pionerlife

We have two girls- 7 and 4. About once every 5 or 6 weeks grandma (my
husbands mom) call and asks to have the girls for a few days. It is
normally for 2 or 3 days but one time it was for 5 days. My oldest
daughter is having a hard time staying at grandmas for any length of
time. This last time we dropped her off in the morning and I hung out
at my MIL's for a bit- went to a doctors appt- came back for an hour
or two then left to pick up my hubby so we could go to dinner with my
mom. About 9pm my MIL called saying my 7 year old was crying and
saying she wanted to come home. I spoke with my daughter and said "Do
you want to come home" and she said yes so I said okay we will come
get you. I didn't ask why. We just went and got her. For a few weeks
she complained about my MIL's husband saying he was grouchy. I do
understand that- he can be. I just felt like something else was going
on. Now that I have been typing I feel like 5 days for her without
seeing me and her dad was hard on her. It may have been pretty scary
too. Ever since that time she hasn't wanted to stay at grandma's for
very long. I'm wondering if there is anything my hubby and I can do to
comfort her while she is gone. We have told her that she can call home
anytime she wants- even at 2am in the morning. We have also told her
that we will come and pick her up whenever she wants- no questions
asked. Is there anything we're overlooking that we are not doing and
should be?

Thanks in advance for your help!

Shannon Rizzo

I would say if she doesn't want to go, then she doesn't go. It's not like a
custody arrangement. Five days may be a long time for her, and fine for
someone else. Does she seem ready to talk about whatever happened with
MIL's husband? Do your instincts tell you something is wrong?

Shannon

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[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

polykowholsteins

If she does not want to go she should not go. Period.
And I would also try to find out what happened with MIL'd dh.
Sounds like she does not even wnat to be there for a whole day.
Alex




--- In [email protected], "pionerlife"
<pionerlife@...> wrote:
>
> We have two girls- 7 and 4. About once every 5 or 6 weeks grandma
(my
> husbands mom) call and asks to have the girls for a few days. It is
> normally for 2 or 3 days but one time it was for 5 days. My oldest
> daughter is having a hard time staying at grandmas for any length of
> time. This last time we dropped her off in the morning and I hung
out
> at my MIL's for a bit- went to a doctors appt- came back for an hour
> or two then left to pick up my hubby so we could go to dinner with
my
> mom. About 9pm my MIL called saying my 7 year old was crying and
> saying she wanted to come home. I spoke with my daughter and
said "Do
> you want to come home" and she said yes so I said okay we will come
> get you. I didn't ask why. We just went and got her. For a few weeks
> she complained about my MIL's husband saying he was grouchy. I do
> understand that- he can be. I just felt like something else was
going
> on. Now that I have been typing I feel like 5 days for her without
> seeing me and her dad was hard on her. It may have been pretty scary
> too. Ever since that time she hasn't wanted to stay at grandma's for
> very long. I'm wondering if there is anything my hubby and I can do
to
> comfort her while she is gone. We have told her that she can call
home
> anytime she wants- even at 2am in the morning. We have also told her
> that we will come and pick her up whenever she wants- no questions
> asked. Is there anything we're overlooking that we are not doing and
> should be?
>
> Thanks in advance for your help!
>

wisdomalways5

My daughter used to be my mothers best little friend and then one
time she stopped wanting to go there and sleep over- they both
seperately told me about how when they came in from being outside my
daughter wanted to eat and she wanted cookies- grandma said no you
need to eat food first and my daughter yelled and ran off to another
room. She then listened to grandma talk and went and ate cereal.

I responded to my daughter that I would have been upset if I had
wanted to eat cookies and someone told me no- I told grandma that
sometimes I need sugar before eating food.

We all thought the issue was not a big deal BUT daughter would not
sleep over again

After about 6 months I asked her again why she did not want to sleep
over and she said about the cookies. I mentioned to grandma that she
needed to feel she could eat what she wanted.

So over christmas grandma let her know that she had special cookies
saved so that when she needed to eat cookies she could. later on the
way home my daughter said she would sleep over again.

my point is that grandpa could have been grumpy and talked grumpy in
a way that made her not want to go back.

Julie


--- In [email protected], "polykowholsteins"
<polykowholsteins@...> wrote:
>
> If she does not want to go she should not go. Period.
> And I would also try to find out what happened with MIL'd dh.
> Sounds like she does not even wnat to be there for a whole day.
> Alex
>
>
>
>
> --- In [email protected], "pionerlife"
> <pionerlife@> wrote:
> >
> > We have two girls- 7 and 4. About once every 5 or 6 weeks
grandma
> (my
> > husbands mom) call and asks to have the girls for a few days. It
is
> > normally for 2 or 3 days but one time it was for 5 days. My
oldest
> > daughter is having a hard time staying at grandmas for any
length of
> > time. This last time we dropped her off in the morning and I
hung
> out
> > at my MIL's for a bit- went to a doctors appt- came back for an
hour
> > or two then left to pick up my hubby so we could go to dinner
with
> my
> > mom. About 9pm my MIL called saying my 7 year old was crying and
> > saying she wanted to come home. I spoke with my daughter and
> said "Do
> > you want to come home" and she said yes so I said okay we will
come
> > get you. I didn't ask why. We just went and got her. For a few
weeks
> > she complained about my MIL's husband saying he was grouchy. I do
> > understand that- he can be. I just felt like something else was
> going
> > on. Now that I have been typing I feel like 5 days for her
without
> > seeing me and her dad was hard on her. It may have been pretty
scary
> > too. Ever since that time she hasn't wanted to stay at grandma's
for
> > very long. I'm wondering if there is anything my hubby and I can
do
> to
> > comfort her while she is gone. We have told her that she can
call
> home
> > anytime she wants- even at 2am in the morning. We have also told
her
> > that we will come and pick her up whenever she wants- no
questions
> > asked. Is there anything we're overlooking that we are not doing
and
> > should be?
> >
> > Thanks in advance for your help!
> >
>

Melissa Gray

I have two girls as well, and they go through phases....or should I
say, periods of time when things are different for them. They both
loved staying with my parents, they'd spent the night with friends,
etc, but when they turned seven, they would not go anywhere without
ME. It was very hard on my parents, who did take it personally. It
was hard on their friends (and their friends parents). It's taken two
years for my oldest to get back to where she *might* spend the night
*if* she has full guarantee that i will pick her up any time, day or
night. Never gone longer than 24 hours.

At one point she said that her friends dad yelled at one of the
animals, and it scared her, which is probably true. It was hard for
him, because he's very emotive, and it had never bothered her before.
And llamas are much more stubborn that people give them credit for.

Give it time, give her your unending support, and it will all work
out. Good luck.
Melissa
Mom to Joshua, Breanna, Emily, Rachel, Samuel, Daniel and Avari
Wife to Zane

blog me at
http://www.360.yahoo.com/multimomma



On Dec 31, 2007, at 11:30 AM, pionerlife wrote:

> We have two girls- 7 and 4. About once every 5 or 6 weeks grandma (my
> husbands mom) call and asks to have the girls for a few days. It is
> normally for 2 or 3 days but one time it was for 5 days. My oldest
> daughter is having a hard time staying at grandmas for any length of
> time. This last time we dropped her off in the morning and I hung out
> at my MIL's for a bit- went to a doctors appt- came back for an hour
> or two then left to pick up my hubby so we could go to dinner with my
> mom. About 9pm my MIL called saying my 7 year old was crying and
> saying she wanted to come home. I spoke with my daughter and said "Do
> you want to come home" and she said yes so I said okay we will come
> get you. I didn't ask why. We just went and got her. For a few weeks
> she complained about my MIL's husband saying he was grouchy. I do
> understand that- he can be. I just felt like something else was going
> on. Now that I have been typing I feel like 5 days for her without
> seeing me and her dad was hard on her. It may have been pretty scary
> too. Ever since that time she hasn't wanted to stay at grandma's for
> very long. I'm wondering if there is anything my hubby and I can do to
> comfort her while she is gone. We have told her that she can call home
> anytime she wants- even at 2am in the morning. We have also told her
> that we will come and pick her up whenever she wants- no questions
> asked. Is there anything we're overlooking that we are not doing and
> should be?
>
> Thanks in advance for your help!
>
>
>



[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

Vickisue Gray

I so totally agree with Alex!

Trust your dd's judgement. Hopefully she will eventually tell
you what happened. My daughter at that age wouldn't talk
about what happened at her dad's house until after she was
sure he was gone and she was safe from him. He had a bad
temper to put it mildly.

Vicki


----- Original Message ----
From: polykowholsteins <polykowholsteins@...>
To: [email protected]
Sent: Monday, December 31, 2007 11:53:19 PM
Subject: [unschoolingbasics] Re: Confused with daughter and grandma

If she does not want to go she should not go. Period.
And I would also try to find out what happened with MIL'd dh.
Sounds like she does not even wnat to be there for a whole day.
Alex

--- In unschoolingbasics@ yahoogroups. com, "pionerlife"
<pionerlife@ ...> wrote:
>
> We have two girls- 7 and 4. About once every 5 or 6 weeks grandma
(my
> husbands mom) call and asks to have the girls for a few days. It is
> normally for 2 or 3 days but one time it was for 5 days. My oldest
> daughter is having a hard time staying at grandmas for any length of
> time. This last time we dropped her off in the morning and I hung
out
> at my MIL's for a bit- went to a doctors appt- came back for an hour
> or two then left to pick up my hubby so we could go to dinner with
my
> mom. About 9pm my MIL called saying my 7 year old was crying and
> saying she wanted to come home. I spoke with my daughter and
said "Do
> you want to come home" and she said yes so I said okay we will come
> get you. I didn't ask why. We just went and got her. For a few weeks
> she complained about my MIL's husband saying he was grouchy. I do
> understand that- he can be. I just felt like something else was
going
> on. Now that I have been typing I feel like 5 days for her without
> seeing me and her dad was hard on her. It may have been pretty scary
> too. Ever since that time she hasn't wanted to stay at grandma's for
> very long. I'm wondering if there is anything my hubby and I can do
to
> comfort her while she is gone. We have told her that she can call
home
> anytime she wants- even at 2am in the morning. We have also told her
> that we will come and pick her up whenever she wants- no questions
> asked. Is there anything we're overlooking that we are not doing and
> should be?
>
> Thanks in advance for your help!
>





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[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

Nance Confer

unschoolingbasicsThis whole setup sounds strange to me. That is a long time for a young child to be away from home. And why does it have to be this way? Can't Gramma come and visit for a few hours? At the girls' invitation?

Nance

We have two girls- 7 and 4. About once every 5 or 6 weeks grandma (my
husbands mom) call and asks to have the girls for a few days. It is
normally for 2 or 3 days but one time it was for 5 days.


[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

Alison Broadbent

I see you appreciate that it may be scary for her and 5 days may be
pretty scary too. You go from there to what can you do to comfort
her while she's there. To me, there seems to be a gap that might be
a good place to look at. The gap that's in between, she's scared/
doesn't want to go......... and........ what can we do to comfort her
while she's gone.

Sometimes I don't allow the thing that's right in front of me to
guide me bc I'm programmed to expect a certain outcome. Would not
going to grandma's house bring up family disapproval that you
wouldn't want to deal with? You thought something else was going
on. Maybe opening up a conversation w/ your dd about her stay would
be helpful for her. Letting her know she never has to stay at
grandma's again ever might give her the sense of safety to open up
more about what it was like for her. At least she will know she can
trust you to take her feelings seriously. The idea that she has an
out only after she braves the scary thing can't feel very safe I
don't think.


Alison

Ren Allen

~~At least she will know she can
trust you to take her feelings seriously. The idea that she has an
out only after she braves the scary thing can't feel very safe I
don't think.~~

I agree.
Trying to find ways to help her be comfortable doing something she
doesn't want to do is not respectful. What she wants is to not spend
the night at all (at least that's how it sounds).

Ren
learninginfreedom.com