Rebecca De Hate

OK unschoolers , May not be something you can answer but may be
able to lead me ...

I feel absolutely crazy??!!! why?? because I agree with the
unschoolers thoughts, 'beliefs' etc. however ...

Let me try to explain,

Spanking -- know it isn't a solution -- but find myself doing it...
Please my 20 month old doesn't deserve this, what am I teaching
him -- to Hit -- duh but get so frustrated I react.. wrong
reaction.... what can I do to not get so frustrated -- his whining,
stomping feet, screaming (which I'm sure he's learned from me --
another issue...) is his frustration on not being able to get me to
understand him -- or me blatantly not responding....

screaming, yelling --- geez I don't like it done to me so... sure
I've always had a quick temper etc, etc. etec, excuses, excuses ,
excuses....

I know I'm learning to unlearn all my bad behavior but I'm so
frustrated with myself!!! would I like to be hit every time I'm
sassy or frustrated, or upset,... do I want to be yelled at when I
make mistakes, etc. NOOO

I'm trying to get my yoga in at least once a week for stress,
spiritual and relaxation purposes. I try to give thanks and
gratitude everyday for my lessons and children, I try to take time
to meditate and be mindful... It just doesn't seem to be enough...

I really want for a consensual, loving, home and I feel I am coming
up shy... help anyone

[email protected]

Try here for helpful suggestions:


http://groups.yahoo.com/group/NoMoreSpanking/

~Kelly

Kelly Lovejoy
Conference Coordinator
Live and Learn Unschooling Conference
http://www.LiveandLearnConference.org

-----Original Message-----
From: Rebecca De Hate <rebeccadehate@...>
To: [email protected]


OK unschoolers , May not be something you can answer but may be
able to lead me ...

I feel absolutely crazy??!!! why?? because I agree with the
unschoolers thoughts, 'beliefs' etc. however ...

Let me try to explain,

Spanking -- know it isn't a solution -- but find myself doing it...
Please my 20 month old doesn't deserve this, what am I teaching
him -- to Hit -- duh but get so frustrated I react.. wrong
reaction.... what can I do to not get so frustrated -- his whining,
stomping feet, screaming (which I'm sure he's learned from me --
another issue...) is his frustration on not being able to get me to
understand him -- or me blatantly not responding....

screaming, yelling --- geez I don't like it done to me so... sure
I've always had a quick temper etc, etc. etec, excuses, excuses ,
excuses....

I know I'm learning to unlearn all my bad behavior but I'm so
frustrated with myself!!! would I like to be hit every time I'm
sassy or frustrated, or upset,... do I want to be yelled at when I
make mistakes, etc. NOOO

I'm trying to get my yoga in at least once a week for stress,
spiritual and relaxation purposes. I try to give thanks and
gratitude everyday for my lessons and children, I try to take time
to meditate and be mindful... It just doesn't seem to be enough...

I really want for a consensual, loving, home and I feel I am coming
up shy... help anyone

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carenkh

Rebecca -

It *does* take a lot of work to overcome all that programming and old
ways of doing things. One thing that helped me when I started
parenting was to commit to *never* hitting my child. Say it out loud.
Write it down. It ceases to be an option. I remember having to bite my
own hand once to keep from hitting! Ya know what? It worked in that
moment.

And breathing is SO important! When I found myself feeling angry or
frustrated, I could take 3 DEEP, SLOW breaths, and it helped so much
with getting centered, not taking action from that crazy place. If I
forgot, I forgave myself, and remembered the next time. Then it became
a habit - one worth working on.

I think it's important to remember, the lowest ebb is the turn of the
tide; it's when things seem at their lowest point that they are truly
beginning to change. Hang in there! There's lots of support for not
spanking out there - Kelly mentioned the one yahoo group, I believe
there are others.

Here are a couple articles from Natural Child.org:
http://www.naturalchild.org/jan_hunt/tenreasons.html
http://www.naturalchild.org/alice_miller/spanking.html

It sounds like from your previous posts, that your parents may have
been a little controlling and judgmental - kudos to you for breaking
free of that pattern. Do you have friends you can call, when you're
feeling particularly frustrated and angry? My early parenting years
were filled with teary phone calls to friends (that I had met in La
Leche League) when I was feeling overwhelmed. Friends that parented
respectfully and mindfully, but understood where I was coming from,
and didn't judge me for it. Seek those friends out!

Blessings to you ~
Caren

rebecca de

Thank you for your response!! and not judging me... this group was my help and what you said helps... I will do what you suggested. I think the biggest thing is forgiving myself here. and yes your right my parents were controlling and judgemental (but they don't think they are tee hee). I will check these websites out for sure!!!

carenkh <carenkh@...> wrote: Rebecca -

It *does* take a lot of work to overcome all that programming and old
ways of doing things. One thing that helped me when I started
parenting was to commit to *never* hitting my child. Say it out loud.
Write it down. It ceases to be an option. I remember having to bite my
own hand once to keep from hitting! Ya know what? It worked in that
moment.

And breathing is SO important! When I found myself feeling angry or
frustrated, I could take 3 DEEP, SLOW breaths, and it helped so much
with getting centered, not taking action from that crazy place. If I
forgot, I forgave myself, and remembered the next time. Then it became
a habit - one worth working on.

I think it's important to remember, the lowest ebb is the turn of the
tide; it's when things seem at their lowest point that they are truly
beginning to change. Hang in there! There's lots of support for not
spanking out there - Kelly mentioned the one yahoo group, I believe
there are others.

Here are a couple articles from Natural Child.org:
http://www.naturalchild.org/jan_hunt/tenreasons.html
http://www.naturalchild.org/alice_miller/spanking.html

It sounds like from your previous posts, that your parents may have
been a little controlling and judgmental - kudos to you for breaking
free of that pattern. Do you have friends you can call, when you're
feeling particularly frustrated and angry? My early parenting years
were filled with teary phone calls to friends (that I had met in La
Leche League) when I was feeling overwhelmed. Friends that parented
respectfully and mindfully, but understood where I was coming from,
and didn't judge me for it. Seek those friends out!

Blessings to you ~
Caren






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