Fighting Siblings
Linda
Hi,
I'm hoping someone can recommend some good books to teach me what to do
about my dd 11 and ds 9 being so cruel to each other in their daily
conflicts. I'm just learning this new parenting style, having been
raised in a strict traditional parenting style, and have raised my own
almost the same way,up until about a month ago. DH is very much the
traditional authoritarian parent still, so I also have that hurdle to
overcome. Since I started not disciplining them, they are just calling
names more, even hitting each other, and once, dd BIT ds finger! I keep
falling into my old patterns, and sometimes yell at them. DS is very
sensitive, so he ends up crying and angry. I want to buy Siblings
Without Rivalry, but would like more suggestions if you all have them.
Thanks in advance for the help.
Linda
I'm hoping someone can recommend some good books to teach me what to do
about my dd 11 and ds 9 being so cruel to each other in their daily
conflicts. I'm just learning this new parenting style, having been
raised in a strict traditional parenting style, and have raised my own
almost the same way,up until about a month ago. DH is very much the
traditional authoritarian parent still, so I also have that hurdle to
overcome. Since I started not disciplining them, they are just calling
names more, even hitting each other, and once, dd BIT ds finger! I keep
falling into my old patterns, and sometimes yell at them. DS is very
sensitive, so he ends up crying and angry. I want to buy Siblings
Without Rivalry, but would like more suggestions if you all have them.
Thanks in advance for the help.
Linda
caradove
--- In [email protected], "Linda" <amer28@...> wrote:
and 11yo, both boys. Definitely Sibs Without Rivalry helped, also
Raising Your Spirited Child is wonderful and helped me see my children
in Entirely different light.
My husband was brought up with extremely strict and sometimes harsh
discipline, both at home and then in boarding school from age 9 to 15
in India. At times I thought he would never embrace a gentler
approach,would not read the books no matter how much I told him it
would help. But eventually with a kind of agreement that he wouldn't
step in with harsh discipline if I used some of the other techniques
from the books he could see a change and he also began to change. Life
is much more peaceful now.
My husband just reminded me about books by Steve Bidulph, an
Australian writer. He wrote Raising Boys,excellent!! Also wrote a book
called Manhood which is wonderful. I have some friends who borrowed
the book, thought they misplaced it and then found it in her husbands
home office after he said he wouldnt read anything she suggested!!
Also Alfie Kohn wrote Unconditional Parenting and Punished By Rewards,
wonderful challenge to traditional styles of how kids are raised.
Best of luck,
Cara
>We have been through similar things with my two oldest, now almost 9
> Hi,
> I'm hoping someone can recommend some good books to teach me what to do
> about my dd 11 and ds 9 being so cruel to each other in their daily
> conflicts. I'm just learning this new parenting style, having been
> raised in a strict traditional parenting style, and have raised my own
> almost the same way,up until about a month ago. DH is very much the
> traditional authoritarian parent still, so I also have that hurdle to
> overcome. Since I started not disciplining them, they are just calling
> names more, even hitting each other, and once, dd BIT ds finger! I keep
> falling into my old patterns, and sometimes yell at them. DS is very
> sensitive, so he ends up crying and angry. I want to buy Siblings
> Without Rivalry, but would like more suggestions if you all have them.
> Thanks in advance for the help.
> Linda
>
and 11yo, both boys. Definitely Sibs Without Rivalry helped, also
Raising Your Spirited Child is wonderful and helped me see my children
in Entirely different light.
My husband was brought up with extremely strict and sometimes harsh
discipline, both at home and then in boarding school from age 9 to 15
in India. At times I thought he would never embrace a gentler
approach,would not read the books no matter how much I told him it
would help. But eventually with a kind of agreement that he wouldn't
step in with harsh discipline if I used some of the other techniques
from the books he could see a change and he also began to change. Life
is much more peaceful now.
My husband just reminded me about books by Steve Bidulph, an
Australian writer. He wrote Raising Boys,excellent!! Also wrote a book
called Manhood which is wonderful. I have some friends who borrowed
the book, thought they misplaced it and then found it in her husbands
home office after he said he wouldnt read anything she suggested!!
Also Alfie Kohn wrote Unconditional Parenting and Punished By Rewards,
wonderful challenge to traditional styles of how kids are raised.
Best of luck,
Cara
Georgette Teekel
This is something w/ 4 children i think i know all about.I tell my children if they can't get along they have to ONLY play with the one that there having trouble with,you'll be amazed how quick they'll be nice to one another if they only have each other to play with.
Linda <amer28@...> wrote: Hi,
I'm hoping someone can recommend some good books to teach me what to do
about my dd 11 and ds 9 being so cruel to each other in their daily
conflicts. I'm just learning this new parenting style, having been
raised in a strict traditional parenting style, and have raised my own
almost the same way,up until about a month ago. DH is very much the
traditional authoritarian parent still, so I also have that hurdle to
overcome. Since I started not disciplining them, they are just calling
names more, even hitting each other, and once, dd BIT ds finger! I keep
falling into my old patterns, and sometimes yell at them. DS is very
sensitive, so he ends up crying and angry. I want to buy Siblings
Without Rivalry, but would like more suggestions if you all have them.
Thanks in advance for the help.
Linda
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[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Linda <amer28@...> wrote: Hi,
I'm hoping someone can recommend some good books to teach me what to do
about my dd 11 and ds 9 being so cruel to each other in their daily
conflicts. I'm just learning this new parenting style, having been
raised in a strict traditional parenting style, and have raised my own
almost the same way,up until about a month ago. DH is very much the
traditional authoritarian parent still, so I also have that hurdle to
overcome. Since I started not disciplining them, they are just calling
names more, even hitting each other, and once, dd BIT ds finger! I keep
falling into my old patterns, and sometimes yell at them. DS is very
sensitive, so he ends up crying and angry. I want to buy Siblings
Without Rivalry, but would like more suggestions if you all have them.
Thanks in advance for the help.
Linda
---------------------------------
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Go to the Yahoo! Mail Q&A for great tips from Yahoo! Answers users.
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Katharine Wise
Another book which I actually haven't read, although I've heard the author speak is Peaceful Parenting by Naomi Drew. I know she talks about family meetings which may be a good venue for you to discuss with your children (and your husband;-) how you want to treat one another. I think this is a book that will be more aimed at families with somewhat older children like yours rather than little ones.
Katharine
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Katharine
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Ren Allen
~~I tell my children if they can't get along they have to ONLY play
with the one that there having trouble with,you'll be amazed how quick
they'll be nice to one another if they only have each other to play with~~
Wow...if someone made me hang out with people that were annoying me,
I'd REALLY resent them. I think that's a really harsh way to deal with
sibling disagreement.
Nobody makes me be with someone I don't want to be around. Nobody
forces me to stay near someone that I am feeling ugly towards. I can't
imagine making my kids do that.
I think sibling disagreement is a signal for MORE space, not less.
Ren
learninginfreedom.com
with the one that there having trouble with,you'll be amazed how quick
they'll be nice to one another if they only have each other to play with~~
Wow...if someone made me hang out with people that were annoying me,
I'd REALLY resent them. I think that's a really harsh way to deal with
sibling disagreement.
Nobody makes me be with someone I don't want to be around. Nobody
forces me to stay near someone that I am feeling ugly towards. I can't
imagine making my kids do that.
I think sibling disagreement is a signal for MORE space, not less.
Ren
learninginfreedom.com
plaidpanties666
--- In [email protected], "Linda" <amer28@...> wrote:
say "new parenting style" or is that what you are looking for? Have
you talked with the kids about what you are doing and why or just
said "no more rules, no more punishment"? What do they think of the
idea?
*Siblings without Rivalry* is a good place to start. It would
probably also be a good idea to start holding the expectation that
you will be spending a LOT of time with your kids for awhile,
helping them figure out how to communicate and learn to problem
solve and resolve conflicts. At this point, they are back to having
the social skills of two year olds - you took away the "rules" but
they haven't had the chance to learn the kinds of skills people need
to get along with each other without those rules. No wonder they are
hitting and biting and name-calling!
Let everything else go, if necessary, and focus on building a new
family relationship. Let the kids know that *you* are learning this
too, right along with them. Ask them if they would like to read the
book with you or read on some websites about different ways to get
along. Actually, if the kids are interested in doing some reading
(or having you read to them) I totally recommend *Parenting a Free
Child* by Rue Kream. I recommend it anyway - its a wonderful look at
how an unschooling family works.
---Meredith (Mo 5, Ray 13)
>I'm just learning this new parenting style, having beenown
> raised in a strict traditional parenting style, and have raised my
> almost the same way,up until about a month ago.Is there a particular "method" you are using so far, when you
say "new parenting style" or is that what you are looking for? Have
you talked with the kids about what you are doing and why or just
said "no more rules, no more punishment"? What do they think of the
idea?
*Siblings without Rivalry* is a good place to start. It would
probably also be a good idea to start holding the expectation that
you will be spending a LOT of time with your kids for awhile,
helping them figure out how to communicate and learn to problem
solve and resolve conflicts. At this point, they are back to having
the social skills of two year olds - you took away the "rules" but
they haven't had the chance to learn the kinds of skills people need
to get along with each other without those rules. No wonder they are
hitting and biting and name-calling!
Let everything else go, if necessary, and focus on building a new
family relationship. Let the kids know that *you* are learning this
too, right along with them. Ask them if they would like to read the
book with you or read on some websites about different ways to get
along. Actually, if the kids are interested in doing some reading
(or having you read to them) I totally recommend *Parenting a Free
Child* by Rue Kream. I recommend it anyway - its a wonderful look at
how an unschooling family works.
---Meredith (Mo 5, Ray 13)
[email protected]
-----Original Message-----
From: beautifulsassyprincess@...
This is something w/ 4 children i think i know all about.I tell my
children if
they can't get along they have to ONLY play with the one that there
having
trouble with,you'll be amazed how quick they'll be nice to one another
if they
only have each other to play with.
-=-=-=-=-=-
I don't have children who fight or even spat. They are eight years
apart, and I'm sure that's a big part of it! But I DID have a brother
who is 15 months younger. I know how hard it was to deal with a mean
sibling.
So in your scenario: if I had a spat with my brother (4-5 and more
daily), I would not be allowed to play with anyone else until we could
play nicely together? I would have to play with the mean one who just
hit me in the head with a phone---that was after he pushed me back in
the big chair which knocked all the breath out of me.
First I'd be pissed at my parents for lacking in skills to protect
*me*. I'd resent that they ever thought that giving me a sibling was by
any remote stretch of the imagination was a *good* thing. I would quit
talking to that little asshole.
These are still my reactions to having to deal with my brother when we
were little. We don't speak often. We're remote parts of each others'
lives.
What I wish my parents had done: they should have protected me. Kept us
apart. Work on communication skills we could have employed.
What they did was let us work it out alone a LOT. I usually received
the bigger bruises---he was MEAN! If we were really bad, we were
spanked with hairbrushes, switches, flyswatters, and belts as well as
their hands. When we got too old to be hit, we were put in hard-back
chairs to sit until we were released. (the prototype of the
time-out---waaay before it's time.) Sooo as punishment for hitting and
being mean....ummmm we were hit and were ignored. Go figure!
What we NEEDED were strategies and comfort and time aWAY from the
meanie.
Because of my lousy relatonship with my brother, I didn't want Cameron
to have siblings. That's almost what I got with eight years
in-between---gentle, kind, respectful bothers.
~Kelly
Kelly Lovejoy
Conference Coordinator
Live and Learn Unschooling Conference
http://www.LiveandLearnConference.org
________________________________________________________________________
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from AOL at AOL.com.
From: beautifulsassyprincess@...
This is something w/ 4 children i think i know all about.I tell my
children if
they can't get along they have to ONLY play with the one that there
having
trouble with,you'll be amazed how quick they'll be nice to one another
if they
only have each other to play with.
-=-=-=-=-=-
I don't have children who fight or even spat. They are eight years
apart, and I'm sure that's a big part of it! But I DID have a brother
who is 15 months younger. I know how hard it was to deal with a mean
sibling.
So in your scenario: if I had a spat with my brother (4-5 and more
daily), I would not be allowed to play with anyone else until we could
play nicely together? I would have to play with the mean one who just
hit me in the head with a phone---that was after he pushed me back in
the big chair which knocked all the breath out of me.
First I'd be pissed at my parents for lacking in skills to protect
*me*. I'd resent that they ever thought that giving me a sibling was by
any remote stretch of the imagination was a *good* thing. I would quit
talking to that little asshole.
These are still my reactions to having to deal with my brother when we
were little. We don't speak often. We're remote parts of each others'
lives.
What I wish my parents had done: they should have protected me. Kept us
apart. Work on communication skills we could have employed.
What they did was let us work it out alone a LOT. I usually received
the bigger bruises---he was MEAN! If we were really bad, we were
spanked with hairbrushes, switches, flyswatters, and belts as well as
their hands. When we got too old to be hit, we were put in hard-back
chairs to sit until we were released. (the prototype of the
time-out---waaay before it's time.) Sooo as punishment for hitting and
being mean....ummmm we were hit and were ignored. Go figure!
What we NEEDED were strategies and comfort and time aWAY from the
meanie.
Because of my lousy relatonship with my brother, I didn't want Cameron
to have siblings. That's almost what I got with eight years
in-between---gentle, kind, respectful bothers.
~Kelly
Kelly Lovejoy
Conference Coordinator
Live and Learn Unschooling Conference
http://www.LiveandLearnConference.org
________________________________________________________________________
AOL now offers free email to everyone. Find out more about what's free
from AOL at AOL.com.
Georgette Teekel
I don't know how you were raised but i raise MY children with christian morals and respect.I teach them that if they can't handle there own problems and various situations than how will they handle the real world.Yes,they are required to only pla with one another,but if not they to me aren't learning to 1. get along with All of God's people and 2. that mommy loves them but until they as a team can work it out,DON'T bring it to me.
kbcdlovejo@... wrote:
-----Original Message-----
From: beautifulsassyprincess@...
This is something w/ 4 children i think i know all about.I tell my
children if
they can't get along they have to ONLY play with the one that there
having
trouble with,you'll be amazed how quick they'll be nice to one another
if they
only have each other to play with.
-=-=-=-=-=-
I don't have children who fight or even spat. They are eight years
apart, and I'm sure that's a big part of it! But I DID have a brother
who is 15 months younger. I know how hard it was to deal with a mean
sibling.
So in your scenario: if I had a spat with my brother (4-5 and more
daily), I would not be allowed to play with anyone else until we could
play nicely together? I would have to play with the mean one who just
hit me in the head with a phone---that was after he pushed me back in
the big chair which knocked all the breath out of me.
First I'd be pissed at my parents for lacking in skills to protect
*me*. I'd resent that they ever thought that giving me a sibling was by
any remote stretch of the imagination was a *good* thing. I would quit
talking to that little asshole.
These are still my reactions to having to deal with my brother when we
were little. We don't speak often. We're remote parts of each others'
lives.
What I wish my parents had done: they should have protected me. Kept us
apart. Work on communication skills we could have employed.
What they did was let us work it out alone a LOT. I usually received
the bigger bruises---he was MEAN! If we were really bad, we were
spanked with hairbrushes, switches, flyswatters, and belts as well as
their hands. When we got too old to be hit, we were put in hard-back
chairs to sit until we were released. (the prototype of the
time-out---waaay before it's time.) Sooo as punishment for hitting and
being mean....ummmm we were hit and were ignored. Go figure!
What we NEEDED were strategies and comfort and time aWAY from the
meanie.
Because of my lousy relatonship with my brother, I didn't want Cameron
to have siblings. That's almost what I got with eight years
in-between---gentle, kind, respectful bothers.
~Kelly
Kelly Lovejoy
Conference Coordinator
Live and Learn Unschooling Conference
http://www.LiveandLearnConference.org
__________________________________________________________
AOL now offers free email to everyone. Find out more about what's free
from AOL at AOL.com.
---------------------------------
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Yahoo! Toolbar alerts you the instant new Mail arrives. Check it out.
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
kbcdlovejo@... wrote:
-----Original Message-----
From: beautifulsassyprincess@...
This is something w/ 4 children i think i know all about.I tell my
children if
they can't get along they have to ONLY play with the one that there
having
trouble with,you'll be amazed how quick they'll be nice to one another
if they
only have each other to play with.
-=-=-=-=-=-
I don't have children who fight or even spat. They are eight years
apart, and I'm sure that's a big part of it! But I DID have a brother
who is 15 months younger. I know how hard it was to deal with a mean
sibling.
So in your scenario: if I had a spat with my brother (4-5 and more
daily), I would not be allowed to play with anyone else until we could
play nicely together? I would have to play with the mean one who just
hit me in the head with a phone---that was after he pushed me back in
the big chair which knocked all the breath out of me.
First I'd be pissed at my parents for lacking in skills to protect
*me*. I'd resent that they ever thought that giving me a sibling was by
any remote stretch of the imagination was a *good* thing. I would quit
talking to that little asshole.
These are still my reactions to having to deal with my brother when we
were little. We don't speak often. We're remote parts of each others'
lives.
What I wish my parents had done: they should have protected me. Kept us
apart. Work on communication skills we could have employed.
What they did was let us work it out alone a LOT. I usually received
the bigger bruises---he was MEAN! If we were really bad, we were
spanked with hairbrushes, switches, flyswatters, and belts as well as
their hands. When we got too old to be hit, we were put in hard-back
chairs to sit until we were released. (the prototype of the
time-out---waaay before it's time.) Sooo as punishment for hitting and
being mean....ummmm we were hit and were ignored. Go figure!
What we NEEDED were strategies and comfort and time aWAY from the
meanie.
Because of my lousy relatonship with my brother, I didn't want Cameron
to have siblings. That's almost what I got with eight years
in-between---gentle, kind, respectful bothers.
~Kelly
Kelly Lovejoy
Conference Coordinator
Live and Learn Unschooling Conference
http://www.LiveandLearnConference.org
__________________________________________________________
AOL now offers free email to everyone. Find out more about what's free
from AOL at AOL.com.
---------------------------------
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[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Georgette Teekel
In my house i'm the QUEEN i make the rules and they'll either like it or move.How you like them apples?Plus,there only 2,3 and 4.
Ren Allen <starsuncloud@...> wrote: ~~I tell my children if they can't get along they have to ONLY play
with the one that there having trouble with,you'll be amazed how quick
they'll be nice to one another if they only have each other to play with~~
Wow...if someone made me hang out with people that were annoying me,
I'd REALLY resent them. I think that's a really harsh way to deal with
sibling disagreement.
Nobody makes me be with someone I don't want to be around. Nobody
forces me to stay near someone that I am feeling ugly towards. I can't
imagine making my kids do that.
I think sibling disagreement is a signal for MORE space, not less.
Ren
learninginfreedom.com
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Ren Allen <starsuncloud@...> wrote: ~~I tell my children if they can't get along they have to ONLY play
with the one that there having trouble with,you'll be amazed how quick
they'll be nice to one another if they only have each other to play with~~
Wow...if someone made me hang out with people that were annoying me,
I'd REALLY resent them. I think that's a really harsh way to deal with
sibling disagreement.
Nobody makes me be with someone I don't want to be around. Nobody
forces me to stay near someone that I am feeling ugly towards. I can't
imagine making my kids do that.
I think sibling disagreement is a signal for MORE space, not less.
Ren
learninginfreedom.com
---------------------------------
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Get new email alerts with the free Yahoo! Toolbar.
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Vickisue Gray
I agree with Kelly and Ren on this one (and pretty much everything else, lol)
I had an older brother who was just plain violent. If my mom would have forced
us to "play" with each other exclusively, I'd be dead. Sad part is that's not
an exaggeration. Plus, he would have attacked her which he finally did when he
was 17yo, after attacking me. He had one weakness; a sensitive scalp. Somehow
I had managed to pin him by holding his hair at the back of his head, and holding his
head down to his knees so he couldn't hit me. We danced like that till my mom
finally got home and opened the front door. I yelled for them to leave the door open and move. I shoved him and ran so fast out the door and kept right on running. I told her
I would never come back as long as he lived there. She kicked him out then blamed it on me. The truth was, that when he lost me as his target, he attacked her, and she had finally
felt the abuse first hand.
This shaped the way I raised my kids. I don't believe in hitting my kids and I have never allowed them to hit each other. This doesn't mean it has never happened, but it's been rare.
I think groups like this and the books you all have mentioned are very needed in this world.
---------------------------------
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[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
I had an older brother who was just plain violent. If my mom would have forced
us to "play" with each other exclusively, I'd be dead. Sad part is that's not
an exaggeration. Plus, he would have attacked her which he finally did when he
was 17yo, after attacking me. He had one weakness; a sensitive scalp. Somehow
I had managed to pin him by holding his hair at the back of his head, and holding his
head down to his knees so he couldn't hit me. We danced like that till my mom
finally got home and opened the front door. I yelled for them to leave the door open and move. I shoved him and ran so fast out the door and kept right on running. I told her
I would never come back as long as he lived there. She kicked him out then blamed it on me. The truth was, that when he lost me as his target, he attacked her, and she had finally
felt the abuse first hand.
This shaped the way I raised my kids. I don't believe in hitting my kids and I have never allowed them to hit each other. This doesn't mean it has never happened, but it's been rare.
I think groups like this and the books you all have mentioned are very needed in this world.
---------------------------------
Finding fabulous fares is fun.
Let Yahoo! FareChase search your favorite travel sites to find flight and hotel bargains.
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Georgette Teekel
I DO NOT BELIEVE YOU PEOPLE,IF YOU TURN AWAY AND LET CHILDREN KNOW IT DOESN'T BOTHER YOU in my EXPERIENCE that'll make them stop,there only doing it in m EXPERIENCE to get attention and there again my CHILDREN ARE 2,3 AND 4.
Vickisue Gray <vickisue_gray@...> wrote: I agree with Kelly and Ren on this one (and pretty much everything else, lol)
I had an older brother who was just plain violent. If my mom would have forced
us to "play" with each other exclusively, I'd be dead. Sad part is that's not
an exaggeration. Plus, he would have attacked her which he finally did when he
was 17yo, after attacking me. He had one weakness; a sensitive scalp. Somehow
I had managed to pin him by holding his hair at the back of his head, and holding his
head down to his knees so he couldn't hit me. We danced like that till my mom
finally got home and opened the front door. I yelled for them to leave the door open and move. I shoved him and ran so fast out the door and kept right on running. I told her
I would never come back as long as he lived there. She kicked him out then blamed it on me. The truth was, that when he lost me as his target, he attacked her, and she had finally
felt the abuse first hand.
This shaped the way I raised my kids. I don't believe in hitting my kids and I have never allowed them to hit each other. This doesn't mean it has never happened, but it's been rare.
I think groups like this and the books you all have mentioned are very needed in this world.
---------------------------------
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Let Yahoo! FareChase search your favorite travel sites to find flight and hotel bargains.
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
---------------------------------
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[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Vickisue Gray <vickisue_gray@...> wrote: I agree with Kelly and Ren on this one (and pretty much everything else, lol)
I had an older brother who was just plain violent. If my mom would have forced
us to "play" with each other exclusively, I'd be dead. Sad part is that's not
an exaggeration. Plus, he would have attacked her which he finally did when he
was 17yo, after attacking me. He had one weakness; a sensitive scalp. Somehow
I had managed to pin him by holding his hair at the back of his head, and holding his
head down to his knees so he couldn't hit me. We danced like that till my mom
finally got home and opened the front door. I yelled for them to leave the door open and move. I shoved him and ran so fast out the door and kept right on running. I told her
I would never come back as long as he lived there. She kicked him out then blamed it on me. The truth was, that when he lost me as his target, he attacked her, and she had finally
felt the abuse first hand.
This shaped the way I raised my kids. I don't believe in hitting my kids and I have never allowed them to hit each other. This doesn't mean it has never happened, but it's been rare.
I think groups like this and the books you all have mentioned are very needed in this world.
---------------------------------
Finding fabulous fares is fun.
Let Yahoo! FareChase search your favorite travel sites to find flight and hotel bargains.
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
---------------------------------
Don't get soaked. Take a quick peek at the forecast
with theYahoo! Search weather shortcut.
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Ren Allen
~~I DO NOT BELIEVE YOU PEOPLE,IF YOU TURN AWAY AND LET CHILDREN KNOW
IT DOESN'T BOTHER YOU in my EXPERIENCE that'll make them stop,there
only doing it in m EXPERIENCE to get attention and there again my
CHILDREN ARE 2,3 AND 4.~~
This really bothers me on so many levels.
First of all, ignoring my children is not a tool I employ. I assume
that if they're doing something to get attention, then I should have
been giving them attention long before they had to pull out a really
poor tool to get what they need! If 2,3 and 4 year old children are
using poor behavior to get attention, why on earth weren't they
getting that attention WAY before that? THey're little. They NEED a
lot of attention and parental involvement.
Fighting is a sign for more attention, true. But not because they just
want you to notice them, they need better tools for solving problems
with each other and they can't possibly have them at those young
ages!! So basically, you're saying the biggest, strongest, meanest
sibling gets their way? That is horrible.
This list does not promote ignoring children, parents being the
"queen" of their household (we prefer using methods that are
consensual and honor every person regardless of age) or any other
punitive or disrespectful methods.
Those kind of behaviors (on the parents part) really get in the way of
unschooling. The trust factor needs to be very high for unschooling to
unfold in the best possible manner.
Kids need to trust that you'll protect them (even from each other),
that you see and hear them, that you light up when they come into the
room and that their needs/wishes/desires will be taken seriously.
I highly recommend you read the book "Unconditional Parenting" as soon
as possible. Your babies need you to be there for them, not ignore
their most difficult moments. If Mom doesn't know what to do when they
fight, how on earth are wee children going to know what to do ?
Ren
learninginfreedom.com
IT DOESN'T BOTHER YOU in my EXPERIENCE that'll make them stop,there
only doing it in m EXPERIENCE to get attention and there again my
CHILDREN ARE 2,3 AND 4.~~
This really bothers me on so many levels.
First of all, ignoring my children is not a tool I employ. I assume
that if they're doing something to get attention, then I should have
been giving them attention long before they had to pull out a really
poor tool to get what they need! If 2,3 and 4 year old children are
using poor behavior to get attention, why on earth weren't they
getting that attention WAY before that? THey're little. They NEED a
lot of attention and parental involvement.
Fighting is a sign for more attention, true. But not because they just
want you to notice them, they need better tools for solving problems
with each other and they can't possibly have them at those young
ages!! So basically, you're saying the biggest, strongest, meanest
sibling gets their way? That is horrible.
This list does not promote ignoring children, parents being the
"queen" of their household (we prefer using methods that are
consensual and honor every person regardless of age) or any other
punitive or disrespectful methods.
Those kind of behaviors (on the parents part) really get in the way of
unschooling. The trust factor needs to be very high for unschooling to
unfold in the best possible manner.
Kids need to trust that you'll protect them (even from each other),
that you see and hear them, that you light up when they come into the
room and that their needs/wishes/desires will be taken seriously.
I highly recommend you read the book "Unconditional Parenting" as soon
as possible. Your babies need you to be there for them, not ignore
their most difficult moments. If Mom doesn't know what to do when they
fight, how on earth are wee children going to know what to do ?
Ren
learninginfreedom.com
Lisa Heyman
>Along with the need for space, another resolution in our home to sibilings
>I think sibling disagreement is a signal for MORE space, not less.
>
fighting is the need for more equitable attention or involvement from me and
or dh.
And then there is the need for my dh and i to be better at getting along
ourselves. If we are not communicating successfully or respectfully you can
bet the kids will reflect it right back at us with their interactions.
Or if i wake up particularly cranky (having nothing to do with anyone else
but perhaps a lack of sleep or my own negative mindset) you better believe
it transfers right down the line and will end up directed at my youngest.
When my kids are not getting along i look at what i might be doing
differently before expecting them to do differently. Not to say their
feelings or behavior are *always* my responsibility or i have control over
them - but most of the time i can make a huge difference to how they feel or
interact with one another. Certainly how i respond to their conflict will
have a postive or negative affect on their ability to resolve it honestly.
Lisa Heyman
_________________________________________________________________
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Ren Allen
~~In my house i'm the QUEEN i make the rules and they'll either like
it or move.How you like them apples?Plus,there only 2,3 and 4.~~
I think your attitude is coming through quite clearly here. I'm sure
your children pick up on it daily. It's rough.
They're at really good ages for you to make changes before they get
old enough to turn around and treat you the same way. You're planting
seeds for tomorrow. These little people are just adults you get to
have before they're adults.:) They'll remember these interactions and
when they're powerful enough to tell you off or move out, they just might.
In my house, we all decide issues. If someone doesn't like it we
discuss other options. I have children that get along really well and
help out very sweetly. We're all very close and I know that a big
part of our relationship hinges on the way their parents treat them.
Ren
learninginfreedom.com
it or move.How you like them apples?Plus,there only 2,3 and 4.~~
I think your attitude is coming through quite clearly here. I'm sure
your children pick up on it daily. It's rough.
They're at really good ages for you to make changes before they get
old enough to turn around and treat you the same way. You're planting
seeds for tomorrow. These little people are just adults you get to
have before they're adults.:) They'll remember these interactions and
when they're powerful enough to tell you off or move out, they just might.
In my house, we all decide issues. If someone doesn't like it we
discuss other options. I have children that get along really well and
help out very sweetly. We're all very close and I know that a big
part of our relationship hinges on the way their parents treat them.
Ren
learninginfreedom.com
Anne B
What a HORRIBLE attitude. How can you even THINK that of such little
children? You'll threaten that they have to move out???
This hits home with me. My mother recently advised my older brother to
tell his son (15) that he had to go to counseling or move out. Just a
threat, with no back up plan, in case he did decide to move out. What kind
of a lesson does that teach a child, at his age, or at any age? That is
the most horrible thing to say to a child.
And you are saying this to your BABIES??? Those poor children.
Anne (yes I don't post much but I couldn't take this one laying down. My
heart is breaking for those children!)
At 04:26 AM 3/27/2007 -0700, you wrote:
mom to Jeffrey 9, Patrick 6, Nicole 4 and Colleen 1
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
children? You'll threaten that they have to move out???
This hits home with me. My mother recently advised my older brother to
tell his son (15) that he had to go to counseling or move out. Just a
threat, with no back up plan, in case he did decide to move out. What kind
of a lesson does that teach a child, at his age, or at any age? That is
the most horrible thing to say to a child.
And you are saying this to your BABIES??? Those poor children.
Anne (yes I don't post much but I couldn't take this one laying down. My
heart is breaking for those children!)
At 04:26 AM 3/27/2007 -0700, you wrote:
>In my house i'm the QUEEN i make the rules and they'll either like it orAnne
>move.How you like them apples?Plus,there only 2,3 and 4.
mom to Jeffrey 9, Patrick 6, Nicole 4 and Colleen 1
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Georgette Teekel
I highly recommend you please mam' chg the topic.This is a touchy subject.
Ren Allen <starsuncloud@...> wrote: ~~I DO NOT BELIEVE YOU PEOPLE,IF YOU TURN AWAY AND LET CHILDREN KNOW
IT DOESN'T BOTHER YOU in my EXPERIENCE that'll make them stop,there
only doing it in m EXPERIENCE to get attention and there again my
CHILDREN ARE 2,3 AND 4.~~
This really bothers me on so many levels.
First of all, ignoring my children is not a tool I employ. I assume
that if they're doing something to get attention, then I should have
been giving them attention long before they had to pull out a really
poor tool to get what they need! If 2,3 and 4 year old children are
using poor behavior to get attention, why on earth weren't they
getting that attention WAY before that? THey're little. They NEED a
lot of attention and parental involvement.
Fighting is a sign for more attention, true. But not because they just
want you to notice them, they need better tools for solving problems
with each other and they can't possibly have them at those young
ages!! So basically, you're saying the biggest, strongest, meanest
sibling gets their way? That is horrible.
This list does not promote ignoring children, parents being the
"queen" of their household (we prefer using methods that are
consensual and honor every person regardless of age) or any other
punitive or disrespectful methods.
Those kind of behaviors (on the parents part) really get in the way of
unschooling. The trust factor needs to be very high for unschooling to
unfold in the best possible manner.
Kids need to trust that you'll protect them (even from each other),
that you see and hear them, that you light up when they come into the
room and that their needs/wishes/desires will be taken seriously.
I highly recommend you read the book "Unconditional Parenting" as soon
as possible. Your babies need you to be there for them, not ignore
their most difficult moments. If Mom doesn't know what to do when they
fight, how on earth are wee children going to know what to do ?
Ren
learninginfreedom.com
---------------------------------
Now that's room service! Choose from over 150,000 hotels
in 45,000 destinations on Yahoo! Travel to find your fit.
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Ren Allen <starsuncloud@...> wrote: ~~I DO NOT BELIEVE YOU PEOPLE,IF YOU TURN AWAY AND LET CHILDREN KNOW
IT DOESN'T BOTHER YOU in my EXPERIENCE that'll make them stop,there
only doing it in m EXPERIENCE to get attention and there again my
CHILDREN ARE 2,3 AND 4.~~
This really bothers me on so many levels.
First of all, ignoring my children is not a tool I employ. I assume
that if they're doing something to get attention, then I should have
been giving them attention long before they had to pull out a really
poor tool to get what they need! If 2,3 and 4 year old children are
using poor behavior to get attention, why on earth weren't they
getting that attention WAY before that? THey're little. They NEED a
lot of attention and parental involvement.
Fighting is a sign for more attention, true. But not because they just
want you to notice them, they need better tools for solving problems
with each other and they can't possibly have them at those young
ages!! So basically, you're saying the biggest, strongest, meanest
sibling gets their way? That is horrible.
This list does not promote ignoring children, parents being the
"queen" of their household (we prefer using methods that are
consensual and honor every person regardless of age) or any other
punitive or disrespectful methods.
Those kind of behaviors (on the parents part) really get in the way of
unschooling. The trust factor needs to be very high for unschooling to
unfold in the best possible manner.
Kids need to trust that you'll protect them (even from each other),
that you see and hear them, that you light up when they come into the
room and that their needs/wishes/desires will be taken seriously.
I highly recommend you read the book "Unconditional Parenting" as soon
as possible. Your babies need you to be there for them, not ignore
their most difficult moments. If Mom doesn't know what to do when they
fight, how on earth are wee children going to know what to do ?
Ren
learninginfreedom.com
---------------------------------
Now that's room service! Choose from over 150,000 hotels
in 45,000 destinations on Yahoo! Travel to find your fit.
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Kelly Weyd
I don't think anyone is trying to be rude or disrespectful to you. Let me put a bit of a different spin on it. I have two girls 7 & 8. My 7 year old has ADHD, Sensory Processing Disorder and Non-Verbal Learning Disability. My 7 year olds social skills and ability to cope are more like that of a 3 year old. She can not get along with her sister, and she is bigger than her older sister. I can not just tell them to work it out or play together when the 7 year old is pummeling the 8 year old. For my 7 year old it's not about attention. She has no self control, no impulse control and no ability to keep her hands to herself. I as a parent have to step in and protect my 8 year old. I have to step in and model appropriate behavior, and I have to separate them if need be. And I can't turn away. It does bother me when my 7 year old hits, punches, pinches, bites.......you name it. I can't let my 8 year old be tortured. When my husband and I are long gone, it's just gonna
be the two of them. It's my responsibility to help them form a loving, life long relationship.
Kelly
Georgette Teekel <beautifulsassyprincess@...> wrote:
I DO NOT BELIEVE YOU PEOPLE,IF YOU TURN AWAY AND LET CHILDREN KNOW IT DOESN'T BOTHER YOU in my EXPERIENCE that'll make them stop,there only doing it in m EXPERIENCE to get attention and there again my CHILDREN ARE 2,3 AND 4.
Vickisue Gray <vickisue_gray@...> wrote: I agree with Kelly and Ren on this one (and pretty much everything else, lol)
I had an older brother who was just plain violent. If my mom would have forced
us to "play" with each other exclusively, I'd be dead. Sad part is that's not
an exaggeration. Plus, he would have attacked her which he finally did when he
was 17yo, after attacking me. He had one weakness; a sensitive scalp. Somehow
I had managed to pin him by holding his hair at the back of his head, and holding his
head down to his knees so he couldn't hit me. We danced like that till my mom
finally got home and opened the front door. I yelled for them to leave the door open and move. I shoved him and ran so fast out the door and kept right on running. I told her
I would never come back as long as he lived there. She kicked him out then blamed it on me. The truth was, that when he lost me as his target, he attacked her, and she had finally
felt the abuse first hand.
This shaped the way I raised my kids. I don't believe in hitting my kids and I have never allowed them to hit each other. This doesn't mean it has never happened, but it's been rare.
I think groups like this and the books you all have mentioned are very needed in this world.
---------------------------------
Finding fabulous fares is fun.
Let Yahoo! FareChase search your favorite travel sites to find flight and hotel bargains.
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
---------------------------------
Don't get soaked. Take a quick peek at the forecast
with theYahoo! Search weather shortcut.
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
---------------------------------
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[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
be the two of them. It's my responsibility to help them form a loving, life long relationship.
Kelly
Georgette Teekel <beautifulsassyprincess@...> wrote:
I DO NOT BELIEVE YOU PEOPLE,IF YOU TURN AWAY AND LET CHILDREN KNOW IT DOESN'T BOTHER YOU in my EXPERIENCE that'll make them stop,there only doing it in m EXPERIENCE to get attention and there again my CHILDREN ARE 2,3 AND 4.
Vickisue Gray <vickisue_gray@...> wrote: I agree with Kelly and Ren on this one (and pretty much everything else, lol)
I had an older brother who was just plain violent. If my mom would have forced
us to "play" with each other exclusively, I'd be dead. Sad part is that's not
an exaggeration. Plus, he would have attacked her which he finally did when he
was 17yo, after attacking me. He had one weakness; a sensitive scalp. Somehow
I had managed to pin him by holding his hair at the back of his head, and holding his
head down to his knees so he couldn't hit me. We danced like that till my mom
finally got home and opened the front door. I yelled for them to leave the door open and move. I shoved him and ran so fast out the door and kept right on running. I told her
I would never come back as long as he lived there. She kicked him out then blamed it on me. The truth was, that when he lost me as his target, he attacked her, and she had finally
felt the abuse first hand.
This shaped the way I raised my kids. I don't believe in hitting my kids and I have never allowed them to hit each other. This doesn't mean it has never happened, but it's been rare.
I think groups like this and the books you all have mentioned are very needed in this world.
---------------------------------
Finding fabulous fares is fun.
Let Yahoo! FareChase search your favorite travel sites to find flight and hotel bargains.
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
---------------------------------
Don't get soaked. Take a quick peek at the forecast
with theYahoo! Search weather shortcut.
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
---------------------------------
Looking for earth-friendly autos?
Browse Top Cars by "Green Rating" at Yahoo! Autos' Green Center.
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Georgette Teekel
Look lady,you don't know me are anything about me,please don't judge.
Ren Allen <starsuncloud@...> wrote: ~~In my house i'm the QUEEN i make the rules and they'll either like
it or move.How you like them apples?Plus,there only 2,3 and 4.~~
I think your attitude is coming through quite clearly here. I'm sure
your children pick up on it daily. It's rough.
They're at really good ages for you to make changes before they get
old enough to turn around and treat you the same way. You're planting
seeds for tomorrow. These little people are just adults you get to
have before they're adults.:) They'll remember these interactions and
when they're powerful enough to tell you off or move out, they just might.
In my house, we all decide issues. If someone doesn't like it we
discuss other options. I have children that get along really well and
help out very sweetly. We're all very close and I know that a big
part of our relationship hinges on the way their parents treat them.
Ren
learninginfreedom.com
---------------------------------
Never miss an email again!
Yahoo! Toolbar alerts you the instant new Mail arrives. Check it out.
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Ren Allen <starsuncloud@...> wrote: ~~In my house i'm the QUEEN i make the rules and they'll either like
it or move.How you like them apples?Plus,there only 2,3 and 4.~~
I think your attitude is coming through quite clearly here. I'm sure
your children pick up on it daily. It's rough.
They're at really good ages for you to make changes before they get
old enough to turn around and treat you the same way. You're planting
seeds for tomorrow. These little people are just adults you get to
have before they're adults.:) They'll remember these interactions and
when they're powerful enough to tell you off or move out, they just might.
In my house, we all decide issues. If someone doesn't like it we
discuss other options. I have children that get along really well and
help out very sweetly. We're all very close and I know that a big
part of our relationship hinges on the way their parents treat them.
Ren
learninginfreedom.com
---------------------------------
Never miss an email again!
Yahoo! Toolbar alerts you the instant new Mail arrives. Check it out.
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
[email protected]
-----Original Message-----
From: beautifulsassyprincess@...
I DO NOT BELIEVE YOU PEOPLE,IF YOU TURN AWAY AND LET CHILDREN KNOW
IT DOESN'T
BOTHER YOU in my EXPERIENCE that'll make them stop,there only doing it
in m
EXPERIENCE to get attention and there again my CHILDREN ARE 2,3 AND 4.
-=-=-=-
And so when your children are 17, 16, and 14, do you believe this will
be the tactic they might choose to take with you?
I guarantee it.
There are three ways we teach our children:
1) modelling
2) modelling
3) modelling
If you think this is the best way to deal with children, just think how
you will feel when they model that behavior right back to you.
We could all ignore this horrible advice you're spouting here at
UnschoolingBasics. We could let you know it doesn't bother us. What
would *you* then think? That your advice was acceptable? Probably.
Your children are CRYING---SCREAMING for help. You're walking away as
if they are the least important turds in your home. How do you think
they feel?
When they become teenagers, where do you think they'll go for solace?
advice? help? You can be damned sure it won't be their queenbee mother.
~Kelly
Kelly Lovejoy
Conference Coordinator
Live and Learn Unschooling Conference
http://www.LiveandLearnConference.org
________________________________________________________________________
AOL now offers free email to everyone. Find out more about what's free
from AOL at AOL.com.
From: beautifulsassyprincess@...
I DO NOT BELIEVE YOU PEOPLE,IF YOU TURN AWAY AND LET CHILDREN KNOW
IT DOESN'T
BOTHER YOU in my EXPERIENCE that'll make them stop,there only doing it
in m
EXPERIENCE to get attention and there again my CHILDREN ARE 2,3 AND 4.
-=-=-=-
And so when your children are 17, 16, and 14, do you believe this will
be the tactic they might choose to take with you?
I guarantee it.
There are three ways we teach our children:
1) modelling
2) modelling
3) modelling
If you think this is the best way to deal with children, just think how
you will feel when they model that behavior right back to you.
We could all ignore this horrible advice you're spouting here at
UnschoolingBasics. We could let you know it doesn't bother us. What
would *you* then think? That your advice was acceptable? Probably.
Your children are CRYING---SCREAMING for help. You're walking away as
if they are the least important turds in your home. How do you think
they feel?
When they become teenagers, where do you think they'll go for solace?
advice? help? You can be damned sure it won't be their queenbee mother.
~Kelly
Kelly Lovejoy
Conference Coordinator
Live and Learn Unschooling Conference
http://www.LiveandLearnConference.org
________________________________________________________________________
AOL now offers free email to everyone. Find out more about what's free
from AOL at AOL.com.
Georgette Teekel
Look i don't judge you don't know me so don't judge.I AM BIPOLAR,MAM' WHATS YOUR EXCUSE?
Anne B <kbarnett3@...> wrote: What a HORRIBLE attitude. How can you even THINK that of such little
children? You'll threaten that they have to move out???
This hits home with me. My mother recently advised my older brother to
tell his son (15) that he had to go to counseling or move out. Just a
threat, with no back up plan, in case he did decide to move out. What kind
of a lesson does that teach a child, at his age, or at any age? That is
the most horrible thing to say to a child.
And you are saying this to your BABIES??? Those poor children.
Anne (yes I don't post much but I couldn't take this one laying down. My
heart is breaking for those children!)
At 04:26 AM 3/27/2007 -0700, you wrote:
mom to Jeffrey 9, Patrick 6, Nicole 4 and Colleen 1
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
---------------------------------
Don't pick lemons.
See all the new 2007 cars at Yahoo! Autos.
---------------------------------
Now that's room service! Choose from over 150,000 hotels
in 45,000 destinations on Yahoo! Travel to find your fit.
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Anne B <kbarnett3@...> wrote: What a HORRIBLE attitude. How can you even THINK that of such little
children? You'll threaten that they have to move out???
This hits home with me. My mother recently advised my older brother to
tell his son (15) that he had to go to counseling or move out. Just a
threat, with no back up plan, in case he did decide to move out. What kind
of a lesson does that teach a child, at his age, or at any age? That is
the most horrible thing to say to a child.
And you are saying this to your BABIES??? Those poor children.
Anne (yes I don't post much but I couldn't take this one laying down. My
heart is breaking for those children!)
At 04:26 AM 3/27/2007 -0700, you wrote:
>In my house i'm the QUEEN i make the rules and they'll either like it orAnne
>move.How you like them apples?Plus,there only 2,3 and 4.
mom to Jeffrey 9, Patrick 6, Nicole 4 and Colleen 1
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
---------------------------------
Don't pick lemons.
See all the new 2007 cars at Yahoo! Autos.
---------------------------------
Now that's room service! Choose from over 150,000 hotels
in 45,000 destinations on Yahoo! Travel to find your fit.
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
[email protected]
-----Original Message-----
From: beautifulsassyprincess@...
In my house i'm the QUEEN i make the rules and they'll either like
it or
move.How you like them apples?Plus,there only 2,3 and 4.
-=-=-=-=-=-
I'm betting your children will quickly tire of being your servants and
move out of your queendom the SECOND they can get out.
Don't expect yours to be a long relationship with your kids.
Why should they stay? What would be the benefit of that?
~Kelly
Kelly Lovejoy
Conference Coordinator
Live and Learn Unschooling Conference
http://www.LiveandLearnConference.org
________________________________________________________________________
AOL now offers free email to everyone. Find out more about what's free
from AOL at AOL.com.
From: beautifulsassyprincess@...
In my house i'm the QUEEN i make the rules and they'll either like
it or
move.How you like them apples?Plus,there only 2,3 and 4.
-=-=-=-=-=-
I'm betting your children will quickly tire of being your servants and
move out of your queendom the SECOND they can get out.
Don't expect yours to be a long relationship with your kids.
Why should they stay? What would be the benefit of that?
~Kelly
Kelly Lovejoy
Conference Coordinator
Live and Learn Unschooling Conference
http://www.LiveandLearnConference.org
________________________________________________________________________
AOL now offers free email to everyone. Find out more about what's free
from AOL at AOL.com.
Georgette Teekel
I am going to sa one last thing on this subject-hopefully,A child should NEVER be brought to the point of torturing another.
Kelly Weyd <kellmar98@...> wrote:
I don't think anyone is trying to be rude or disrespectful to you. Let me put a bit of a different spin on it. I have two girls 7 & 8. My 7 year old has ADHD, Sensory Processing Disorder and Non-Verbal Learning Disability. My 7 year olds social skills and ability to cope are more like that of a 3 year old. She can not get along with her sister, and she is bigger than her older sister. I can not just tell them to work it out or play together when the 7 year old is pummeling the 8 year old. For my 7 year old it's not about attention. She has no self control, no impulse control and no ability to keep her hands to herself. I as a parent have to step in and protect my 8 year old. I have to step in and model appropriate behavior, and I have to separate them if need be. And I can't turn away. It does bother me when my 7 year old hits, punches, pinches, bites.......you name it. I can't let my 8 year old be tortured. When my husband and I are long gone, it's just gonna
be the two of them. It's my responsibility to help them form a loving, life long relationship.
Kelly
Georgette Teekel <beautifulsassyprincess@...> wrote:
I DO NOT BELIEVE YOU PEOPLE,IF YOU TURN AWAY AND LET CHILDREN KNOW IT DOESN'T BOTHER YOU in my EXPERIENCE that'll make them stop,there only doing it in m EXPERIENCE to get attention and there again my CHILDREN ARE 2,3 AND 4.
Vickisue Gray <vickisue_gray@...> wrote: I agree with Kelly and Ren on this one (and pretty much everything else, lol)
I had an older brother who was just plain violent. If my mom would have forced
us to "play" with each other exclusively, I'd be dead. Sad part is that's not
an exaggeration. Plus, he would have attacked her which he finally did when he
was 17yo, after attacking me. He had one weakness; a sensitive scalp. Somehow
I had managed to pin him by holding his hair at the back of his head, and holding his
head down to his knees so he couldn't hit me. We danced like that till my mom
finally got home and opened the front door. I yelled for them to leave the door open and move. I shoved him and ran so fast out the door and kept right on running. I told her
I would never come back as long as he lived there. She kicked him out then blamed it on me. The truth was, that when he lost me as his target, he attacked her, and she had finally
felt the abuse first hand.
This shaped the way I raised my kids. I don't believe in hitting my kids and I have never allowed them to hit each other. This doesn't mean it has never happened, but it's been rare.
I think groups like this and the books you all have mentioned are very needed in this world.
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Kelly Weyd <kellmar98@...> wrote:
I don't think anyone is trying to be rude or disrespectful to you. Let me put a bit of a different spin on it. I have two girls 7 & 8. My 7 year old has ADHD, Sensory Processing Disorder and Non-Verbal Learning Disability. My 7 year olds social skills and ability to cope are more like that of a 3 year old. She can not get along with her sister, and she is bigger than her older sister. I can not just tell them to work it out or play together when the 7 year old is pummeling the 8 year old. For my 7 year old it's not about attention. She has no self control, no impulse control and no ability to keep her hands to herself. I as a parent have to step in and protect my 8 year old. I have to step in and model appropriate behavior, and I have to separate them if need be. And I can't turn away. It does bother me when my 7 year old hits, punches, pinches, bites.......you name it. I can't let my 8 year old be tortured. When my husband and I are long gone, it's just gonna
be the two of them. It's my responsibility to help them form a loving, life long relationship.
Kelly
Georgette Teekel <beautifulsassyprincess@...> wrote:
I DO NOT BELIEVE YOU PEOPLE,IF YOU TURN AWAY AND LET CHILDREN KNOW IT DOESN'T BOTHER YOU in my EXPERIENCE that'll make them stop,there only doing it in m EXPERIENCE to get attention and there again my CHILDREN ARE 2,3 AND 4.
Vickisue Gray <vickisue_gray@...> wrote: I agree with Kelly and Ren on this one (and pretty much everything else, lol)
I had an older brother who was just plain violent. If my mom would have forced
us to "play" with each other exclusively, I'd be dead. Sad part is that's not
an exaggeration. Plus, he would have attacked her which he finally did when he
was 17yo, after attacking me. He had one weakness; a sensitive scalp. Somehow
I had managed to pin him by holding his hair at the back of his head, and holding his
head down to his knees so he couldn't hit me. We danced like that till my mom
finally got home and opened the front door. I yelled for them to leave the door open and move. I shoved him and ran so fast out the door and kept right on running. I told her
I would never come back as long as he lived there. She kicked him out then blamed it on me. The truth was, that when he lost me as his target, he attacked her, and she had finally
felt the abuse first hand.
This shaped the way I raised my kids. I don't believe in hitting my kids and I have never allowed them to hit each other. This doesn't mean it has never happened, but it's been rare.
I think groups like this and the books you all have mentioned are very needed in this world.
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Georgette Teekel
My children are HARDLY ever whipped,we use the naughty chair and if ANY DISRESPECT FROM A CHILD,I SEND THEM TO THAT CHAIR,SO no there is NO screaming in this house-you must have assumed wrong.
kbcdlovejo@... wrote: -----Original Message-----
From: beautifulsassyprincess@...
I DO NOT BELIEVE YOU PEOPLE,IF YOU TURN AWAY AND LET CHILDREN KNOW
IT DOESN'T
BOTHER YOU in my EXPERIENCE that'll make them stop,there only doing it
in m
EXPERIENCE to get attention and there again my CHILDREN ARE 2,3 AND 4.
-=-=-=-
And so when your children are 17, 16, and 14, do you believe this will
be the tactic they might choose to take with you?
I guarantee it.
There are three ways we teach our children:
1) modelling
2) modelling
3) modelling
If you think this is the best way to deal with children, just think how
you will feel when they model that behavior right back to you.
We could all ignore this horrible advice you're spouting here at
UnschoolingBasics. We could let you know it doesn't bother us. What
would *you* then think? That your advice was acceptable? Probably.
Your children are CRYING---SCREAMING for help. You're walking away as
if they are the least important turds in your home. How do you think
they feel?
When they become teenagers, where do you think they'll go for solace?
advice? help? You can be damned sure it won't be their queenbee mother.
~Kelly
Kelly Lovejoy
Conference Coordinator
Live and Learn Unschooling Conference
http://www.LiveandLearnConference.org
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[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
kbcdlovejo@... wrote: -----Original Message-----
From: beautifulsassyprincess@...
I DO NOT BELIEVE YOU PEOPLE,IF YOU TURN AWAY AND LET CHILDREN KNOW
IT DOESN'T
BOTHER YOU in my EXPERIENCE that'll make them stop,there only doing it
in m
EXPERIENCE to get attention and there again my CHILDREN ARE 2,3 AND 4.
-=-=-=-
And so when your children are 17, 16, and 14, do you believe this will
be the tactic they might choose to take with you?
I guarantee it.
There are three ways we teach our children:
1) modelling
2) modelling
3) modelling
If you think this is the best way to deal with children, just think how
you will feel when they model that behavior right back to you.
We could all ignore this horrible advice you're spouting here at
UnschoolingBasics. We could let you know it doesn't bother us. What
would *you* then think? That your advice was acceptable? Probably.
Your children are CRYING---SCREAMING for help. You're walking away as
if they are the least important turds in your home. How do you think
they feel?
When they become teenagers, where do you think they'll go for solace?
advice? help? You can be damned sure it won't be their queenbee mother.
~Kelly
Kelly Lovejoy
Conference Coordinator
Live and Learn Unschooling Conference
http://www.LiveandLearnConference.org
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-----Original Message-----
From: beautifulsassyprincess@...
I don't know how you were raised but i raise MY children with
christian morals
and respect.
-=-=-=-=-
Maybe Christian morals, but I don't see that you treat your children
with any respect.
-=-=-=-=-=-=-
I teach them that if they can't handle there own problems and
various situations than how will they handle the real world.
-=-=-=-=-
ANd yet *YOU* are handling the problems in the household. You're
closing your eyes and walking away.
-=-=-=-=-=-=-
Yes,they are required to only pla with one another,but if not they to
me aren't learning to
1. get along with All of God's people and 2. that mommy loves them but
until
they as a team can work it out
-=-=-=-=-=-
They will learn 1) to ignore others' pain and 2) that might is
right---the bigger, meaner person wins.
-=-=-=-=-
DON'T bring it to me.
-=-=-=-=-
Your job is to protect your children. You're not doing that.
~Kelly
Kelly Lovejoy
Conference Coordinator
Live and Learn Unschooling Conference
http://www.LiveandLearnConference.org
________________________________________________________________________
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From: beautifulsassyprincess@...
I don't know how you were raised but i raise MY children with
christian morals
and respect.
-=-=-=-=-
Maybe Christian morals, but I don't see that you treat your children
with any respect.
-=-=-=-=-=-=-
I teach them that if they can't handle there own problems and
various situations than how will they handle the real world.
-=-=-=-=-
ANd yet *YOU* are handling the problems in the household. You're
closing your eyes and walking away.
-=-=-=-=-=-=-
Yes,they are required to only pla with one another,but if not they to
me aren't learning to
1. get along with All of God's people and 2. that mommy loves them but
until
they as a team can work it out
-=-=-=-=-=-
They will learn 1) to ignore others' pain and 2) that might is
right---the bigger, meaner person wins.
-=-=-=-=-
DON'T bring it to me.
-=-=-=-=-
Your job is to protect your children. You're not doing that.
~Kelly
Kelly Lovejoy
Conference Coordinator
Live and Learn Unschooling Conference
http://www.LiveandLearnConference.org
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Lisa Heyman
>From: Georgette Teekel <beautifulsassyprincess@...>Aren't you a member of this team?
>until they as a team can work it out,DON'T bring it to me.
>
Gosh and your kids are what ages? All under 5years old? You expect them to
know how to gracefully work out solutions when most adults don't seem to
really know how to respectfully get along with one another very well at all.
lisa heyman
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-----Original Message-----
From: beautifulsassyprincess@...
I highly recommend you please mam' chg the topic.This is a touchy
subject.
-=-=-
Yes, it's a touchy subject.
You're advocating ignoring children. Not only that, but ignoring htem
when they need you most.
~Kelly
Kelly Lovejoy
Conference Coordinator
Live and Learn Unschooling Conference
http://www.LiveandLearnConference.org
________________________________________________________________________
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From: beautifulsassyprincess@...
I highly recommend you please mam' chg the topic.This is a touchy
subject.
-=-=-
Yes, it's a touchy subject.
You're advocating ignoring children. Not only that, but ignoring htem
when they need you most.
~Kelly
Kelly Lovejoy
Conference Coordinator
Live and Learn Unschooling Conference
http://www.LiveandLearnConference.org
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Lisa Heyman
>From: Georgette Teekel <beautifulsassyprincess@...>Georgette - I imagine they are looking for attention. What is wrong with
>I DO NOT BELIEVE YOU PEOPLE,IF YOU TURN AWAY AND LET CHILDREN KNOW IT
>DOESN'T BOTHER YOU in my EXPERIENCE that'll make them stop,there only doing
>it in m EXPERIENCE to get attention and there again my CHILDREN ARE 2,3 AND
>4.
giving your children attention? Isnt' that our job as parents? To be
attentive to thier needs.
>Sounds like pretty spoiled apples! I am sorry you were treated so badly
>From: Georgette Teekel <beautifulsassyprincess@...>
>In my house i'm the QUEEN i make the rules and they'll either like it or
>move.How you like them apples?Plus,there only 2,3 and 4.
>
that you need to be the QUEEN.
how can you teach your children to look at and change their own behaviour if
you are not looking at your own attitude and behavior and questioning if
perhaps its not serving anyone but your own royal highness.
lisa heyman
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-----Original Message-----
From: beautifulsassyprincess@...
Look i don't judge you don't know me so don't judge.I AM
BIPOLAR,MAM' WHATS YOUR
EXCUSE?
-=-=-=-
You chose to post here.
Blaming bi-polar for bad parenting now? I'm bi-polar. But I don't
ignore my children. I treat them with respect and trust and I try
really hard to help them navigate their worlds.
Excuses don't excuse behavior. We choose how we will react each and
every moment. We can choose to be mean or igmore our kids. Or we can
choose to help them through tough times.
~Kelly
Kelly Lovejoy
Conference Coordinator
Live and Learn Unschooling Conference
http://www.LiveandLearnConference.org
________________________________________________________________________
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From: beautifulsassyprincess@...
Look i don't judge you don't know me so don't judge.I AM
BIPOLAR,MAM' WHATS YOUR
EXCUSE?
-=-=-=-
You chose to post here.
Blaming bi-polar for bad parenting now? I'm bi-polar. But I don't
ignore my children. I treat them with respect and trust and I try
really hard to help them navigate their worlds.
Excuses don't excuse behavior. We choose how we will react each and
every moment. We can choose to be mean or igmore our kids. Or we can
choose to help them through tough times.
~Kelly
Kelly Lovejoy
Conference Coordinator
Live and Learn Unschooling Conference
http://www.LiveandLearnConference.org
________________________________________________________________________
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Georgette Teekel
Lady you don't know what your talking about.M children are soooo spoiled,the were born with a silver spoon in there mouths.
Most of them have health problems,you REALLY DON'T UNDERSTAND
kbcdlovejo@... wrote:
-----Original Message-----
From: beautifulsassyprincess@...
In my house i'm the QUEEN i make the rules and they'll either like
it or
move.How you like them apples?Plus,there only 2,3 and 4.
-=-=-=-=-=-
I'm betting your children will quickly tire of being your servants and
move out of your queendom the SECOND they can get out.
Don't expect yours to be a long relationship with your kids.
Why should they stay? What would be the benefit of that?
~Kelly
Kelly Lovejoy
Conference Coordinator
Live and Learn Unschooling Conference
http://www.LiveandLearnConference.org
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Most of them have health problems,you REALLY DON'T UNDERSTAND
kbcdlovejo@... wrote:
-----Original Message-----
From: beautifulsassyprincess@...
In my house i'm the QUEEN i make the rules and they'll either like
it or
move.How you like them apples?Plus,there only 2,3 and 4.
-=-=-=-=-=-
I'm betting your children will quickly tire of being your servants and
move out of your queendom the SECOND they can get out.
Don't expect yours to be a long relationship with your kids.
Why should they stay? What would be the benefit of that?
~Kelly
Kelly Lovejoy
Conference Coordinator
Live and Learn Unschooling Conference
http://www.LiveandLearnConference.org
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-----Original Message-----
From: beautifulsassyprincess@...
Look lady,you don't know me are anything about me,please don't
judge.
-=-=-=-
We don't know everything. We do know you consider yourself the QUEEN.
That, if they won't follow your rules, they can move out. That they
need to work out their problems with NO skills. That many adults don't
have those skills (and where do you think those adults didn't learn
them?). We know that you think children of 2,4,& 5 should be able to
make very difficult decisions already. We know you use a "naughty
chair." We know that you believe in Jesus---but I don't think you
understood his message to help small children.
Judgment is a GOOD thing. We look at everything in our lives and
decide---JUDGE---whether it's good or bad. Whether it's right or wrong.
Whether it helps or harms.
~Kelly
Kelly Lovejoy
Conference Coordinator
Live and Learn Unschooling Conference
http://www.LiveandLearnConference.org
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From: beautifulsassyprincess@...
Look lady,you don't know me are anything about me,please don't
judge.
-=-=-=-
We don't know everything. We do know you consider yourself the QUEEN.
That, if they won't follow your rules, they can move out. That they
need to work out their problems with NO skills. That many adults don't
have those skills (and where do you think those adults didn't learn
them?). We know that you think children of 2,4,& 5 should be able to
make very difficult decisions already. We know you use a "naughty
chair." We know that you believe in Jesus---but I don't think you
understood his message to help small children.
Judgment is a GOOD thing. We look at everything in our lives and
decide---JUDGE---whether it's good or bad. Whether it's right or wrong.
Whether it helps or harms.
~Kelly
Kelly Lovejoy
Conference Coordinator
Live and Learn Unschooling Conference
http://www.LiveandLearnConference.org
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