Scenario - what would *you* do?
Rachel Salavon
My ds (5) has just met a new neighbor who is 7. My ds wants to
follow this new boy around everywhere. The friend (along with his
sister) come over to our house as much as they possibly can.
Occasionally this little boy will dash out of our house, jump on his
bike and go all over the neighborhood. My 5 yo jumps on his
tricycle and follows after him. One day my ds went down the street
to a very busy street that we live near. He rode his tricycle down
the sidwalk of the busy street. When I realized he was missing and
noone knew where he was, we all jumped in the van and went to find
him. He was on the sidewalk with tear-stained cheeks followed by a
woman. She said there had been a man following him. She asked the
man if he knew my ds, he said no. My son very firmly informed her
that he did not need her help. There were about 4 cars stopped and
people were out of their homes watching. Everyone was quite
concerned about my dear son. He's small for his age and riding a
tricycle made him look a lot younger I think. He's smart and I
trust him but he doesn't have much experience (mostly dealing with
so many concerned adults). We talked about not riding down the busy
street anymore. He won't.
So, recognizing that he wants to wander a little farther than just
down to the stop sign and back (something that he was content to do
until now), I took him on a walk. I told him we could map out some
paths that he could ride. That way he could ride down path A, B or
C. And I would know where to find him. And he wouldn't explore
someplace and get lost. I want to empower him. But I want him to
be safe. We went on one walk. He was uninterested in going on any
more.
Yesterday, neighbor boy ran out and got on his bike. Ds followed.
I watched. They crossed the street, then crossed back, then rode
right down the middle of the street. I went to get my ds. We
talked about not riding down the street. I offered to take him on a
new path that crosses that very same street at the stop sign. He
said. "Let me think, um, never". Meaning, he didn't want to have
anything to do with my idea. But then he said he would tomorrow.
Anyway, the neighbor continued to ride his bike down the street.
There were several times that cars had to stop for him. He wasn't
watching at all. The last time I found them out there, my ds was
sitting on the sidewalk watching this boy. DS was very scared for
him. I finally piled everyone in the car (except the neighbor) to
go get some ice cream. We talked a lot about how he, the neighbor
boy, was being unsafe. I'm going to talk to his mom about it
because she thinks he's at our house playing.
Anyway, I want my son to have freedom. I trust him. He is smart.
I want him to be safe. Sometimes he so desperately wants to follow
his friend, he doesnt' pay attention to what is around him. Any
advice about neighbor kids?
Rachel in OK
follow this new boy around everywhere. The friend (along with his
sister) come over to our house as much as they possibly can.
Occasionally this little boy will dash out of our house, jump on his
bike and go all over the neighborhood. My 5 yo jumps on his
tricycle and follows after him. One day my ds went down the street
to a very busy street that we live near. He rode his tricycle down
the sidwalk of the busy street. When I realized he was missing and
noone knew where he was, we all jumped in the van and went to find
him. He was on the sidewalk with tear-stained cheeks followed by a
woman. She said there had been a man following him. She asked the
man if he knew my ds, he said no. My son very firmly informed her
that he did not need her help. There were about 4 cars stopped and
people were out of their homes watching. Everyone was quite
concerned about my dear son. He's small for his age and riding a
tricycle made him look a lot younger I think. He's smart and I
trust him but he doesn't have much experience (mostly dealing with
so many concerned adults). We talked about not riding down the busy
street anymore. He won't.
So, recognizing that he wants to wander a little farther than just
down to the stop sign and back (something that he was content to do
until now), I took him on a walk. I told him we could map out some
paths that he could ride. That way he could ride down path A, B or
C. And I would know where to find him. And he wouldn't explore
someplace and get lost. I want to empower him. But I want him to
be safe. We went on one walk. He was uninterested in going on any
more.
Yesterday, neighbor boy ran out and got on his bike. Ds followed.
I watched. They crossed the street, then crossed back, then rode
right down the middle of the street. I went to get my ds. We
talked about not riding down the street. I offered to take him on a
new path that crosses that very same street at the stop sign. He
said. "Let me think, um, never". Meaning, he didn't want to have
anything to do with my idea. But then he said he would tomorrow.
Anyway, the neighbor continued to ride his bike down the street.
There were several times that cars had to stop for him. He wasn't
watching at all. The last time I found them out there, my ds was
sitting on the sidewalk watching this boy. DS was very scared for
him. I finally piled everyone in the car (except the neighbor) to
go get some ice cream. We talked a lot about how he, the neighbor
boy, was being unsafe. I'm going to talk to his mom about it
because she thinks he's at our house playing.
Anyway, I want my son to have freedom. I trust him. He is smart.
I want him to be safe. Sometimes he so desperately wants to follow
his friend, he doesnt' pay attention to what is around him. Any
advice about neighbor kids?
Rachel in OK
halfshadow1
-I understand that your son is smart but it only takes a second for a
guy to throw him in a car and drive off. I think keeping him safe is
more important then his desire to follow an older kid around who seems
not too interested in having your son keep up with him. perhaps your
son could ride with the boy at a parking lot or playground?
-- In [email protected], "Rachel Salavon"
<rachelsalavon@...> wrote:
guy to throw him in a car and drive off. I think keeping him safe is
more important then his desire to follow an older kid around who seems
not too interested in having your son keep up with him. perhaps your
son could ride with the boy at a parking lot or playground?
-- In [email protected], "Rachel Salavon"
<rachelsalavon@...> wrote:
>
> My ds (5) has just met a new neighbor who is 7. My ds wants to
> follow this new boy around everywhere. The friend (along with his
> sister) come over to our house as much as they possibly can.
> Occasionally this little boy will dash out of our house, jump on his
> bike and go all over the neighborhood. My 5 yo jumps on his
> tricycle and follows after him. One day my ds went down the street
> to a very busy street that we live near. He rode his tricycle down
> the sidwalk of the busy street. When I realized he was missing and
> noone knew where he was, we all jumped in the van and went to find
> him. He was on the sidewalk with tear-stained cheeks followed by a
> woman. She said there had been a man following him. She asked the
> man if he knew my ds, he said no. My son very firmly informed her
> that he did not need her help. There were about 4 cars stopped and
> people were out of their homes watching. Everyone was quite
> concerned about my dear son. He's small for his age and riding a
> tricycle made him look a lot younger I think. He's smart and I
> trust him but he doesn't have much experience (mostly dealing with
> so many concerned adults). We talked about not riding down the busy
> street anymore. He won't.
>
> So, recognizing that he wants to wander a little farther than just
> down to the stop sign and back (something that he was content to do
> until now), I took him on a walk. I told him we could map out some
> paths that he could ride. That way he could ride down path A, B or
> C. And I would know where to find him. And he wouldn't explore
> someplace and get lost. I want to empower him. But I want him to
> be safe. We went on one walk. He was uninterested in going on any
> more.
>
> Yesterday, neighbor boy ran out and got on his bike. Ds followed.
> I watched. They crossed the street, then crossed back, then rode
> right down the middle of the street. I went to get my ds. We
> talked about not riding down the street. I offered to take him on a
> new path that crosses that very same street at the stop sign. He
> said. "Let me think, um, never". Meaning, he didn't want to have
> anything to do with my idea. But then he said he would tomorrow.
> Anyway, the neighbor continued to ride his bike down the street.
> There were several times that cars had to stop for him. He wasn't
> watching at all. The last time I found them out there, my ds was
> sitting on the sidewalk watching this boy. DS was very scared for
> him. I finally piled everyone in the car (except the neighbor) to
> go get some ice cream. We talked a lot about how he, the neighbor
> boy, was being unsafe. I'm going to talk to his mom about it
> because she thinks he's at our house playing.
>
> Anyway, I want my son to have freedom. I trust him. He is smart.
> I want him to be safe. Sometimes he so desperately wants to follow
> his friend, he doesnt' pay attention to what is around him. Any
> advice about neighbor kids?
>
> Rachel in OK
>
Cameron Parham
Here goes...Personally I would not let my 5yo ride bikes with this 7yo anymore for some years. No matter how smart a 5yo is, they haven't lived long enough to have much experience. I would simply explain that the 7yo (not very old either) takes chances that you know are dangerous, and your ds will have to just play with him at home, not on bikes. It's not like you are afraid of possible dangerous behavior; you have witnessed it at least twice. Certainly let his mom know...what if she has no idea, and thinks he is safe with you? I am new to RU, and I am still searching for the right way to do this, and I don't mean to offend!
But this is a known obvious danger...and your child is only 5! I hope that you don't mind my answer.
---- Original Message ----
From: Rachel Salavon <rachelsalavon@...>
To: [email protected]
Sent: Sunday, April 1, 2007 9:36:52 AM
Subject: [unschoolingbasics] Scenario - what would *you* do?
My ds (5) has just met a new neighbor who is 7. My ds wants to
follow this new boy around everywhere. The friend (along with his
sister) come over to our house as much as they possibly can.
Occasionally this little boy will dash out of our house, jump on his
bike and go all over the neighborhood. My 5 yo jumps on his
tricycle and follows after him. One day my ds went down the street
to a very busy street that we live near. He rode his tricycle down
the sidwalk of the busy street. When I realized he was missing and
noone knew where he was, we all jumped in the van and went to find
him. He was on the sidewalk with tear-stained cheeks followed by a
woman. She said there had been a man following him. She asked the
man if he knew my ds, he said no. My son very firmly informed her
that he did not need her help. There were about 4 cars stopped and
people were out of their homes watching. Everyone was quite
concerned about my dear son. He's small for his age and riding a
tricycle made him look a lot younger I think. He's smart and I
trust him but he doesn't have much experience (mostly dealing with
so many concerned adults). We talked about not riding down the busy
street anymore. He won't.
So, recognizing that he wants to wander a little farther than just
down to the stop sign and back (something that he was content to do
until now), I took him on a walk. I told him we could map out some
paths that he could ride. That way he could ride down path A, B or
C. And I would know where to find him. And he wouldn't explore
someplace and get lost. I want to empower him. But I want him to
be safe. We went on one walk. He was uninterested in going on any
more.
Yesterday, neighbor boy ran out and got on his bike. Ds followed.
I watched. They crossed the street, then crossed back, then rode
right down the middle of the street. I went to get my ds. We
talked about not riding down the street. I offered to take him on a
new path that crosses that very same street at the stop sign. He
said. "Let me think, um, never". Meaning, he didn't want to have
anything to do with my idea. But then he said he would tomorrow.
Anyway, the neighbor continued to ride his bike down the street.
There were several times that cars had to stop for him. He wasn't
watching at all. The last time I found them out there, my ds was
sitting on the sidewalk watching this boy. DS was very scared for
him. I finally piled everyone in the car (except the neighbor) to
go get some ice cream. We talked a lot about how he, the neighbor
boy, was being unsafe. I'm going to talk to his mom about it
because she thinks he's at our house playing.
Anyway, I want my son to have freedom. I trust him. He is smart.
I want him to be safe. Sometimes he so desperately wants to follow
his friend, he doesnt' pay attention to what is around him. Any
advice about neighbor kids?
Rachel in OK
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
But this is a known obvious danger...and your child is only 5! I hope that you don't mind my answer.
---- Original Message ----
From: Rachel Salavon <rachelsalavon@...>
To: [email protected]
Sent: Sunday, April 1, 2007 9:36:52 AM
Subject: [unschoolingbasics] Scenario - what would *you* do?
My ds (5) has just met a new neighbor who is 7. My ds wants to
follow this new boy around everywhere. The friend (along with his
sister) come over to our house as much as they possibly can.
Occasionally this little boy will dash out of our house, jump on his
bike and go all over the neighborhood. My 5 yo jumps on his
tricycle and follows after him. One day my ds went down the street
to a very busy street that we live near. He rode his tricycle down
the sidwalk of the busy street. When I realized he was missing and
noone knew where he was, we all jumped in the van and went to find
him. He was on the sidewalk with tear-stained cheeks followed by a
woman. She said there had been a man following him. She asked the
man if he knew my ds, he said no. My son very firmly informed her
that he did not need her help. There were about 4 cars stopped and
people were out of their homes watching. Everyone was quite
concerned about my dear son. He's small for his age and riding a
tricycle made him look a lot younger I think. He's smart and I
trust him but he doesn't have much experience (mostly dealing with
so many concerned adults). We talked about not riding down the busy
street anymore. He won't.
So, recognizing that he wants to wander a little farther than just
down to the stop sign and back (something that he was content to do
until now), I took him on a walk. I told him we could map out some
paths that he could ride. That way he could ride down path A, B or
C. And I would know where to find him. And he wouldn't explore
someplace and get lost. I want to empower him. But I want him to
be safe. We went on one walk. He was uninterested in going on any
more.
Yesterday, neighbor boy ran out and got on his bike. Ds followed.
I watched. They crossed the street, then crossed back, then rode
right down the middle of the street. I went to get my ds. We
talked about not riding down the street. I offered to take him on a
new path that crosses that very same street at the stop sign. He
said. "Let me think, um, never". Meaning, he didn't want to have
anything to do with my idea. But then he said he would tomorrow.
Anyway, the neighbor continued to ride his bike down the street.
There were several times that cars had to stop for him. He wasn't
watching at all. The last time I found them out there, my ds was
sitting on the sidewalk watching this boy. DS was very scared for
him. I finally piled everyone in the car (except the neighbor) to
go get some ice cream. We talked a lot about how he, the neighbor
boy, was being unsafe. I'm going to talk to his mom about it
because she thinks he's at our house playing.
Anyway, I want my son to have freedom. I trust him. He is smart.
I want him to be safe. Sometimes he so desperately wants to follow
his friend, he doesnt' pay attention to what is around him. Any
advice about neighbor kids?
Rachel in OK
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
[email protected]
In a message dated 4/1/2007 10:05:44 PM Eastern Standard Time,
halfshadow1@... writes:
Anyway, I want my son to have freedom. I trust him. He is smart.
up in following his friend and doesn't pay attention to what is around him.
Sounds like a recipe for disaster. My feeling is that five is too young to
keep himself safe out of sight of a responsible adult. Freedom is great within
appropriate boundaries. You wrote that what you've seen his friend do isn't
safe so follow your instinct. Ride together or allow him the freedom to ride in
front of your house where you can see him at all times. I know of very few
five year olds who realize the consequences of their actions--like riding in the
street. What would I do? I'd reel him in and let him chase his older friend
only when I could be out there with them. I'd also talk to the eight year old
kids mother as you mentioned, immediately. It would be horrific for a five
year old to learn about street safety from seeing his friend get squished.
Robin in MA
************************************** See what's free at http://www.aol.com
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
halfshadow1@... writes:
Anyway, I want my son to have freedom. I trust him. He is smart.
> I want him to be safe. Sometimes he so desperately wants to followI think you answer your own question when you wrote that your son gets caught
> his friend, he doesnt' pay attention to what is around him. Any
> advice about neighbor kids?
>
> Rachel in OK
up in following his friend and doesn't pay attention to what is around him.
Sounds like a recipe for disaster. My feeling is that five is too young to
keep himself safe out of sight of a responsible adult. Freedom is great within
appropriate boundaries. You wrote that what you've seen his friend do isn't
safe so follow your instinct. Ride together or allow him the freedom to ride in
front of your house where you can see him at all times. I know of very few
five year olds who realize the consequences of their actions--like riding in the
street. What would I do? I'd reel him in and let him chase his older friend
only when I could be out there with them. I'd also talk to the eight year old
kids mother as you mentioned, immediately. It would be horrific for a five
year old to learn about street safety from seeing his friend get squished.
Robin in MA
************************************** See what's free at http://www.aol.com
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
plaidpanties666
--- In [email protected], Cameron Parham
<acsp2205@...> wrote:
haven't lived long enough to have much experience. I would simply
explain that the 7yo (not very old either) takes chances that you
know are dangerous, and your ds will have to just play with him at
home, not on bikes. It's not like you are afraid of possible
dangerous behavior; you have witnessed it at least twice. Certainly
let his mom know...what if she has no idea, and thinks he is safe
with you? I am new to RU, and I am still searching for the right
way to do this, and I don't mean to offend!
*******************************
A lot of this is going to depend on the personality of the 5yo and
the kind of relationship that exists between kid and mom. It sounds
as though the 5yo in question *is* aware of the dangers, so I think
I'd focus on helping him develop strategies to be safe and maybe
encourage his friend to be safe, too. Maybe they could play in a
different way if there wasn't a mom available to go on a bike-ride
with them - something that didn't lend itself well to middle-of-the-
road play. I think making a blanket rule "you can't play with 7yo"
would serve to undermine this 5yos own good judgement.
I would certainly talk to the other mom, though, to get an
understanding of her expectations - as Cameron said, she may think
he's safe at another home. Heck, she might hold you responsible if
something were to happen. Or she may feel like a 7yo riding down the
middle of the street is no big deal, the cars will stop, what are
you fussing about? It's a good idea to find that out.
---Meredith (Mo 5, Ray 13)
<acsp2205@...> wrote:
>7yo anymore for some years. No matter how smart a 5yo is, they
> Here goes...Personally I would not let my 5yo ride bikes with this
haven't lived long enough to have much experience. I would simply
explain that the 7yo (not very old either) takes chances that you
know are dangerous, and your ds will have to just play with him at
home, not on bikes. It's not like you are afraid of possible
dangerous behavior; you have witnessed it at least twice. Certainly
let his mom know...what if she has no idea, and thinks he is safe
with you? I am new to RU, and I am still searching for the right
way to do this, and I don't mean to offend!
*******************************
A lot of this is going to depend on the personality of the 5yo and
the kind of relationship that exists between kid and mom. It sounds
as though the 5yo in question *is* aware of the dangers, so I think
I'd focus on helping him develop strategies to be safe and maybe
encourage his friend to be safe, too. Maybe they could play in a
different way if there wasn't a mom available to go on a bike-ride
with them - something that didn't lend itself well to middle-of-the-
road play. I think making a blanket rule "you can't play with 7yo"
would serve to undermine this 5yos own good judgement.
I would certainly talk to the other mom, though, to get an
understanding of her expectations - as Cameron said, she may think
he's safe at another home. Heck, she might hold you responsible if
something were to happen. Or she may feel like a 7yo riding down the
middle of the street is no big deal, the cars will stop, what are
you fussing about? It's a good idea to find that out.
---Meredith (Mo 5, Ray 13)
Rachel Salavon
Thank you for your thoughtful comments on this. Slow to respond
because I have been out of town. I will continue to talk to my ds
and find a solution that works for us both. And I will definitely
talk to my neighbor about her son's dangerous behavior. I realize a
lot of our stress lately (my oldest ds has been angry and explosive,
my 5yo has been distant and a little unpredictable) has been because
of our new neighbors. They are so used to having someone tell them
what to do, they don't know how to handle the kind of freedom that
my kids live with. I feel like I need to lay down some rules for
them while they are at our house. At the same time I want my kids
to continue to have their freedoms. And I don't want to isolate
them from everyone. They already spend so much time at home away
from other people.
I've been working so long training myself about unschooling and
creating an environment that works for my kids. It's much more
complicated with other kids thrown in the mix.
Rachel
--- In [email protected], "plaidpanties666"
<plaidpanties666@...> wrote:
because I have been out of town. I will continue to talk to my ds
and find a solution that works for us both. And I will definitely
talk to my neighbor about her son's dangerous behavior. I realize a
lot of our stress lately (my oldest ds has been angry and explosive,
my 5yo has been distant and a little unpredictable) has been because
of our new neighbors. They are so used to having someone tell them
what to do, they don't know how to handle the kind of freedom that
my kids live with. I feel like I need to lay down some rules for
them while they are at our house. At the same time I want my kids
to continue to have their freedoms. And I don't want to isolate
them from everyone. They already spend so much time at home away
from other people.
I've been working so long training myself about unschooling and
creating an environment that works for my kids. It's much more
complicated with other kids thrown in the mix.
Rachel
--- In [email protected], "plaidpanties666"
<plaidpanties666@...> wrote:
>this
> --- In [email protected], Cameron Parham
> <acsp2205@> wrote:
> >
> > Here goes...Personally I would not let my 5yo ride bikes with
> 7yo anymore for some years. No matter how smart a 5yo is, theyCertainly
> haven't lived long enough to have much experience. I would simply
> explain that the 7yo (not very old either) takes chances that you
> know are dangerous, and your ds will have to just play with him at
> home, not on bikes. It's not like you are afraid of possible
> dangerous behavior; you have witnessed it at least twice.
> let his mom know...what if she has no idea, and thinks he is safesounds
> with you? I am new to RU, and I am still searching for the right
> way to do this, and I don't mean to offend!
> *******************************
>
> A lot of this is going to depend on the personality of the 5yo and
> the kind of relationship that exists between kid and mom. It
> as though the 5yo in question *is* aware of the dangers, so Ithink
> I'd focus on helping him develop strategies to be safe and maybethe-
> encourage his friend to be safe, too. Maybe they could play in a
> different way if there wasn't a mom available to go on a bike-ride
> with them - something that didn't lend itself well to middle-of-
> road play. I think making a blanket rule "you can't play with 7yo"the
> would serve to undermine this 5yos own good judgement.
>
> I would certainly talk to the other mom, though, to get an
> understanding of her expectations - as Cameron said, she may think
> he's safe at another home. Heck, she might hold you responsible if
> something were to happen. Or she may feel like a 7yo riding down
> middle of the street is no big deal, the cars will stop, what are
> you fussing about? It's a good idea to find that out.
>
> ---Meredith (Mo 5, Ray 13)
>