Some parenting questions
Therese
..about situations with young children..
Im not sure I am handling some of these things right. What would you
do in this situation?
1. 4 year old dd is playing with something, puts it down (though not
done playing with it). dd-(2 year old) picks it up and runs away
with it. dd-4 runs after her screaming and pulling on her to give it
back- both stand there screaming in a tug of war... what to do?
Today I asked dd2 to give it back, she didn't and I then pried the
toy out of her hand and she threw herself on the floor crying... i
felt like poop. What is a better way?
2. dd2 is playing with something. dd4 walks by and says 'Thats MINE'
(tho its a toy the both play with) and prys it out of dd2's hands.
dd2 screams and throws herself on the floor crying.
What I did was, I brought dd4 over to dd2 and I pry it out of her
hands, hand it back to dd2 and I told dd4, This time, ask her for the
toy nicely. dd4 angrily says, Please give me the toy. dd2 sadly
gives the toy to dd4. I'm feeling like this isn't working very well.
I'm sure you can see a pattern here. Can you help me how to handle
these situations with young children without me having to use force
to take things out of their hands?
Because I suspect this is part of the problem. And the NO! MINE!
Goes on all throughout the day. Help!
Therese
www.xanga.com/bornfreebaby
Im not sure I am handling some of these things right. What would you
do in this situation?
1. 4 year old dd is playing with something, puts it down (though not
done playing with it). dd-(2 year old) picks it up and runs away
with it. dd-4 runs after her screaming and pulling on her to give it
back- both stand there screaming in a tug of war... what to do?
Today I asked dd2 to give it back, she didn't and I then pried the
toy out of her hand and she threw herself on the floor crying... i
felt like poop. What is a better way?
2. dd2 is playing with something. dd4 walks by and says 'Thats MINE'
(tho its a toy the both play with) and prys it out of dd2's hands.
dd2 screams and throws herself on the floor crying.
What I did was, I brought dd4 over to dd2 and I pry it out of her
hands, hand it back to dd2 and I told dd4, This time, ask her for the
toy nicely. dd4 angrily says, Please give me the toy. dd2 sadly
gives the toy to dd4. I'm feeling like this isn't working very well.
I'm sure you can see a pattern here. Can you help me how to handle
these situations with young children without me having to use force
to take things out of their hands?
Because I suspect this is part of the problem. And the NO! MINE!
Goes on all throughout the day. Help!
Therese
www.xanga.com/bornfreebaby
Jeanette Crichton
One phrase that I help both of my boys use is "may I please use that next". I'm not sure that you're 2 yo would get that yet, but you could try.
The other issue is that the 2 yo probably wants a reaction out of your 4 yo. I started telling/showing my son how by not reacting, he is more likely to get what he wants (the toy back or whatever). My 3 yo has always loved to turn off the TV while my 5 yo is watching it-even when they were 2 and 4. My older son has learned to wait a couple of seconds until he moves on or to come get me to distract the younger one.
One more thing that I do is bring both children to a new room with the toy and we do one of a few things: I start doing something totally silly with the toy, we all sit down and try to agree on who gets the toy and for how long, or we do something entirely different in that room. It kind of depends on the situation and mood of everyone. For my kids diffusing the stress about their toys being taken was huge. I have to be really careful not to add to the stress and to be there to mediate as often as possible.
Jeanette
----- Original Message ----
From: Therese <theresefranklin@...>
To: [email protected]
Sent: Tuesday, July 1, 2008 9:27:35 PM
Subject: [unschoolingbasics] Some parenting questions
..about situations with young children..
Im not sure I am handling some of these things right. What would you
do in this situation?
1. 4 year old dd is playing with something, puts it down (though not
done playing with it). dd-(2 year old) picks it up and runs away
with it. dd-4 runs after her screaming and pulling on her to give it
back- both stand there screaming in a tug of war... what to do?
Today I asked dd2 to give it back, she didn't and I then pried the
toy out of her hand and she threw herself on the floor crying... i
felt like poop. What is a better way?
2. dd2 is playing with something. dd4 walks by and says 'Thats MINE'
(tho its a toy the both play with) and prys it out of dd2's hands.
dd2 screams and throws herself on the floor crying.
What I did was, I brought dd4 over to dd2 and I pry it out of her
hands, hand it back to dd2 and I told dd4, This time, ask her for the
toy nicely. dd4 angrily says, Please give me the toy. dd2 sadly
gives the toy to dd4. I'm feeling like this isn't working very well.
I'm sure you can see a pattern here. Can you help me how to handle
these situations with young children without me having to use force
to take things out of their hands?
Because I suspect this is part of the problem. And the NO! MINE!
Goes on all throughout the day. Help!
Therese
www.xanga.com/ bornfreebaby
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
The other issue is that the 2 yo probably wants a reaction out of your 4 yo. I started telling/showing my son how by not reacting, he is more likely to get what he wants (the toy back or whatever). My 3 yo has always loved to turn off the TV while my 5 yo is watching it-even when they were 2 and 4. My older son has learned to wait a couple of seconds until he moves on or to come get me to distract the younger one.
One more thing that I do is bring both children to a new room with the toy and we do one of a few things: I start doing something totally silly with the toy, we all sit down and try to agree on who gets the toy and for how long, or we do something entirely different in that room. It kind of depends on the situation and mood of everyone. For my kids diffusing the stress about their toys being taken was huge. I have to be really careful not to add to the stress and to be there to mediate as often as possible.
Jeanette
----- Original Message ----
From: Therese <theresefranklin@...>
To: [email protected]
Sent: Tuesday, July 1, 2008 9:27:35 PM
Subject: [unschoolingbasics] Some parenting questions
..about situations with young children..
Im not sure I am handling some of these things right. What would you
do in this situation?
1. 4 year old dd is playing with something, puts it down (though not
done playing with it). dd-(2 year old) picks it up and runs away
with it. dd-4 runs after her screaming and pulling on her to give it
back- both stand there screaming in a tug of war... what to do?
Today I asked dd2 to give it back, she didn't and I then pried the
toy out of her hand and she threw herself on the floor crying... i
felt like poop. What is a better way?
2. dd2 is playing with something. dd4 walks by and says 'Thats MINE'
(tho its a toy the both play with) and prys it out of dd2's hands.
dd2 screams and throws herself on the floor crying.
What I did was, I brought dd4 over to dd2 and I pry it out of her
hands, hand it back to dd2 and I told dd4, This time, ask her for the
toy nicely. dd4 angrily says, Please give me the toy. dd2 sadly
gives the toy to dd4. I'm feeling like this isn't working very well.
I'm sure you can see a pattern here. Can you help me how to handle
these situations with young children without me having to use force
to take things out of their hands?
Because I suspect this is part of the problem. And the NO! MINE!
Goes on all throughout the day. Help!
Therese
www.xanga.com/ bornfreebaby
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Kasey Frazier
Great book I just read and I must say that it works.. I have a son with
High functionaing autism and a younger son whom is now 7 yrs old and I
loved this book
Siblings Without Rivalry.
Check it out. It is wonderful..
Kasey
High functionaing autism and a younger son whom is now 7 yrs old and I
loved this book
Siblings Without Rivalry.
Check it out. It is wonderful..
Kasey
Kathleen Gehrke
>you
> ----- Original Message ----
> From: Therese <theresefranklin@...>
> To: [email protected]
> Sent: Tuesday, July 1, 2008 9:27:35 PM
> Subject: [unschoolingbasics] Some parenting questions
>
>
> ..about situations with young children..
>
> Im not sure I am handling some of these things right. What would
> do in this situation?not
>
> 1. 4 year old dd is playing with something, puts it down (though
> done playing with it). dd-(2 year old) picks it up and runs awayit
> with it. dd-4 runs after her screaming and pulling on her to give
> back- both stand there screaming in a tug of war... what to do?Some of the things that seem to work when my kids were little is to
help them with some perspective on the others point of view. Two year
old sees sib playing with cool toy, put it down and considers it
fairplay. Four year old not done and sees two year old as taking her
stuff. Help them turn it. " I think (dd 2)Kim thinks your baby is
really awesome. Lets help her find a really awesome toy to play with.
I think she thought you were done. " We had lots of little ones at
one and it really seemed to help when we had a policy of not taking
something without trading something else. If a baby picked up
something we would negotiate a trade off.
We also had toys, not mine and your toys but our toys. We still kind
of do. The kids are way older and have personal possessions, but they
enjoy sharing. Like one kid owns a ps2 the other the game Rock Band.
It works great for them to work together.
I hope this was a little bit helpful. It is really tough to feel
pulled apart by sibling conflict.
Kathleen
Mara
"" 4 year old dd is playing with something, puts it down (though not
done playing with it). dd-(2 year old) picks it up and runs away
with it. dd-4 runs after her screaming and pulling on her to give it
back- both stand there screaming in a tug of war... what to do?'''
What worked well for us in that kind of situation was that I would take the older one aside for a minute, whisper that if he just ignores it for a minute, most likely the younger one will soon move on to something else. Also he has now (at six and three) gotten pretty good at just making another toy that he would not want but things his brother might really like seem VERY interesting. That will often get him distracted enough, or be willing to trade for the other thing. I tried to never take anything forcibly, but wait until the younger one was willing to give up the coveted toy. Distraction worked best, or finding something similar or the same - or doing/playing something else with the older that he really liked.
Try as best as you can not to ever pry things out of their hands, because I think as long as they see that it works for you, it will work for them. Talking about how it feels if someone grabs from you can help. My younger one still needs gentle reminders sometimes that he can just ask or talk to me if he wants something badly that the other one has.
Mara
----- Original Message ----
From: Jeanette Crichton <jeanettec_99@...>
To: [email protected]
Sent: Wednesday, July 2, 2008 10:30:49 PM
Subject: Re: [unschoolingbasics] Some parenting questions
One phrase that I help both of my boys use is "may I please use that next". I'm not sure that you're 2 yo would get that yet, but you could try.
The other issue is that the 2 yo probably wants a reaction out of your 4 yo. I started telling/showing my son how by not reacting, he is more likely to get what he wants (the toy back or whatever). My 3 yo has always loved to turn off the TV while my 5 yo is watching it-even when they were 2 and 4. My older son has learned to wait a couple of seconds until he moves on or to come get me to distract the younger one.
One more thing that I do is bring both children to a new room with the toy and we do one of a few things: I start doing something totally silly with the toy, we all sit down and try to agree on who gets the toy and for how long, or we do something entirely different in that room. It kind of depends on the situation and mood of everyone. For my kids diffusing the stress about their toys being taken was huge. I have to be really careful not to add to the stress and to be there to mediate as often as possible.
Jeanette
----- Original Message ----
From: Therese <theresefranklin@ verizon.net>
To: unschoolingbasics@ yahoogroups. com
Sent: Tuesday, July 1, 2008 9:27:35 PM
Subject: [unschoolingbasics] Some parenting questions
..about situations with young children..
Im not sure I am handling some of these things right. What would you
do in this situation?
1. 4 year old dd is playing with something, puts it down (though not
done playing with it). dd-(2 year old) picks it up and runs away
with it. dd-4 runs after her screaming and pulling on her to give it
back- both stand there screaming in a tug of war... what to do?
Today I asked dd2 to give it back, she didn't and I then pried the
toy out of her hand and she threw herself on the floor crying... i
felt like poop. What is a better way?
2. dd2 is playing with something. dd4 walks by and says 'Thats MINE'
(tho its a toy the both play with) and prys it out of dd2's hands.
dd2 screams and throws herself on the floor crying.
What I did was, I brought dd4 over to dd2 and I pry it out of her
hands, hand it back to dd2 and I told dd4, This time, ask her for the
toy nicely. dd4 angrily says, Please give me the toy. dd2 sadly
gives the toy to dd4. I'm feeling like this isn't working very well.
I'm sure you can see a pattern here. Can you help me how to handle
these situations with young children without me having to use force
to take things out of their hands?
Because I suspect this is part of the problem. And the NO! MINE!
Goes on all throughout the day. Help!
Therese
www.xanga.com/ bornfreebaby
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
done playing with it). dd-(2 year old) picks it up and runs away
with it. dd-4 runs after her screaming and pulling on her to give it
back- both stand there screaming in a tug of war... what to do?'''
What worked well for us in that kind of situation was that I would take the older one aside for a minute, whisper that if he just ignores it for a minute, most likely the younger one will soon move on to something else. Also he has now (at six and three) gotten pretty good at just making another toy that he would not want but things his brother might really like seem VERY interesting. That will often get him distracted enough, or be willing to trade for the other thing. I tried to never take anything forcibly, but wait until the younger one was willing to give up the coveted toy. Distraction worked best, or finding something similar or the same - or doing/playing something else with the older that he really liked.
Try as best as you can not to ever pry things out of their hands, because I think as long as they see that it works for you, it will work for them. Talking about how it feels if someone grabs from you can help. My younger one still needs gentle reminders sometimes that he can just ask or talk to me if he wants something badly that the other one has.
Mara
----- Original Message ----
From: Jeanette Crichton <jeanettec_99@...>
To: [email protected]
Sent: Wednesday, July 2, 2008 10:30:49 PM
Subject: Re: [unschoolingbasics] Some parenting questions
One phrase that I help both of my boys use is "may I please use that next". I'm not sure that you're 2 yo would get that yet, but you could try.
The other issue is that the 2 yo probably wants a reaction out of your 4 yo. I started telling/showing my son how by not reacting, he is more likely to get what he wants (the toy back or whatever). My 3 yo has always loved to turn off the TV while my 5 yo is watching it-even when they were 2 and 4. My older son has learned to wait a couple of seconds until he moves on or to come get me to distract the younger one.
One more thing that I do is bring both children to a new room with the toy and we do one of a few things: I start doing something totally silly with the toy, we all sit down and try to agree on who gets the toy and for how long, or we do something entirely different in that room. It kind of depends on the situation and mood of everyone. For my kids diffusing the stress about their toys being taken was huge. I have to be really careful not to add to the stress and to be there to mediate as often as possible.
Jeanette
----- Original Message ----
From: Therese <theresefranklin@ verizon.net>
To: unschoolingbasics@ yahoogroups. com
Sent: Tuesday, July 1, 2008 9:27:35 PM
Subject: [unschoolingbasics] Some parenting questions
..about situations with young children..
Im not sure I am handling some of these things right. What would you
do in this situation?
1. 4 year old dd is playing with something, puts it down (though not
done playing with it). dd-(2 year old) picks it up and runs away
with it. dd-4 runs after her screaming and pulling on her to give it
back- both stand there screaming in a tug of war... what to do?
Today I asked dd2 to give it back, she didn't and I then pried the
toy out of her hand and she threw herself on the floor crying... i
felt like poop. What is a better way?
2. dd2 is playing with something. dd4 walks by and says 'Thats MINE'
(tho its a toy the both play with) and prys it out of dd2's hands.
dd2 screams and throws herself on the floor crying.
What I did was, I brought dd4 over to dd2 and I pry it out of her
hands, hand it back to dd2 and I told dd4, This time, ask her for the
toy nicely. dd4 angrily says, Please give me the toy. dd2 sadly
gives the toy to dd4. I'm feeling like this isn't working very well.
I'm sure you can see a pattern here. Can you help me how to handle
these situations with young children without me having to use force
to take things out of their hands?
Because I suspect this is part of the problem. And the NO! MINE!
Goes on all throughout the day. Help!
Therese
www.xanga.com/ bornfreebaby
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]