toileting concern
Sharon
I posted this issue almost a year ago on the RUNNY (Radical
UNschoolers in NY) group and got some great feedback about having
acceptance without expectations. I have been practicing that, but
wondering if I am missing something. My son just turned 6 a week ago.
He continues to urinate in his pants sometimes. Sometimes it is just a
little bit and other times he completely wets himself. When I ask him
about this he says that he doesn't want to take time out from playing,
watching TV, or whatever he happens to be doing. I have also asked him
if there is anything I can do to help him with this and he has gotten
angry and pushed me away. He does have days when he stay dry all day
and uses the potty regularly.
Other than asthma, he is a healthy child. Almost a year ago, I
discussed this with the doctor and he did not seem concerned about it
being a health issue. Although, the nurse did give me some unsolicited
advice on how I should "take control," make him clean it up, and set
limits with his playtime.
This Friday, my son has his annual well child visit to the doctor. I
want to inform her (this year it is a different doctor in the same
practice) about it, to be sure it is still not a health issue.
I want some RU support so that I can feel that I have alternatives in
case I get some more unsolicited advice or they talk about the use of
medication or testing (this may or may not come up).
Sharon
UNschoolers in NY) group and got some great feedback about having
acceptance without expectations. I have been practicing that, but
wondering if I am missing something. My son just turned 6 a week ago.
He continues to urinate in his pants sometimes. Sometimes it is just a
little bit and other times he completely wets himself. When I ask him
about this he says that he doesn't want to take time out from playing,
watching TV, or whatever he happens to be doing. I have also asked him
if there is anything I can do to help him with this and he has gotten
angry and pushed me away. He does have days when he stay dry all day
and uses the potty regularly.
Other than asthma, he is a healthy child. Almost a year ago, I
discussed this with the doctor and he did not seem concerned about it
being a health issue. Although, the nurse did give me some unsolicited
advice on how I should "take control," make him clean it up, and set
limits with his playtime.
This Friday, my son has his annual well child visit to the doctor. I
want to inform her (this year it is a different doctor in the same
practice) about it, to be sure it is still not a health issue.
I want some RU support so that I can feel that I have alternatives in
case I get some more unsolicited advice or they talk about the use of
medication or testing (this may or may not come up).
Sharon
[email protected]
Hi Sharon!
I could have posted this myself, at least the first paragraph. I have four
children. My second born just turned seven. He has the exact same issue. He is
too busy to pee so he waits and waits and waits until he can't hold it
anymore and then he either doesn't tell anyone (so he can keep playing) or is
standing or sitting in a puddle. For us I know that he has no physical issue with
it because he never does it when we are not at home and he has never wet the
bed at night.
My son finally seems to be over the hump with his accidents. I offered him a
portable toilet a few months ago as a way of brainstorming his problem. ("I
don't want to stop playing to go potty". "Okay, what are somethings we can do
that can help you not stop playing?") He seemed pretty thrilled with that
idea until we looked at the pictures online and he realized they were for
babies. At that point I think a light went off in his head and he realized he
doesn't want to do that anymore.
Your son (and my son!) needs to realize that whatever fun they are having is
not going to end because they took a two minute break to go to the bathroom.
We have acted this out by "freezing" while he ran to the bathroom, pausing
video games, putting a bookmark in a book or even following him to the
bathroom so he would know we weren't playing without him.
Since we have the same problem I am not sure how helpful I can be but I
definitely wanted to offer my support. I am fairly certain this is the first time
I have posted here. I really appreciate all of the stories and advice I read
here. All of you make me a better Mom. :-)
I also wanted to add that I have explained to him in detail why his
accidents take more time to clean up than they would take if he just used the toilet
but I have never had him clean up his own pee. I think that's cruel. I
understand the logic but it does not work for me or my son.
I posted this issue almost a year ago on the RUNNY (Radical
UNschoolers in NY) group and got some great feedback about having
acceptance without expectations. I have been practicing that, but
wondering if I am missing something. My son just turned 6 a week ago.
He continues to urinate in his pants sometimes. Sometimes it is just a
little bit and other times he completely wets himself. When I ask him
about this he says that he doesn't want to take time out from playing,
watching TV, or whatever he happens to be doing. I have also asked him
if there is anything I can do to help him with this and he has gotten
angry and pushed me away. He does have days when he stay dry all day
and uses the potty regularly.
Other than asthma, he is a healthy child. Almost a year ago, I
discussed this with the doctor and he did not seem concerned about it
being a health issue. Although, the nurse did give me some unsolicited
advice on how I should "take control," make him clean it up, and set
limits with his playtime.
This Friday, my son has his annual well child visit to the doctor. I
want to inform her (this year it is a different doctor in the same
practice) about it, to be sure it is still not a health issue.
I want some RU support so that I can feel that I have alternatives in
case I get some more unsolicited advice or they talk about the use of
medication or testing (this may or may not come up).
Sharon
**************It's only a deal if it's where you want to go. Find your travel
deal here.
(http://information.travel.aol.com/deals?ncid=aoltrv00050000000047)
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
I could have posted this myself, at least the first paragraph. I have four
children. My second born just turned seven. He has the exact same issue. He is
too busy to pee so he waits and waits and waits until he can't hold it
anymore and then he either doesn't tell anyone (so he can keep playing) or is
standing or sitting in a puddle. For us I know that he has no physical issue with
it because he never does it when we are not at home and he has never wet the
bed at night.
My son finally seems to be over the hump with his accidents. I offered him a
portable toilet a few months ago as a way of brainstorming his problem. ("I
don't want to stop playing to go potty". "Okay, what are somethings we can do
that can help you not stop playing?") He seemed pretty thrilled with that
idea until we looked at the pictures online and he realized they were for
babies. At that point I think a light went off in his head and he realized he
doesn't want to do that anymore.
Your son (and my son!) needs to realize that whatever fun they are having is
not going to end because they took a two minute break to go to the bathroom.
We have acted this out by "freezing" while he ran to the bathroom, pausing
video games, putting a bookmark in a book or even following him to the
bathroom so he would know we weren't playing without him.
Since we have the same problem I am not sure how helpful I can be but I
definitely wanted to offer my support. I am fairly certain this is the first time
I have posted here. I really appreciate all of the stories and advice I read
here. All of you make me a better Mom. :-)
I also wanted to add that I have explained to him in detail why his
accidents take more time to clean up than they would take if he just used the toilet
but I have never had him clean up his own pee. I think that's cruel. I
understand the logic but it does not work for me or my son.
I posted this issue almost a year ago on the RUNNY (Radical
UNschoolers in NY) group and got some great feedback about having
acceptance without expectations. I have been practicing that, but
wondering if I am missing something. My son just turned 6 a week ago.
He continues to urinate in his pants sometimes. Sometimes it is just a
little bit and other times he completely wets himself. When I ask him
about this he says that he doesn't want to take time out from playing,
watching TV, or whatever he happens to be doing. I have also asked him
if there is anything I can do to help him with this and he has gotten
angry and pushed me away. He does have days when he stay dry all day
and uses the potty regularly.
Other than asthma, he is a healthy child. Almost a year ago, I
discussed this with the doctor and he did not seem concerned about it
being a health issue. Although, the nurse did give me some unsolicited
advice on how I should "take control," make him clean it up, and set
limits with his playtime.
This Friday, my son has his annual well child visit to the doctor. I
want to inform her (this year it is a different doctor in the same
practice) about it, to be sure it is still not a health issue.
I want some RU support so that I can feel that I have alternatives in
case I get some more unsolicited advice or they talk about the use of
medication or testing (this may or may not come up).
Sharon
**************It's only a deal if it's where you want to go. Find your travel
deal here.
(http://information.travel.aol.com/deals?ncid=aoltrv00050000000047)
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
k
>That's pretty common. I don't wet myself but I often get intensely busy and
> I posted this issue almost a year ago on the RUNNY (Radical
> UNschoolers in NY) group and got some great feedback about having
> acceptance without expectations. I have been practicing that, but
> wondering if I am missing something. My son just turned 6 a week ago.
> He continues to urinate in his pants sometimes. Sometimes it is just a
> little bit and other times he completely wets himself. When I ask him
> about this he says that he doesn't want to take time out from playing,
> watching TV, or whatever he happens to be doing.
>
make a quick dash to the toilet myself. Sometimes I could probably break my
leg or my neck getting there-- I have to go that bad. Kids just don't care
as much. It can be annoying to frequently clean pants but I do this for
Karl because I know he understands where to go (not in his pants) but since
I'm the one who wants clean pants that are worn on his bottom, I choose to
let it go because I really don't have control over what goes on in there.
I have also asked him
> if there is anything I can do to help him with this and he has gottenHow are you supposed to help him do something that's not important to him
> angry and pushed me away.
>
yet?
He does have days when he stay dry all day
> and uses the potty regularly.Doesn't sound to me like a health problem.
>
Other than asthma, he is a healthy child. Almost a year ago, I
> discussed this with the doctor and he did not seem concerned about itTesting and medication is what doctors do. Other than relying on patient
> being a health issue. Although, the nurse did give me some unsolicited
> advice on how I should "take control," make him clean it up, and set
> limits with his playtime.
> This Friday, my son has his annual well child visit to the doctor. I
> want to inform her (this year it is a different doctor in the same
> practice) about it, to be sure it is still not a health issue.
> I want some RU support so that I can feel that I have alternatives in
> case I get some more unsolicited advice or they talk about the use of
> medication or testing (this may or may not come up).
>
feedback to make a diagnosis, what else do you expect them to do in order to
determine if there's a health problem? If you get unsolicited advice about
parenting, just ignore it. But you *are* soliciting for medical advice and
you may get advice that you don't want. That's always a risk when you go
see a doctor.
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
k
I love the brainstorming ideas you posted and thanks so much for saying that
about making kids clean up themselves. I agree.
~Katherine
about making kids clean up themselves. I agree.
~Katherine
On 8/19/08, HSlater351@... <HSlater351@...> wrote:
>
>
> Hi Sharon!
>
> I could have posted this myself, at least the first paragraph. I have four
> children. My second born just turned seven. He has the exact same issue. He
> is
> too busy to pee so he waits and waits and waits until he can't hold it
> anymore and then he either doesn't tell anyone (so he can keep playing) or
> is
> standing or sitting in a puddle. For us I know that he has no physical
> issue with
> it because he never does it when we are not at home and he has never wet
> the
> bed at night.
>
> My son finally seems to be over the hump with his accidents. I offered him
> a
> portable toilet a few months ago as a way of brainstorming his problem. ("I
>
> don't want to stop playing to go potty". "Okay, what are somethings we can
> do
> that can help you not stop playing?") He seemed pretty thrilled with that
> idea until we looked at the pictures online and he realized they were for
> babies. At that point I think a light went off in his head and he realized
> he
> doesn't want to do that anymore.
>
> Your son (and my son!) needs to realize that whatever fun they are having
> is
> not going to end because they took a two minute break to go to the
> bathroom.
> We have acted this out by "freezing" while he ran to the bathroom, pausing
> video games, putting a bookmark in a book or even following him to the
> bathroom so he would know we weren't playing without him.
>
> Since we have the same problem I am not sure how helpful I can be but I
> definitely wanted to offer my support. I am fairly certain this is the
> first time
> I have posted here. I really appreciate all of the stories and advice I
> read
> here. All of you make me a better Mom. :-)
>
> I also wanted to add that I have explained to him in detail why his
> accidents take more time to clean up than they would take if he just used
> the toilet
> but I have never had him clean up his own pee. I think that's cruel. I
> understand the logic but it does not work for me or my son.
>
> I posted this issue almost a year ago on the RUNNY (Radical
> UNschoolers in NY) group and got some great feedback about having
> acceptance without expectations. I have been practicing that, but
> wondering if I am missing something. My son just turned 6 a week ago.
> He continues to urinate in his pants sometimes. Sometimes it is just a
> little bit and other times he completely wets himself. When I ask him
> about this he says that he doesn't want to take time out from playing,
> watching TV, or whatever he happens to be doing. I have also asked him
> if there is anything I can do to help him with this and he has gotten
> angry and pushed me away. He does have days when he stay dry all day
> and uses the potty regularly.
> Other than asthma, he is a healthy child. Almost a year ago, I
> discussed this with the doctor and he did not seem concerned about it
> being a health issue. Although, the nurse did give me some unsolicited
> advice on how I should "take control," make him clean it up, and set
> limits with his playtime.
> This Friday, my son has his annual well child visit to the doctor. I
> want to inform her (this year it is a different doctor in the same
> practice) about it, to be sure it is still not a health issue.
> I want some RU support so that I can feel that I have alternatives in
> case I get some more unsolicited advice or they talk about the use of
> medication or testing (this may or may not come up).
> Sharon
>
> **************It's only a deal if it's where you want to go. Find your
> travel
> deal here.
> (http://information.travel.aol.com/deals?ncid=aoltrv00050000000047)
>
> [Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
>
>
>
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Debra Rossing
What was helpful for us was occasional (every few hours) reminders to DS
*during commercials* or other natural breaks in the action - before
leaving the house or wherever we might be (when I always do a pit stop
anyhow for myself), when changing from one toy or game to another, and
so on. His dilemma was that he didn't want to stop what he was doing but
he also didn't like the feeling of sogginess (and no that's not where my
screen name came from). So, we helped him to find a way out - reminders
about potty breaks during naturally occurring breaks. By going a little
bit quickly during the commercial, he had less urgency when the next
activity was happening. Didn't take long for it to become a habit for
him to use commercials, end of program, end of movie/DVD, end of game
(or end of his turn in a multi player game), etc for a quick run to the
bathroom.
It will come in time - DS was still having soggy incidents at 5. By 7,
they were gone. Now he's 10 and unless he's ill, there are no soggy
issues. Oh, also, we do remind him, during warmer months especially,
about staying hydrated so he'll sometimes stop to get a drink of water
and go potty at the same time then off again - like an Indy pit stop,
get it all done in one stop so he can keep playing for a long stretch.
Deb
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[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
*during commercials* or other natural breaks in the action - before
leaving the house or wherever we might be (when I always do a pit stop
anyhow for myself), when changing from one toy or game to another, and
so on. His dilemma was that he didn't want to stop what he was doing but
he also didn't like the feeling of sogginess (and no that's not where my
screen name came from). So, we helped him to find a way out - reminders
about potty breaks during naturally occurring breaks. By going a little
bit quickly during the commercial, he had less urgency when the next
activity was happening. Didn't take long for it to become a habit for
him to use commercials, end of program, end of movie/DVD, end of game
(or end of his turn in a multi player game), etc for a quick run to the
bathroom.
It will come in time - DS was still having soggy incidents at 5. By 7,
they were gone. Now he's 10 and unless he's ill, there are no soggy
issues. Oh, also, we do remind him, during warmer months especially,
about staying hydrated so he'll sometimes stop to get a drink of water
and go potty at the same time then off again - like an Indy pit stop,
get it all done in one stop so he can keep playing for a long stretch.
Deb
**********************************************************************
This email and any files transmitted with it are confidential and
intended solely for the use of the individual or entity to whom they
are addressed. If you have received this email in error please notify
the system manager.
This footnote also confirms that this email message has been swept by
MIMEsweeper for the presence of computer viruses.
CNC Software, Inc.
www.mastercam.com
**********************************************************************
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Mara
Hi,
my oldest will be turning 7 in a week, and he has had that problem until very recently. He would just wait so long to go and pee until sometimes it was just too late. For a while it happened almost once a day that he was just a little too late on his way to the bathroom. It has only happened in public once and that was when he had just turned six and he was taking a class and did not find the bathroom in time. I never thought there was a real problem with it, just that he gets very involved in his playing and the more excitement there is the less he would want to stop what he was doing. I still have to follow him to the bathroom to this day as he likes to talk or have someone there. What helped is to remind him friendly when I see he has to go - we have a little joke about the pee dance - and also to reassure him that we can pause the video or that I will guard his legos from his little brother while he goes to the bathroom, and that we can keep playing
right where we left of. A little friend he had, also six, did the same thing once when he was over and my son reassured him it has happened to him too.
Thinking of it now makes me realize this thing has not happened for at least a month or two now. Sometimes I would wonder about it especially since I have another boy who just turned four and who had been completely dry since he was barely two. Since I did the Diaper free baby with him from when he was born it made him so much more aware of his bodily functions, I wish I had known about it with my older one.
I never did mention this to the pediatrician, and I suggest if you do, to either ask him first if it is o.k. or do it privately. I remember that it seemed worse if I was getting anxious about it. Not making a big deal of it, friendly reminders and time worked best for us. Don't know if this helps.
Greetings,
Mara
----- Original Message ----
From: Sharon <1drflmthr@...>
To: [email protected]
Sent: Tuesday, August 19, 2008 4:59:40 AM
Subject: [unschoolingbasics] toileting concern
I posted this issue almost a year ago on the RUNNY (Radical
UNschoolers in NY) group and got some great feedback about having
acceptance without expectations. I have been practicing that, but
wondering if I am missing something. My son just turned 6 a week ago.
He continues to urinate in his pants sometimes. Sometimes it is just a
little bit and other times he completely wets himself. When I ask him
about this he says that he doesn't want to take time out from playing,
watching TV, or whatever he happens to be doing. I have also asked him
if there is anything I can do to help him with this and he has gotten
angry and pushed me away. He does have days when he stay dry all day
and uses the potty regularly.
Other than asthma, he is a healthy child. Almost a year ago, I
discussed this with the doctor and he did not seem concerned about it
being a health issue. Although, the nurse did give me some unsolicited
advice on how I should "take control," make him clean it up, and set
limits with his playtime.
This Friday, my son has his annual well child visit to the doctor. I
want to inform her (this year it is a different doctor in the same
practice) about it, to be sure it is still not a health issue.
I want some RU support so that I can feel that I have alternatives in
case I get some more unsolicited advice or they talk about the use of
medication or testing (this may or may not come up).
Sharon
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
my oldest will be turning 7 in a week, and he has had that problem until very recently. He would just wait so long to go and pee until sometimes it was just too late. For a while it happened almost once a day that he was just a little too late on his way to the bathroom. It has only happened in public once and that was when he had just turned six and he was taking a class and did not find the bathroom in time. I never thought there was a real problem with it, just that he gets very involved in his playing and the more excitement there is the less he would want to stop what he was doing. I still have to follow him to the bathroom to this day as he likes to talk or have someone there. What helped is to remind him friendly when I see he has to go - we have a little joke about the pee dance - and also to reassure him that we can pause the video or that I will guard his legos from his little brother while he goes to the bathroom, and that we can keep playing
right where we left of. A little friend he had, also six, did the same thing once when he was over and my son reassured him it has happened to him too.
Thinking of it now makes me realize this thing has not happened for at least a month or two now. Sometimes I would wonder about it especially since I have another boy who just turned four and who had been completely dry since he was barely two. Since I did the Diaper free baby with him from when he was born it made him so much more aware of his bodily functions, I wish I had known about it with my older one.
I never did mention this to the pediatrician, and I suggest if you do, to either ask him first if it is o.k. or do it privately. I remember that it seemed worse if I was getting anxious about it. Not making a big deal of it, friendly reminders and time worked best for us. Don't know if this helps.
Greetings,
Mara
----- Original Message ----
From: Sharon <1drflmthr@...>
To: [email protected]
Sent: Tuesday, August 19, 2008 4:59:40 AM
Subject: [unschoolingbasics] toileting concern
I posted this issue almost a year ago on the RUNNY (Radical
UNschoolers in NY) group and got some great feedback about having
acceptance without expectations. I have been practicing that, but
wondering if I am missing something. My son just turned 6 a week ago.
He continues to urinate in his pants sometimes. Sometimes it is just a
little bit and other times he completely wets himself. When I ask him
about this he says that he doesn't want to take time out from playing,
watching TV, or whatever he happens to be doing. I have also asked him
if there is anything I can do to help him with this and he has gotten
angry and pushed me away. He does have days when he stay dry all day
and uses the potty regularly.
Other than asthma, he is a healthy child. Almost a year ago, I
discussed this with the doctor and he did not seem concerned about it
being a health issue. Although, the nurse did give me some unsolicited
advice on how I should "take control," make him clean it up, and set
limits with his playtime.
This Friday, my son has his annual well child visit to the doctor. I
want to inform her (this year it is a different doctor in the same
practice) about it, to be sure it is still not a health issue.
I want some RU support so that I can feel that I have alternatives in
case I get some more unsolicited advice or they talk about the use of
medication or testing (this may or may not come up).
Sharon
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
[email protected]
My son just turned eight and it happens less frequently these days but
yes it has still happened. VibraLite puts out several watches that have
vibrating timers. You can find them in medical stores, incontinence
sites and deaf sites. The VibraLite3 has a repeating timer (meaning that
you can set it and it will go off and then repeat - we set it for every
two hours - especially when we are in a situation where he will get more
distracted then usual - like outings and family events. If it is a
younger child 4,5,6 I would suggest the parent to wear the watch and
then say remind them quietly to go try. There is also a potty monkey
that can help your child remember. It should be easy to find online.
Shannon
yes it has still happened. VibraLite puts out several watches that have
vibrating timers. You can find them in medical stores, incontinence
sites and deaf sites. The VibraLite3 has a repeating timer (meaning that
you can set it and it will go off and then repeat - we set it for every
two hours - especially when we are in a situation where he will get more
distracted then usual - like outings and family events. If it is a
younger child 4,5,6 I would suggest the parent to wear the watch and
then say remind them quietly to go try. There is also a potty monkey
that can help your child remember. It should be easy to find online.
Shannon
On Mon, Aug 25, 2008 at 8:12 AM, Mara wrote:
Hi,
my oldest will be turning 7 in a week, and he has had that problem until
very recently. He would just wait so long to go and pee until sometimes
it was just too late. For a while it happened almost once a day that he
was just a little too late on his way to the bathroom. It has only
happened in public once and that was when he had just turned six and he
was taking a class and did not find the bathroom in time. I never
thought there was a real problem with it, just that he gets very
involved in his playing and the more excitement there is the less he
would want to stop what he was doing. I still have to follow him to the
bathroom to this day as he likes to talk or have someone there. What
helped is to remind him friendly when I see he has to go - we have a
little joke about the pee dance - and also to reassure him that we can
pause the video or that I will guard his legos from his little brother
while he goes to the bathroom, and that we can keep playing
right where we left of. A little friend he had, also six, did the same
thing once when he was over and my son reassured him it has happened to
him too.
Thinking of it now makes me realize this thing has not happened for at
least a month or two now. Sometimes I would wonder about it especially
since I have another boy who just turned four and who had been
completely dry since he was barely two. Since I did the Diaper free baby
with him from when he was born it made him so much more aware of his
bodily functions, I wish I had known about it with my older one.
I never did mention this to the pediatrician, and I suggest if you do,
to either ask him first if it is o.k. or do it privately. I remember
that it seemed worse if I was getting anxious about it. Not making a big
deal of it, friendly reminders and time worked best for us. Don't know
if this helps.
Greetings,
Mara
----- Original Message ----
From: Sharon < 1drflmthr@gmail. com <mailto:1drflmthr@...> >
To: unschoolingbasics@ yahoogroups. com
<mailto:[email protected]>
Sent: Tuesday, August 19, 2008 4:59:40 AM
Subject: [unschoolingbasics] toileting concern
I posted this issue almost a year ago on the RUNNY (Radical
UNschoolers in NY) group and got some great feedback about having
acceptance without expectations. I have been practicing that, but
wondering if I am missing something. My son just turned 6 a week ago.
He continues to urinate in his pants sometimes. Sometimes it is just a
little bit and other times he completely wets himself. When I ask him
about this he says that he doesn't want to take time out from playing,
watching TV, or whatever he happens to be doing. I have also asked him
if there is anything I can do to help him with this and he has gotten
angry and pushed me away. He does have days when he stay dry all day
and uses the potty regularly.
Other than asthma, he is a healthy child. Almost a year ago, I
discussed this with the doctor and he did not seem concerned about it
being a health issue. Although, the nurse did give me some unsolicited
advice on how I should "take control," make him clean it up, and set
limits with his playtime.
This Friday, my son has his annual well child visit to the doctor. I
want to inform her (this year it is a different doctor in the same
practice) about it, to be sure it is still not a health issue.
I want some RU support so that I can feel that I have alternatives in
case I get some more unsolicited advice or they talk about the use of
medication or testing (this may or may not come up).
Sharon
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<mailto:[email protected]>
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