Re: [unschoolingbasics] Re: You don't make them-another book
Cameron Parham
I'd like to suggest another book here. It has a rather unfortunate title, The Explosive Child,
but it is a lovely plan to get a family onto a consensual path. It is so hard for people to realize how ingrained the 'might makes right' stance is in our lives. So hard for parents who mean to love and hear their children to realize how often when parents say they want to hear a child, it's really just to lure them into a discussion that ends up showing the child how the parent is right and the parent's agenda must be followed.
This book helps guide parents into a simple 'decision tree' which helps the parent more clearly hear the child, and actually work out a true joint decision or solution to a problem. It is filled with assurances that this can truly be accomplished without all those parental fears of the child 'taking over and being in charge' coming true. The author is clearly very respectful of all humans of all ages. I think the book got its title because the author's theory (seems good to me!) is that many explosions/behavior problems/apparent ADD, etc are really simply a very frusrated child who feels unheard. The author is delightful, although he makes no references to unschooling or consensual living literature. He writes like a 'professional' who through his own practice, and thought, and real respect has figured out some very important things and wants to share them. Though at the start the book appears to focus on severly explosive kids, as the book
unfolds it is apparent that his stance is important to all families.
This is a great resource to use if getting started on consensual living is scarey to a parent. The decision schema is easy to comprehend: Plan A is the child must do as the parent wants. Plan B is real discussion, real listening, practicing empathy and how to find genuinely consensual decisions. Plan C is parent lets go of outcome; it's not a high priority right now. There is a good exploration of how to stop pretend plan B's which are really disguised plan A's. A good chapter on how to help a child who's having trouble even knowing what she'd like to say. And a very good section addressing the inevitable argument of "How can I take time for that?"
There is no book on earth that can speak to everyone who picks it up, of course. But it is a very good book. I wish most parents read it! I wish my parents had! Cameron
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but it is a lovely plan to get a family onto a consensual path. It is so hard for people to realize how ingrained the 'might makes right' stance is in our lives. So hard for parents who mean to love and hear their children to realize how often when parents say they want to hear a child, it's really just to lure them into a discussion that ends up showing the child how the parent is right and the parent's agenda must be followed.
This book helps guide parents into a simple 'decision tree' which helps the parent more clearly hear the child, and actually work out a true joint decision or solution to a problem. It is filled with assurances that this can truly be accomplished without all those parental fears of the child 'taking over and being in charge' coming true. The author is clearly very respectful of all humans of all ages. I think the book got its title because the author's theory (seems good to me!) is that many explosions/behavior problems/apparent ADD, etc are really simply a very frusrated child who feels unheard. The author is delightful, although he makes no references to unschooling or consensual living literature. He writes like a 'professional' who through his own practice, and thought, and real respect has figured out some very important things and wants to share them. Though at the start the book appears to focus on severly explosive kids, as the book
unfolds it is apparent that his stance is important to all families.
This is a great resource to use if getting started on consensual living is scarey to a parent. The decision schema is easy to comprehend: Plan A is the child must do as the parent wants. Plan B is real discussion, real listening, practicing empathy and how to find genuinely consensual decisions. Plan C is parent lets go of outcome; it's not a high priority right now. There is a good exploration of how to stop pretend plan B's which are really disguised plan A's. A good chapter on how to help a child who's having trouble even knowing what she'd like to say. And a very good section addressing the inevitable argument of "How can I take time for that?"
There is no book on earth that can speak to everyone who picks it up, of course. But it is a very good book. I wish most parents read it! I wish my parents had! Cameron
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Pamela Sorooshian
On Oct 2, 2007, at 7:59 AM, Cameron Parham wrote:
had one, in particular, who was especially "explosive" and this book
really helped me get some perspective and to make super beneficial
changes in my parenting of her (this was before we were unschooling).
She is now a delightful young woman of 20 years old and people have a
hard time believing it when I say that there were a few years when my
most fervent dream was to ever get through a day (one day) without
her having a major meltdown.
If I only knew then what I know now .... <G>
-pam
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> I'd like to suggest another book here. It has a rather unfortunateI second the suggestion of this book. It helped me tremendously. I
> title, The Explosive Child,
> but it is a lovely plan to get a family onto a consensual path.
had one, in particular, who was especially "explosive" and this book
really helped me get some perspective and to make super beneficial
changes in my parenting of her (this was before we were unschooling).
She is now a delightful young woman of 20 years old and people have a
hard time believing it when I say that there were a few years when my
most fervent dream was to ever get through a day (one day) without
her having a major meltdown.
If I only knew then what I know now .... <G>
-pam
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Susan
Cameron Parham wrote:
conversations in the related threads, but didn't catch the title of
the other book that was mentioned first (the one that prompted Cameron
to suggest the Explosive Child). Can someone please tell me what it
was?
Thanks!
~ Susan
> I'd like to suggest another book here. It has a rather unfortunate title, The Explosive ChildI have this book on my wish list! I scanned through the previous
conversations in the related threads, but didn't catch the title of
the other book that was mentioned first (the one that prompted Cameron
to suggest the Explosive Child). Can someone please tell me what it
was?
Thanks!
~ Susan
rebecca de
Awesome, looks I need to make a trip to the bookstore or go on-line thank you becca
Cameron Parham <acsp2205@...> wrote: I'd like to suggest another book here. It has a rather unfortunate title, The Explosive Child,
but it is a lovely plan to get a family onto a consensual path. It is so hard for people to realize how ingrained the 'might makes right' stance is in our lives. So hard for parents who mean to love and hear their children to realize how often when parents say they want to hear a child, it's really just to lure them into a discussion that ends up showing the child how the parent is right and the parent's agenda must be followed.
This book helps guide parents into a simple 'decision tree' which helps the parent more clearly hear the child, and actually work out a true joint decision or solution to a problem. It is filled with assurances that this can truly be accomplished without all those parental fears of the child 'taking over and being in charge' coming true. The author is clearly very respectful of all humans of all ages. I think the book got its title because the author's theory (seems good to me!) is that many explosions/behavior problems/apparent ADD, etc are really simply a very frusrated child who feels unheard. The author is delightful, although he makes no references to unschooling or consensual living literature. He writes like a 'professional' who through his own practice, and thought, and real respect has figured out some very important things and wants to share them. Though at the start the book appears to focus on severly explosive kids, as the book
unfolds it is apparent that his stance is important to all families.
This is a great resource to use if getting started on consensual living is scarey to a parent. The decision schema is easy to comprehend: Plan A is the child must do as the parent wants. Plan B is real discussion, real listening, practicing empathy and how to find genuinely consensual decisions. Plan C is parent lets go of outcome; it's not a high priority right now. There is a good exploration of how to stop pretend plan B's which are really disguised plan A's. A good chapter on how to help a child who's having trouble even knowing what she'd like to say. And a very good section addressing the inevitable argument of "How can I take time for that?"
There is no book on earth that can speak to everyone who picks it up, of course. But it is a very good book. I wish most parents read it! I wish my parents had! Cameron
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Cameron Parham <acsp2205@...> wrote: I'd like to suggest another book here. It has a rather unfortunate title, The Explosive Child,
but it is a lovely plan to get a family onto a consensual path. It is so hard for people to realize how ingrained the 'might makes right' stance is in our lives. So hard for parents who mean to love and hear their children to realize how often when parents say they want to hear a child, it's really just to lure them into a discussion that ends up showing the child how the parent is right and the parent's agenda must be followed.
This book helps guide parents into a simple 'decision tree' which helps the parent more clearly hear the child, and actually work out a true joint decision or solution to a problem. It is filled with assurances that this can truly be accomplished without all those parental fears of the child 'taking over and being in charge' coming true. The author is clearly very respectful of all humans of all ages. I think the book got its title because the author's theory (seems good to me!) is that many explosions/behavior problems/apparent ADD, etc are really simply a very frusrated child who feels unheard. The author is delightful, although he makes no references to unschooling or consensual living literature. He writes like a 'professional' who through his own practice, and thought, and real respect has figured out some very important things and wants to share them. Though at the start the book appears to focus on severly explosive kids, as the book
unfolds it is apparent that his stance is important to all families.
This is a great resource to use if getting started on consensual living is scarey to a parent. The decision schema is easy to comprehend: Plan A is the child must do as the parent wants. Plan B is real discussion, real listening, practicing empathy and how to find genuinely consensual decisions. Plan C is parent lets go of outcome; it's not a high priority right now. There is a good exploration of how to stop pretend plan B's which are really disguised plan A's. A good chapter on how to help a child who's having trouble even knowing what she'd like to say. And a very good section addressing the inevitable argument of "How can I take time for that?"
There is no book on earth that can speak to everyone who picks it up, of course. But it is a very good book. I wish most parents read it! I wish my parents had! Cameron
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
---------------------------------
Catch up on fall's hot new shows on Yahoo! TV. Watch previews, get listings, and more!
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