No/Adults/Deb
Wildflower Car
I am speaking from my experience as an adult that was unschooled. It was
just that, my own personal experience. My parents taught me a million little
things that I use every day in the advancement and betterment of my own
children. My parents, to my memory, never told me no. And for the most part,
that worked. But I personally wish they had said no to me more often because
in my day to day life now I hear it. In all fairness, I lived in a commune
for most of my early years and that isn't the same for my kids.
I belong to a group of adult unschool grads. This is a common issue that we
all share, not being prepared for people not to respect our opinion. When
put in a situation under authority it was/is a big adjustment for myself and
others. And when people told us,"No.", it was really a shock to hear when no
explanation was offered. I have experienced and have heard that the ability
to say no is difficult when you didn't hear it as a child. I'm certainly
willing to concede that it may be an isolated group. I only know what is
true for me.
I have learned much about unschooling from these fellow unschooled adults.
Reserving the right to say ,"No." without giving a detailed list, or even a
not so good reason is a simple reality for me. I want my children to
say,"No." when they don't want to do something. And they don't always have
to give a reason and neither do I.
We also encourage and practice sharing our feelings when someone tells us
,"No." so that we don't use it as a crutch to be rude or lazy. We're a
huggy, feel good, bunch at my house, and we always try to at least be
conscience of each other feelings.
In the concept that kids need to hear ,"No.", for their own good. I don't
think you should find occasions to say, "No." I think we both agree that
there is enough natural situations that "No." happens.
I really think we (Deb and I) are on a closer idea about this than appears.
Some words just have a bigger impact than others, but they are just words. I
respect your opinion and it has given me pause to re-examine my thought on
it.
True Peace!
Wildflower
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just that, my own personal experience. My parents taught me a million little
things that I use every day in the advancement and betterment of my own
children. My parents, to my memory, never told me no. And for the most part,
that worked. But I personally wish they had said no to me more often because
in my day to day life now I hear it. In all fairness, I lived in a commune
for most of my early years and that isn't the same for my kids.
I belong to a group of adult unschool grads. This is a common issue that we
all share, not being prepared for people not to respect our opinion. When
put in a situation under authority it was/is a big adjustment for myself and
others. And when people told us,"No.", it was really a shock to hear when no
explanation was offered. I have experienced and have heard that the ability
to say no is difficult when you didn't hear it as a child. I'm certainly
willing to concede that it may be an isolated group. I only know what is
true for me.
I have learned much about unschooling from these fellow unschooled adults.
Reserving the right to say ,"No." without giving a detailed list, or even a
not so good reason is a simple reality for me. I want my children to
say,"No." when they don't want to do something. And they don't always have
to give a reason and neither do I.
We also encourage and practice sharing our feelings when someone tells us
,"No." so that we don't use it as a crutch to be rude or lazy. We're a
huggy, feel good, bunch at my house, and we always try to at least be
conscience of each other feelings.
In the concept that kids need to hear ,"No.", for their own good. I don't
think you should find occasions to say, "No." I think we both agree that
there is enough natural situations that "No." happens.
I really think we (Deb and I) are on a closer idea about this than appears.
Some words just have a bigger impact than others, but they are just words. I
respect your opinion and it has given me pause to re-examine my thought on
it.
True Peace!
Wildflower
>From: "Deb Lewis" <d.lewis@...>_________________________________________________________________
>Reply-To: [email protected]
>To: "unschoolingbasics" <[email protected]>
>Subject: [unschoolingbasics] Re: No
>Date: Sat, 6 Jan 2007 18:10:49 -0700
>
>
>
>
>***"No." has a vast number of meanings given the context in which
>it is said.***
>
> The website referenced in the post to this list is about saying no to
>children as in denying children the things they want, as in "tell them NO
>for their own good." What are some of the vast meanings within that
>context?
>
>
>***Again, if children don't learn to hear it used in the appropriate
>context, they won't know to use it
>that way.***
>
>I can think of no situation in which a hearing, English speaking child
>would
>never hear the word "no." Are you really saying you believe children must
>be told "no" in order to understand the meaning of the word ?
>
>
>Deb Lewis
>
>
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