swissarmy_wife

Thought I'd share this with you all. I heard about this this morning.

http://www.lulu.com/content/2199986

If anyone gets to it before i do, I'd like a full review please! <BWG>

Jodi Bezzola

I haven't read it, but the blurb about it sounds pretty school-at-home-y.
 
Jodi

--- On Fri, 6/20/08, swissarmy_wife <heatherbean@...> wrote:

From: swissarmy_wife <heatherbean@...>
Subject: [unschoolingbasics] New Book on Deschooling
To: [email protected]
Date: Friday, June 20, 2008, 4:03 AM






Thought I'd share this with you all. I heard about this this morning.

http://www.lulu com/content/ 2199986

If anyone gets to it before i do, I'd like a full review please! <BWG>


















[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

Wendy McDonald

Deborah Markus has a review of this book in issue 3 of the Secular
Homeschooler -- I've only skimmed the review, but if I read correctly,
it's more along the lines of moving from school-at-home to unschooing.
But, again, I've only skimmed the review.

Wendy


--- In [email protected], Jodi Bezzola
<jodibezzola@...> wrote:
>
> I haven't read it, but the blurb about it sounds pretty
school-at-home-y.
>  
> Jodi
>
> --- On Fri, 6/20/08, swissarmy_wife <heatherbean@...> wrote:
>
> From: swissarmy_wife <heatherbean@...>
> Subject: [unschoolingbasics] New Book on Deschooling
> To: [email protected]
> Date: Friday, June 20, 2008, 4:03 AM
>
>
>
>
>
>
> Thought I'd share this with you all. I heard about this this morning.
>
> http://www.lulu com/content/ 2199986
>
> If anyone gets to it before i do, I'd like a full review please! <BWG>
>
>
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> [Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
>

swissarmy_wife

Darn. I had high hopes. :-(

I remember when we began deschooling, and someone told me it would
take 1 month for every year in school. HA! We were in "deschool
mode" for 2 years. :-) Maybe I should write the book on
deschooling?!?! LOL Of course I'm joking!

-Heather

--- In [email protected], "Wendy McDonald"
<iwendyiwanda@...> wrote:
>
> Deborah Markus has a review of this book in issue 3 of the Secular
> Homeschooler -- I've only skimmed the review, but if I read correctly,
> it's more along the lines of moving from school-at-home to unschooing.
> But, again, I've only skimmed the review.
>
> Wendy
>
>
> --- In [email protected], Jodi Bezzola
> <jodibezzola@> wrote:
> >
> > I haven't read it, but the blurb about it sounds pretty
> school-at-home-y.
> >
> > Jodi
> >
> > --- On Fri, 6/20/08, swissarmy_wife <heatherbean@> wrote:
> >
> > From: swissarmy_wife <heatherbean@>
> > Subject: [unschoolingbasics] New Book on Deschooling
> > To: [email protected]
> > Date: Friday, June 20, 2008, 4:03 AM
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> > Thought I'd share this with you all. I heard about this this morning.
> >
> > http://www.lulu com/content/ 2199986
> >
> > If anyone gets to it before i do, I'd like a full review please! <BWG>
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> > [Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
> >
>

[email protected]

-----Original Message-----
From: swissarmy_wife <heatherbean@...>

Darn. I had high hopes. :-(

I remember when we began deschooling, and someone told me it would
take 1 month for every year in school. HA! We were in "deschool
mode" for 2 years. :-) Maybe I should write the book on
deschooling?!?! LOL Of course I'm joking!

-=-=-=-

One month for every year in school----AFTER you quit nagging. AFTER you
change *your* paradigm.

It took us 18 months, and Cam had only been in school eight years. But
it took me a l-o-n-g time to quit worrying about things: to quit
reading short stories to him every morning and asking for a summary
afterwards, to quit pointing out that packing the car was geometry, to
quit "finding" the "academics" in everything, to quit assuring him and
myself (and anyone who would listen!) that he *could* learn just fine
without school or school-at-home.

As *soon* as I listened to the advice I'd been given online (by Joyce
and Pam and Sandra and Anne, and others), he (we) started to deschool.
Up until that point, *I* had been hindering his deschooling by pointing
out all the "schooly" things that he was doing everyday.

*I* had to get past that; and the second I *did*, we were on our way.

So the deschooling *begins* AFTER you quit worrying and nagging and
"teaching."

Things could be going along swimmingly, then you panic and start
worrying and voice (or unconsciously give off signals) that this is not
working. Then you need to go back to zero to start counting the number
of months it takes.

I could have done it in just a few months had I trusted Cameron and
unschooling. Had I believed that we truly *are* learning machines. The
sooner you can make that shift, the sooner it'll happen.



~Kelly

Kelly Lovejoy
Conference Coordinator
Live and Learn Unschooling Conference
http://www.LiveandLearnConference.org

swissarmy_wife

--- In [email protected], kbcdlovejo@... wrote:

> One month for every year in school----AFTER you quit nagging. AFTER
>you change *your* paradigm.


Mine paradigm shift was in parenting. The "academics" didn't take me
long to have faith in. That came easy once I stopped listening to
others. It's the parenting that was so much harder. (and still can
be sometimes)

But yeah. Your totally right. It really does begin after parent
finally figures it out. I still wish it didn't take ME as long as it
did.

Ren Allen

> I remember when we began deschooling, and someone told me it would
> take 1 month for every year in school. HA! We were in "deschool
> mode" for 2 years. :-) Maybe I should write the book on
> deschooling?!?! ~~


You know, I've decided that this "deschooling" process is on ongoing
thing. It isn't about trusting my kids anymore though, or worrying
about their learning or ANY of that stuff. I totally and completely
trust that people learn what they want, when they want it. Great.

But there is some school baggage in my head. It surfaces now and again
and I recognize it for what it is. I have church/family stuff there
too. But I'm ok with it now...it's just part of my experience and
journey so it might always be there. As long as I'm not loading it
into my kid's carry-ons.;)

I think the main thing I notice is that I start to compare myself to
other people. My art, my writing... and even though I recognize from
whence it comes it is still there. Much quieter now. I choose to move
forward with what I need to create but the comparisons DO surface
occasionally.

There are other little bits of leftover garbage. At least they don't
dictate my choices now...but they come around to get examined again
and again.

My deschooling process is still in motion.Maybe it always will be. I
don't really care and I'm at peace with it all. The important thing is
that the trust has returned to my life. That was the big piece I was
robbed of in school.

Ren
learninginfreedom.com

[email protected]

-----Original Message-----
From: swissarmy_wife <heatherbean@...>
--- In [email protected], kbcdlovejo@... wrote:

> One month for every year in school----AFTER you quit nagging. AFTER
>you change *your* paradigm.


Mine paradigm shift was in parenting. The "academics" didn't take me
long to have faith in. That came easy once I stopped listening to
others. It's the parenting that was so much harder. (and still can
be sometimes)

But yeah. Your totally right. It really does begin after parent
finally figures it out. I still wish it didn't take ME as long as it
did.

-=-=-=-=-

Yeah, but with parenting too. You really have to change *how* you're
looking at stuff before you can start "counting down."

As soon as you make the shift, things seem clearer; and you can make
better decisions. But keep in mind that your "years as a child" are so
much longer than your "years in school." You have a LOT more parental
baggage to dump than you do academic baggage. The way your parents
reacted to/treated you *can* be more damaging than what school did to
you. It often takes longer to make that shift.

I'm STILL dumping parental baggage.

I'm amazed at folks like Deb Lewis, Rue Kream, Pam Genant, Sandra Dodd,
and Anne Ohman---who GOT this as soon as (or even before) that first
kid popped out! They kind of instinctively knew to be kinder to and
gentler with their own children---certainly kinder and gentler than
their own parents were to them. *I* chose to "just follow what was done
to me"---I mean, *I* turned out just fine, right?

But I've spent a lot of my life trying to be better at a lot of things,
and when I realized that I could be a better parent TOO---well, I just
latched on to *that* idea! But I had no mental picture of what that
looked like. My childhood was filled with spankings---and a good bit of
sarcasm, so I spanked and was sarcastic. I never thought to do anything
different. But when I found something better---and people who could
help me think things through more, I was GLUED to my computer screen!
<BWG>

But we were all parented a lot longer than we were schooled. It takes
time. If you "see" it early---WOW! But if you don't, it's not
impossible; it just may take longer. <G> But as soon as you make that
decision to BE kinder and gentler and more patient and more
trusting...as soon as you know that's what you *want*, it gets easier
and easier.



~Kelly

Kelly Lovejoy
Conference Coordinator
Live and Learn Unschooling Conference
http://www.LiveandLearnConference.org

swissarmy_wife

--- In [email protected], "Ren Allen"
<starsuncloud@...> wrote:

> You know, I've decided that this "deschooling" process is on ongoing
> thing. It isn't about trusting my kids anymore though, or worrying
> about their learning or ANY of that stuff. I totally and completely
> trust that people learn what they want, when they want it. Great.

Yeah. I get that too. I LOVE that I get that. I didn't have to
struggle to understand that either. Mostly because of my own school
experiences I guess. To me, that was the easy part. I had written
my last enrollment curriculum for the state, and when I had looked at
it, I knew we wouldn't cover any of it. Not purposely anyway!

> But there is some school baggage in my head. It surfaces now and again
> and I recognize it for what it is. I have church/family stuff there
> too. But I'm ok with it now...it's just part of my experience and
> journey so it might always be there. As long as I'm not loading it
> into my kid's carry-ons.;)

I like that analogy. I read it once before I think. It seems
familiar. That's probably one I'll refer to a lot. :-) That's the
one thing I worry about the most I think. Is having my family baggage
spill all over the airport! I think it used to. Not so much anymore.
I still say my mother was the David Koresh of parenthood. I work
HARD to not carry around HER baggage. Guilt, control, lies,
selfishness, etc.etc.etc. Unschooling has brought an awful lot of
positive change into my life. I often felt captive in my own suitcase.

> I think the main thing I notice is that I start to compare myself to
> other people. My art, my writing... and even though I recognize from
> whence it comes it is still there. Much quieter now. I choose to move
> forward with what I need to create but the comparisons DO surface
> occasionally.

This has been really hard for me to get rid of too. I want me AND my
children to create freely without feeling like they to have to look at
the next person to see if theirs is better. I was the
daydreamer/artist in school. Boy was all of that squashed in a hurry.
I gave my kids a giant space on the wall in our media-room to
paint/draw/color on. Funny, I find myself up there sometimes too!

> There are other little bits of leftover garbage. At least they don't
> dictate my choices now...but they come around to get examined again
> and again.

Mine still try. (my parents)

> My deschooling process is still in motion.Maybe it always will be. I
> don't really care and I'm at peace with it all. The important thing is
> that the trust has returned to my life. That was the big piece I was
> robbed of in school.

I guess I was still sort of seeing deschooling as just an academic
thing. Maybe the word "school" had something to do with it. I've
described it before as the transitional period between when one lives
as if school exists and when one begins to live freely as if school
didn't exist. We got that. That fits if transitioning from school to
school-at-home. But it doesn't really fit when your moving from
school to unschool does it? It really is so much more than that.

swissarmy_wife

--- In [email protected], kbcdlovejo@... wrote:

>
> I'm STILL dumping parental baggage.

Yep. Me too. I feel lighter and lighter as time goes on. I still
have a lot of "mother-issues". I've had been working on losing them
so hard, that I forgot that it was ok that they still bothered me. It
helps me remember the parent i DON'T want to be.

> I'm amazed at folks like Deb Lewis, Rue Kream, Pam Genant, Sandra Dodd,
> and Anne Ohman---who GOT this as soon as (or even before) that first
> kid popped out! They kind of instinctively knew to be kinder to and
> gentler with their own children---certainly kinder and gentler than
> their own parents were to them.

Personal heroes really. :-)

*I* chose to "just follow what was done
> to me"---I mean, *I* turned out just fine, right?

I didn't. Turn out just fine i mean. I knew it. It took me an awful
long time to change it (6 years after my first son was born). But i
knew I wasn't fine and neither were my kids.

> But I've spent a lot of my life trying to be better at a lot of things,
> and when I realized that I could be a better parent TOO---well, I just
> latched on to *that* idea! But I had no mental picture of what that
> looked like. My childhood was filled with spankings---and a good bit of
> sarcasm, so I spanked and was sarcastic. I never thought to do anything
> different. But when I found something better---and people who could
> help me think things through more, I was GLUED to my computer screen!
> <BWG>

YOUR wisdom keeps ME glued to the computer screen! The sarcasm thing?
My whole family is one big sarcastic mess! It's near impossible to
get away from. No one ever says what they mean. Losing it has been
an everyday struggle. I have to consciously remember to speak clearly.

> But we were all parented a lot longer than we were schooled. It takes
> time. If you "see" it early---WOW! But if you don't, it's not
> impossible; it just may take longer. <G> But as soon as you make that
> decision to BE kinder and gentler and more patient and more
> trusting...as soon as you know that's what you *want*, it gets easier
> and easier.

*sigh* It's so true. I think every little step toward something
better counts. Although I think we should walk swiftly, each step
counts towards something bigger and greater. The more time I spent
out and around other people with children the more this huge societal
problem exists. We are sort of being brainwashed into not enjoying
our families. Into treating our children like crap. If I ever need a
REAL kick in the ass, I know I can go the playground and be reminded
of that parent i don't want to be.

[email protected]

-----Original Message-----
From: swissarmy_wife <heatherbean@...>


The more time I spent
out and around other people with children the more this huge societal
problem exists. We are sort of being brainwashed into not enjoying
our families. Into treating our children like crap. If I ever need a
REAL kick in the ass, I know I can go the playground and be reminded
of that parent i don't want to be.

-=-=-==-=-

I attended a state-wide homeschooling convention on Friday. It "speaks"
for all homeschoolers in SC.

It was the most horrible experience. It was like a friend of mine,
Christian Thee, described a social event years ago: He was in New York
City at a party. In an all-white apartment. White walls, white carpet,
white drapes, white grand piano, with a white standard poodle. The
poodle started vomiting right there in the middle of the white room. No
one moved. It was surreal---like a train wreck, no one could look away.
Dozens of people there, surrounded by *white* as this dog barfed all
over the carpet.

I couldn't leave. I was transfixed on this spectacle.

It was a Christian convention---but they don't say that
specifically---they just assume everyone who homeschools does it
because they were called by the Lord.

At the breakfast I attended, the speaker wanted us all to know that we
were no different than the women beside us. ALL of us hated our
spouses. ALL of us wished our children had never been born. ALL of us
worried that we were failing our children. ALL of us knew we were bad
teachers. ALL of us thought everyone else had it all together. ALL of
us were unhappy and miserable.

******And it was all OK!*******

Children were kept separate from the adults. In different
building---*unless* they were glued to their parents' sides. There was
no light in these kids' eyes. It was just awful.

If it weren't so awful, I'd suggest you all go to one---that way you'd
know that what you're doing is GREAT! You'd certainly appreciate the
Live and Learn Conference! <g>

This experience will last me for a long, long time. I *know* that my
husband is wonderful and that my kids are incredibly special and adored
and that my life is pretty damned sweet. I also *know* that I'm the 1%
that loves her life and is LYING! (Yep---he said that!)

Anyway---it doesn't take much to remind me of this, but this convention
was like a huge shot in the arm of what I DON'T want for my family.
Their whole lives are built on fear. It was spooky.




~Kelly

Kelly Lovejoy
Conference Coordinator
Live and Learn Unschooling Conference
http://www.LiveandLearnConference.org

Melissa Gray

I'm laughing over this Kelly, because I do attend our local
HOMEschool group every once in a while so I can just listen in awe to
what our lives COULD have been. Instead, I have this awesome life,
where dh and I are happy partners, the kids are pleasant, and I love
my life.

and I'm not even lying ;-)
Melissa
Mom to Joshua, Breanna, Emily, Rachel, Samuel, Daniel and Avari
Wife to Zane

blog me at
http://startlinglives.blogspot.com/
http://startlinglives365.blogspot.com



On Jun 22, 2008, at 2:34 PM, kbcdlovejo@... wrote:

> Anyway---it doesn't take much to remind me of this, but this
> convention
> was like a huge shot in the arm of what I DON'T want for my family.
> Their whole lives are built on fear. It was spooky.



[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

swissarmy_wife

I say this a lot. Out loud. When people ask me about homeschooling
and if i like it, I say "I love my life, and I wouldn't trade what we
do for the world."

-Heather

--- In [email protected], Melissa Gray
<autismhelp@...> wrote:


>and I love my life.
>
> and I'm not even lying ;-)

> Melissa
> Mom to Joshua, Breanna, Emily, Rachel, Samuel, Daniel and Avari
> Wife to Zane
>
> blog me at
> http://startlinglives.blogspot.com/
> http://startlinglives365.blogspot.com

Sandra Foyt

I have a copy of Deschooling Gently (through Amazon.com,) but it's going
to take awhile to fully absorb it. There is a lot to learn, and I'm
just at the beginning of an evolving homeschool journey.

I'm definitely not ready to write a review yet; however, I highly
recommend this book.

Right at the beginning, Tammy describes a scenario where homeschool
educators are surrounded by lots of great advice, so many fantastic
curriculum options, but you can't do it all. With deschooling you can
get to the point where you're comfortable picking and choosing the
options that work for you.

Well, I wish I had this book this past year when I didn't deschool
gently, but it's not too late to take in this advice.

Sandra Foyt

http://onlivingbylearning.com <http://onlivingbylearning.com>





[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]