melissa_hice

I was having a discussion with my very good friend, whose children go
to private school (she knows I homeschool but doesn't know anything
about unschooling). We go to church together and she was wondering
why my kids and I don't go to sunday school anymore. When I told her
because my dd(9) does not like going to class, she said, "Well, your
daughter is just going to have to realize that in life, there are
things we HAVE to do." Then she went on to tell about her daughter
not wanting to go to school but she tells her she HAS to go because
it is her job.

I really didn't know how to respond to her without causing any kind
of hard feelings. After I got home and thought awhile, I wondered
something. Are there things in life we absoultely HAVE to do? For
instance, I guess a person doesn't HAVE to go to work, they CHOOSE to
go to work in order to have things like a house and car. I guess a
person doesn't HAVE to live in a house or apartment, but they choose
to because it makes life a little more comfortable.

What are your ideas on this? Boy, I sure wish I had the wisdom and
experience some of you have with unschooling so that I wouldn't get
so tongue tied at times like this! I'm thinking my friend probably
thinks I agree with her because I didn't know what to say!

Melisa

wisdomalways5

there is nothing you HAVE to do but plenty you CHOOSE to do and
there is a difference- there are many things we choose to do because
we like the benefits- like paying bills to have lights and water-
doing dishes to have plates to eat off of but you choose it there is
no have- I guess you HAVE TO die eventually but that is the only
thing you really have NO say in -

Julie


--- In [email protected], "melissa_hice" <mhice@...>
wrote:
>
> I was having a discussion with my very good friend, whose children
go
> to private school (she knows I homeschool but doesn't know
anything
> about unschooling). We go to church together and she was
wondering
> why my kids and I don't go to sunday school anymore. When I told
her
> because my dd(9) does not like going to class, she said, "Well,
your
> daughter is just going to have to realize that in life, there are
> things we HAVE to do." Then she went on to tell about her
daughter
> not wanting to go to school but she tells her she HAS to go
because
> it is her job.
>
> I really didn't know how to respond to her without causing any
kind
> of hard feelings. After I got home and thought awhile, I wondered
> something. Are there things in life we absoultely HAVE to do?
For
> instance, I guess a person doesn't HAVE to go to work, they CHOOSE
to
> go to work in order to have things like a house and car. I guess
a
> person doesn't HAVE to live in a house or apartment, but they
choose
> to because it makes life a little more comfortable.
>
> What are your ideas on this? Boy, I sure wish I had the wisdom
and
> experience some of you have with unschooling so that I wouldn't
get
> so tongue tied at times like this! I'm thinking my friend
probably
> thinks I agree with her because I didn't know what to say!
>
> Melisa
>

Meliss

I agree with your point about CHOOSING to have a job,work, live in a house/apartment, etc... I feel that this concept of HAVING to do anything is a big reason we're unschooling! Why do we HAVE to have a schedule? Why do we HAVE to wake up at 6:30 am? Why do we HAVE to go to Sunday school? And the answer is exactly that you DON'T HAVE TO!! We absolutely choose to do things such as these. So my response to your friend would have been, " How sad for you that you feel like you HAVE to do things in your life that you don't feel good about! But I don't feel that way so that's why we're not in Sunday school anymore!"

Or something along those lines anyway! And I'm defenitely NOT a seasoned unschooler. More of a newbie. But this whole concept feels instinctive to me so I'd respond from heart not head.

Hope this helps!

Melissa Bell


---------------------------------
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Schuyler

My easy answer would be: Until they have to, I'm just going to make their lives as easy and carefree as possible. I'd also, maybe, say something about how I want them to come to church joyfully and not to see their relationship with their faith from a resentful, heel-dragging perspective.

I totally believe that most actions can be seen as choices. I can choose in any given moment what I want to do and how I want to approach it. Knowing that helps me to be the mother I want to be more often than not. If I believed that I had to do something, I would probably feel less loving, less giving, less free to be who I want to be in relation to whatever that mandatory job was. School is less like a job than parents may think. School is more like being press ganged, where there really isn't any way off the ship without being released by your parents or the school. You can quit jobs, you can change careers, you can ask for time off or look for a promotion or move to more flexible scheduling. I would much rather that Simon and Linnaea do things because they want to do them, because they see things they can gain from the activity, cleaning their room, or fixing lunch, or taking a Kung Fu class, than because they felt obligated to do them.

Schuyler
www.waynforth.blogspot.com

===========
I was having a discussion with my very good friend, whose children go
to private school (she knows I homeschool but doesn't know anything
about unschooling). We go to church together and she was wondering
why my kids and I don't go to sunday school anymore. When I told her
because my dd(9) does not like going to class, she said, "Well, your
daughter is just going to have to realize that in life, there are
things we HAVE to do." Then she went on to tell about her daughter
not wanting to go to school but she tells her she HAS to go because
it is her job.

I really didn't know how to respond to her without causing any kind
of hard feelings. After I got home and thought awhile, I wondered
something. Are there things in life we absoultely HAVE to do? For
instance, I guess a person doesn't HAVE to go to work, they CHOOSE to
go to work in order to have things like a house and car. I guess a
person doesn't HAVE to live in a house or apartment, but they choose
to because it makes life a little more comfortable.

What are your ideas on this? Boy, I sure wish I had the wisdom and
experience some of you have with unschooling so that I wouldn't get
so tongue tied at times like this! I'm thinking my friend probably
thinks I agree with her because I didn't know what to say!

Melisa


------------------------------------

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[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

Joyce Fetteroll

On May 3, 2008, at 11:45 PM, melissa_hice wrote:

> Are there things in life we absoultely HAVE to do? For
> instance, I guess a person doesn't HAVE to go to work, they CHOOSE to
> go to work in order to have things like a house and car.

And more importantly they don't have to keep the job they have. They
can choose, when the minuses out weigh the pluses, to find a new job.

> I guess a
> person doesn't HAVE to live in a house or apartment, but they choose
> to because it makes life a little more comfortable.

And they get to choose where to live. They get to choose how long to
stay there.

Yes, it's one of those epiphany moments when you realize that there's
no one making you do anything, no one forcing you to make a certain
choice. Not pay taxes, not clean the toilet, not stay at home with
the kids instead of running off to Venice. :-)

I think people get trapped into thinking they don't have choices
because they don't like the other options. They don't see the other
options as choices so they feel trapped into "having to".

Sandra Dodd's collected a lot of discussion over the years:

http://sandradodd.com/haveto

And it's one of my favorite topics. One page here, but lots scattered
throughout the site:

http://joyfullyrejoycing.com/commitments%20obligation%20responsi/
haveto.html

Joyce

[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

Nance Confer

Your friend doesn't seem to have any problem telling you how to live even if it causes hard feelings.

You might not want to be as rude as she is but there's a message in her behavior somewhere.

Nance




I was having a discussion with my very good friend, whose children go
to private school (she knows I homeschool but doesn't know anything
about unschooling). We go to church together and she was wondering
why my kids and I don't go to sunday school anymore. When I told her
because my dd(9) does not like going to class, she said, "Well, your
daughter is just going to have to realize that in life, there are
things we HAVE to do." Then she went on to tell about her daughter
not wanting to go to school but she tells her she HAS to go because
it is her job.

I really didn't know how to respond to her without causing any kind
of hard feelings.

[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

jetsoncity

my out look on things is that everything is a choice. even if someone is holding a gun to your head and telling you want to do, you have a choice. you can choose to do what they say. you can choose to not do what they say. you can choose to fight. many different choices are there. you dont HAVE to do anything. you CHOOSE to do what you do. it seems to me that the "have to" is used so much to show greater importance. if you tell someone that you cant go out with them because you "have to" work, they will understand easily. if you tell them you cant go because you "choose to" work instead of going out with them they might be offended.



·´`·.(*·.¸(`·.¸ ¸.·´)¸.·*).·´`·
** Dasha **
** Zoeya Ayn 11/17/2002 **
** Tommy Rand III 02/02/2005 **
·´`·.(¸.·´(¸.·* *·.¸)`·.¸).·´`·

Freedom to Fascism by Aaron Russo
http://video.google.com/videosearch?q=freedom+to+fascism

Hope for America
http://www.RonPaul2008.com

keetry

No, there is nothing that anyone absolutely HAS to do. We all choose
to do everything we do.

Alysia

--- In [email protected], "melissa_hice" <mhice@...>
wrote:
>
> I was having a discussion with my very good friend, whose children
go
> to private school (she knows I homeschool but doesn't know
anything
> about unschooling). We go to church together and she was
wondering
> why my kids and I don't go to sunday school anymore. When I told
her
> because my dd(9) does not like going to class, she said, "Well,
your
> daughter is just going to have to realize that in life, there are
> things we HAVE to do." Then she went on to tell about her
daughter
> not wanting to go to school but she tells her she HAS to go
because
> it is her job.
>
> I really didn't know how to respond to her without causing any
kind
> of hard feelings. After I got home and thought awhile, I wondered
> something. Are there things in life we absoultely HAVE to do?
For
> instance, I guess a person doesn't HAVE to go to work, they CHOOSE
to
> go to work in order to have things like a house and car. I guess
a
> person doesn't HAVE to live in a house or apartment, but they
choose
> to because it makes life a little more comfortable.
>
> What are your ideas on this? Boy, I sure wish I had the wisdom
and
> experience some of you have with unschooling so that I wouldn't
get
> so tongue tied at times like this! I'm thinking my friend
probably
> thinks I agree with her because I didn't know what to say!
>
> Melisa
>

[email protected]

We go to church together and she was
wondering
> why my kids and I don't go to sunday school anymore. When I told
her
> because my dd(9) does not like going to class, she said, "Well,
your
> daughter is just going to have to realize that in life, there are
> things we HAVE to do." Then she went on to tell about her
daughter
> not wanting to go to school but she tells her she HAS to go
because
> it is her job.
*********************************

Sigh...

Well, apparently her daughter HAS to go to school, but your daughter DOESN'T
have to go to church (or to school), because you don't feel a need to force
her to do stuff she doesn't like to do.

Kathryn, who ran a Sunday school program for over twelve years, and always
thought it was her responsibility to make the program appealing enough that the
kids would WANT to go! (and most of the time it worked!)



**************Wondering what's for Dinner Tonight? Get new twists on family
favorites at AOL Food.
(http://food.aol.com/dinner-tonight?NCID=aolfod00030000000001)


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Meliss

Thank you, Joyce! Very awesome link to Sandra Dodd's discussion about "the have to's". I really liked reading it!

Melissa Bell


---------------------------------
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[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

Krisula

>>"Well, your
daughter is just going to have to realize that in life, there are
things we HAVE to do."<<



Fortunately, Sunday school isn't one of those things for your daughter.



Krisula



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