Brian & Alexandra Polikowsky

Ok I never really have time to post so I will try to tell my experience in having "limits" and/or "boundaries" in food.
I grew up in Brazil in beautiful Rio de Janeiro right next to the beach. When I was growing up there were very few obese people I knew or saw on the streets. The "fat" people there would be considered at a good healthy weight here. People there are very body image conscious and exercise a lot and eat very healthy for the most part.
Out of the 4 kids ( 2 boys and 2 girls) I was the "fat" one. I have to laugh at that today because when I look back at my pictures as a kid I was just perfect and not fat at all.
But non the less that is how I was Portrayed so my parents , specially my dad, always kept a tab on "How much" I ate. I heard all the "don't eat to much you will get fat", " didn't you just have lunch?" or " you don't need another slice of cake"etc
It was not about "what" I ate as much as "how much and how often" I did. So to this day I really don't care about sweets that much. It was not a big deal if it was sweets , candy or plain food.
I have only been able to control my weight exercising which I do love but I struggle with eating a lot way pass my hunger and until I am overfull.
I think that was because I was always on a "diet"all the time as early as I can remember. No they did not put me on a diet. I was on one. No I was not fat but I "could" get fat.I tried to not eat when I was hungry between meals and I specially felt guilty about eating all the time and was always in fear of getting fat.
So I have struggled with loosing and gaining weight since I was 16. That was when I spent my first summer living in the US and had no one tell me I needed to eat less and everyone thought I was skinny so I gained over 50 lbs in 7 months.
I was almost anorexic when I was 20 ...I was 100 lbs and still trying to loose weight at almost 5'5" not pretty.
Deschooling my eating has helped a lot with maintaining weight and I just dropped a bunch of weight after having my now almost 1 year old.
My two brothers and my sister never had a weight issue because they were never told not to eat or they were going to get fat.
My sister only started having some weight issues after she had her first daughter very young and my dad started telling her she was fat and did not need to eat that much!
She was living at home at the time. Girls have to look drop dead gorgeous in Brazil so there is a lot of pressure.
I think the fear and the guilt I have associated with eating is horrible. If I eat when I am hungry and whatever I want I keep my weight or even loose a bit but if I start feeling guilty I had too much ice cream I start eating until I am stuffed and then I really start gaining weight.
Let your kids learn to follow their body's cues for being hungry or not. I wish I had learned when I was a kid but fear and guilt got in the way.
Alex


[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

m_srevatsa

It is the other way around my daughter. She never feels hungry at
all. Just for her breakfast even served 1 or 2 hours after her
waking up too - Mom I dont want any breakfast. The same with lunch
or dinner. Most of the days it is breakfast and dinner and in the
afternoon she takes a snack. She will fill herself with milk for the
rest. Anything given - nuts, granola bar, fruits, veggies - mom i
dont want anything. I always feel guilty - is there something wrong
that is going on from my side.... can someone throw light on this,
your replies will be really helpful.
Thanks Malini
--- In [email protected], "Brian & Alexandra
Polikowsky" <polykow@...> wrote:
>
>
> Ok I never really have time to post so I will try to tell my
experience in having "limits" and/or "boundaries" in food.
> I grew up in Brazil in beautiful Rio de Janeiro right next to
the beach. When I was growing up there were very few obese people I
knew or saw on the streets. The "fat" people there would be
considered at a good healthy weight here. People there are very body
image conscious and exercise a lot and eat very healthy for the most
part.
> Out of the 4 kids ( 2 boys and 2 girls) I was the "fat" one. I
have to laugh at that today because when I look back at my pictures
as a kid I was just perfect and not fat at all.
> But non the less that is how I was Portrayed so my parents ,
specially my dad, always kept a tab on "How much" I ate. I heard all
the "don't eat to much you will get fat", " didn't you just have
lunch?" or " you don't need another slice of cake"etc
> It was not about "what" I ate as much as "how much and how
often" I did. So to this day I really don't care about sweets that
much. It was not a big deal if it was sweets , candy or plain food.
> I have only been able to control my weight exercising which I do
love but I struggle with eating a lot way pass my hunger and until I
am overfull.
> I think that was because I was always on a "diet"all the time as
early as I can remember. No they did not put me on a diet. I was on
one. No I was not fat but I "could" get fat.I tried to not eat when
I was hungry between meals and I specially felt guilty about
eating all the time and was always in fear of getting fat.
> So I have struggled with loosing and gaining weight since I was
16. That was when I spent my first summer living in the US and had
no one tell me I needed to eat less and everyone thought I was
skinny so I gained over 50 lbs in 7 months.
> I was almost anorexic when I was 20 ...I was 100 lbs and still
trying to loose weight at almost 5'5" not pretty.
> Deschooling my eating has helped a lot with maintaining weight
and I just dropped a bunch of weight after having my now almost 1
year old.
> My two brothers and my sister never had a weight issue because
they were never told not to eat or they were going to get fat.
> My sister only started having some weight issues after she had
her first daughter very young and my dad started telling her she was
fat and did not need to eat that much!
> She was living at home at the time. Girls have to look drop dead
gorgeous in Brazil so there is a lot of pressure.
> I think the fear and the guilt I have associated with eating is
horrible. If I eat when I am hungry and whatever I want I keep my
weight or even loose a bit but if I start feeling guilty I had too
much ice cream I start eating until I am stuffed and then I really
start gaining weight.
> Let your kids learn to follow their body's cues for being
hungry or not. I wish I had learned when I was a kid but fear and
guilt got in the way.
> Alex
>
>
> [Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
>

Susan

For a different situation that resulted in similar issues, consider my
husband's experience. When he was young his family was really poor,
they rarely had enough food and everyone did without at times, but
mostly his parents because they provided for the kids before
themselves. Then when he was about seven his parents both got good
paying jobs and the money started coming in. With that came the food -
and lots of it.

I've heard stories about him sitting down with a bowl and a gallon of
milk and eating a whole box of cereal for breakfast everyday. His
mother says that she would offer to bake cakes and trays of cookies
for the two kids each day and they'd be gone by lunchtime. His parents
felt guilty because for years they couldn't afford to buy their kids
cereal and cookies and other "normal" childhood food items.

Their guilt, subsequent encouragement to overeat and the years of
deprivation of these foods all combined to create a very unhealthy
situation - both physically and emotionally. They gained weight and
were heavy all through their school years and as they got older they
both developed related medical conditions.

DH still struggles with his urge to eat an entire package of cookies
in one sitting or to go back for third and fourth servings at a
buffet, long after he's full, until the point where he feels ill. I
think it's a built in reflex that goes back to the days when he didn't
know where the next meal would come from, so you ate as much as
possible when you could. And this was aided by the fact that when his
parents began earning good money they literally brought the buffet
home and encouraged them to eat as much as possible. I think they felt
it was an expression of love to be able to give them all the foods
they couldn't afford before and it was satisfying to know the kids
feeling full all the time.

It's amazing how much influence an experience with food can have on
eating habits 30 years later... There is so much emotional association
with foods and eating.

-- Susan

[email protected]

I'm reading with great interest (as I'm sure many are) this thread about food and weight/childhood into adult food issues, etc. As we have swung more and more into RU over the past two years food/weight is an area I have admit I have fear and trepidation around. I released controls all at once and too dramatically( looking back now) when I started reading about unschooling and taking restrictions off food. Subsequently one of my DS (13) gained about 50 lbs in a year -- he has stretch marks on his shoulders and hips, and I feel responsible, making "bad" foods unrestriced all at once offering up cookies and soda and pizza and ramen and whatever else he seemed to want. I'm working on keeping a wide variety in the house right now (although at the moment it's a little hard due to budget) and focusing on enjoying whatever we're doing and eating. I admit, I do worry about diabetes, lack of exercise . .. and at the same time working with myself to not live in fear/anxiety but to stay informed, centered, calm and curious. Also my three (13, 13 and 12) sleep SO much. I know it's their ages, but whew, it seems like alot.

Ann.

plaidpanties666

--- In [email protected], "m_srevatsa"
<m_srevatsa@...> wrote:
>
> It is the other way around my daughter. She never feels hungry at
> all. Just for her breakfast even served 1 or 2 hours after her
> waking up too - Mom I dont want any breakfast. The same with lunch
> or dinner. Most of the days it is breakfast and dinner and in the
> afternoon she takes a snack. She will fill herself with milk for the
> rest.

There's a lot of nutrition in milk. My dd drinks a lot of milk - some
days that's her main "food". I drink a lot of milk, my dad drinks a
lot of milk. My mom and brother drink very little milk by comparison
(my brother almost none, even as a kid - I'd drink his for him when
mom and dad weren't looking!). My partner and stepson don't drink much
milk but eat a lot of cheese.

---Meredith (Mo 5, Rar 13)

Debra Rossing

>It is the other way around my daughter. She never feels hungry at all.
Just for her breakfast even served 1 or 2 hours >after her waking up too
- Mom I dont want any breakfast. The same with lunch or dinner. Most of
the days it is >breakfast and dinner and in the afternoon she takes a
snack. She will fill herself with milk for the rest. Anything given -
>nuts, granola bar, fruits, veggies - mom i dont want anything. I always
feel guilty - is there something wrong
>that is going on from my side.... can someone throw light on this, your
replies will be really helpful.
>Thanks Malini
Are you focusing a lot of attention on whether or not she eats? Too much
focus on it can engender resistance. The fact she *is* eating breakfast
and dinner and some snack in the mid-day and some milk means she *is*
feeling hungry at certain times and eating something when she is hungry
BUT it very likely doesn't correspond to what and when you have the idea
she "should" be eating. Rather than "giving" stuff, maybe keep a snack
tray (those divided type plates work well) of nuts, dried fruit, M&Ms,
pre-sliced veggies (and have handy containers of ranch dip or whatever
handy), whatever happens to be fairly "stable" and generally acceptable
(for instance, don't put out tofu cubes if that's an automatic "yuk!"
but if it's a favorite, go for it). Keep in mind that "3 square meals
per day" is NOT a rule, nor is it even the best way to eat - talk to
just about any nutritionist and they recommend eating smaller portions
multiple times per day (5 to 6 times per day usually) rather than 3
squares. It keeps the blood sugar more stable and tends to be healthier
in the long run. I know for us, my DS (he's 8 1/2) has pretty much
always been on a 36 hr eating cycle. He'll eat a bunch Monday morning
(for example), a light mid-day and little in the evening. Tuesday he
eats light in the morning, a bunch mid-day, and light evening. Wednesday
he eats lightly until late afternoon then eats a bunch from around 4 to
around 9. Thursday is generally an "average" day all around. Friday he's
back to lots of food in the morning. And so on. Round and round. With
variation for growth spurts, activity levels, seasonal changes even.
Been this way since he was nursing on demand (which is why I noticed it
particularly). As he's gotten older, he's gotten a little closer to a 24
hr cycle but it's still not exactly there. We don't worry about it - the
food is available for him to get or ask us to get (depending on whether
it's something that needs cooking - there are things he *can* cook but
chooses not to do because of the flame of the gas stove). It's not
unusual when he's in a "morning" day for him to eat a 3 egg omelette,
two pop tarts like things, and some fruit between waking (around 8
usually) and 11 am. On the other hand, it's also not unusual for him to
eat two portions of pasta, meatballs, and 2 hot dogs between 5 and 9 pm
when he's in an "evening" day.

One thing you might consider offering is to make smoothies for her since
she likes milk (which is a food, not a beverage BTW) - milk, fresh
fruit, yogurt, and put in a couple ice cubes to make it shake like or
use some vanilla ice cream or something similar (frozen yogurt would
kill two birds with one stone). Basically, "beef up" the milk that is
her favorite. Oh, also, I didn't notice if you indicated how old she is.
And, too, some people have texture issues with certain foods or types of
foods which might be why she falls back on smooth, cool, familiar milk.

Don't call it "Breakfast" or whatever - that tends to have built in
"this is what is acceptable" foods eg "breakfast" is cereal or eggs or
pancakes or whatever; lunch is soup, sandwich, etc; dinner is meat and
veggie. Rather, just ask what she would like to eat if she evinces an
interest in food. DS has often grabbed a cold hot dog for "breakfast"
and we often have pancakes for dinner and there have been times that his
evening "snack" was a 3 egg cheese omelette at 8:30 pm. So, instead of
offering "proper" breakfast foods or whatever, ask what it is she would
like, offer to prepare her something, ask her to add items she might
want to the grocery list, etc. If you are making something, ask if she
would like some, but do it lightly, as you would ask a friend who might
be visiting. No motive or pressure, just an offer.

Deb

**********************************************************************
This email and any files transmitted with it are confidential and
intended solely for the use of the individual or entity to whom they
are addressed. If you have received this email in error please notify
the system manager.

This footnote also confirms that this email message has been swept by
MIMEsweeper for the presence of computer viruses.

CNC Software, Inc.
www.mastercam.com
**********************************************************************




[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

[email protected]

> > She will fill herself with milk for the
> > rest.

> There's a lot of nutrition in milk. My dd drinks a lot of milk - some
> days that's her main "food". I drink a lot of milk, my dad drinks a
> lot of milk. My mom and brother drink very little milk by comparison
> (my brother almost none, even as a kid - I'd drink his for him when
> mom and dad weren't looking!). My partner and stepson don't drink much
> milk but eat a lot of cheese.

I used to drink a lot of milk as a child/teen, too. About one litre every day, at least. And I was the only one in the family. The "side-effect" was a lot of muscles, but that might be hereditary as well (my sister hated milk, and grew into a strong woman, as well). ;)

Later I switched to banana milk and the like, maybe you could try that too?

Naka,
2 dd's (6yo and 4yo)
--
"Feel free" - 10 GB Mailbox, 100 FreeSMS/Monat ...
Jetzt GMX TopMail testen: http://www.gmx.net/de/go/topmail

Marieke Willis

> One thing you might consider offering is to make smoothies for her
> since
> she likes milk (which is a food, not a beverage BTW) - milk, fresh
> fruit, yogurt, and put in a couple ice cubes to make it shake like or
> use some vanilla ice cream or something similar (frozen yogurt would
> kill two birds with one stone).

Or, alternatively, frozen fruit, plain or vanilla yoghurt (from the
fridge), some oatmeal and perhaps some almond slices, then blend. I
like adding some oatmeal to give it more of a 'body', but when I want
it more liquidy, I add some fruit juice (although milk would work too,
never tried that). Frozen fruit because things like blackberries,
raspberries, etc are way too expensive for me to buy fresh during
practically all of the year. Even in summer they're cheaper frozen.

Marieke



____________________________________________________________________________________
Be a PS3 game guru.
Get your game face on with the latest PS3 news and previews at Yahoo! Games.
http://videogames.yahoo.com/platform?platform=120121

Debra Rossing

> Frozen fruit
And too the frozen fruit would act as the ice cubes and help add a bit
of froth or thickness to it without watering it down.

Deb

**********************************************************************
This email and any files transmitted with it are confidential and
intended solely for the use of the individual or entity to whom they
are addressed. If you have received this email in error please notify
the system manager.

This footnote also confirms that this email message has been swept by
MIMEsweeper for the presence of computer viruses.

CNC Software, Inc.
www.mastercam.com
**********************************************************************




[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]