melissa_hice

I need some advice in regard to my 5 year old son. Many times he
gets very frustrated with me. For instance, he wanted me to tie his
robe on him this morning, but no matter how I tried to tie it, it
just wasn't right for him. He ended up crying and getting really
mad. I was at a loss because I couldn't understand what he wanted.
The same thing happened time and again yesterday. The string he
wanted me to cut was not EXACTLY the length he wanted even if I cut
right where he put his finger. I didn't tear off the right length of
tape for him. Last night I didn't pat his back exactly in the right
way, no matter how I adjusted my hand pressure, position, etc.
Sunday, during church, he was coloring in a coloring book on my lap
and he wanted me to hold onto the coloring book in a way that was
physically impossible. I ended up having to take him out in the
foyer because he started complaining and crying loudly. I try so
hard to accommodate him as much as possible, but it seems like no
matter what I do, it just isn't "right" for him. Okay, as I am
typing this, he wants to be in my lap, but my legs have to be "just
right" and it's not working. I am sure, even though I try to keep my
voice calm, he can sense my frustration. It seems that most of the
time, these episodes happen when he is either tired or not feeling
completely up to par. If he is tired or not feeling well, we can't
get past him being upset at me to find out what I can do to help him
feel better. He is insistant that I do these things for him, but
then I can't do it to his specifications. I talk to him about doing
these things for himself that I can't do like he wants me to but then
he cries - loudly! Any suggestions? Any insights as to what I am
doing wrong here?

Melissa

Debra Rossing

You're not doing anything wrong. It can be really really hard to be 5
and not feel comfortable (tired, hungry, whatever) AND not be able to
explain what it is you need, maybe not even KNOW what it is you need,
just that you need *something*. There have been times with DS where I'll
just take a breath and say "I'm sorry I can't get this right. It must be
really hard being you right now. Let's just go sit together and see if
we can figure this out" Also, being really really proactive about things
like noticing when he's getting tired, hungry, overwhelmed by sight,
sound, smell, etc is critical. Leaving the church auditorium *before* it
gets to the loud and awkward stage where you're both upset, for
instance. In that sort of situation, I'll give it one re-do (that is,
I'll hold the book and take one correction to see if it'll work), after
that I'll just say (or whisper) "Let's go sit <out in the foyer or
wherever> so we can talk about this easier" and we up and go out to
where we can speak in normal tones (not whispering or gesturing).
Sometimes simply changing the venue is what is needed (particularly in a
place where there's perhaps loud music, people speaking via microphones,
lots of other people, possibly early in the morning, etc). Over time, DS
(he's 9 1/2 now) has come to know and Trust that I will do whatever is
in my power to do to help him - with that (and time) has come his
ability to handle the situation more calmly before exploding *because*
he knows he is being Heard.

While you were typing and he wanted to be in your lap, odds are what he
wanted was YOU, your full attention. Nothing short of that would work no
matter how you rearranged your lap. The only thing for it is to stash
the message someplace, give him your full attention, and send the
message later. He needs to feel filled to the brim of Mommy before he'll
be able to move on. When he's not feeling up to par, his cup of Mommy
runs low a lot quicker - and for that matter, with my DS, his
frustration tolerance drops as well - so he needs more direct Mommy
attention (note that in the church setting your attention is divided
also).

Deb

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wisdomalways5

lol- oh my God- i knew there was another child just like mine----

we call her the movie director because she wants things just so- she
will say
not that face make this one
don't do this do this
you didnot do the same thing exactly the same twice
do not rub me like that but like this

everything has to be just right- she is a movie director- she will
now call herself that and say "but I am the movie director"- I COULD
have told her to stop being so picky and make do but that is not
her. She is picky and that is ok-

when she helps with the dishes she has to put the silverwear in
groups- forks, spoons, knifes- I have never seen anyone do that

I just let her be her and try to get things exactly how she wants
it. If I do not I say "opps" how can we fix that. She is getting
better about not being picky at everything but she is stil the movie
director- she is four and a half.

I think the more you try to do things just like your son wants the
more mellow he will get- still picky though-

my mom will go to great lengths to "create" the sort of picture she
sees in her head -yard-house-- and I realized that my daughter does
the same thing (heaven help us) she is creating what she "sees" and
though we may not see a point they do.

Julie


--- In [email protected], "melissa_hice" <mhice@...>
wrote:
>
> I need some advice in regard to my 5 year old son. Many times he
> gets very frustrated with me. For instance, he wanted me to tie
his
> robe on him this morning, but no matter how I tried to tie it, it
> just wasn't right for him. He ended up crying and getting really
> mad. I was at a loss because I couldn't understand what he
wanted.
> The same thing happened time and again yesterday. The string he
> wanted me to cut was not EXACTLY the length he wanted even if I
cut
> right where he put his finger. I didn't tear off the right length
of
> tape for him. Last night I didn't pat his back exactly in the
right
> way, no matter how I adjusted my hand pressure, position, etc.
> Sunday, during church, he was coloring in a coloring book on my
lap
> and he wanted me to hold onto the coloring book in a way that was
> physically impossible. I ended up having to take him out in the
> foyer because he started complaining and crying loudly. I try so
> hard to accommodate him as much as possible, but it seems like no
> matter what I do, it just isn't "right" for him. Okay, as I am
> typing this, he wants to be in my lap, but my legs have to
be "just
> right" and it's not working. I am sure, even though I try to keep
my
> voice calm, he can sense my frustration. It seems that most of
the
> time, these episodes happen when he is either tired or not feeling
> completely up to par. If he is tired or not feeling well, we
can't
> get past him being upset at me to find out what I can do to help
him
> feel better. He is insistant that I do these things for him, but
> then I can't do it to his specifications. I talk to him about
doing
> these things for himself that I can't do like he wants me to but
then
> he cries - loudly! Any suggestions? Any insights as to what I am
> doing wrong here?
>
> Melissa
>

Amanda Horein

I look forward to the responses. I had a day like this with my youngest
yesterday.

--
Amanda
Wife to Roger (nearly 10 years)
Mum to Marti (7) and Lilly (4)
Babysitter to Stella (3)
http://whatmykidstaughtme.blogspot.com/

Since we can't know what knowledge will be most needed in the future, it is
senseless to try to teach it in advance. Instead, we should try to turn out
people who love learning so much and learn so well that they will be able to
learn whatever needs to be learned

� John Holt


[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

melissa_hice

--- In [email protected], "Debra Rossing"
<debra.rossing@...> wrote:
>
> You're not doing anything wrong. It can be really really hard to be
5
> and not feel comfortable (tired, hungry, whatever) AND not be able
to
> explain what it is you need, maybe not even KNOW what it is you
need,
> just that you need *something*.


I hadn't thought of it in terms of how hard it must be for him. He
does have problems communicating sometimes (difficulty thinking up
the words) probably due to tons of ear infections especially early in
life (first major ear infection was at 4 weeks!). And, you are
right, I think lots of times he doesn't really know what it is that
he needs.

***********************
There have been times with DS where I'll
> just take a breath and say "I'm sorry I can't get this right. It
must be
> really hard being you right now. Let's just go sit together and see
if
> we can figure this out"


I think that would be a much better approach than what I have been
doing. I'm going to try this.

************************

Also, being really really proactive about things
> like noticing when he's getting tired, hungry, overwhelmed by sight,
> sound, smell, etc is critical. Leaving the church auditorium
*before* it
> gets to the loud and awkward stage where you're both upset, for
> instance.

Great advice! I think if I had been more attentive to him, I would
notice these things before things escalated. I'll be on the lookout
now for the "early warning signs!"

***********************************
In that sort of situation, I'll give it one re-do (that is,
> I'll hold the book and take one correction to see if it'll work),
after
> that I'll just say (or whisper) "Let's go sit <out in the foyer or
> wherever> so we can talk about this easier" and we up and go out to
> where we can speak in normal tones (not whispering or gesturing).
> Sometimes simply changing the venue is what is needed (particularly
in a
> place where there's perhaps loud music, people speaking via
microphones,
> lots of other people, possibly early in the morning, etc).


I think that would also be a good approach especially in situations
like church or other public places where he is expected to be quiet.

****************************8

While you were typing and he wanted to be in your lap, odds are what
he
> wanted was YOU, your full attention. Nothing short of that would
work no
> matter how you rearranged your lap. The only thing for it is to
stash
> the message someplace, give him your full attention, and send the
> message later. He needs to feel filled to the brim of Mommy before
he'll
> be able to move on.

Now that I read that, it is very obvious that what he needed was some
Mommy time.

**********************************
When he's not feeling up to par, his cup of Mommy
> runs low a lot quicker - and for that matter, with my DS, his
> frustration tolerance drops as well - so he needs more direct Mommy
> attention (note that in the church setting your attention is divided
> also).
>

Of course! Sometimes it is so hard to see things through his eyes.
I think in terms of how things are to me, and forget that things are
very different for a 5 year old.

Thanks so much for your wonderful insights, Deb.

Melissa

>
>
>
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> intended solely for the use of the individual or entity to whom they
> are addressed. If you have received this email in error please
notify
> the system manager.
>
> This footnote also confirms that this email message has been swept
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>
>
>
>
> [Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
>

Ulrike Haupt

hi
you wrote:

when she helps with the dishes she has to put the silverwear in
groups- forks, spoons, knifes- I have never seen anyone do that

I have been doing that as long as I can remember. Also with hanging the
washing on the line, underwear with underwear, socks with socks, shirts with
shirts etc. I just feels right/good that way.

Blissings
Ulrike

[email protected]

In a message dated 11/29/2007 1:43:48 P.M. Pacific Standard Time,
rica@... writes:


when she helps with the dishes she has to put the silverwear in
groups- forks, spoons, knifes- I have never seen anyone do that


______________

That reminders me of my SPD kids and myself :)

Karen



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products.
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[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

[email protected]

-----Original Message-----
From: wisdomalways5 <wisdom1133@...>
To: [email protected]


when she helps with the dishes she has to put the silverwear in
groups- forks, spoons, knifes- I have never seen anyone do that


-=-=-=-=-

In the dishwasher? Me too. <G>

So now you "know of" two of us. <bwg>



~Kelly

Kelly Lovejoy
Conference Coordinator
Live and Learn Unschooling Conference
http://www.LiveandLearnConference.org



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Debra Rossing

You're welcome - having BTDT with DS for 9 1/2 years now, I can look
back and see where things were and where they are and I know that it can
get better for you over time. We even do things like "let's get a drink
of water then talk" because sometimes even being under-hydrated can
affect DS' ability to communicate and cooperate on reaching a solution
to the situation. It wasn't overnight, but over time he's learned how
certain things feel inside himself and with our help to connect the dots
sometimes, he can say "I'm having a hard time choosing right now - I'll
go get a drink of water and see if that helps" or "I think I need some
protein right now" (and take himself off to the kitchen).

Deb


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[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

wisdomalways5

sorry- yes in the dishwasher- she groups them- I could not figure
out what she was doing- she told me no more would fit in a slot and
then when I looked she was sorting them-

so nice I can tell her other people do it too. ha ha ha

Julie


--- In [email protected], kbcdlovejo@... wrote:
>
> -----Original Message-----
> From: wisdomalways5 <wisdom1133@...>
> To: [email protected]
>
>
> when she helps with the dishes she has to put the silverwear in
> groups- forks, spoons, knifes- I have never seen anyone do that
>
>
> -=-=-=-=-
>
> In the dishwasher? Me too. <G>
>
> So now you "know of" two of us. <bwg>
>
>
>
> ~Kelly
>
> Kelly Lovejoy
> Conference Coordinator
> Live and Learn Unschooling Conference
> http://www.LiveandLearnConference.org
>
>
>
>
_____________________________________________________________________
___
> More new features than ever. Check out the new AOL Mail ! -
> http://o.aolcdn.com/cdn.webmail.aol.com/mailtour/aol/en-
us/text.htm?ncid=aolcmp00050000000003
>

Laurie Wolfrum

My son (now six) was very specific about how things
HAD to be (room arrangement when using the bathroom -
okay, he still does this, but to a lesser extent,
drawing - he now is more accepting of our tries to do
what he is asking, etc). Even when doing certain
things he did each day (use bathroom for pooping),
there was a sort of specific cleanliness/order he had
to have or he could not go ...oh, and I usually had to
be in the room with him, but had to stand a little
closer or farther or whatever. Must say that this was
definitely time when he and I really talked and
connected...mostly I just listened. He had all my
attention unless I had the baby with me. That first
year when she was an infant - one year old was
challenging because he wanted just me and it was
difficult to meet both of their needs at once - we
finally did figure out ways that were acceptable most
of the time. And he had the same issues with things
he would ask me to help him with (drawing is what I
remember the most) that I apparently could not
complete the way he wanted them. It was frustrating
for me as I wanted to help. We somehow moved out of
that stage ...for the most part. He now understands
that we try our best and that sometimes we draw just
what he hoped and that sometimes we don't quite get it
"right" and that we can try again on a new sheet of
paper (but it still has to be a "new" sheet of paper
for him...usually the paper cannot have any writing on
the other side. The rest of the family is okay with
using the other side of the paper). I wish so much I
could say what helped to get to this point. Maybe
time or maturity? I don't know. But all is not lost
as each of us go through stages and he might be going
through one that is challenging for you both. Just be
the best partner you can be..intentions and doing your
best count alot! Laurie


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navinmouse

Hi everyone. I'm new to the group here & new to unschool/homeschool. We're pretty eclectic where we do a mix of life/ipad/worksheets. I have a 4 yr old boy and a 6 yr old boy.

I won't go into my entire history, but we did choose homeschooling after 1 year of public K5, adhd meds, etc. We are med free now (have been for just about a year).

My 6 year old is our dynamo explorer and the reason for this post.

I'll keep the rest as short and to the point as I can. :)

Tonight after dinner, I had my macbook on the kitchen table. The boys were finishing up their milk and I was doing a bit of scheduling for outings over the rest of the month. I reminded the boys to mind their milks because my computer was on the table. My husband called for me, I left the room for maybe 20 seconds and came back to milk poured on my computer. The 4 yr old said that the 6 yr old poured it on. I sent 6 to his room, did what I could with my computer (yes, I yelled, yes, I swore). I went upstairs to talk to him and he did admit that he poured it on on purpose.

I'm at a loss this evening. My husband and I cannot for the life of us figure out WHY he would do that?! He understands that he is no longer permitted to use his computer, ipad, or any electronics (minus TV) at this point until we come to some sort of understanding.

I know things will be "just fine" and he will be very helpful without asking for quite a few days and then as he earns his privileges back, he will go back to misbehaving and getting into trouble.

He did apologize for what he did, I forgave him and apologized for getting so upset.

Where do i go from here? Should we just move on?

Thank you for being here and lending an ear.

Joyce Fetteroll

On Oct 7, 2012, at 8:57 PM, navinmouse wrote:

> My husband and I cannot for the life of us figure out WHY he would do that?!

Anger over something you've done? Jealousy?

Or maybe curiosity with lack of impulse control to see if what you were worried about was true or not. Do you make statements often that suggest something bad might happen?

> He understands that he is no longer permitted to use his computer, ipad, or any electronics (minus TV) at this point until we come to some sort of understanding.

If he did it for one of the above reasons, will that help? Will it make him less angry? Will he feel more paid attention to? Will he be less curious?

> I reminded the boys to mind their milks because my computer was on the table.

You were well aware that spilling was a possibility, but then you left the iPad on the table.

The problem with rules -- and instructions and warnings -- is they're essentially remote parenting. The parent expects the child to hold the rule in their head as if it were the parent watching over them and obey that figment of a parent. It's leaving the parenting up to the child.

If you knew the child wasn't up to it, why do so? (Don't answer that here. It's for you to think about.) If you knew a baby sitter wasn't reliable, why would you trust her to watch over your kids? Why would you think instructions would change her?

> I know things will be "just fine" and he will be very helpful without asking for quite a few days and then as he earns his privileges back, he will go back to misbehaving and getting into trouble.

Why is he misbehaving? What is he getting into trouble about?

What rules do you have that he has problems following? If he's showing he can't follow them, you're in essence setting him up to fail. It may feel to him like a daily test to see if he's still a failure.


> He did apologize for what he did, I forgave him and apologized for getting so upset.
>
> Where do i go from here? Should we just move on?

What's your goal? Is it to train him? Or change him?

You've come to a list where the help is oriented towards building relationships and being a child's partner. That's the goal the advice will be directed toward. It will be to help him succeed. If he has difficulties acting on impulses, then it's not something he can control just yet. It would be like punishing him for not walking until he's developmentally ready.

If he has difficulties, then adjust the environment so there's less he can damage when he can't control impulses.

If instead he's angry or jealous, adjust the environment and how you are with him so he doesn't have things to be angry about.

Joyce




[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

[email protected]

They are 4 and 6. You put a computer on the table, mentioned spilling milk and walked away. What did you expect would happen?

I just walked out to the living room and told DH the first part of the story and asked him what he thought would happen.

He asked why you didn't put the computer up somewhere or take it away with you? He knew what would/could happen.

And, of course, it did happen.

This is not about a misbehaving child. This is about having some expectation that what you want to happen will happen, that small children have an adult level of understanding and self-control, that childproofing a house ends when the kids are out of diapers.

If you set a temptation in the path of a 4 or 6 year old, do not be surprised if they succumb to that temptation. Not out of malice or misbehavior. Out of simple curiosity or playfulness.

Nance


--- In [email protected], "navinmouse" <cj53037@...> wrote:
>
> Hi everyone. I'm new to the group here & new to unschool/homeschool. We're pretty eclectic where we do a mix of life/ipad/worksheets. I have a 4 yr old boy and a 6 yr old boy.
>
> I won't go into my entire history, but we did choose homeschooling after 1 year of public K5, adhd meds, etc. We are med free now (have been for just about a year).
>
> My 6 year old is our dynamo explorer and the reason for this post.
>
> I'll keep the rest as short and to the point as I can. :)
>
> Tonight after dinner, I had my macbook on the kitchen table. The boys were finishing up their milk and I was doing a bit of scheduling for outings over the rest of the month. I reminded the boys to mind their milks because my computer was on the table. My husband called for me, I left the room for maybe 20 seconds and came back to milk poured on my computer. The 4 yr old said that the 6 yr old poured it on. I sent 6 to his room, did what I could with my computer (yes, I yelled, yes, I swore). I went upstairs to talk to him and he did admit that he poured it on on purpose.
>
> I'm at a loss this evening. My husband and I cannot for the life of us figure out WHY he would do that?! He understands that he is no longer permitted to use his computer, ipad, or any electronics (minus TV) at this point until we come to some sort of understanding.
>
> I know things will be "just fine" and he will be very helpful without asking for quite a few days and then as he earns his privileges back, he will go back to misbehaving and getting into trouble.
>
> He did apologize for what he did, I forgave him and apologized for getting so upset.
>
> Where do i go from here? Should we just move on?
>
> Thank you for being here and lending an ear.
>

Carrie Kinnard

Thank you Joyce. The last part of your msg really hit home.

> You've come to a list where the help is oriented towards building
relationships and being a child's partner. That's the goal the advice will
be directed toward. It will be to help him succeed. If he has difficulties
acting on impulses, then it's not something he can control just yet. It
would be like punishing him for not walking until he's developmentally
ready.

> If he has difficulties, then adjust the environment so there's less he
can damage when he can't control impulses.

> If instead he's angry or jealous, adjust the environment and how you are
with him so he doesn't have things to be angry about.

The changes will continue here. He acts on impulse 50% of the time, so it
can be pretty intense. I feel as though there are times where I'm not
spending as much time with my 4 yr old BECAUSE I need to spend that much
more time with my 6 yr old.

We'll continue down the road we have been. Thanks.

On Sun, Oct 7, 2012 at 10:26 PM, Joyce Fetteroll <jfetteroll@...>wrote:

> **
>
>
>
> On Oct 7, 2012, at 8:57 PM, navinmouse wrote:
>
> > My husband and I cannot for the life of us figure out WHY he would do
> that?!
>
> Anger over something you've done? Jealousy?
>
> Or maybe curiosity with lack of impulse control to see if what you were
> worried about was true or not. Do you make statements often that suggest
> something bad might happen?
>
>
> > He understands that he is no longer permitted to use his computer, ipad,
> or any electronics (minus TV) at this point until we come to some sort of
> understanding.
>
> If he did it for one of the above reasons, will that help? Will it make
> him less angry? Will he feel more paid attention to? Will he be less
> curious?
>
>
> > I reminded the boys to mind their milks because my computer was on the
> table.
>
> You were well aware that spilling was a possibility, but then you left the
> iPad on the table.
>
> The problem with rules -- and instructions and warnings -- is they're
> essentially remote parenting. The parent expects the child to hold the rule
> in their head as if it were the parent watching over them and obey that
> figment of a parent. It's leaving the parenting up to the child.
>
> If you knew the child wasn't up to it, why do so? (Don't answer that here.
> It's for you to think about.) If you knew a baby sitter wasn't reliable,
> why would you trust her to watch over your kids? Why would you think
> instructions would change her?
>
>
> > I know things will be "just fine" and he will be very helpful without
> asking for quite a few days and then as he earns his privileges back, he
> will go back to misbehaving and getting into trouble.
>
> Why is he misbehaving? What is he getting into trouble about?
>
> What rules do you have that he has problems following? If he's showing he
> can't follow them, you're in essence setting him up to fail. It may feel to
> him like a daily test to see if he's still a failure.
>
>
> > He did apologize for what he did, I forgave him and apologized for
> getting so upset.
> >
> > Where do i go from here? Should we just move on?
>
> What's your goal? Is it to train him? Or change him?
>
> You've come to a list where the help is oriented towards building
> relationships and being a child's partner. That's the goal the advice will
> be directed toward. It will be to help him succeed. If he has difficulties
> acting on impulses, then it's not something he can control just yet. It
> would be like punishing him for not walking until he's developmentally
> ready.
>
> If he has difficulties, then adjust the environment so there's less he can
> damage when he can't control impulses.
>
> If instead he's angry or jealous, adjust the environment and how you are
> with him so he doesn't have things to be angry about.
>
> Joyce
>
> [Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
>
>
>


[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

fundayeveryday

Probably would have removed the computer from the table before leaving the room, but thats hindsight.
However, maybe he sees the computer as a "thing" that separates you from them- maybe he has
frustrations about you and that "thing" being together more than you and him. Maybe he wanted to
destroy the 'thing' that keeps you from them- don't know how much you use the computer in their
presence...just thinking about what my kids would be thinking!  Young kids also don't understand the
sensitivity of electronics.. meaning their value and how easily they can be totally and permanantly
damaged. Sounds like frustration????  I'm thinking a little bit more postive attention in his direction will make him feel better,
unless he is going through a phase of destruction!  Good luck..
btw..he did apologize,,,that's huge..shows his true character, beyond a moment of frustration.

From: navinmouse <cj53037@...>
To: [email protected]
Sent: Sunday, October 7, 2012 8:57 PM
Subject: [unschoolingbasics] Need Advice

 
Hi everyone. I'm new to the group here & new to unschool/homeschool. We're pretty eclectic where we do a mix of life/ipad/worksheets. I have a 4 yr old boy and a 6 yr old boy.

I won't go into my entire history, but we did choose homeschooling after 1 year of public K5, adhd meds, etc. We are med free now (have been for just about a year).

My 6 year old is our dynamo explorer and the reason for this post.

I'll keep the rest as short and to the point as I can. :)

Tonight after dinner, I had my macbook on the kitchen table. The boys were finishing up their milk and I was doing a bit of scheduling for outings over the rest of the month. I reminded the boys to mind their milks because my computer was on the table. My husband called for me, I left the room for maybe 20 seconds and came back to milk poured on my computer. The 4 yr old said that the 6 yr old poured it on. I sent 6 to his room, did what I could with my computer (yes, I yelled, yes, I swore). I went upstairs to talk to him and he did admit that he poured it on on purpose.

I'm at a loss this evening. My husband and I cannot for the life of us figure out WHY he would do that?! He understands that he is no longer permitted to use his computer, ipad, or any electronics (minus TV) at this point until we come to some sort of understanding.

I know things will be "just fine" and he will be very helpful without asking for quite a few days and then as he earns his privileges back, he will go back to misbehaving and getting into trouble.

He did apologize for what he did, I forgave him and apologized for getting so upset.

Where do i go from here? Should we just move on?

Thank you for being here and lending an ear.




[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

Meredith

Carrie Kinnard <cj53037@...> wrote:
>I feel as though there are times where I'm not
> spending as much time with my 4 yr old BECAUSE I need to spend that much
> more time with my 6 yr old.

People are different - they have different needs, they grow and learn different things at different rates. My stepson needed waaaaaay more attention than my daughter - and he's older by 8 years! That's one of the problems with tying expectations to age.

>> I reminded the boys to mind their milks because my computer
was on the table.
**************

Your 6yo Did mind his milk - he was fascinated by the question of what milk had to do with the computer. That's how some people explore the world, by trying things, mixing things up, taking things apart, making unlikely combinations. If you can shift your thinking a little and see him as curious, creative, and full of wonder, you'll have a much better time both in terms of predicting his behavior (oh, better not leave That out...) and in terms of your responses when he, once again, manages to find the most unique, creative answer to the questions "what happens if?"

---Meredith

Carrie Kinnard

Meredith you are so right on with the predicting. I do that most of the
time :) This was one of those, oh everything will be fine for just a
second. (went to get the drain plug from the kitchen to hand it to my
husband in the bathroom. our house is small!) At any rate, what's done is
done. Everyone apologized and well, I am hardly on the computer today!
(kids are napping now)

I really appreciate all you ladies to take the time to help and give needed
advice and different points of view!!

THANK YOU! :D

On Mon, Oct 8, 2012 at 12:41 PM, Meredith <plaidpanties666@...> wrote:

> **
>
>
> Carrie Kinnard <cj53037@...> wrote:
> >I feel as though there are times where I'm not
> > spending as much time with my 4 yr old BECAUSE I need to spend that much
> > more time with my 6 yr old.
>
> People are different - they have different needs, they grow and learn
> different things at different rates. My stepson needed waaaaaay more
> attention than my daughter - and he's older by 8 years! That's one of the
> problems with tying expectations to age.
>
> >> I reminded the boys to mind their milks because my computer
> was on the table.
> **************
>
> Your 6yo Did mind his milk - he was fascinated by the question of what
> milk had to do with the computer. That's how some people explore the world,
> by trying things, mixing things up, taking things apart, making unlikely
> combinations. If you can shift your thinking a little and see him as
> curious, creative, and full of wonder, you'll have a much better time both
> in terms of predicting his behavior (oh, better not leave That out...) and
> in terms of your responses when he, once again, manages to find the most
> unique, creative answer to the questions "what happens if?"
>
> ---Meredith
>
>
>


[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]