prism7513

He's just turned 4. He's all boy and then some - dressing up in fairy
clothes and earrings, driving his dump truck through mud puddles, etc.
Typical four year old. He also wants everything he sees, NOW.

He wants me to play a game with him, but when he sees something else,
to do that with him. He wants to watch a certain movie, but then sees
another one he wants to watch instead (which by now his sister is into
the first movie.) He wants every toy in the store aisle or thrift shop
NOW.

I have to love his enthusiasm, as it mirrors my own! I often want lots
of things NOW, too. But unlike me, he doesn't always get that some
things have to wait, or that his turn will come (that's another thing
- he wants to have a turn at everything first, and cries when I
suggest that his sister gets a first try.)

I actually don't have negative feelings toward him for doing this, as
opposed to friends who say they don't understand their children, but
at the same time, I'm not sure how to respond in a positive way to
him. I know much of what he's going through is a phase and as he grows
and matures and gains more control over his world (as in getting
taller and stronger and more coordinated) he'll feel less at the short
end of the stick.

But until then, what are some ways I can help make him feel important,
without letting everyone else's needs go unchecked? (I have a 6 year
old and two 15 month old twins, as well.)

Deb

k

I had a suggestion about the TV. You could get a small extra one (freecycle
from people who are changing up to big screens or yard sales.. just make
sure it has the sockets for video/sound) and these days everything's made in
China and cheap so that it's possible to get a DVD/VCP/CD player for about
$40.

~Katherine



On 9/30/08, prism7513 <penley75@...> wrote:
>
> He's just turned 4. He's all boy and then some - dressing up in fairy
> clothes and earrings, driving his dump truck through mud puddles, etc.
> Typical four year old. He also wants everything he sees, NOW.
>
> He wants me to play a game with him, but when he sees something else,
> to do that with him. He wants to watch a certain movie, but then sees
> another one he wants to watch instead (which by now his sister is into
> the first movie.) He wants every toy in the store aisle or thrift shop
> NOW.
>
> I have to love his enthusiasm, as it mirrors my own! I often want lots
> of things NOW, too. But unlike me, he doesn't always get that some
> things have to wait, or that his turn will come (that's another thing
> - he wants to have a turn at everything first, and cries when I
> suggest that his sister gets a first try.)
>
> I actually don't have negative feelings toward him for doing this, as
> opposed to friends who say they don't understand their children, but
> at the same time, I'm not sure how to respond in a positive way to
> him. I know much of what he's going through is a phase and as he grows
> and matures and gains more control over his world (as in getting
> taller and stronger and more coordinated) he'll feel less at the short
> end of the stick.
>
> But until then, what are some ways I can help make him feel important,
> without letting everyone else's needs go unchecked? (I have a 6 year
> old and two 15 month old twins, as well.)
>
> Deb
>
>
>


[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

Joyce Fetteroll

On Sep 30, 2008, at 10:57 PM, prism7513 wrote:

> But unlike me, he doesn't always get that some
> things have to wait, or that his turn will come (that's another thing
> - he wants to have a turn at everything first, and cries when I
> suggest that his sister gets a first try.)

I think rather than focusing on finding a fix for his emotions,
accept them as who he is right now. Offer sympathy.

Even as adults our feelings aren't always reasonable. But if someone
treats us as though reasonable thoughts should stop the feelings, it
can just make us mad on top of what else we're feeling.

You could try imagining what life would have been like if things had
gone his way, or just in general playing around with the idea of
getting everything you want immediately and how fun that might be.
Often what we want is someone to just acknowledge that our feelings
are understandable, not necessarily agree that we're right.

I think too often mom's can get into the trap of being the fix-its of
the world and we can feel like failures if our kids are unhappy.
Unhappiness is a big alarm bell and should alert us when we and our
(bullheaded) view of the world might be the cause of the upset. But
sometimes life just sucks and the best thing is having a sympathetic
ear to listen.

Joyce

[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

Meredith

--- In [email protected], "prism7513" <penley75@...>
wrote:
>> I have to love his enthusiasm, as it mirrors my own! I often want
lots
> of things NOW, too. But unlike me, he doesn't always get that some
> things have to wait, or that his turn will come


How did you learn to be okay waiting? What sorts of things allow you
to access more of your own patience? Let him know that *you*
understand that waiting is hard. Is there a way to make it easier?
Sometimes there is. Help him look for options when Right Now isn't
going to happen for five eternally long minutes. Can you distract
him? Play two games at once? Can he play two different players in
the game so he gets more turns?

> I know much of what he's going through is a phase and as he grows
> and matures and gains more control over his world (as in getting
> taller and stronger and more coordinated) he'll feel less at the
short
> end of the stick.

This is important - what can you do to help him have more control
over his world right now? I know you have twin babies, so that's
going to make things challenging in terms of "kid proofing", but
look for ways to make size and strength and coordination less of an
issue in terms of your guy getting his needs met.

---Meredith (Mo 7, Ray 15)