Karen Swanay

On Thu, Apr 24, 2008 at 4:36 PM, <kbcdlovejo@...> wrote:

>
> BUT...there may be seven---or 70 or 700!---other people on this list
> who have benefitted from the discussion. It may make a difference to
> another family who is struggling with a similar issue...now or in the
> future. The goal is to throw an idea or problem out there, toss it
> around a bit, and come up with different strategies--especially ones
> that honor the children's wishes. No one here can *make* another do
> something or choose something. But sometimes we get a different
> perspective from all the discussion.
>
> ~Kelly
******************************************************************************

OK this leads me to a question of how much "meddling" I ought to do.
My son Liam (9) seems to be having autoimmune issues. Well we know he
is. He's been having trouble (erythma nodosum) and we've been just
doing for him at home. But it recently got so bad he asked to go to
the Dr. So we went. Given that I have AI issues, my mother and much
of my father's family as well...they pulled blood to check him. We
are still waiting for results.

Here's the thing. Liam doesn't want to do meds. (I don't blame him.)
He wants to try to manage this naturally which means rest, good diet,
exercise for the most part. Now, since he's 9 he doesn't always get
enough rest. Or eat right etc. And I'm caught where I don't know how
to remind him or help him without it looking like nagging. He hasn't
complained about nagging, I am just aware of how it might sound. So
what is the right way to work this without making it seem like I'm
pushing or nagging but I know that he sometimes forgets things or
isn't aware of what he's eating etc.

**RE: the food. I don't really care what he eats but some things will
make him feel better than others and some things will actually cause
him physical pain like artificial sweetners. We've made the
connection already. (It does the same thing to me too.) BUT if he
chooses to suck up the pain and have whatever I'm fine with that. I
just don't know in the moment *the time before he puts it in his
mouth* if he's making a decision based on knowledge or just doing it.
And I don't know how to make "Hey do you know what you are eating?"
not sound like I'm nagging.

TIA
Karen

Melissa Gray

Well, for *us* it means that if I notice Dan is picking up something
with wheat (which at four, he's pretty good about knowing what is
safe and what is not) I'll say "Hey, that has wheat in it, do you
want to try something else?" at which point he has a choice. He
usually picks something wheat-free, but that means that I have LOTS
of alternatives that are appealing. We've made homemade ding dongs,
twinkies, lots of baked goods.
Most of what we have grocery wise that has wheat, we either purchase
an alternative or be prepared to make one quickly.

Melissa
Mom to Joshua, Breanna, Emily, Rachel, Samuel, Daniel and Avari
Wife to Zane

blog me at
http://startlinglives.blogspot.com/
Find out what's going on by me at MYZIP.COM
http://www.73071.net



On Apr 24, 2008, at 5:04 PM, Karen Swanay wrote:
>
>
> **RE: the food. I don't really care what he eats but some things will
> make him feel better than others and some things will actually cause
> him physical pain like artificial sweetners. We've made the
> connection already. (It does the same thing to me too.) BUT if he
> chooses to suck up the pain and have whatever I'm fine with that. I
> just don't know in the moment *the time before he puts it in his
> mouth* if he's making a decision based on knowledge or just doing it.
> And I don't know how to make "Hey do you know what you are eating?"
> not sound like I'm nagging.
>
> TIA
> Karen
>
>



[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

Joyce Fetteroll

On Apr 24, 2008, at 6:04 PM, Karen Swanay wrote:

> And I'm caught where I don't know how
> to remind him or help him without it looking like nagging. He hasn't
> complained about nagging, I am just aware of how it might sound.

Isn't *he* the best judge of whether it's nagging?

Ask *him* what he'd like you to do rather than what other people
think you should do for him ;-)

If you put providing information in the category of nagging, it's
going to feel like nagging.

If you put requirements on the choice he makes with the information,
it's going to *be* nagging ;-)

Joyce

[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

Debra Rossing

>Ask *him* what he'd like you to do rather than what other people think
you should do for him ;-)

>If you put providing information in the category of nagging, it's going
to feel like nagging.

>If you put requirements on the choice he makes with the information,
it's going to *be* nagging ;-)

I think one aspect that differentiates 'nagging' from providing
information is that nagging tends to have an undertone of expectation -
"I'm telling you this and I expect you to act in thus and such way." If
you're providing information "hey that has HFCS in it" or "gee you might
feel better later if you have a bit of cheese before you have another
donut" then allowing the person addressed to *choose* whether to have
the HFCS or not, or another donut or some protein, or whatever, then
it's not so much nagging.

Deb


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[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

Karen Swanay

OK because as I said, it's up to him. I sometimes make a decision
that it's worth whatever pain I might have to eat something at that
time, but I'm hyper-aware of what's in the foods I eat. Because he's
9 and this is new to him I know he doesn't think about it much. I
want to help him manage his body in the way he is most comfortable so
I don't want to make him feel as though I'm nagging him at all. Good
suggestions everyone I appreciate it.

Karen

keetry

--- In [email protected], "Karen Swanay"
<luvbullbreeds@...> wrote:
>
> On Thu, Apr 24, 2008 at 4:36 PM, <kbcdlovejo@...> wrote:
>
> Here's the thing. Liam doesn't want to do meds. (I don't blame
him.)
> He wants to try to manage this naturally which means rest, good
diet,
> exercise for the most part. Now, since he's 9 he doesn't always
get
> enough rest. Or eat right etc. And I'm caught where I don't know
how
> to remind him or help him without it looking like nagging. He
hasn't
> complained about nagging, I am just aware of how it might sound.
So
> what is the right way to work this without making it seem like I'm
> pushing or nagging but I know that he sometimes forgets things or
> isn't aware of what he's eating etc.

Ask him how he wants it handled? Maybe he wants you to remind him
what's what. Maybe he knows what's in a lot of things only wants
info when he asks for it. You could set up an understanding ahead of
time of how much info to offer and when based on what he wants.


Alysia