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-----Original Message-----
From: carebear-79@...

My mother was none the wiser to the toll it was taking on me.

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SO why didn't you tell her?

If it was because she might say, "I told you so," maybe that was why.
That happens a lot. Parents warn children of the dire consequences then
get to "gloat" in a way that they were right. That the child wasn't
ready for it.

It's important for me to know that my kids can trust me if they aren't
commfortable with something they see or hear. They know I will isten
and help them through it.

This extends to drugs and drinking and sex---I could say, "Don't do
it," or I could say, " When you decide you're ready to explore, be
smart about it. Let me help you through. Trust me to be there when you
need me. Call me if you're ever in trouble." Saying, "Don't," won't
gain their trust. Saying, "I'm here if you need me---no matter *how*
bad it is," will show them that I am their partner in this.

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It took a
very long time before I opened up to my mom about my fears.

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Why? Why didn't you tell her?

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I guess I just don't agree with the line of thinking that what our
children watch on TV doesn't have an
affect on them.

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Everything effects us. It's whether they have our support that is the
difference.

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I really do believe in self-regulation for children, but with TV I'm
not so sure.

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Huh? It's a box. With an on/off switch.

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I think it's influence is much more powerful than we give it credit
for.

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That's a lot of fear for a box.

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I do think children take in what they watch and absorb it. They may
not understand as we adults do and
how they process it may be even worse than we think.

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We all take in parts of what we watch. Many adults don't understad
parts.

But if we are there for them and helping them through, it's not scary
OR more powerful than the children.

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I should clarify that I am not against television for religious
reasons, as I get asked that a lot. It purely from my experience with
it.

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Your expereince that it's more pwerful than you are?

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I do not see any benefit to television.

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ANY????

-=-=-=-=-=-

I don't have a television in my home. It certainly wouldn't be fair to
tell my
children they couldn't watch tv while I did, so I've gotten rid of it
altogether. Therefore (at least for the time being) eliminating the
hassle it seems to cause. I don't have to worry about what they
watch, because it's not simply not an option without a TV in the
house. I want my children (at least in their younger years) to grow
up with a reverence for the world.

-=-=-=-=-

I don't have a computer in my home. It certainly wouldn't be fair to
tell my
children they couldn't work on the computer while I did, so I've gotten
rid of it
altogether. Therefore (at least for the time being) eliminating the
hassle it seems to cause. I don't have to worry about what they
watch, because it's not simply not an option without a computer in the
house. I want my children (at least in their younger years) to grow
up with a reverence for the world.

I don't have books in my home. It certainly wouldn't be fair to tell my

children they couldn't read books while I did, so I've gotten rid of
them
altogether. Therefore (at least for the time being) eliminating the
hassle it seems to cause. I don't have to worry about what they
read, because it's not simply not an option without any books in the
house. I want my children (at least in their younger years) to grow
up with a reverence for the world.

Sound any better? Worse?

-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-

I realize that unschooling is about giving our children access to
what they love. I really do. I understand it is about connection &
sharing. I understand that forbidding something makes it even worse.
However, do we really think that a murder scene on TV is what our
young children want to see,

-=-=-=--=

What young child WANTS to see a murder seen?

My always-unschooled 11 year old does NOT want to see murder or sex or
violence. He turns the channel or leave the room.

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or is it simply wanting to be close to a
parent who is watching such a show that they really want?

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That parent is NOT respecting the child. I have TiVo. If Duncan wants
to hang with me, but I'm watching Law & Order, I'll record it to watch
early the next morning before he's awake. AMazingly, he'll do the same
thing if Aqua Teen Hunger Force is on because *I* don't want to watch
that. We respect each other's choices and personal boundaries. We don't
impose ours on each other.

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Is wanting to be part of the conversation between mom & dad what they
want, as
opposed to watching the news itself?

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You can't have both?

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Am I alone here? Is their anyone out there that has similar feelings?

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I'm sure that there are others out here, but I hope they are trying to
get past that because it'll make unschooling blossom is they can get
past those limited feelings.

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I'm sure I'm going to get flack for this post. Really, I'm giving my
thoughts most sincerely. I'm
curious to know if others feel this way, and if not what is the
reasoning?

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My reasoning is that my kids like to make their own choices. They may
not always be the same choices *I* make, but they're learning how they
world works and what works for hem. My goal is that I want them to be
comfortable making that big transition of moving out on their own
(Cameron, at 19, is close) and tarting their own families. Without the
opportunity to make their own decisions, their own choices----and even
their own learning-takes (commonly called mistakes)---they will have no
basis to start with.

~Kelly

Kelly Lovejoy
Conference Coordinator
Live and Learn Unschooling Conference
http://www.LiveandLearnConference.org
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