So, FF to this morning. My son (mind you, he's 11) took out the trash, both recycle bins (now to take out our trash and recycle it's a walk across the parking lot, a park, and a residential street - it took him two trips to do this), loaded and started the dishwasher and threw in a load of clothes. There were some clothes in the dryer that he was going to fold, but *I* didn't fold up the clothes that were in the laundry basket so he couldn't (I mean, technically he could) take the clothes out of the dryer. I praised him up one side and down the other and thanked him for doing it without me even saying "boo" about it! He said to me - and I am not joking (this is what got me), "If you just let me do whatever I want, I will do everything, but if you tell me what to do, that's all that I want to do." I literally stood there with my mouth hanging open for a minute. My husband, who is still kind of skeptical about some aspects of unschooling, when I told him about this just said, "Wow..." He was impressed. If this one area worked so incredibly well, I can only imagine how other areas will work. Now I'm really excited!
Michelle
************************************
"Just as eating against one's will is injurious to health, so study without a liking for it spoils the memory, and it retains nothing it takes in."
--Leonardo da Vinci
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Last night we told the kids about no bedtimes and such and the chores - we told them there would be no more "set" chores, but if they would like to , if they saw things around the house that needed to be done, just go ahead and do it. We stressed again how they didn't have to if they didn't want to but that it would be helpful. So, FF to this morning. My son (mind you, he's 11) took out the trash, both recycle bins (now to take out our trash and recycle it's a walk across the parking lot, a park, and a residential street - it took him two trips to do this), loaded and started the dishwasher and threw in a load of clothes. There were some clothes in the dryer that he was going to fold, but *I* didn't fold up the clothes that were in the laundry basket so he couldn't (I mean, technically he could) take the clothes out of the dryer. I praised him up one side and down the other and thanked him for doing it without me even saying "boo" about it! He said to me - and I am not joking (this is what got me), "If you just let me do whatever I want, I will do everything, but if you tell me what to do, that's all that I want to do." I literally stood there with my mouth hanging open for a minute. My husband, who is still kind of skeptical about some aspects of unschooling, when I told him about this just said, "Wow..." He was impressed. If this one area worked so incredibly well, I can only imagine how other areas will work. Now I'm really excited!
Michelle
************************************
"Just as eating against one's will is injurious to health, so study without a liking for it spoils the memory, and it retains nothing it takes in."
--Leonardo da Vinci
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Kelly Lovejoy
Michelle,
I'm really happy for you! It's wonderful that you've had such an epiphany overnight!
But....<g>
Yeah---sorry! <g>
But. We really try to stress that simply *announcing* "no more bedtimes" and "no more chores" can feel like you're "abandoning" the children. They're suddenly unsure of their place in the family. It can be awkward and uncomfortable. They're lost.
It *usually* works better when parents simply try to say "yes" more---or don't bother to remind children of their chores or point out the time on the clock. Just lots of deep breaths and lots of patience.
Please don't be surprised if the kids *quit* doing anything around the house for months or stay up ALL night for weeks. They may not believe you're truly serious. Again---lots of deep breaths and patience.
And on a different note: I'm NOTNOTNOT trying to rain or your parade---I'm VERY excited for you ALL! But I want to point out that excessive praise *can* seem....in a weird way...demeaning...or...not real...or something. Oddly, a simple "Thank you so much! I really appreciate what you did!" goes a long, long way. Now, you didn't clarify what "praised him up and down" entails <g>---but I just want to point out that true, heartfelt gratitude is HUGE. It may be that you are *always* effusive in your gratitude---and that's FINE---really! Some of is ARE! But you don't need to blow it out of proportion.
AGAIN---I don't want this to sound critical. I just want to point out how we can sometimes go too far. It *can* backfire. <g>
Don't expect his enthusiasm to stay so high. It may remain that high. It may dwindle down to nothing and then slowly reappear. There's no way to tell. But I suggest that you don't assume you've hit the jackpot overnight! <g> *Maybe*---but maybe not.
We're here if you need us!
~Kelly
-----Original Message-----
From: Michelle Cloud <cloudfamily4@...>
Last night we told the kids about no bedtimes and such and the chores - we told
them there would be no more "set" chores, but if they would like to , if they
saw things around the house that needed to be done, just go ahead and do it. We
stressed again how they didn't have to if they didn't want to but that it would
be helpful. So, FF to this morning. My son (mind you, he's 11) took out the
trash, both recycle bins (now to take out our trash and recycle it's a walk
across the parking lot, a park, and a residential street - it took him two trips
to do this), loaded and started the dishwasher and threw in a load of clothes.
There were some clothes in the dryer that he was going to fold, but *I* didn't
fold up the clothes that were in the laundry basket so he couldn't (I mean,
technically he could) take the clothes out of the dryer. I praised him up one
side and down the other and thanked him for doing it without me even saying
"boo" about it! He said to me - and I am not joking (this is what got me), "If
you just let me do whatever I want, I will do everything, but if you tell me
what to do, that's all that I want to do." I literally stood there with my
mouth hanging open for a minute. My husband, who is still kind of skeptical
about some aspects of unschooling, when I told him about this just said,
"Wow..." He was impressed. If this one area worked so incredibly well, I can
only imagine how other areas will work. Now I'm really excited!
Michelle
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
I'm really happy for you! It's wonderful that you've had such an epiphany overnight!
But....<g>
Yeah---sorry! <g>
But. We really try to stress that simply *announcing* "no more bedtimes" and "no more chores" can feel like you're "abandoning" the children. They're suddenly unsure of their place in the family. It can be awkward and uncomfortable. They're lost.
It *usually* works better when parents simply try to say "yes" more---or don't bother to remind children of their chores or point out the time on the clock. Just lots of deep breaths and lots of patience.
Please don't be surprised if the kids *quit* doing anything around the house for months or stay up ALL night for weeks. They may not believe you're truly serious. Again---lots of deep breaths and patience.
And on a different note: I'm NOTNOTNOT trying to rain or your parade---I'm VERY excited for you ALL! But I want to point out that excessive praise *can* seem....in a weird way...demeaning...or...not real...or something. Oddly, a simple "Thank you so much! I really appreciate what you did!" goes a long, long way. Now, you didn't clarify what "praised him up and down" entails <g>---but I just want to point out that true, heartfelt gratitude is HUGE. It may be that you are *always* effusive in your gratitude---and that's FINE---really! Some of is ARE! But you don't need to blow it out of proportion.
AGAIN---I don't want this to sound critical. I just want to point out how we can sometimes go too far. It *can* backfire. <g>
Don't expect his enthusiasm to stay so high. It may remain that high. It may dwindle down to nothing and then slowly reappear. There's no way to tell. But I suggest that you don't assume you've hit the jackpot overnight! <g> *Maybe*---but maybe not.
We're here if you need us!
~Kelly
-----Original Message-----
From: Michelle Cloud <cloudfamily4@...>
Last night we told the kids about no bedtimes and such and the chores - we told
them there would be no more "set" chores, but if they would like to , if they
saw things around the house that needed to be done, just go ahead and do it. We
stressed again how they didn't have to if they didn't want to but that it would
be helpful. So, FF to this morning. My son (mind you, he's 11) took out the
trash, both recycle bins (now to take out our trash and recycle it's a walk
across the parking lot, a park, and a residential street - it took him two trips
to do this), loaded and started the dishwasher and threw in a load of clothes.
There were some clothes in the dryer that he was going to fold, but *I* didn't
fold up the clothes that were in the laundry basket so he couldn't (I mean,
technically he could) take the clothes out of the dryer. I praised him up one
side and down the other and thanked him for doing it without me even saying
"boo" about it! He said to me - and I am not joking (this is what got me), "If
you just let me do whatever I want, I will do everything, but if you tell me
what to do, that's all that I want to do." I literally stood there with my
mouth hanging open for a minute. My husband, who is still kind of skeptical
about some aspects of unschooling, when I told him about this just said,
"Wow..." He was impressed. If this one area worked so incredibly well, I can
only imagine how other areas will work. Now I'm really excited!
Michelle
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]