Lisa Blocker

I told you guys earlier in the week about our house guest and how she feels about rules. She's been here all week and she does visit often and I have always enjoyed her visits. I had also mentioned her step sister and the problems they have had especially this past year with her "rebellious" (parent's description of her behavior) behavior... their answer has been to put so many rules on these kids that they can't breath without breaking one.... the sad thing is that the same rules apply to the kid who seems out of control as to the child who has never given them a moment's trouble.

Fast forward to this summer and I am noticing huge changes in this child! Where before she appreciated that we didn't have alot of rules and she wasn't told when to go to bed, when to get up, when to eat , what to eat (oh boy don't get me started on these rules at her house! UGH!) how much to eat and so forth this time she is artificially pushing the envelope (I say artificial because there is no envelope to push ...its summer we have no plans so why should they have a schedule?) Each night she's stayed up later and later, talked on her phone more and more later into the night and so forth (I shudder to think what rules are being broken in the homes of the folks she is calling ... I am sure I will hear about that when those parents call her parents! ) Anyway it's almost 3:00 in the afternoon and she's still asleep which would never be allowed at her house ... I never had this testing of limits with my teens since they've pretty much always had the freedom to decide
how much sleep, food etc their bodies needed. It's interesting to get the perspective that some other folks have when they first begin to unschool and worry their kids will never sleep, will eat too much "junk" , will watch tv endlessly, play video games and never learn anything! Our transition was very natural and slow so there wasn't that sudden shift from lots of rules to freedom like some people go through.

The even sadder thing about this child is that she is on two medications for anxiety/depression/ocd at home she is a constant ball of stress and tears. She's never cried at my house, never gotten angry and stormed away etc like she does at home. She doesn't obsess and get into her counting rituals and so forth like she does at home either. There have been times when she was convinced that if she ate food from anywhere other than home she would die yet she always eats normally at my house whether we go out , bring in take out, go to a friends or where ever. She always goes home from our house in tears telling her mother how she is happy at our house and miserable at home. The last visit she cried for the entire 1 1/2 hr drive back home with her parents. It makes her parents feel awful.. I have tried to make them understand how she feels (I didn't have the insight into how she feels about rules until this visit so perhaps that will make it more clear to them)
I have asked them to give her the freedom to go to bed when her body is tired rather than forcing her into bed when she isn't which makes her angry and prevents her from falling asleep or sleeping well which makes her tired and hard to deal with in the morning for school. Their response is that she has to go to bed earlier and earlier because she needs more sleep because see how grumpy she is in the mornings??? UGH!

Anyway I just wanted to share one more thing I learned this week! Now I can understand the worries that some have during the transition from rulebound to freedom!
Lisa Blocker





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