Vickisue Gray

Death and kids....Wow, so just how do you help them through this?
My daughter spent another night unable to sleep and crying again
over the death of her best friends. All I can do is hold her and be
there for her. Everyone wants her to go see a grief councilor but
she doesn't want to as she feels there's nothing they can do for her.

Since their death, she has drastically changed her plans from attending
a four-year college to racing to become a firefighter before her 19Th birthday.
I seem to be the only one to just completely accept her choice.

So what else can I do? I've helped her research all her options and she
has chosen. I just plan to be there for her however she needs me to be there.

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[email protected]

-----Original Message-----
From: vickisue_gray@...

Everyone wants her to go see a grief councilor but
she doesn't want to as she feels there's nothing they can do for her.

-=-=-=-=-

She might be right. But would she give it a try? What does she have to
lose?

If the counselor *does* help in some small way, great. If he doesn't,
she hasn't lost anything.

I'm sorry she's hurting so.


~Kelly

Kelly Lovejoy
Conference Coordinator
Live and Learn Unschooling Conference
http://www.LiveandLearnConference.org

________________________________________________________________________
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Vicki

Thanks Kelly,

Guess I'll try and get her to go talk to someone. It really isn't
fair that we can't just kiss all their sorrows away.

Vicki



--- In [email protected], kbcdlovejo@... wrote:
>
>
>
> -----Original Message-----
> From: vickisue_gray@...
>
> Everyone wants her to go see a grief councilor but
> she doesn't want to as she feels there's nothing they can do for
her.
>
> -=-=-=-=-
>
> She might be right. But would she give it a try? What does she
have to
> lose?
>
> If the counselor *does* help in some small way, great. If he
doesn't,
> she hasn't lost anything.
>
> I'm sorry she's hurting so.
>
>
> ~Kelly
>
> Kelly Lovejoy
> Conference Coordinator
> Live and Learn Unschooling Conference
> http://www.LiveandLearnConference.org
>
>
______________________________________________________________________
__
> AOL now offers free email to everyone. Find out more about what's
free
> from AOL at AOL.com.
>

Ren Allen

~~Death and kids....Wow, so just how do you help them through this?~~

By knowing you can't really do anything, or make it better, or fix a
thing.......which it sounds like you already know from the rest of
your post. You're there for her, you're holding her, you're grieving
with her. That's all that can be done. It's enough. And yet it will
never feel like enough.

I'm so sorry.

Ren

Ren Allen

Vicki,

Rather than taking her to a grief counselor, check with your local
hospice center and see if they have grief support programs of any
kind. One of the really difficult parts about losing someone close to
you is the isolation that can result from old friends or family not
knowing how to respond.

I worked as a facilitator for several years, with teens and pre-teens
in a grief support program for families. I could probably contact them
and find out where there might be support in your area if you write me
offlist. I would bet Hospice in your area might know or actually run
something.

The great thing about a support group, geared for her age, is just
knowing other kids that have lost a loved one. That is huge for these
kids. Some of them will have lost a parent or sibling.....someone close.

It gives them a safe place to open up, to feel less isolated with
their peers and to find a way to honor the loved ones that died. There
is so much compassion, deep listening and ideas shared in these
groups. I grew so much through my experiences there.

A lot of the talk is about honoring and remembering the loved ones
that died. We did many activities talking about their lives and who
they were...it was so affirming.

Just a thought. One-on-one counseling isn't for everyone.

Ren
learninginfreedom.com

Vicki

Thanks Ren,
Yes, the one on one is what she doesn't like as she ends up
counsiling the counsilor. (problem with smart kids) I'll
contact you off list if I can't find one. Shouldn't be too
hard. Thanks for the suggestion.

Vicki


--- In [email protected], "Ren Allen"
<starsuncloud@...> wrote:
>
> Vicki,
>
> Rather than taking her to a grief counselor, check with your local
> hospice center and see if they have grief support programs of any
> kind. One of the really difficult parts about losing someone close
to
> you is the isolation that can result from old friends or family not
> knowing how to respond.
>
> I worked as a facilitator for several years, with teens and pre-
teens
> in a grief support program for families. I could probably contact
them
> and find out where there might be support in your area if you write
me
> offlist. I would bet Hospice in your area might know or actually run
> something.
>
> The great thing about a support group, geared for her age, is just
> knowing other kids that have lost a loved one. That is huge for
these
> kids. Some of them will have lost a parent or sibling.....someone
close.
>
> It gives them a safe place to open up, to feel less isolated with
> their peers and to find a way to honor the loved ones that died.
There
> is so much compassion, deep listening and ideas shared in these
> groups. I grew so much through my experiences there.
>
> A lot of the talk is about honoring and remembering the loved ones
> that died. We did many activities talking about their lives and who
> they were...it was so affirming.
>
> Just a thought. One-on-one counseling isn't for everyone.
>
> Ren
> learninginfreedom.com
>