Deb Lewis

*** we do socialize quite a bit with my IL's who like to eat out and
then it is NOT amusing, and it can be downright dangerous when it's a
fork. How can I handle this? ***

Avoid those situations for awhile. This won't last forever.
You can go on an outing while your husband stays home with your son, or your
husband can go while you stay home, or you can both stay home and play with
soft, throw-able things. <g>

***Obviously he is too young to
differentiate between what is OK to throw and what is not, but how can
I communicate this to him?***

I think he's too young to be expected to understand the difference between
things that are good to throw and things that might break or damage
something (or someone) else. I think he's too young to be expected to be
able to control his strong urge to throw stuff.

So it's up to you to avoid situations where he might throw something others
will object to or where a surprise lob might hit someone.

***we have tried ignoring it, but that does not seem to make
a difference. Any words of wisdom here?***

Time will help. Can you replace a potentially dangerous object with a soft
ball if you notice he's about to chuck something? Get lots of those little
soft balls to have on hand. Give him lots of opportunity to throw things
outside or in a room where flying objects won't cause a hazard. Meet his
need to throw, go to the park and throw rocks into the creek, go outside and
throw sticks or snowballs. Play lot's of throwing games with him.

Deb Lewis

christymccranie

gotta pitch in here that I think sometimes the child needs more direction than this. WE've
been at parks where little guys are throwing sand that ends up kids eyes and parents do
pretty much nothing about it - that's not ok. I think unless you're going to keep your kids
home until their old enough to get this you need to train them on some safe
behavior...unpopular I know but that's me! I think little guys need to be taught to respond
to a parent saying 'no' for their own safety and the safety of other kids around
them...could that be a more unpopular idea??? I know I know....I don't fit the typical
unschooling profile but I'm here nontheless!
--- In [email protected], "Deb Lewis" <d.lewis@...> wrote:
>
> *** we do socialize quite a bit with my IL's who like to eat out and
> then it is NOT amusing, and it can be downright dangerous when it's a
> fork. How can I handle this? ***
>
> Avoid those situations for awhile. This won't last forever.
> You can go on an outing while your husband stays home with your son, or your
> husband can go while you stay home, or you can both stay home and play with
> soft, throw-able things. <g>
>
> ***Obviously he is too young to
> differentiate between what is OK to throw and what is not, but how can
> I communicate this to him?***
>
> I think he's too young to be expected to understand the difference between
> things that are good to throw and things that might break or damage
> something (or someone) else. I think he's too young to be expected to be
> able to control his strong urge to throw stuff.
>
> So it's up to you to avoid situations where he might throw something others
> will object to or where a surprise lob might hit someone.
>
> ***we have tried ignoring it, but that does not seem to make
> a difference. Any words of wisdom here?***
>
> Time will help. Can you replace a potentially dangerous object with a soft
> ball if you notice he's about to chuck something? Get lots of those little
> soft balls to have on hand. Give him lots of opportunity to throw things
> outside or in a room where flying objects won't cause a hazard. Meet his
> need to throw, go to the park and throw rocks into the creek, go outside and
> throw sticks or snowballs. Play lot's of throwing games with him.
>
> Deb Lewis
>

Deb Lewis

***WE've been at parks where little guys are throwing sand that ends up
kids eyes and parents do
pretty much nothing about it - that's not ok. ***

The advice was to be with him and help him meet his need for throwing, not
to let him run amok, throwing sand at innocent bystanders.

The goal is to meet his need in an appropriate way. That means safe for
him, safe for others, safe for stuff.

***I think unless you're going to keep your kids
home until their old enough to get this you need to train them on some safe
behavior...unpopular I know but that's me! ***

He's not a dog and doesn't need training. He's very, very little. He needs
time. He doesn't want to hurt anyone but he's too young to understand yet
that his actions might be injurious or destructive or disturbing. That's
why he needs to be able to throw things in appropriate places and ways. His
parents are the responsible parties here. If he's not able to handle a
situation then he shouldn't be in that situation until he's ready.

***I think little guys need to be taught to respond
to a parent saying 'no' for their own safety and the safety of other kids
around
them. ***

I think parents need to be aware of the developmental stages of their
children and not have unreasonable expectations. The need to explore the
world is real and powerful. Throwing objects and seeing what happens is the
equivalent of scientific research. Maybe one day he'll be a physicist or a
base ball player or a juggler or build trebuchets for historical reenactment
groups.

He will absolutely learn what things are fine to toss around and which
things are not. He's living with people who are not randomly throwing
objects about the house. (I suppose<g>)

Deb Lewis

Joanne

--- In [email protected], "christymccranie"
<christymccranie@...> wrote:

>>>>>I think sometimes the child needs more direction than this.
WE've been at parks where little guys are throwing sand that ends up
kids eyes and parents do pretty much nothing about it - that's not
ok.>>>>>

No, it's not okay and instead of the *child* needing more direction,
it's the *parent* who needs to be more attentive and present with
their child.

>>>>I think unless you're going to keep your kids home until their
old enough to get this you need to train them on some safe
behavior...unpopular I know but that's me!>>>>>

Training a child? Yes, you're right, that is an unpopular idea around
here. Even though you knew that, you still posted it.

>>>>I know I know....I don't fit the typical unschooling profile but
I'm here nontheless!>>>>>>

May I ask why? Are you here to find alternatives to "training" your
child? I only ask because I don't get that from your post. I'm sure
we can help you with suggestions.

~~*Joanne*~~
http://anunschoolinglife.blogspot.com/

christymccranie

Sorry it took me so long to reply to your question - haven't been on for awhile and had
trouble finding my post to see if anyone responded. Any hints on how to look up posts?

I agree that the parent is the core issue with a kid throwing sand or something like that -
we just disagree on what that parent ought to do about the sand throwing.

Why wouldn't I post an idea just cause it's unpopular? People post issues/ideas asking for
solutions, I responded to the issue at hand, gave my opinion as we're asked to do, the
popularity of my response is irrelivant. Just cause my opinion is different doesn't mean it
can't be helpful.

I'm here cause I'm an unschooling mom of 4 kids who is always looking for ideas and
solutions to my own difficulties.

My opinons have never gone over well here - but I still learn a lot from you guys and the
books I've gotten about unschooling from this site. I'm learning to ignore the hostility and
learn from the wisdom. When I have something to offer that I think might be helpful I offer
it.
--- In [email protected], "Joanne" <billyandjoanne@...> wrote:
>
> --- In [email protected], "christymccranie"
> <christymccranie@> wrote:
>
> >>>>>I think sometimes the child needs more direction than this.
> WE've been at parks where little guys are throwing sand that ends up
> kids eyes and parents do pretty much nothing about it - that's not
> ok.>>>>>
>
> No, it's not okay and instead of the *child* needing more direction,
> it's the *parent* who needs to be more attentive and present with
> their child.
>
> >>>>I think unless you're going to keep your kids home until their
> old enough to get this you need to train them on some safe
> behavior...unpopular I know but that's me!>>>>>
>
> Training a child? Yes, you're right, that is an unpopular idea around
> here. Even though you knew that, you still posted it.
>
> >>>>I know I know....I don't fit the typical unschooling profile but
> I'm here nontheless!>>>>>>
>
> May I ask why? Are you here to find alternatives to "training" your
> child? I only ask because I don't get that from your post. I'm sure
> we can help you with suggestions.
>
> ~~*Joanne*~~
> http://anunschoolinglife.blogspot.com/
>

Joyce Fetteroll

On Jan 15, 2007, at 10:58 PM, christymccranie wrote:

> Why wouldn't I post an idea just cause it's unpopular?

The criteria for whether an idea is appropriate for the list isn't
whether it's popular or in agreement or even that it "works" (however
one defines works). It's whether it works to help build relationships
with their children and help someone move closer to unschooling.

Joyce

[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

plaidpanties666

--- In [email protected], "christymccranie"
<christymccranie@...> wrote:
>> I agree that the parent is the core issue with a kid throwing
sand or something like that -
> we just disagree on what that parent ought to do about the sand
throwing.

There are options *besides* going home, "training" a child (whatever
that means), and doing nothing. Some kids just need a gentle
reminder that other people don't want to get covered in sand. Others
will do better with a parent right there at hand to distract or
redirect, or create a "safe zone" for sand throwing and warn others
out of it. Still other children will do better with a solo sandbox
at home, or a less populated playground. It depends largely on the
temperament of the child and why she is throwing sand in the first
place. Is she frustrated or exploring or exicited or just love the
way the sand glitters in the air?

Morgan (5) loves to throw things, so I look for ways to expand her
throwing options in general. If we happen to be in a crowded area
when the urge to throw comes over her I gently comment on the number
of other people close at hand - lets find a better place to do this!
That's a strategy that didn't work a couple years ago, however. At
that age I would work to redirect her energy in a different way,
either by getting closer to her and offering to play a point-blank
game of catch, if she wanted to throw something solid, or suggest -
via modelling- pouring or sprinkling the substance if it was
something more like sand or gravel.


> Any hints on how to look up posts?

If you are looking for your own posts and replies you can type your
email address or screen name into the search bar. Most recent posts
will come up first, and you can see what else is in the same thread.
Otherwise, if you don't remember someones screen name I'd try to
remember key words - in this case "throwing sand" and see what comes
up. I can often remember the names of the kids in a post better than
who posted it!!

---Meredith (Mo 5, Ray 13)