Need advice again
Vicki
I have really been enjoying all the awesome advice and views posted in
this group. So I want to ask your advice on unschooling a reluctate
teenager. I think I posted something about this in the past but as
the time draws near, figure I better prepare.
My step-daughter has no desire beyond flirting with boys. She's
14.8yo and currently in ps 9th grade. Her mom has "thrown in the
towel" about her passing. My spouse wants to "homeschool" her and
remove her from the only thing she cares about. Her social life.
I warned him, that she has never had a desire to do school work, and
by pulling her away from her friends, is going to create a living hell
at home. We live in the middle of nowhere, really, so there's no kids
in the neighborhood, no stores to walk to, no one to hitch a ride from
except me, dad or her older step-sister.
She showed a musical interest so I got her a piano, and a harp she
wanted, but her mother refused to let her go to lessons even if I or
grandma paid. (I feel so bad for this child) With her homeschooling,
I can get her to music lessons without involving her mom or dad, but I
see a very bad situation for my son and I, who have been enjoying
unschooling. He's nine and is really enjoying life. He would love
for his half-sister to be home with him, but I am worried that she'll
take out her anger on him.
I, personally, have had issues coming to grip with all that has
happened this past year. I work full-time 4-12pm Sun-Thurs. A must to
help pay the bills. My daughter, 16 yo, watches grandma and the nine
yo when dad's and my schedules cross. He's a firefighter, so on shift
every third day. This breaks down to her heating dinner around 6-7
days a month. Grandma had a stroke last winter, so she is learning to
get around, but her mind is slipping a little. It's sort of like
having an eight year old added to the mix.
Please excuse the half, step, etc...I just put them in to give a truer
picture of the relationships of the parties involved.
I'm worried that if my spouse pulls her from her friends, he risks
losing his daughter in the long run and he'll create a very bad home
envirnoment for everyone else.
Any thoughts and insights would be appreciated. My spouse does listen
to the views I present him.
this group. So I want to ask your advice on unschooling a reluctate
teenager. I think I posted something about this in the past but as
the time draws near, figure I better prepare.
My step-daughter has no desire beyond flirting with boys. She's
14.8yo and currently in ps 9th grade. Her mom has "thrown in the
towel" about her passing. My spouse wants to "homeschool" her and
remove her from the only thing she cares about. Her social life.
I warned him, that she has never had a desire to do school work, and
by pulling her away from her friends, is going to create a living hell
at home. We live in the middle of nowhere, really, so there's no kids
in the neighborhood, no stores to walk to, no one to hitch a ride from
except me, dad or her older step-sister.
She showed a musical interest so I got her a piano, and a harp she
wanted, but her mother refused to let her go to lessons even if I or
grandma paid. (I feel so bad for this child) With her homeschooling,
I can get her to music lessons without involving her mom or dad, but I
see a very bad situation for my son and I, who have been enjoying
unschooling. He's nine and is really enjoying life. He would love
for his half-sister to be home with him, but I am worried that she'll
take out her anger on him.
I, personally, have had issues coming to grip with all that has
happened this past year. I work full-time 4-12pm Sun-Thurs. A must to
help pay the bills. My daughter, 16 yo, watches grandma and the nine
yo when dad's and my schedules cross. He's a firefighter, so on shift
every third day. This breaks down to her heating dinner around 6-7
days a month. Grandma had a stroke last winter, so she is learning to
get around, but her mind is slipping a little. It's sort of like
having an eight year old added to the mix.
Please excuse the half, step, etc...I just put them in to give a truer
picture of the relationships of the parties involved.
I'm worried that if my spouse pulls her from her friends, he risks
losing his daughter in the long run and he'll create a very bad home
envirnoment for everyone else.
Any thoughts and insights would be appreciated. My spouse does listen
to the views I present him.
Michelle Leifur Reid
On 11/29/06, Vicki <vickisue_gray@...> wrote:
in school? Is there a public transportation system? If she comes out
of school would she still be able to do extra curricular activities
where you live? I would talk to her about what SHE wants to do.
Don't worry about the school grades issue. Also, how much
socialization time is she really getting in school? From what I
remember not a whole bunch (between classes, on the bus and at lunch
that was it unless we had a substitute teacher who was "just
babysitting" and let us do whatever we wanted). Talk to her. Find
out what it is she wants and what she wants out of school.
Michelle
> I'm worried that if my spouse pulls her from her friends, he risksWhat does she want to do? And what happens if she doesn't "do well"
> losing his daughter in the long run and he'll create a very bad home
> envirnoment for everyone else.
>
in school? Is there a public transportation system? If she comes out
of school would she still be able to do extra curricular activities
where you live? I would talk to her about what SHE wants to do.
Don't worry about the school grades issue. Also, how much
socialization time is she really getting in school? From what I
remember not a whole bunch (between classes, on the bus and at lunch
that was it unless we had a substitute teacher who was "just
babysitting" and let us do whatever we wanted). Talk to her. Find
out what it is she wants and what she wants out of school.
Michelle
plaidpanties666
--- In [email protected], "Vicki"
<vickisue_gray@...> wrote:
friends at school, really? If she got more time with them on
weekends and had other social options with other hs'ers during the
week, would that be "enough" for her? I would definately seek her
input on this.
My stepson hates school and we are (still) trying to convince his
mom to let us homeschool him. He is also very social and really
values seeing his friends, but he acknowledged, when asked, that he
doesn't actually get to spend much time with them, really, at
school. Its just that they are what make it bearable At All. If he
can see friends on weekends, he would actually get to see them
*more* than he does at school.
---Meredith (Mo 5, dss Ray 13)
<vickisue_gray@...> wrote:
>> My step-daughter has no desire beyond flirting with boys. She'sWhat does your step-dd think? How much time does she spend with her
> 14.8yo and currently in ps 9th grade. Her mom has "thrown in the
> towel" about her passing. My spouse wants to "homeschool" her and
> remove her from the only thing she cares about. Her social life.
friends at school, really? If she got more time with them on
weekends and had other social options with other hs'ers during the
week, would that be "enough" for her? I would definately seek her
input on this.
My stepson hates school and we are (still) trying to convince his
mom to let us homeschool him. He is also very social and really
values seeing his friends, but he acknowledged, when asked, that he
doesn't actually get to spend much time with them, really, at
school. Its just that they are what make it bearable At All. If he
can see friends on weekends, he would actually get to see them
*more* than he does at school.
---Meredith (Mo 5, dss Ray 13)
Vickisue Gray
Here's what I've gotten from her and her teachers so far:
She socializes in class during class.
She's very bright, but won't do any work.
Likes her Drama class, but refuses to take tests.
Not that she can't, just doesn't.
When she does do the work, it's brillant.
She just stares at you when you ask her what's going on.
She would just like to stay in ps and be left alone
Failing has never bothered her. (Been doing it for years)
She gets more stressed over being graded.
She has some desire to DDR, likes myspace, likes to make music
(which I have been trying to encourage), likes acting as long as
it's on her terms,
There is no public transportation, only 100,000 acres of woods.
They pay me to drive my kids to the nearest bus stop as even
the public school won't come out here. (not kidding. I lose $200.
a month by not sending my son to ps. Weird, huh)
I would gladly take her to extra cirriculars but my spouse says
if she gets pulled, he won't allow it. I put her in dance with my daughter
when they were little and they both really enjoyed it. My step-daughter's
mom stopped that! Even if I pay and drive, she refused her daughter
everything she has wanted to try. When it was our part of the summer,
I let her try as much as I could.
If he pulls her, I plan on taking her for music lessons I know she wants.
I figure I'll schedule them during the day when her mom's working, on
a variable schedule, so I can take her when Dad's working, too.
(loop holes? Worth the fight.)
They pulled her computer time, cell phone, and completely grounded her
this semester, until she pulled her grades up to a 2.0, but she didn't care
and continues to fail. She knows her father plans to remove her if she doesn't
start doing her school work but even that seems to mean nothing.
I told my spouse not to worry so much about the
grades as she is far more educated at 14 then many out there.
If and when she wants to learn, she will.
I would never have raised her as these two do.
She has tended to be a chunky child, but this year she has been slimming up.
She wants to look good. That pretty much sums it up.
Thanks for the ideas of things to ask.
----- Original Message ----
From: Michelle Leifur Reid <pamperedmichelle@...>
To: [email protected]
Sent: Wednesday, November 29, 2006 6:48:48 PM
Subject: Re: [unschoolingbasics] Need advice again
She socializes in class during class.
She's very bright, but won't do any work.
Likes her Drama class, but refuses to take tests.
Not that she can't, just doesn't.
When she does do the work, it's brillant.
She just stares at you when you ask her what's going on.
She would just like to stay in ps and be left alone
Failing has never bothered her. (Been doing it for years)
She gets more stressed over being graded.
She has some desire to DDR, likes myspace, likes to make music
(which I have been trying to encourage), likes acting as long as
it's on her terms,
There is no public transportation, only 100,000 acres of woods.
They pay me to drive my kids to the nearest bus stop as even
the public school won't come out here. (not kidding. I lose $200.
a month by not sending my son to ps. Weird, huh)
I would gladly take her to extra cirriculars but my spouse says
if she gets pulled, he won't allow it. I put her in dance with my daughter
when they were little and they both really enjoyed it. My step-daughter's
mom stopped that! Even if I pay and drive, she refused her daughter
everything she has wanted to try. When it was our part of the summer,
I let her try as much as I could.
If he pulls her, I plan on taking her for music lessons I know she wants.
I figure I'll schedule them during the day when her mom's working, on
a variable schedule, so I can take her when Dad's working, too.
(loop holes? Worth the fight.)
They pulled her computer time, cell phone, and completely grounded her
this semester, until she pulled her grades up to a 2.0, but she didn't care
and continues to fail. She knows her father plans to remove her if she doesn't
start doing her school work but even that seems to mean nothing.
I told my spouse not to worry so much about the
grades as she is far more educated at 14 then many out there.
If and when she wants to learn, she will.
I would never have raised her as these two do.
She has tended to be a chunky child, but this year she has been slimming up.
She wants to look good. That pretty much sums it up.
Thanks for the ideas of things to ask.
----- Original Message ----
From: Michelle Leifur Reid <pamperedmichelle@...>
To: [email protected]
Sent: Wednesday, November 29, 2006 6:48:48 PM
Subject: Re: [unschoolingbasics] Need advice again
On 11/29/06, Vicki <vickisue_gray@ yahoo.com> wrote:
> I'm worried that if my spouse pulls her from her friends, he risks
> losing his daughter in the long run and he'll create a very bad home
> envirnoment for everyone else.
>
What does she want to do? And what happens if she doesn't "do well"
in school? Is there a public transportation system? If she comes out
of school would she still be able to do extra curricular activities
where you live? I would talk to her about what SHE wants to do.
Don't worry about the school grades issue. Also, how much
socialization time is she really getting in school? From what I
remember not a whole bunch (between classes, on the bus and at lunch
that was it unless we had a substitute teacher who was "just
babysitting" and let us do whatever we wanted). Talk to her. Find
out what it is she wants and what she wants out of school.
Michelle
____________________________________________________________________________________
Yahoo! Music Unlimited
Access over 1 million songs.
http://music.yahoo.com/unlimited
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Vickisue Gray
Thanks,
I'll try and get more info from her. Maybe I'll have her read your post
and that well get her seeing that other kids have the same issues.
----- Original Message ----
From: plaidpanties666 <plaidpanties666@...>
To: [email protected]
Sent: Wednesday, November 29, 2006 7:29:57 PM
Subject: [unschoolingbasics] Re: Need advice again
--- In unschoolingbasics@ yahoogroups. com, "Vicki"
<vickisue_gray@ ...> wrote:
friends at school, really? If she got more time with them on
weekends and had other social options with other hs'ers during the
week, would that be "enough" for her? I would definately seek her
input on this.
My stepson hates school and we are (still) trying to convince his
mom to let us homeschool him. He is also very social and really
values seeing his friends, but he acknowledged, when asked, that he
doesn't actually get to spend much time with them, really, at
school. Its just that they are what make it bearable At All. If he
can see friends on weekends, he would actually get to see them
*more* than he does at school.
---Meredith (Mo 5, dss Ray 13)
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
I'll try and get more info from her. Maybe I'll have her read your post
and that well get her seeing that other kids have the same issues.
----- Original Message ----
From: plaidpanties666 <plaidpanties666@...>
To: [email protected]
Sent: Wednesday, November 29, 2006 7:29:57 PM
Subject: [unschoolingbasics] Re: Need advice again
--- In unschoolingbasics@ yahoogroups. com, "Vicki"
<vickisue_gray@ ...> wrote:
>> My step-daughter has no desire beyond flirting with boys. She'sWhat does your step-dd think? How much time does she spend with her
> 14.8yo and currently in ps 9th grade. Her mom has "thrown in the
> towel" about her passing. My spouse wants to "homeschool" her and
> remove her from the only thing she cares about. Her social life.
friends at school, really? If she got more time with them on
weekends and had other social options with other hs'ers during the
week, would that be "enough" for her? I would definately seek her
input on this.
My stepson hates school and we are (still) trying to convince his
mom to let us homeschool him. He is also very social and really
values seeing his friends, but he acknowledged, when asked, that he
doesn't actually get to spend much time with them, really, at
school. Its just that they are what make it bearable At All. If he
can see friends on weekends, he would actually get to see them
*more* than he does at school.
---Meredith (Mo 5, dss Ray 13)
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]