[email protected]

My 16 y/o has a best friend (also 16) whose parents are going through a bitter custody battle. The Dad wants to obtain sole custody so he can send his daughter off to boarding school or be absolved of further child support. (long details made short)

This friend spends a great deal of time over at our house. The Dad has decided that my daughter is The Bad Influence (unschooling, too much freedom, smokes pot, etc. ) and is using details of our home life in his custody battle. (once again, long story made short)

Supposedly, according to my daughter and this best friend, this Dad and/or his lawyer have "hacked" into her myspace and have been gathering "evidence" to support his case. (her myspace profile is set to private).

Can anyone "hack" into someone's myspace pages? Can an adult spy on a minor in this manner possibly with the assistance of a lawyer and not have to inform the parents? Should I be overly concerned abou this? Is CPS gonna show up because of a pic or text talking about pot smoking or something? I am livid over this intrusion and don't know what, if anything, I should "do." Any ideas appreciated.

--
Kathryn

Lori Denley

I would assume that pretty much anything can be hacked.  I don't think it would be legal.  Maybe myspace has a privacy or security notice you could read on their site.  Maybe you could talk to a lawyer about it?  I would think any information obtained illegally would not be able to be used in the case.
 
However, to be on the safe side, I would suggest to the daughter that for the time being, she should be careful what she posts, even if her profile is set to private.
 
Lori

--- On Thu, 7/17/08, airokat@... <airokat@...> wrote:

From: airokat@... <airokat@...>
Subject: [unschoolingbasics] myspace question
To: [email protected]
Date: Thursday, July 17, 2008, 2:47 PM






My 16 y/o has a best friend (also 16) whose parents are going through a bitter custody battle. The Dad wants to obtain sole custody so he can send his daughter off to boarding school or be absolved of further child support. (long details made short)

This friend spends a great deal of time over at our house. The Dad has decided that my daughter is The Bad Influence (unschooling, too much freedom, smokes pot, etc. ) and is using details of our home life in his custody battle. (once again, long story made short)

Supposedly, according to my daughter and this best friend, this Dad and/or his lawyer have "hacked" into her myspace and have been gathering "evidence" to support his case. (her myspace profile is set to private).

Can anyone "hack" into someone's myspace pages? Can an adult spy on a minor in this manner possibly with the assistance of a lawyer and not have to inform the parents? Should I be overly concerned abou this? Is CPS gonna show up because of a pic or text talking about pot smoking or something? I am livid over this intrusion and don't know what, if anything, I should "do." Any ideas appreciated.

--
Kathryn


















[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

Pamela Sorooshian

He could have gotten to your daughter's MySpace through his own
daughter's MySpace account - if the computer she uses fills in
passwords automatically, for example. Or he could have guessed her
password. Or she could have left it up on her computer, not logged out.

So - yeah - I wouldn't rule out the possibility.

-pam


On Jul 17, 2008, at 12:47 PM, airokat@... wrote:

> Can anyone "hack" into someone's myspace pages

[email protected]

I thought about that but even if you try and link thru someone else's myspace account you still get the message "this user's profile is set to private....etc. " Her profile is set to private. So he had to have done it some other way.

--
Kathryn



-------------- Original message ----------------------
From: Pamela Sorooshian <pamsoroosh@...>
> He could have gotten to your daughter's MySpace through his own
> daughter's MySpace account - if the computer she uses fills in
> passwords automatically, for example. Or he could have guessed her
> password. Or she could have left it up on her computer, not logged out.
>
> So - yeah - I wouldn't rule out the possibility.
>
> -pam
>
>
> On Jul 17, 2008, at 12:47 PM, airokat@... wrote:
>
> > Can anyone "hack" into someone's myspace pages
>




[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

Lori Denley

Although if the friend's is her "friend" on myspace, her profile can be used by anyone logged onto her friend's account.
 
Lori

--- On Thu, 7/17/08, airokat@... <airokat@...> wrote:

From: airokat@... <airokat@...>
Subject: Re: [unschoolingbasics] myspace question
To: [email protected]
Date: Thursday, July 17, 2008, 7:38 PM






I thought about that but even if you try and link thru someone else's myspace account you still get the message "this user's profile is set to private.....etc. " Her profile is set to private. So he had to have done it some other way.

--
Kathryn

------------ -- Original message ------------ --------- -
From: Pamela Sorooshian <pamsoroosh@mac. com>
> He could have gotten to your daughter's MySpace through his own
> daughter's MySpace account - if the computer she uses fills in
> passwords automatically, for example. Or he could have guessed her
> password. Or she could have left it up on her computer, not logged out.
>
> So - yeah - I wouldn't rule out the possibility.
>
> -pam
>
>
> On Jul 17, 2008, at 12:47 PM, airokat@comcast. net wrote:
>
> > Can anyone "hack" into someone's myspace pages
>

[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]


















[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

Tracy

If the friend has your daughter on her MySpace as a friend and the dad
is able to log into her page, he can see whatever is on your
daughter's Myspace page - it's only people who aren't on the friends
list that it says the profile is set to private.

I hope everything works out for you!

~ Tracy

--- In [email protected], airokat@... wrote:
>
> I thought about that but even if you try and link thru someone
else's myspace account you still get the message "this user's profile
is set to private....etc. " Her profile is set to private. So he had
to have done it some other way.
>
> --
> Kathryn
>
>
>
> -------------- Original message ----------------------
> From: Pamela Sorooshian <pamsoroosh@...>
> > He could have gotten to your daughter's MySpace through his own
> > daughter's MySpace account - if the computer she uses fills in
> > passwords automatically, for example. Or he could have guessed her
> > password. Or she could have left it up on her computer, not logged
out.
> >
> > So - yeah - I wouldn't rule out the possibility.
> >
> > -pam
> >
> >
> > On Jul 17, 2008, at 12:47 PM, airokat@... wrote:
> >
> > > Can anyone "hack" into someone's myspace pages
> >
>
>
>
>
> [Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
>

[email protected]

In a message dated 7/17/2008 6:26:58 P.M. Eastern Daylight Time,
pamsoroosh@... writes:

Or he could have guessed her
password. Or she could have left it up on her computer, not logged out.


___

My stepdaughter's mom has gone onto her daughter's myspace and facebook
accounts on several occasions, hasn't like what she's seen and canceled the
accounts. Same with her phone records...found out she made a call after midnight
on her cell phone when she was staying with us and took away her phone when
she returned home from her visit with us.

That's a whole different post about trust and privacy but apparently it
isn't very difficult to sneak a peek into your child's private electronic life.
Not cool but parents do it and then use it against their children or in this
situation use it for ammunition in a custody case.

Gail

http://gail-hummingbirdhaven.blogspot.com/



**************Get fantasy football with free live scoring. Sign up for
FanHouse Fantasy Football today.
(http://www.fanhouse.com/fantasyaffair?ncid=aolspr00050000000020)


[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

Tammy Brock

I listened to something on NPR where they were talking about how much
privacy is really maintained with My Space and such and it didn't sound like
there was all that much and most young people were okay with that. I don't
know if that helps. That situation sounds horrible.



Tammy



_____

From: [email protected]
[mailto:[email protected]] On Behalf Of Pamela Sorooshian
Sent: Thursday, July 17, 2008 6:27 PM
To: [email protected]
Subject: Re: [unschoolingbasics] myspace question



He could have gotten to your daughter's MySpace through his own
daughter's MySpace account - if the computer she uses fills in
passwords automatically, for example. Or he could have guessed her
password. Or she could have left it up on her computer, not logged out.

So - yeah - I wouldn't rule out the possibility.

-pam

On Jul 17, 2008, at 12:47 PM, airokat@comcast.
<mailto:airokat%40comcast.net> net wrote:

> Can anyone "hack" into someone's myspace pages





[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

julie

>
> Can anyone "hack" into someone's myspace pages?


There are many programs that you can download onto your computer (for
a fee). That "spy" on your children. These programs are hidden from
all the files, and only accessable by hitting a key combination, and
then inputting a password (that presumable only the adult would know).

This would allow her father to know exact key strokes, passwords,
text/im messages. The computer actually records everything that is
typed into it, as well as every page that is visited.

So, if your daughter, or best friend is using a computer in her
father's home to go online, he could possibly have this program on his
computer, and have knowledge of what is going on....the other
possibility would be if her father created a false account, and was
able to have your daughter or her friend "add" him (or her) as a
friend. Sometimes these kids have friends on their list that they
don't really know.

Good luck to you.

[email protected]

Thank you to all who have replied to this. I have decided that I am going to try and not let this bother me. I have a good relationship with my daughter and I know what she is up to and where she is at all times, unlike this girl and her father. In fact, I know where his kid is pretty much all the time which is something I cannot say for him. I find it reprehensible that this Dad is using my daughter as some kind of central theme in his custody battle. He is blaming her for decisions his own daughter ultimately makes on her own. Also, he invaded the privacy of a minor for crying out loud. He has a terrible relationship with her, and won't accept responsibility for the fact that its his fault. I just hate being dragged into someone else's quagmire, and its having an affect on my daughter, which angers me to no end. I can't wait until she heads off to NBTSC and hangs out with other unschoolers. It will be a good break for her.

--
Kathryn



-------------- Original message ----------------------
From: "julie" <brihanna@...>
>
> >
> > Can anyone "hack" into someone's myspace pages?
>
>
> There are many programs that you can download onto your computer (for
> a fee). That "spy" on your children. These programs are hidden from
> all the files, and only accessable by hitting a key combination, and
> then inputting a password (that presumable only the adult would know).
>
> This would allow her father to know exact key strokes, passwords,
> text/im messages. The computer actually records everything that is
> typed into it, as well as every page that is visited.
>
> So, if your daughter, or best friend is using a computer in her
> father's home to go online, he could possibly have this program on his
> computer, and have knowledge of what is going on....the other
> possibility would be if her father created a false account, and was
> able to have your daughter or her friend "add" him (or her) as a
> friend. Sometimes these kids have friends on their list that they
> don't really know.
>
> Good luck to you.
>
>




[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

Ren Allen

--- In [email protected], airokat@... wrote:
>
> Thank you to all who have replied to this.


I realize you've already been informed that she could have easily had
her myspace page read by the father and the lawyer without any hacking
going on....
I might warn my kid that anything they don't want other people to
know, should never go on the internet. Just good to be aware that not
much stays private online.

Ren
learninginfreedom.com

lauramae117

In short, yes, someone can "hack" into a MySpace account, to obtain
evidence against someone in a custody battle. One of my best friends
has lost custody of her two children to her mother because
of "evidenc" obtained from her Private MySpace account.

I have noticed myself on MySpace, anything I type is picked up by the
Cookies, to create targeted advertising. FOr example, I wrote about
a hir cut yesterday, so today, there are all these hair product ads.

But more seriously, the DHS ties with the MySpace parent company
assure that there is no such thing as annoynimity, everything said or
posted on MySpace can and will be used against you in a court of
law.

--- In [email protected], airokat@... wrote:
>
> My 16 y/o has a best friend (also 16) whose parents are going
through a bitter custody battle. The Dad wants to obtain sole custody
so he can send his daughter off to boarding school or be absolved of
further child support. (long details made short)
>
> This friend spends a great deal of time over at our house. The Dad
has decided that my daughter is The Bad Influence (unschooling, too
much freedom, smokes pot, etc. ) and is using details of our home
life in his custody battle. (once again, long story made short)
>
> Supposedly, according to my daughter and this best friend, this Dad
and/or his lawyer have "hacked" into her myspace and have been
gathering "evidence" to support his case. (her myspace profile is set
to private).
>
> Can anyone "hack" into someone's myspace pages? Can an adult spy on
a minor in this manner possibly with the assistance of a lawyer and
not have to inform the parents? Should I be overly concerned abou
this? Is CPS gonna show up because of a pic or text talking about
pot smoking or something? I am livid over this intrusion and don't
know what, if anything, I should "do." Any ideas appreciated.
>
> --
> Kathryn
>

Robin

Lori Denley wrote:
> However, to be on the safe side, I would suggest to the daughter
that for the time being, she should be careful what she posts, even if
her profile is set to private.
>
> Lori
>
>
I'd agree with this. I recently made a myspace account and some other
social networking pages. I'm pretty sure that at least one of them
warned that what you post has been used against people. They said that
employers have even looked at myspece pages and fired/failed to hire
people based on what they saw!

Setting to private helps but as other posters pointed out--once you
accept someone as a "friend" they have access. And, of course, anyone in
the household has access if you just leave the computer on while your
signed in or if they have the parental monitoring stuff.

Robin
--
Think you can't afford solar--Think Again! check out:
http://www.jointhesolution.com/livinggaia

[email protected]

**However, to be on the safe side, I would suggest to the daughter that for
the time being, she should be careful what she posts, even if her profile is
set to private.**

It's something that should be pointed out to anyone using the social
networking sites, and for more than just "the time being".

People have lost jobs because of what they posted on their "private" pages,
teens in high schools have been suspended or expelled because of pictures
showing them engaged in illegal acts. Prospective employers look at them, colleges,
police departments. And kids seem to forget that even when an account is set
to private, that provocative picture of themselves and their little quote line
are out there for all the world to leer at.

Deborah in IL


**************
Get fantasy football with free live scoring. Sign
up for FanHouse Fantasy Football today.

(http://www.fanhouse.com/fantasyaffair?ncid=aolspr00050000000020)


[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

Ren Allen

~~But more seriously, the DHS ties with the MySpace parent company
assure that there is no such thing as annoynimity, everything said or
posted on MySpace can and will be used against you in a court of
law.~~

Or anywhere else on the internet for that matter. Hell, emails and
list information can be obtained. It sucks, but you do have to watch
what you're willing to print.

Ren
learninginfreedom.com

[email protected]

-----Original Message-----
From: Ren Allen <starsuncloud@...>

Or anywhere else on the internet for that matter. Hell, emails and
list information can be obtained. It sucks, but you do have to watch
what you're willing to print.

-=-=-=-=-

It's probably a good idea, in general, to never say anything you don't
mind hearing in a recording, never doing anything you don't mind seeing
on film, and never writing anything you don't mind seeing in print one
day. Easier said than done, of course. <G>

Simply be mindful of what you say, do, and write.



~Kelly

Kelly Lovejoy
Conference Coordinator
Live and Learn Unschooling Conference
http://www.LiveandLearnConference.org

Pamela Sorooshian

Which is a good time to remind people to be mindful of what they say
about their own kids, too. Those of us who tell a lot of personal
stories have talked to our kids about this for years - our kids are
aware of what we're doing and are willing to have their personal lives
"exposed" to the world if it helps others to unschool. Even so, I
sometimes ask, "Hey, is it okay with you if I talk about this online?"

They think it is fine, even though a bit uncomfortable occasionally.
They google my name or their own name sometimes, and read stuff that
I've posted about them.

-pam

On Jul 18, 2008, at 9:04 AM, kbcdlovejo@... wrote:

>
> It's probably a good idea, in general, to never say anything you don't
> mind hearing in a recording, never doing anything you don't mind
> seeing
> on film, and never writing anything you don't mind seeing in print one
> day. Easier said than done, of course. <G>
>
> Simply be mindful of what you say, do, and write.
>

[email protected]

-----Original Message-----
From: Pamela Sorooshian <pamsoroosh@...>


Which is a good time to remind people to be mindful of what they say
about their own kids, too. Those of us who tell a lot of personal
stories have talked to our kids about this for years - our kids are
aware of what we're doing and are willing to have their personal lives
"exposed" to the world if it helps others to unschool. Even so, I
sometimes ask, "Hey, is it okay with you if I talk about this online?"

They think it is fine, even though a bit uncomfortable occasionally.
They google my name or their own name sometimes, and read stuff that
I've posted about them.

-=-=-=-

Mine too. Cameron has been "spotlighted" for a while---and all that
DEschooling? Ugh! But he's been OK with sharing our journey if it will
help others. But a few things I've kept to myself nevertheless because
he asked.

But it's not just the "talking about them" the way we do here.

Some parents come on and tell us *horrible* things about their kids
and/or refer to them in such negative terms. Sometimes in blogs parents
say very negative things about their children. Repeatedly.

Do the parents figure that their kids will *never* read those things?

Many of us try to help parents see their children in *positive*
ways---especially those traits they originally feel are "bad" or
"difficult."

The ways a parent refers to his/her own child is special. MAKE it that
way! KEEP it that way! Calling him mean or lazy or stubborn or
uncontrollable or "adhd" or an addict....Can't he just be "perfect
Johnny?"

We are *very* powerful---in all the good and BAD ways possible! We have
the means to speak kindly about them in full paragraphs. And we have
the power to belittle with them with one word.

Be careful how you speak and write. It does matter.


~Kelly

Kelly Lovejoy
Conference Coordinator
Live and Learn Unschooling Conference
http://www.LiveandLearnConference.org

Jodi Bezzola

And I think your 2 would be very tickled to read all the wonderful things you've written about them.  This is one thing that drew me powerfully to radical unschooling, was the lovely way you all talked about your kids...in a culture that doesn't!  I just spent the week with Ryan's family at a reunion, and after spending SO much time with other unschoolers (I really don't spend any time anymore with very mainstream people), I was shocked at how people talked to and about their children - like second class citizens.  Thank god we know a better way!
 
Jodi

--- On Fri, 7/18/08, kbcdlovejo@... <kbcdlovejo@...> wrote:

From: kbcdlovejo@... <kbcdlovejo@...>
Subject: Re: [unschoolingbasics] Re: myspace question
To: [email protected]
Date: Friday, July 18, 2008, 7:12 PM






-----Original Message-----
From: Pamela Sorooshian <pamsoroosh@mac. com>

Which is a good time to remind people to be mindful of what they say
about their own kids, too. Those of us who tell a lot of personal
stories have talked to our kids about this for years - our kids are
aware of what we're doing and are willing to have their personal lives
"exposed" to the world if it helps others to unschool. Even so, I
sometimes ask, "Hey, is it okay with you if I talk about this online?"

They think it is fine, even though a bit uncomfortable occasionally.
They google my name or their own name sometimes, and read stuff that
I've posted about them.

-=-=-=-

Mine too. Cameron has been "spotlighted" for a while---and all that
DEschooling? Ugh! But he's been OK with sharing our journey if it will
help others. But a few things I've kept to myself nevertheless because
he asked.

But it's not just the "talking about them" the way we do here.

Some parents come on and tell us *horrible* things about their kids
and/or refer to them in such negative terms. Sometimes in blogs parents
say very negative things about their children. Repeatedly.

Do the parents figure that their kids will *never* read those things?

Many of us try to help parents see their children in *positive*
ways---especially those traits they originally feel are "bad" or
"difficult."

The ways a parent refers to his/her own child is special. MAKE it that
way! KEEP it that way! Calling him mean or lazy or stubborn or
uncontrollable or "adhd" or an addict....Can' t he just be "perfect
Johnny?"

We are *very* powerful---in all the good and BAD ways possible! We have
the means to speak kindly about them in full paragraphs. And we have
the power to belittle with them with one word.

Be careful how you speak and write. It does matter.

~Kelly

Kelly Lovejoy
Conference Coordinator
Live and Learn Unschooling Conference
http://www.LiveandL earnConference. org


















[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

Shannon Lynn

My sister and her husband use a spy program on their computer that
allows them to see every type of activity that anyone does on their
computer. It stores all passwords and notifys them on their cell phones
whenever a key word have been typed or recieved to their computer. They
even add all of the key words to a special list.
I had no idea that they had this until I visited and my sister told me
that when I go home I may want to change all of my passwords!
So yes they can hack into everything.
Shalyn

Ren Allen

~~Even so, I
sometimes ask, "Hey, is it okay with you if I talk about this online?"~~

Me too.
I know which children don't mind being talked about and which prefer
it be kept very simple or vague or don't want their pictures up.
So you'll see a lot more about Sierra and Jalen!:)

Trevor has been fine with most of it lately too, but he lives with
other people now so I don't have many stories.

Before the NE Unschooling conference I had gotten permission from both
Moira and Trevor to talk about certain topics (like sex) but it still
embarrassed her when I brought it up in one of the round tables. I
apologized later and asked her if if I shouldn't have said that and
she said "No, it was fine and I was ok with that but it still felt
weird when there was a room full of people"

She says it's still ok to talk about though.;) I don't want to
embarrass anyone! I really enjoyed the openness of all the teens there
and connecting with them over sensitive topics. Very cool.

Ren
learninginfreedom.com

k

>
> Simply be mindful of what you say, do, and write.
>

And what you say, do or write, no matter how mindful, can still be
misconstrued and used against you.. It can intentionally or untentionally
be taken completely out of context or separated from any context at all.
For instance if it occurs as part of a conversation, anything posted can
seem to be written as though it occurred alone. I know I have a hard time
remembering where something I've written comes from unless the rest of the
context is there for reference.

~Katherine


[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

k

Which is why I've been so reluctant to use our names for so long. I've
recently started using our names but I may revert to not doing that since
he's only 5 and may *really* hate it later on.

I hate depersonalizing my wonderful unschooling experiences by having them
sprinkled with "ds" this and "ds" that. But I also really value our privacy
too. I'm not sure how to "people" what I'm writing about without exposing
the people.

~Katherine




On 7/18/08, Pamela Sorooshian <pamsoroosh@...> wrote:
>
> Which is a good time to remind people to be mindful of what they say
> about their own kids, too. Those of us who tell a lot of personal
> stories have talked to our kids about this for years - our kids are
> aware of what we're doing and are willing to have their personal lives
> "exposed" to the world if it helps others to unschool. Even so, I
> sometimes ask, "Hey, is it okay with you if I talk about this online?"
>
> They think it is fine, even though a bit uncomfortable occasionally.
> They google my name or their own name sometimes, and read stuff that
> I've posted about them.
>
> -pam
>
> On Jul 18, 2008, at 9:04 AM, kbcdlovejo@... <kbcdlovejo%40aol.com>wrote:
>
> >
> > It's probably a good idea, in general, to never say anything you don't
> > mind hearing in a recording, never doing anything you don't mind
> > seeing
> > on film, and never writing anything you don't mind seeing in print one
> > day. Easier said than done, of course. <G>
> >
> > Simply be mindful of what you say, do, and write.
> >
>
>
>


[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

Pamela Sorooshian

On Jul 19, 2008, at 11:41 AM, k wrote:

> Which is why I've been so reluctant to use our names for so long.
> I've
> recently started using our names but I may revert to not doing that
> since
> he's only 5 and may *really* hate it later on.
>
> I hate depersonalizing my wonderful unschooling experiences by
> having them
> sprinkled with "ds" this and "ds" that. But I also really value our
> privacy
> too. I'm not sure how to "people" what I'm writing about without
> exposing
> the people.

I've been using my full name and my children's names - online for
about 14 years. I have never had ANY problem with feeling like my
privacy has been invaded at all.

If you're just using a first name and kids' first names, I don't see
how that can be a problem ever. That doesn't identify them anymore
than using an initial (I find that very irritating because I can't
keep the initial in my head - have to constantly read back to remember
which kid was X and which was Y.)

With my kids, their decision at the time has been for me to do it. If
they change their minds later, then I'd stop doing it, but I'm not
going to stop just in case they might possibly not like it, later. It
just isn't likely, anyway, that they'd change their minds. The
opposite has happened with mine - they are used to being a bit in the
public eye and they have become more and more eager to speak for
themselves about their own unschooling experience. All three have
spoken in front off audiences - been on teen panels or given
conference talks. And two of the three have written college essays or
done college speeches related to their unschooling experience.

-pam