Sharissa13

My son is 8 years old and he is very much a night owl.
He sleeps in until about 10 each morning, and will
stay awake until midnight or later each night. I send
him to his room at 10 pm (sometimes later) each night,
but tell him he doesn't have to sleep as long as he
can be quiet while he plays. I don't see a problem
with this.

My husband, on the other hand, is frustrated by it. He
gets up around 8 every morning and want everyone to be
showered and ready to go with the day by 10, not just
getting up (he works afternoons and evenings at a
tattoo shop). Every day he complains about how much
time we're wasting just lounging around. He thinks the
kids need a bedtime of 8 or 9, but then he will let
them stay up till all hours whenever it suits him. It
drives me nuts! The kids get frustrated because dad
sometimes lets them stay up pretty late, and mom is
always trying to get them to bed at 10. Dad gets
frustrated because the kids don't want to go to bed at
10 anymore (they want to stay up later now). I'm
getting frustrated because no matter how I try to talk
to my husband, he doesn't seem to understand.

Sorry. I guess this is more a rant than a request for
ideas. But I would appreciate ideas on how to handle
this whole thing.



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Deb

Maybe check with DH on what the actual problem is during a calm,
quiet time. My guess (and a very rough guess at that) is that DH is
missing the kid-time. If he's leaving for work just as DS (and the
rest) are getting really awake, he probably isn't getting as much
time to spend with them as he might like, thus prompting him
to "let"/want them to stay up later once he's home from work.
Working at cross purposes to his own stated desires somewhat. Then,
get the family together and let them know that Dad really wants to
spend more time together, this is his work schedule, how can we meet
as many needs as possible. You/he might be surprised by the creative
results that come up. Would having everyone be up earlier 2 days per
week? 3? 4? help DH feel better about the situation. Are there other
ways for DH to connect before/after work? For instance, if the kids
stay up late with him, he might need to realize that the next day
they'll sleep later - maybe that could be a time for you and DH to
have a little quiet togetherness over a cup of tea. Basically,
brainstorm and get at least 3 options before you even think about
deciding anything - there are way more options than early to
bed/early to rise every day and sleeping in every day.

For example, I am off to work at 7:30 Mon-Fri and get home around
5:30. We all tend to stay up until around 11 pm most nights. DS
(almost 9) is usually still fast asleep when I leave. So, I make
sure to call home once or twice a day to just say hi, I might leave
a little note at "his" place at the kitchen table, I make sure to
allot at least 15 minutes *immediately* when I get home to see how
his day has been (and let the mail sorting wait), and so on. Many
more ways to connect than simply requiring him to be up early and in
bed early.

--Deb