feeling alone
Maisha Khalfani
I'm sure this is a redundant question given the nature of our lifestyles....but do you *sometimes* (LOL) feel alone in this?
I was talking to my mother last night to see if Safiya and Dakari could come and stay with her for a while. Just to get them out of this stress that we've been living in. Now I understand that my mom has dr's appointments and such - that's understandable. The kicker was when she said "I can only keep them for a week or so. I can't homeschool for a long period of time. Are the schools there better than where you were before?" UGH!!!!!! My response: "I'm not sending them to school for a babysitter, mom. And that's what it would be. And no, the schools here aren't better than where we were." UGHHH!!!!!
She *still* doesn't get that I'm homeschool. She definitely wouldn't understand unschooling. To her it would just look like I'm a negligent parent. That's when it really hit me: she just doesn't get it. None of my family does, and they probably won't. And I felt soooo sad....and jealous of those of you who at least have a sibling that understands! LOL. My younger sister is a teacher and doesn't get it. My younger brother...well....I think he would understand the concept, though he wouldn't get how it really works.
I feel like it's me (and sometimes hubby when he's really on board) against the world. My kids are chided for skipping, running, talking to loudly in my sil's house. It's like they must be "seen and not heard". Khalid, my spirited almost 4 year old gets the brunt of the stress, I think. He's trying to still be the baby like Khidar (who will be 2), and my mil and sil don't seem to get that. He's not doing stuff "on purpose" to be disrespectful. My mil and sil are *big* into that old-school parenting stuff of listening to an adult just because they are an adult. UGH!!!!
Sorry....I'm just venting here because right now I want to go run away with my kids and dh and go homestead somewhere! LOL
Namaste
Maisha
http://khalfanifamilyadventures.blogspot.com
"The period of greatest gain in knowledge and experience is the most difficult period in one's life" ~ The Dalai Lama
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
I was talking to my mother last night to see if Safiya and Dakari could come and stay with her for a while. Just to get them out of this stress that we've been living in. Now I understand that my mom has dr's appointments and such - that's understandable. The kicker was when she said "I can only keep them for a week or so. I can't homeschool for a long period of time. Are the schools there better than where you were before?" UGH!!!!!! My response: "I'm not sending them to school for a babysitter, mom. And that's what it would be. And no, the schools here aren't better than where we were." UGHHH!!!!!
She *still* doesn't get that I'm homeschool. She definitely wouldn't understand unschooling. To her it would just look like I'm a negligent parent. That's when it really hit me: she just doesn't get it. None of my family does, and they probably won't. And I felt soooo sad....and jealous of those of you who at least have a sibling that understands! LOL. My younger sister is a teacher and doesn't get it. My younger brother...well....I think he would understand the concept, though he wouldn't get how it really works.
I feel like it's me (and sometimes hubby when he's really on board) against the world. My kids are chided for skipping, running, talking to loudly in my sil's house. It's like they must be "seen and not heard". Khalid, my spirited almost 4 year old gets the brunt of the stress, I think. He's trying to still be the baby like Khidar (who will be 2), and my mil and sil don't seem to get that. He's not doing stuff "on purpose" to be disrespectful. My mil and sil are *big* into that old-school parenting stuff of listening to an adult just because they are an adult. UGH!!!!
Sorry....I'm just venting here because right now I want to go run away with my kids and dh and go homestead somewhere! LOL
Namaste
Maisha
http://khalfanifamilyadventures.blogspot.com
"The period of greatest gain in knowledge and experience is the most difficult period in one's life" ~ The Dalai Lama
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Joanne
I'm sorry to hear about your troubles. Are you any closer to getting a
place of your own? I'm sure that would help tremendously.
While you're living with your sister-in-law, try to take your kids out
of the house as much as possible, even just to hang out in a park. Can
you enroll them in some fun classes, like karate or dance, maybe
something where they could use up some energy and have fun at the same
time.
(((Hugs)))
~ Joanne ~
Mom to Jacqueline (8), Shawna (11) & Cimion (14)
http://anunschoolinglife.blogspot.com/
place of your own? I'm sure that would help tremendously.
While you're living with your sister-in-law, try to take your kids out
of the house as much as possible, even just to hang out in a park. Can
you enroll them in some fun classes, like karate or dance, maybe
something where they could use up some energy and have fun at the same
time.
(((Hugs)))
~ Joanne ~
Mom to Jacqueline (8), Shawna (11) & Cimion (14)
http://anunschoolinglife.blogspot.com/
plaidpanties666
I found it was much harder to feel confident in my parenting when my
neighbors were staying in my home for a couple months. They are
wonderful people and "theoretically" like the idea of unschooling, but
the day to day details were new and overwhelming to them. I got a lot
of quiet disapproval. George was affected a lot by that and started to
fall back on a lot more "traditional" parenting techniques. I felt
like my parenting was being challenged all the time from every angle
and that was really hard. Yuk.
Being in someone else's home with your kids must be even harder,
especially if things are still up in the air and you don't know how
much longer y'all will be there. Having a regular schedule was helpful
for *us* - just knowing *when* I was going to have to be more
proactive and direct with Mo and when I would be able to relax helped
me both to ration my energy and to adjust my expectations. It also
helped me to remind myself that it wouldn't be forever.
---Meredith (Mo 5, Ray 13)
neighbors were staying in my home for a couple months. They are
wonderful people and "theoretically" like the idea of unschooling, but
the day to day details were new and overwhelming to them. I got a lot
of quiet disapproval. George was affected a lot by that and started to
fall back on a lot more "traditional" parenting techniques. I felt
like my parenting was being challenged all the time from every angle
and that was really hard. Yuk.
Being in someone else's home with your kids must be even harder,
especially if things are still up in the air and you don't know how
much longer y'all will be there. Having a regular schedule was helpful
for *us* - just knowing *when* I was going to have to be more
proactive and direct with Mo and when I would be able to relax helped
me both to ration my energy and to adjust my expectations. It also
helped me to remind myself that it wouldn't be forever.
---Meredith (Mo 5, Ray 13)
Melissa
Oh, Sweetie. I know exactly what you mean. I won't even go into my family, my mom is
convinced that I am raising untrained beasts to rule our lives. Which is ironic considering
how awesome my kids are...and how much she resents my 26yo brother who still lives at
home.
We were just having trouble last night, we have a weekly potluck at our house with friends
that we're very close to, three families from the church we used to attend. When I say
close, they are the families we were considering building a community with. One couple
seems intent on 'training' our Avari (14 months) to not climb on our coffee table or to
touch their drinks when they leave them in accessible places. The table is something that
we dont have a problem with, it's relatively safe, and she loves to jump off. We leave our
drinks where they can't be reached.
We have in the past tended to parent each others children, and while this has never before
been a problem, you can tell that their conventional parenting is leading to some
problems. When I asked one set of brothers if they would help tidy a path through the toys
before dinner, they were pleased to help. The dad went ballistic though and threatened all
sorts of punishments if they didn't do a good enough job. I was shocked. When they LEAVE
their children here, we have no problems. I no longer leave my kids at their houses
unattended however, because it has become too hard for the kids to handle.
It just reminds me that yeah, we're pretty mucy alone. Even I desert myself sometimes and
have to remind myself of the path I've chosen. I wish you the best though, and good luck. I
read your blog and think you guys are doing so good, and just wish you the best to
continue.
Melissa
convinced that I am raising untrained beasts to rule our lives. Which is ironic considering
how awesome my kids are...and how much she resents my 26yo brother who still lives at
home.
We were just having trouble last night, we have a weekly potluck at our house with friends
that we're very close to, three families from the church we used to attend. When I say
close, they are the families we were considering building a community with. One couple
seems intent on 'training' our Avari (14 months) to not climb on our coffee table or to
touch their drinks when they leave them in accessible places. The table is something that
we dont have a problem with, it's relatively safe, and she loves to jump off. We leave our
drinks where they can't be reached.
We have in the past tended to parent each others children, and while this has never before
been a problem, you can tell that their conventional parenting is leading to some
problems. When I asked one set of brothers if they would help tidy a path through the toys
before dinner, they were pleased to help. The dad went ballistic though and threatened all
sorts of punishments if they didn't do a good enough job. I was shocked. When they LEAVE
their children here, we have no problems. I no longer leave my kids at their houses
unattended however, because it has become too hard for the kids to handle.
It just reminds me that yeah, we're pretty mucy alone. Even I desert myself sometimes and
have to remind myself of the path I've chosen. I wish you the best though, and good luck. I
read your blog and think you guys are doing so good, and just wish you the best to
continue.
Melissa
--- In [email protected], Maisha Khalfani <maitai373@...> wrote:
>
> I'm sure this is a redundant question given the nature of our lifestyles....but do you
*sometimes* (LOL) feel alone in this?
>
Brian & Alexandra Polikowsky
oH ! How I understand!!!! Last night I went to the LLL meeting I have been attending for 4 years. It was about nutrition and weaning.
I just could not take all the :
"My kids need to eat a spoon for of every food I put in their plate"
" I am not a short cook so they need to eat what I make for dinner"
"I just can't take it .....When is my dd going to wean... she still nurses for like 15 minutes before she goes to bed and when she gets hurt..."
" Thye need to eat a spoon for every year of life of the new food... just like with time outs....."
Hello!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! These are people who consider themselves "gentle"... I know they are doing the best they know.
I try talking about my experience and
i hope it helps some parents.
It is just their mindset: Kids against parent. We need to control and teach them or they won't know in a gentle way....soft spoken way....
I don't know....I am just way out there.....
Can't wait to meet you all in NC!
Alex
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
I just could not take all the :
"My kids need to eat a spoon for of every food I put in their plate"
" I am not a short cook so they need to eat what I make for dinner"
"I just can't take it .....When is my dd going to wean... she still nurses for like 15 minutes before she goes to bed and when she gets hurt..."
" Thye need to eat a spoon for every year of life of the new food... just like with time outs....."
Hello!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! These are people who consider themselves "gentle"... I know they are doing the best they know.
I try talking about my experience and
i hope it helps some parents.
It is just their mindset: Kids against parent. We need to control and teach them or they won't know in a gentle way....soft spoken way....
I don't know....I am just way out there.....
Can't wait to meet you all in NC!
Alex
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Susan
> I'm sure this is a redundant question given the nature of our lifestyles....but do you *sometimes* (LOL) feel alone in this?Yes! My husband is on board and we have a few friends & family members
who have a basic understanding of homeschooling (meaning they don't
hound us or question us, they just accept that we've made different
choices). But I've found that most of them don't understand *our*
reasons for homeschooling and unschooling is a whole other level they
don't get.
About a year ago one of my closest friends mentioned that her daughter
(who is the same age as mine and the two are also close friends) had
asked to be homeschooled. My friend said she took that opportunity to
explain that we homeschool because our daughter has special needs and
wouldn't be able to learn at school like the rest of the kids. You
could have knocked me over with a feather! I was just shocked. I think
my jaw dropped open and I was a bit speechless.
Our daughter was labeled with a medical diagnosis in her younger
years, but we've moved away from that label because using it seemed to
have a limiting effect (i.e. people could only see her through that
designation versus seeing her as a whole, functioning person with a
unique set of traits and potential). My friend had no clue about our
homeschooling philosophy and views regarding compulsory schooling,
forced learning, children being treated with indignity, etc. She saw
homeschooling as acceptable only in the context that we had an
exception because there was something wrong with my child, as if all
normal kids go to school.
> The kicker was when she said "I can only keep them for a week or so. I can't homeschool for a long period of time. Are the schools there better than where you were before?" UGH!!!!!! My response: "I'm not sending them to school for a babysitter, mom. And that's what it would be. And no, the schools here aren't better than where we were." UGHHH!!!!!I've been there! My mom held out hope for a long time that we'd
eventually move and find a wonderful school to enroll our children in.
She would make comments like, "Sure, homeschooling is fine for now,
but when you find a good school..."
> I feel like it's me (and sometimes hubby when he's really on board) against the world. My kids are chided for skipping, running, talking to loudly in my sil's house. It's like they must be "seen and not heard". Khalid, my spirited almost 4 year old gets the brunt of the stress, I think. He's trying to still be the baby like Khidar (who will be 2), and my mil and sil don't seem to get that. He's not doing stuff "on purpose" to be disrespectful. My mil and sil are *big* into that old-school parenting stuff of listening to an adult just because they are an adult. UGH!!!!Same thing here! You know, for a long time dh and I just had no idea
that there was a different way of raising children because all our
lives we were surrounded with (and raised by) the old-school parenting
methods. It was definitely "seen but not heard" and punishment (rather
than understanding) was doled out regularly. By the time my sister and
I were in early elementary school we'd been trained to sit quietly on
a sofa, twiddling our thumbs and staring at the ceiling for an hour
while the adults interacted.
My family doesn't understand that I don't want to raise my children
that way. Yes, I want them to have manners, etc, but not at the cost
of their own voice and personality. My son is also 4 and very
spirited! He is just an absolutely bundle of energy, is quite the
thinker and talks aloud a lot. My parents' house and my sister's house
are not child-friendly and when the kids visit it's a whole scene
about how Alaska did this and Alaska did that and how he wouldn't
listen and blah blah blah.
Hey, I might complain about my own child sometimes when I'm feeling
especially overwhelmed but I don't want a list of things that are
wrong with him from other people, you know? Especially when their main
goal is to get him to sit down and be quiet and all their complaints
stem from his inability to do so. Rather than just seeing him as an
exuberant, creative child with strong will and determination, they see
him as a problem child. And then look at me as if I've done something
wrong. They get upset when I try to explain or defend him, and
sometimes I feel they'd rather I just take their side and dislike my
own kid. It took me a while to realize that their perception of him
was affecting MY perception of him. I had to get their voices out of
my head and see the joy in my child's personality.
I should mention that my daughter is very laid back and spends long
periods of time being quiet, not because she's complying with them,
but because she enjoys time to herself and needs that quiet time. It's
ridiculous that one child is "good" and another "trouble" simply
because they have two very different needs and personalities.
> Sorry....I'm just venting here because right now I want to go run away with my kids and dh and go homestead somewhere! LOLWell, you're definitely not alone in your experiences! I try to look
at like this: I'm the forerunner, doing things a new way instead of
raising children to be robots, trained to respond as programmed. I'm
parenting the first generation of kids in our family who will
experience life without school. I'm breaking the cycle of using
physical punishment and heavy-handed child-rearing methods. It's not
easy to be the one to shake things up and break new ground within a
family that has done the same old thing without question for
generations. It gets tiresome to constantly bump up against their
brick wall way of living and thinking. I sometimes I let their
attitude slow down my attempts at learning to parent the way I want.
-- Susan
[email protected]
Susan,
I'm dying to know, what if anything did you say to this friend?
Mindy
-----Original Message-----
From: SusanYvonne@...
To: [email protected]
Sent: Wed, 17 Jan 2007 3:43 PM
Subject: Re: [unschoolingbasics] feeling alone
.<<<About a year ago one of my closest friends mentioned that her daughter
(who is the same age as mine and the two are also close friends) had
asked to be homeschooled. My friend said she took that opportunity to
explain that we homeschool because our daughter has special needs and
wouldn't be able to learn at school like the rest of the kids. You
could have knocked me over with a feather! I was just shocked. I think
my jaw dropped open and I was a bit speechless.
Our daughter was labeled with a medical diagnosis in her younger
years, but we've moved away from that label because using it seemed to
have a limiting effect (i.e. people could only see her through that
designation versus seeing her as a whole, functioning person with a
unique set of traits and potential). My friend had no clue about our
homeschooling philosophy and views regarding compulsory schooling,
forced learning, children being treated with indignity, etc. She saw
homeschooling as acceptable only in the context that we had an
exception because there was something wrong with my child, as if all
normal kids go to school.>>>
________________________________________________________________________
Check out the new AOL. Most comprehensive set of free safety and security tools, free access to millions of high-quality videos from across the web, free AOL Mail and more.
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
I'm dying to know, what if anything did you say to this friend?
Mindy
-----Original Message-----
From: SusanYvonne@...
To: [email protected]
Sent: Wed, 17 Jan 2007 3:43 PM
Subject: Re: [unschoolingbasics] feeling alone
.<<<About a year ago one of my closest friends mentioned that her daughter
(who is the same age as mine and the two are also close friends) had
asked to be homeschooled. My friend said she took that opportunity to
explain that we homeschool because our daughter has special needs and
wouldn't be able to learn at school like the rest of the kids. You
could have knocked me over with a feather! I was just shocked. I think
my jaw dropped open and I was a bit speechless.
Our daughter was labeled with a medical diagnosis in her younger
years, but we've moved away from that label because using it seemed to
have a limiting effect (i.e. people could only see her through that
designation versus seeing her as a whole, functioning person with a
unique set of traits and potential). My friend had no clue about our
homeschooling philosophy and views regarding compulsory schooling,
forced learning, children being treated with indignity, etc. She saw
homeschooling as acceptable only in the context that we had an
exception because there was something wrong with my child, as if all
normal kids go to school.>>>
________________________________________________________________________
Check out the new AOL. Most comprehensive set of free safety and security tools, free access to millions of high-quality videos from across the web, free AOL Mail and more.
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
The Presslers
I'm new to this group and joined for the same reasons: feeling alone and judged by family
and friends. I live in CT with very liberal HS laws :) I, unfortunately sometimes, live right
next door to my mother. she constantly asks what he did or learned today. I've talked with
DS about some responses to say like "I did some projects" or "I read a couple books and
we went to the library". He's not usually far off the actual truth.
Another main reason I joined was to pose a question to veteran Unschoolers: When does
all this glorious "wanting to learn" start? I truly believe in learner directed unschooling,
John Holt's book are like doctrine. All I'm seeing is wanting to watch movies in his room
and play computer games. The *closest* thng I've noticed is him playing a game called
"Stronghold" set in the middle ages that has sparked an interest in that part of history.
yay!!!!
He felt stupid in school. He was not up to their standards in reading and became the
clown so no one would notice. After alot of thought, I pulled him out. We're both happy
but I can't help being worried and stressed, especially with no support. I'm not the kind of
person who needs a support network. I just can't handle blatant vocalized bashing
expressed as *worry* from my mom. When I tell people I HS, They look at me like I must
be crazy, especially when they ask about testing,grades,text books... "you mean your not
regulated?" they ask. AAAGGGHHH! Okay, *breathe*!!!!!
thanks,
Gina
Mom to Gavvin(8) and Lily(1)
and friends. I live in CT with very liberal HS laws :) I, unfortunately sometimes, live right
next door to my mother. she constantly asks what he did or learned today. I've talked with
DS about some responses to say like "I did some projects" or "I read a couple books and
we went to the library". He's not usually far off the actual truth.
Another main reason I joined was to pose a question to veteran Unschoolers: When does
all this glorious "wanting to learn" start? I truly believe in learner directed unschooling,
John Holt's book are like doctrine. All I'm seeing is wanting to watch movies in his room
and play computer games. The *closest* thng I've noticed is him playing a game called
"Stronghold" set in the middle ages that has sparked an interest in that part of history.
yay!!!!
He felt stupid in school. He was not up to their standards in reading and became the
clown so no one would notice. After alot of thought, I pulled him out. We're both happy
but I can't help being worried and stressed, especially with no support. I'm not the kind of
person who needs a support network. I just can't handle blatant vocalized bashing
expressed as *worry* from my mom. When I tell people I HS, They look at me like I must
be crazy, especially when they ask about testing,grades,text books... "you mean your not
regulated?" they ask. AAAGGGHHH! Okay, *breathe*!!!!!
thanks,
Gina
Mom to Gavvin(8) and Lily(1)
Ren Allen
~~All I'm seeing is wanting to watch movies in
his room and play computer games. ~~
Sounds like all his glorius learning is going along fabulously. It's
not usually the kids that have any problems with unschooling, but the
parents. You're still seeing "learning" as schoolish type subjects and
discounting the actual learning he is doing right now.
He's learning every day that he's alive. Video games are a wonderful
way to learn. Anything he's interested in, or fascinated with is a
learning experience. Just not anything that may resemble a schoolish
type of subject matter.
Learning to trust our children is the biggest factor in successful
unschooling. Sit next to him and find out what is fascinating about
those games. BE a part of his world, don't just wait for him to
express an interest that you understand....get into the things he
loves and you'll create connections.
Ren
learninginfreedom.com
his room and play computer games. ~~
Sounds like all his glorius learning is going along fabulously. It's
not usually the kids that have any problems with unschooling, but the
parents. You're still seeing "learning" as schoolish type subjects and
discounting the actual learning he is doing right now.
He's learning every day that he's alive. Video games are a wonderful
way to learn. Anything he's interested in, or fascinated with is a
learning experience. Just not anything that may resemble a schoolish
type of subject matter.
Learning to trust our children is the biggest factor in successful
unschooling. Sit next to him and find out what is fascinating about
those games. BE a part of his world, don't just wait for him to
express an interest that you understand....get into the things he
loves and you'll create connections.
Ren
learninginfreedom.com
Susan
> I'm dying to know, what if anything did you say to this friend?Well, not much unfortunately. We were walking into an event at the
time and her comment to me came right as she opened the door to go in.
I was sputtered something about "there are so many other reasons we
homeschool" and we went in. I haven't brought it back up again. Her
daughter is in public school and I just... well, I'm concerned that it
would be impossible for me to *really* express my true feelings on the
subject without causing hurt or making her feel defensive. I just
don't know that it's worth it.
I have a theory that people with kids in public school who, for
whatever reason, can't or won't consider homeschooling as an option,
cannot ever truly understand the concepts/messages of John Holt and
John Taylor Gatto. If they did, how could they continue to justify
sending their kids to school? They have a switch that prevents them
from really hearing/seeing and understanding it.
My friend, for example, is wonderfully philosophical and open-minded
about nearly every topic in the world, but her situation is such that
she cannot pursue any alternative to public school at this time. All
the information in the world wouldn't do anything except stress her
out and make her feel bad, because she can't change the way things are
right now. So she's elected to be blind and deaf when it comes to the
negatives of public school. I think it's an automatic mental health
protection mechanism.
-- Susan
<<<< My friend had no clue about our homeschooling philosophy and
views regarding compulsory schooling, forced learning, children being
treated with indignity, etc. She saw
homeschooling as acceptable only in the context that we had an
exception because there was something wrong with my child, as if all
normal kids go to school.>>>>
Joanne
Hi Gina,
These two statements seem to contradict each other...
There's TONS of learning that comes from movies and computer
games. :-) What movies does he like? What are his favorite games?
Get involved and help him expand on that interest if he wants to.
With my kids, one thing leads to another...and another and
another. :-)
~ Joanne ~
Mom to Jacqueline (8), Shawna (11) & Cimion (14)
http://anunschoolinglife.blogspot.com/
These two statements seem to contradict each other...
>>>I truly believe in learner directed unschooling, John Holt's bookare like doctrine.>>>>>
>>>>All I'm seeing is wanting to watch movies in his room and playcomputer games.>>>
There's TONS of learning that comes from movies and computer
games. :-) What movies does he like? What are his favorite games?
Get involved and help him expand on that interest if he wants to.
With my kids, one thing leads to another...and another and
another. :-)
~ Joanne ~
Mom to Jacqueline (8), Shawna (11) & Cimion (14)
http://anunschoolinglife.blogspot.com/
The Presslers
>I know, I know... I'm just caving in to the outside pressure.
> There's TONS of learning that comes from movies and computer
> games. :-) What movies does he like? What are his favorite games?
> Get involved and help him expand on that interest if he wants to.
> With my kids, one thing leads to another...and another and
> another. :-)
woodhaven_farm
--- In [email protected], Maisha Khalfani
<maitai373@...> wrote:
boy staying with family. It is so hard to not have your own space. My
family loves ds dearly, but they just don't get ds. They also do not
respect me as a parent, or as an adult. It is very hard, but for now
it feels like the best choice. I thought this would be a temporary
situation, but he has been going on for 2.5 years! This is definatley
not how I wanted to do things, but I am working really hard on
enjoying my ds.
We spend most of our day out. This really helps. We go to free days
at musuems, stores, parks, where ever we can.
As I am moving along in my deschooling (even before I knew about
unschooling), I have found myself very isolated in my parenting
beliefs.
I have parented ds "differently" from birth. I am the only stay at
home mom in my "friend" circle. I have tried to be very supportive of
my friends' choice to return to work, yet they openly critizie my
decision to stay home.
I have always noticed other's parenting, but now I seem even more
sensitive to how people disrespect children. I am always amazed at
the crap that my friends spew in explanation for how they treat their
kids.
I always thought that my best friend was of a similar mindset but
recently I have watched as the spirit of her precious daughters is
being broken in the school system , as she just stands by, actually
agreeing that they need to be taught these lessons.
So, yes, I too feel very lonely. I am so glad for this group and the
other group I am on (always unschooling). Thanks everybody for the
support.
Wendy
<maitai373@...> wrote:
>lifestyles....but do you *sometimes* (LOL) feel alone in this?
> I'm sure this is a redundant question given the nature of our
>You are definatley not alone. I am a single mom of a very spirited
>
boy staying with family. It is so hard to not have your own space. My
family loves ds dearly, but they just don't get ds. They also do not
respect me as a parent, or as an adult. It is very hard, but for now
it feels like the best choice. I thought this would be a temporary
situation, but he has been going on for 2.5 years! This is definatley
not how I wanted to do things, but I am working really hard on
enjoying my ds.
We spend most of our day out. This really helps. We go to free days
at musuems, stores, parks, where ever we can.
As I am moving along in my deschooling (even before I knew about
unschooling), I have found myself very isolated in my parenting
beliefs.
I have parented ds "differently" from birth. I am the only stay at
home mom in my "friend" circle. I have tried to be very supportive of
my friends' choice to return to work, yet they openly critizie my
decision to stay home.
I have always noticed other's parenting, but now I seem even more
sensitive to how people disrespect children. I am always amazed at
the crap that my friends spew in explanation for how they treat their
kids.
I always thought that my best friend was of a similar mindset but
recently I have watched as the spirit of her precious daughters is
being broken in the school system , as she just stands by, actually
agreeing that they need to be taught these lessons.
So, yes, I too feel very lonely. I am so glad for this group and the
other group I am on (always unschooling). Thanks everybody for the
support.
Wendy
frozenandcold
<<All I'm seeing is wanting to watch movies in
his room
and play computer games.>>>
Right on, this is some glorious learning taking place. My son is
learning how to read, thanks to video games. Sometimes it is
exhausting sitting there for hours helping him read words but it is
what has given him the motivation to read. My oldest son records all
kinds of shows like Modern Marvels, Ripleys Believe it or Not and
watches them at odd hours (usually while the rest of us are
sleeping). It is incredible what he has learned from some of these
shows. In fact, some of our deepest conversations begin with South
Park, I show I cringed to think my kids would want to watch two years
ago.
Heidi
his room
and play computer games.>>>
Right on, this is some glorious learning taking place. My son is
learning how to read, thanks to video games. Sometimes it is
exhausting sitting there for hours helping him read words but it is
what has given him the motivation to read. My oldest son records all
kinds of shows like Modern Marvels, Ripleys Believe it or Not and
watches them at odd hours (usually while the rest of us are
sleeping). It is incredible what he has learned from some of these
shows. In fact, some of our deepest conversations begin with South
Park, I show I cringed to think my kids would want to watch two years
ago.
Heidi
Maisha Khalfani
Joanne <billyandjoanne@...> wrote:
I'm sorry to hear about your troubles. Are you any closer to getting a
place of your own?
*********************************************************************************
Ah Joanne....it's funny you should ask that question. We were just kicked out of my inlaws house, so now we are nowhere near closer to having a place. For the weekend we will be staying with my sister, and then we'll be nomads for a bit. Sometimes this seems like someone else's life, ya know? But the good thing is that we have each other, we are all alive, and there's tomorrow....
The full story is on my blog, of course <g>
Namaste
Maisha
http://khalfanifamilyadventures.blogspot.com
"The period of greatest gain in knowledge and experience is the most difficult period in one's life" ~ The Dalai Lama
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
I'm sorry to hear about your troubles. Are you any closer to getting a
place of your own?
*********************************************************************************
Ah Joanne....it's funny you should ask that question. We were just kicked out of my inlaws house, so now we are nowhere near closer to having a place. For the weekend we will be staying with my sister, and then we'll be nomads for a bit. Sometimes this seems like someone else's life, ya know? But the good thing is that we have each other, we are all alive, and there's tomorrow....
The full story is on my blog, of course <g>
Namaste
Maisha
http://khalfanifamilyadventures.blogspot.com
"The period of greatest gain in knowledge and experience is the most difficult period in one's life" ~ The Dalai Lama
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Lalita
(((((((((((((((((Maisha)))))))))))))))))<<<big hug there
I'm so sorry that you had to go through that. I read your blog & sounds like your mil & sil are in denial :). Aren't we all in some area of our lives.
Glad to hear that you aren't feeling stressed. And looking forward to seeing where you will be next.
Hoping for much better living quarters for you & family.
Lalita
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
I'm so sorry that you had to go through that. I read your blog & sounds like your mil & sil are in denial :). Aren't we all in some area of our lives.
Glad to hear that you aren't feeling stressed. And looking forward to seeing where you will be next.
Hoping for much better living quarters for you & family.
Lalita
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Schafer Vanessa
Maisha,
Wow, I just read your blog. I don't get along with my
in-laws either, but yours is just being rediculous. I
am so sorry your kids had to see this, and hear things
they shouldn't ever have to.
I hope that you and your family find a place soon.
Can you stay with your mom? Or is it too far away? I
really hope that things get better for you, but am
glad you are away from your in-laws. It sounds like
they expected so much from you and your kids. Don't
they know that a child is the most precious gift that
you can ever have?
As to your other post about feeling alone, I know
where you are coming from. I have some friends I met
when my kids were in school. I have been asked the
usual-how are you doing, how are the kids, what are
they learning, are they reading books, and what kind
of books, etc. The one that got me the most was
asking me how I was doing with being around my kids
all the time? I just say, that I love being with
them, and wouldn't have it any other way. Some of
these questions were fired at my kids at Christmas
time at my in-laws. I wasn't there for obvious
reasons, but I hate always being questioned. For that
reason alone, I never tell anyone that we unschool,
partially because of the questions, but mainly because
I know people from my family, and my husbands family,
and friends wouldn't understand. I just tell people
that the kids are happier than they've ever been, and
that they are learning. (sorry, I got off track).
The main thing is that if you are happy, and your
in-laws are nasty, then you don't need that kind of
negativity. You are doing what is best for you and
your family. If they can't see that, than to bad for
them, because they are missing out on really beautiful
children, who are very much loved by their parents.
Good Luck.
--- Maisha Khalfani <maitai373@...> wrote:
____________________________________________________________________________________
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Wow, I just read your blog. I don't get along with my
in-laws either, but yours is just being rediculous. I
am so sorry your kids had to see this, and hear things
they shouldn't ever have to.
I hope that you and your family find a place soon.
Can you stay with your mom? Or is it too far away? I
really hope that things get better for you, but am
glad you are away from your in-laws. It sounds like
they expected so much from you and your kids. Don't
they know that a child is the most precious gift that
you can ever have?
As to your other post about feeling alone, I know
where you are coming from. I have some friends I met
when my kids were in school. I have been asked the
usual-how are you doing, how are the kids, what are
they learning, are they reading books, and what kind
of books, etc. The one that got me the most was
asking me how I was doing with being around my kids
all the time? I just say, that I love being with
them, and wouldn't have it any other way. Some of
these questions were fired at my kids at Christmas
time at my in-laws. I wasn't there for obvious
reasons, but I hate always being questioned. For that
reason alone, I never tell anyone that we unschool,
partially because of the questions, but mainly because
I know people from my family, and my husbands family,
and friends wouldn't understand. I just tell people
that the kids are happier than they've ever been, and
that they are learning. (sorry, I got off track).
The main thing is that if you are happy, and your
in-laws are nasty, then you don't need that kind of
negativity. You are doing what is best for you and
your family. If they can't see that, than to bad for
them, because they are missing out on really beautiful
children, who are very much loved by their parents.
Good Luck.
--- Maisha Khalfani <maitai373@...> wrote:
> Joanne <billyandjoanne@...> wrote:*********************************************************************************
> I'm sorry to hear about your troubles. Are you any
> closer to getting a
> place of your own?
>
>
>Vanessa
> Ah Joanne....it's funny you should ask that
> question. We were just kicked out of my inlaws
> house, so now we are nowhere near closer to having a
> place. For the weekend we will be staying with my
> sister, and then we'll be nomads for a bit.
> Sometimes this seems like someone else's life, ya
> know? But the good thing is that we have each
> other, we are all alive, and there's tomorrow....
>
> The full story is on my blog, of course <g>
>
>
> Namaste
> Maisha
> http://khalfanifamilyadventures.blogspot.com
> "The period of greatest gain in knowledge and
> experience is the most difficult period in one's
> life" ~ The Dalai Lama
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
> [Non-text portions of this message have been
> removed]
>
>
____________________________________________________________________________________
Never miss an email again!
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http://tools.search.yahoo.com/toolbar/features/mail/
Maisha Khalfani
Schafer Vanessa <psychomom95@...> wrote:
Can you stay with your mom? Or is it too far away?
I'm from NYC and that's where mom is. Definitely too far (3-4 hrs away). And Rohana is a senior in ps so she has to stay.
I am encouraged by those of you out there who are going against the grain of your families. It is hard to have so little support IRL with RU. That's why I'm so grateful for the conferences and think they are soooo important. I've yet to go to one, but we will this year.
By the way....if you're in Maryland, in PG, Howard, or Baltimore counties we should try and meet up? Maybe we can encourage each other in person. Jane, I know you're here - and we *will* meet up :)
Namaste
Maisha
http://khalfanifamilyadventures.blogspot.com
"The period of greatest gain in knowledge and experience is the most difficult period in one's life" ~ The Dalai Lama
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Can you stay with your mom? Or is it too far away?
I'm from NYC and that's where mom is. Definitely too far (3-4 hrs away). And Rohana is a senior in ps so she has to stay.
I am encouraged by those of you out there who are going against the grain of your families. It is hard to have so little support IRL with RU. That's why I'm so grateful for the conferences and think they are soooo important. I've yet to go to one, but we will this year.
By the way....if you're in Maryland, in PG, Howard, or Baltimore counties we should try and meet up? Maybe we can encourage each other in person. Jane, I know you're here - and we *will* meet up :)
Namaste
Maisha
http://khalfanifamilyadventures.blogspot.com
"The period of greatest gain in knowledge and experience is the most difficult period in one's life" ~ The Dalai Lama
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Schafer Vanessa
Maisha,
I'm from Michigan, so we don't get out your way. As
hard as I've tried, I don't think my mother approves,
but she can accept it. My dad does much better with
it. I still think they feel we're making a big
mistake, but after all my kids have been through, I
can't with a clean conscience put them back in public
school. It's done too much damage to them, that we
are still working on.
I will definately be a support person for you.
Anytime you need to talk, you can email me off list,
if you would like. I know how hard it is. I have a
couple of friends, that will ask how things are going,
and how the kids are. They both know that we
homeschool, but know nothing about the unschooling.
For us, the unschooling fits our lifestyle better, and
the kids are more at ease. They still learn, but
about fun things they are interested in, not the
things that they are forced to learn.
My mother in-law is bad enough, where my kids don't
even want to see her. They came over a couple of
years ago for Christmas, and she made a nasty comment
to me right infront of my son. She had said she
should take a picture, and I thought maybe she was
talking about taking a picture of my son, but said she
should take a picture of my clean floor. Since that
day, they are not allowed in my house, unless I am not
home. She constantly critcizes me, and offers advice
on how to do thing. I am not living in a house that
has no dust, etc, but one that we are comfortable
with, and one that looks like people actually live
here. (her house is worse than mine, and there is only
two of them there.) She, along with my brother
in-laws girlfriend were asking questions to my
daughter and son about what they were learning, and
what books they are reading. If they don't want to
read, I don't make them. They pretty much have free
roam to do what they want, accept for a few things.
(Sorry I am rambling, I understand what you are going
through with you mil.)
Email me anytime, and I will answer as soon as I can.
I haven't been to any conferences either. They sounds
intersting, but not sure when we can afford to go to
one.
Take care, and I hope all goes well for you and your
family.
--- Maisha Khalfani <maitai373@...> wrote:
____________________________________________________________________________________
Bored stiff? Loosen up...
Download and play hundreds of games for free on Yahoo! Games.
http://games.yahoo.com/games/front
I'm from Michigan, so we don't get out your way. As
hard as I've tried, I don't think my mother approves,
but she can accept it. My dad does much better with
it. I still think they feel we're making a big
mistake, but after all my kids have been through, I
can't with a clean conscience put them back in public
school. It's done too much damage to them, that we
are still working on.
I will definately be a support person for you.
Anytime you need to talk, you can email me off list,
if you would like. I know how hard it is. I have a
couple of friends, that will ask how things are going,
and how the kids are. They both know that we
homeschool, but know nothing about the unschooling.
For us, the unschooling fits our lifestyle better, and
the kids are more at ease. They still learn, but
about fun things they are interested in, not the
things that they are forced to learn.
My mother in-law is bad enough, where my kids don't
even want to see her. They came over a couple of
years ago for Christmas, and she made a nasty comment
to me right infront of my son. She had said she
should take a picture, and I thought maybe she was
talking about taking a picture of my son, but said she
should take a picture of my clean floor. Since that
day, they are not allowed in my house, unless I am not
home. She constantly critcizes me, and offers advice
on how to do thing. I am not living in a house that
has no dust, etc, but one that we are comfortable
with, and one that looks like people actually live
here. (her house is worse than mine, and there is only
two of them there.) She, along with my brother
in-laws girlfriend were asking questions to my
daughter and son about what they were learning, and
what books they are reading. If they don't want to
read, I don't make them. They pretty much have free
roam to do what they want, accept for a few things.
(Sorry I am rambling, I understand what you are going
through with you mil.)
Email me anytime, and I will answer as soon as I can.
I haven't been to any conferences either. They sounds
intersting, but not sure when we can afford to go to
one.
Take care, and I hope all goes well for you and your
family.
--- Maisha Khalfani <maitai373@...> wrote:
> Schafer Vanessa <psychomom95@...> wrote:Vanessa
> Can you stay with your mom? Or is it too far away?
>
>
> I'm from NYC and that's where mom is. Definitely
> too far (3-4 hrs away). And Rohana is a senior in
> ps so she has to stay.
>
> I am encouraged by those of you out there who are
> going against the grain of your families. It is
> hard to have so little support IRL with RU. That's
> why I'm so grateful for the conferences and think
> they are soooo important. I've yet to go to one,
> but we will this year.
>
> By the way....if you're in Maryland, in PG,
> Howard, or Baltimore counties we should try and meet
> up? Maybe we can encourage each other in person.
> Jane, I know you're here - and we *will* meet up :)
>
>
>
>
> Namaste
> Maisha
> http://khalfanifamilyadventures.blogspot.com
> "The period of greatest gain in knowledge and
> experience is the most difficult period in one's
> life" ~ The Dalai Lama
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
> [Non-text portions of this message have been
> removed]
>
>
____________________________________________________________________________________
Bored stiff? Loosen up...
Download and play hundreds of games for free on Yahoo! Games.
http://games.yahoo.com/games/front