[email protected]

If you have lots and lots of channels and your children watch TV anytime they want for as long they want and stay up as late as they want how do you deal with TV content that might not be "age appropriate?" There are shows that contain images that can be very scary for a three year old or shows containg explicit sexual content that kids might not understand at, say, 6 years of age. Especially on late night cable channels. Do you all feel comfortable with them watching whatever they find that happens to be on the airwaves? Is their no such thing as "age appropriate?" Or do you excercise some kind of control, like limiting the amount or kind of programming you allow through supervision, V-chips, not having cable or other technologies? And if you do not limit TV content do you also not limit internet content? And if you limit internet content through parental controls or whatever, and not TV content, why so? Kathryn

[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

Kelly Weyd

Well I personally have a problem with all the violence. Hubby likes to watch all the shoot em up, blood and gore movies. The more dead bodies and blood the better in hubbies T.V. viewing time. I try to direct our girls (ages 6 & 8) to the upstairs tv if he is watching this stuff. Sexual Content does not bother me depending on what it is..........if it's some type of violent rape then I don't want the girls watching it. Swearing does not bother me if the girls see it......I figure they will eventually know all those words anyway. My 6 year old does not watch tv much. She would rather do any number of things than watch tv. My 8 year old is obsessed with tv, but she does do other things. Right now she is outside riding her bike. My girls watch a lot of Animal Planet in addition to Nicholodeon. Also Lexi my 8 year old watches that show on TLC about the women giving birth. She loves that show, and she is either going to have lots of kids or become an OB/GYN.......not
sure which......maybe both.
I guess some issues have not come up in our house yet, like my girls only go on the internet for their Time 4 Learning program. I keep hearing about all these internet sexual predators so I know the day is coming that I will have to address the going on sites like MY SPACE and e-mailing all their friends. I have heard some horror stories. Now last night my 6 year old stayed up till 11:30, but not to watch tv. She was deeply involved in an Art/Craft Project. My 6 year old does her best work at night........seems to be her most creative time.
Kelly

airokat@... wrote:
If you have lots and lots of channels and your children watch TV anytime they want for as long they want and stay up as late as they want how do you deal with TV content that might not be "age appropriate?" There are shows that contain images that can be very scary for a three year old or shows containg explicit sexual content that kids might not understand at, say, 6 years of age. Especially on late night cable channels. Do you all feel comfortable with them watching whatever they find that happens to be on the airwaves? Is their no such thing as "age appropriate?" Or do you excercise some kind of control, like limiting the amount or kind of programming you allow through supervision, V-chips, not having cable or other technologies? And if you do not limit TV content do you also not limit internet content? And if you limit internet content through parental controls or whatever, and not TV content, why so? Kathryn

[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]






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[email protected]

-----Original Message-----
From: airokat@...

If you have lots and lots of channels and your children watch TV
anytime they
want for as long they want and stay up as late as they want how do you
deal with
TV content that might not be "age appropriate?"

-=-=-=-

We talk about things they have questions about. Often in way more
detail than the typical parent would be comfortable with.

-=-=--=-

There are shows that contain
images that can be very scary for a three year old or shows containg
explicit
sexual content that kids might not understand at, say, 6 years of age.
Especially on late night cable channels. Do you all feel comfortable
with them
watching whatever they find that happens to be on the airwaves?

-=-=-=-

Duncan, at ten, chooses Discovery Channel, Cartoon Network, Animal
Planet, Nickelodeon, and Disney Channel. That's it. I'm perfectly
comfortable with his choices. <g>

Not to say that Family Guy can't be....ummm....sometimes uncomfortable!
<G> But that's when we talk about a LOT of issues. There's not much
those guys don't hit! <G> Opens HIGHWAYS of discussions!

I like Law and Order and SVU and CI. Duncan won't usually hang around
when I watch them. Too violent with too much sexual (SVU) content for
him. He'll go upstairs to watch Cartoon Network, or I'll change the
channel (I LOVE TiVO! <g>).

Cameron, at 18 chooses That 70s Show---and that's about it. We all
watch My Name is Earl and Family Guy. Cameron likes scary
movies---Horror, I mean. I won't watch them---unless it's Stephen King
or M. Night Shamalan. But Cam and his girlfriend love to be scared. He
didn't as a child. He did it as he was ready. They like Saw. <g>


-=-=-=-=

Is their no such thing as "age appropriate?"

-=-=-

Sure---and at his age, he finds sex and violence to be inappropriate
for him.

He even asks whether a movie is "R"---not that he hasn't seen plenty of
"R"-rated movies. Just somewhere in his brain, he thinks he needs to
*ask* about them---maybe due to TV commercials??? I'll say that it's
violent or has sex scenes or maybe rough language---whatever the reason
might be for the rating. But there's no movie with language as bad as
my *own*, so I know that doesn't bother him. The sex (even just love
scenes) and violence are enough to keep him from watching.

Do you think a six year old child will CHOOSE to watch sex and
violence? Why?

-=-=-=--=

Or do you excercise some kind of control, like
limiting the amount or kind of programming you allow through
supervision,
V-chips, not having cable or other technologies?

-=-=-=-

Nope. I'm not usually far away if he has a question. We have unlimited
TV, computer, video games, TiVo, books, and most of all TALK. I'm
willing to talk about *anything* with them---and I can assure you we've
had some UNUSUAL conversations. About stuff that would make the devil
blush and wash his ears! <G> But they know I won't laugh or put them
off. If I *do* put them off because of the timing, I'm *sure* to
address it at the soonest possible moment. They trust me.

-=-=-=-

And if you do not limit TV content do you also not limit internet
content?

-=-=-=-

Nope---that either.

My kids are too smart on the computer anyway! <G> They have to show me
how to navigate. If *I* thought I could put up some kind of workable
barrier... <g> No way!

~Kelly



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[email protected]

-----Original Message-----
From: kellmar98@...

I keep hearing about all
these internet sexual predators so I know the day is coming that I will
have to
address the going on sites like MY SPACE and e-mailing all their
friends. I
have heard some horror stories.

-=-=-

Do you think a child with involved, caring parents who are open and
honest with her will CHOOSE---or even be persuaded by---a predator to
go away with him???

The kids who are targets are't ones who tell their parents stuff. It's
the kid who is *afraid* to tell her mom that a "really cool guy from
the internet" wants to meet her at the mall. Because she was on the
internet past bedtime or was on a site she wasn't supposed to be
one---or had figured out how to bypass the parental controls!!! She
can't confide in her mom then. So she's put in a situation she doesn't
know how to get out of. Should she confess what she's been up to---and
get grounded or lose computer access? Or lie to her parents about what
she's been doing? Or trust this really neat guy who seems to understand
her???

So many parents are CLUELESS. They don't think things through. Open and
honest. Trusting and trustworthy. Respectful and respectable. THAT's a
parent who won't have to worry about *controlling* what the kids are
doing. They'll TELL you if they know they won't get in trouble for it!

~Kelly
________________________________________________________________________
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security tools, free access to millions of high-quality videos from
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[email protected]

-----Original Message-----
From: kellmar98@...

I have heard some horror stories.

-=-=-=-

From UNSCHOOLERS??

~Kelly
________________________________________________________________________
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plaidpanties666

--- In [email protected], airokat@... wrote:
>> If you have lots and lots of channels and your children watch TV
anytime they want for as long they want and stay up as late as they
want how do you deal with TV content that might not be "age
appropriate?" There are shows that contain images that can be very
scary for a three year old or shows containg explicit sexual content
that kids might not understand at, say, 6 years of age.

Well, we don't have cable, but we do own and rent movies that are
violent and otherwise scary to Morgan, plus movies with (light)
sexual content. We don't hide any of it and its all available all
the time. Mo finds sex boring - she's five. She tends to be scared
more by characters expressing fear than out-and-out violence,
although some monsters she finds scary.

In the last couple months she's been really getting into watching
some kinds of scary movies - if she's intrigued by some other aspect
of the movie. She has this whole set of strategies she uses to get
herself used to the "scariness" of the movie - watching on a smaller
screen, in a different language, watching extras, fast forwarding -
that she worked out all on her own. That's something that wouldn't
have happened if I had just decided *for* her that some things were
too scary.

I'm still learning how to talk with my stepson about movie content,
etc. I'm more "concerned" about that, since we don't really have a
history of communication.

---Meredith (Mo 5, dss Ray 13)

Brian & Alexandra Polikowsky

Kids do not want to watch those programs . if you leave up to them they want age appropriate shows. I do not limit and my son now almost 4 and a half wants to watch only kids stuff.
He also already learned how to set on "his" channels.
Alex



----- Original Message -----
From: airokat@...
To: [email protected]
Sent: Friday, November 24, 2006 12:16 PM
Subject: [unschoolingbasics] question on TV


If you have lots and lots of channels and your children watch TV anytime they want for as long they want and stay up as late as they want how do you deal with TV content that might not be "age appropriate?" There are shows that contain images that can be very scary for a three year old or shows containg explicit sexual content that kids might not understand at, say, 6 years of age. Especially on late night cable channels. Do you all feel comfortable with them watching whatever they find that happens to be on the airwaves? Is their no such thing as "age appropriate?" Or do you excercise some kind of control, like limiting the amount or kind of programming you allow through supervision, V-chips, not having cable or other technologies? And if you do not limit TV content do you also not limit internet content? And if you limit internet content through parental controls or whatever, and not TV content, why so? Kathryn

[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]





[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

wuweimama

--- In [email protected], airokat@... wrote:
>
> If you have lots and lots of channels and your children watch TV
anytime they want for as long they want and stay up as late as they
want how do you deal with TV content that might not be "age
appropriate?" >>

We just proactively meet the need for programs that are preferred by
our son; so that the stuff he doesn't want to see isn't bombarding
him. He understands the DVR/TIVO concept and wants to watch "his
shows". Sometimes, in the evening the channel will default to the news
or something that I am aware that he doesn't want to watch. I haven't
figured out how to keep that from happening for him. Technically, I
could block certain channels or block the tv access by time of day;
but neither of those provide the access that he desires during other
times of the day. So, he just turns the tv off or asks for help to
play one of "his shows". Occasionally, he watches whatever is on and
either likes it or turns it off.

My goal isn't to keep the world out, just to facilitate his own
preference for its presence in his life.


Pat

Kelly Weyd

Well the reality of our situation is that we have a 6 year old that is special needs. Both of her birth parents are mentally ill, and she may have inherited some form of mental illnesss......we are in the process of having her evaluated. She has Aspergers Syndrome and Sensory Processing Disorder. She has no ability to control any kind of impulse. And it's much deaper than I could even explain here. I have no way of knowing where she will be at developementally as a teenager or beyond for that matter. We are very involved and caring parents. For us and her it really has nothing to do with our ability as parents. I have to protect her from so many more things than a Neuro Typical child, because she does not have the ability to know these things. So I will be the parent watching what she does on the computer.

Kelly

kbcdlovejo@... wrote:


-----Original Message-----
From: kellmar98@...

I keep hearing about all
these internet sexual predators so I know the day is coming that I will
have to
address the going on sites like MY SPACE and e-mailing all their
friends. I
have heard some horror stories.

-=-=-

Do you think a child with involved, caring parents who are open and
honest with her will CHOOSE---or even be persuaded by---a predator to
go away with him???

The kids who are targets are't ones who tell their parents stuff. It's
the kid who is *afraid* to tell her mom that a "really cool guy from
the internet" wants to meet her at the mall. Because she was on the
internet past bedtime or was on a site she wasn't supposed to be
one---or had figured out how to bypass the parental controls!!! She
can't confide in her mom then. So she's put in a situation she doesn't
know how to get out of. Should she confess what she's been up to---and
get grounded or lose computer access? Or lie to her parents about what
she's been doing? Or trust this really neat guy who seems to understand
her???

So many parents are CLUELESS. They don't think things through. Open and
honest. Trusting and trustworthy. Respectful and respectable. THAT's a
parent who won't have to worry about *controlling* what the kids are
doing. They'll TELL you if they know they won't get in trouble for it!

~Kelly
__________________________________________________________
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Kelly Weyd

No, mostly from TV. But also my 10 year old niece was threatened by some kids from her school on-line. It was a situation where she gave her e-mail out to way too many people, who gave it to other people, etc. And then I've had any number of friends that have told me stories. One story was from a friend of mine who's niece was being stalked by some guy she met on-line. But that was a case of parents who were not involved in what their kids were doing.
Kelly

kbcdlovejo@... wrote:


-----Original Message-----
From: kellmar98@...

I have heard some horror stories.

-=-=-=-

From UNSCHOOLERS??

~Kelly
__________________________________________________________
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Cara

I have one daughter who is very sensitive to those types of things and
will not watch them, even if she has the remote. My oldest (almost 8)
will watch things like Law and Order and CSI with me, but will leave
or ask to change it if it gets to be too much for her. It's hard to
tell with them because they LOVE Stargate SG1 and that has lots of
shooting and whatnot, but they told me that they know its fake so it's
not scary to them.

When they stay up late at night after we go to bed, they choose what
they want to watch. Mostly its Disney, TV Land or Nick at Night.
Sometimes they pop in a video. I explained that I wished for them to
watch those channels while I was asleep - it made me less scared.
They are ok with this and have agreed that it's ok with them.

As far as the interent - I have a 'home page' on our harddrive that
has links to their favorite sites. When you open up IE that's the
first page they see. Then they can go to their sites. So far they
haven't discovered google or yahoo for searching yet, but I usually am
nearby when they have questions. Most of their computer time is with
CDs we have with games on it.

Blessings,
Cara :)

[email protected]

I am not sure about that. Once while at a friends house, she went to pick up her daughter from the neighbor's house next door, where her 6 y./o was playing. All the kids, including the three year old, were engrossed in "Silence of the Lambs."
Kathryn
-------------- Original message --------------
From: "Brian & Alexandra Polikowsky" <polykow@...>
Kids do not want to watch those programs . if you leave up to them they want age appropriate shows. I do not limit and my son now almost 4 and a half wants to watch only kids stuff.
He also already learned how to set on "his" channels.
Alex

----- Original Message -----
From: airokat@...
To: [email protected]
Sent: Friday, November 24, 2006 12:16 PM
Subject: [unschoolingbasics] question on TV

If you have lots and lots of channels and your children watch TV anytime they want for as long they want and stay up as late as they want how do you deal with TV content that might not be "age appropriate?" There are shows that contain images that can be very scary for a three year old or shows containg explicit sexual content that kids might not understand at, say, 6 years of age. Especially on late night cable channels. Do you all feel comfortable with them watching whatever they find that happens to be on the airwaves? Is their no such thing as "age appropriate?" Or do you excercise some kind of control, like limiting the amount or kind of programming you allow through supervision, V-chips, not having cable or other technologies? And if you do not limit TV content do you also not limit internet content? And if you limit internet content through parental controls or whatever, and not TV content, why so? Kathryn

[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]




[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

Melynda Laurent

On 11/24/06 2:18 PM, "kbcdlovejo@..." <kbcdlovejo@...> wrote:
Do you think a child with involved, caring parents who are open and
> honest with her will CHOOSE---or even be persuaded by---a predator to
> go away with him???
>
> **Yes, While I wish it was that simple, it¹s not. I have to respectfully
> disagree with you on this one. Sexual predators are extremely adept at
> convincing children of things you would not believe. Sadly, we are good
> friends of a family where the unthinkable happened :-(
>
> The kids who are targets are't ones who tell their parents stuff. It's
> the kid who is *afraid* to tell her mom that a "really cool guy from
> the internet" wants to meet her at the mall. Because she was on the
> internet past bedtime or was on a site she wasn't supposed to be
> one---or had figured out how to bypass the parental controls!!! She
> can't confide in her mom then. So she's put in a situation she doesn't
> know how to get out of. Should she confess what she's been up to---and
> get grounded or lose computer access? Or lie to her parents about what
> she's been doing? Or trust this really neat guy who seems to understand
> her???
>
> ** While this maybe true of lots of targets, it¹s not true of ALL. A child
> can accidentally wander onto a site and get drawn in...
>
> So many parents are CLUELESS. They don't think things through. Open and
> honest. Trusting and trustworthy. Respectful and respectable. THAT's a
> parent who won't have to worry about *controlling* what the kids are
> doing. They'll TELL you if they know they won't get in trouble for it!
>
> ** Children can not always think things through on their own- they do need us
> as parents for guidance. I personally would never lull myself into a false
> sense of security of my child¹s safely based on my open relationship with
> them.
>
> This is of course my own opinion :)
> Blessings
> Melynda
>
>
>
> __________________________________________________________





[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

Kelly Weyd

Yep, I have to agree with you on this one Melynda. My girls just love everyone. They do not have enough worldly experience yet to realize there are people out there that would hurt them. And my special needs child might never be able to figure this one out. I try to teach both of them about such things as much as I can. But the preditor is out there thinking of things that I have not thought of telling my children......they are extremely savy.
Kelly

Melynda Laurent <melyndalaurent@...> wrote:


On 11/24/06 2:18 PM, "kbcdlovejo@..." <kbcdlovejo@...> wrote:
Do you think a child with involved, caring parents who are open and
> honest with her will CHOOSE---or even be persuaded by---a predator to
> go away with him???
>
> **Yes, While I wish it was that simple, it¹s not. I have to respectfully
> disagree with you on this one. Sexual predators are extremely adept at
> convincing children of things you would not believe. Sadly, we are good
> friends of a family where the unthinkable happened :-(
>
> The kids who are targets are't ones who tell their parents stuff. It's
> the kid who is *afraid* to tell her mom that a "really cool guy from
> the internet" wants to meet her at the mall. Because she was on the
> internet past bedtime or was on a site she wasn't supposed to be
> one---or had figured out how to bypass the parental controls!!! She
> can't confide in her mom then. So she's put in a situation she doesn't
> know how to get out of. Should she confess what she's been up to---and
> get grounded or lose computer access? Or lie to her parents about what
> she's been doing? Or trust this really neat guy who seems to understand
> her???
>
> ** While this maybe true of lots of targets, it¹s not true of ALL. A child
> can accidentally wander onto a site and get drawn in...
>
> So many parents are CLUELESS. They don't think things through. Open and
> honest. Trusting and trustworthy. Respectful and respectable. THAT's a
> parent who won't have to worry about *controlling* what the kids are
> doing. They'll TELL you if they know they won't get in trouble for it!
>
> ** Children can not always think things through on their own- they do need us
> as parents for guidance. I personally would never lull myself into a false
> sense of security of my child¹s safely based on my open relationship with
> them.
>
> This is of course my own opinion :)
> Blessings
> Melynda
>
>
>
> __________________________________________________________

[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]






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[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

Chris and Kelli Bailey

i've seen this same thing.

in my own home, i have a 5yo who watches images which
are very scary to him (body language makes it
obvious--he is halfway across the room, gripping the
back of the sofa with one hand and the other hand is
in his mouth) and he will NOT look away, leave the
room, or turn off the tube! it's upsetting to me to
watch him process what he sees. he asks many detailed
questions, returning to the topic day after day, has
dreams which wake him in the night, etc.

i do protect him from these images as much as i can.
at least when reading a scary story from a book, his
mind creates the images and he ONLY sees what he can
"handle" seeing. this child is extremely imaginative,
spends most of his time in fantasy play, and is still
at a stage of development where he doesn't always know
fantasy from reality.

ds8 on the other hand, loves to watch the special
features and learn how the "scary" scenes are created.
he has no trouble understanding and processing what
he's seen.

i think seeing each child as an individual and
responding accordingly is crucial to successful
parenting. they can't all be expected or "trusted" to
manage all of their experiences at very young ages.
some need just a little help for a little while!

my 2 cents,
kelli



> I am not sure about that. Once while at a friends
> house, she went to pick up her daughter from the
> neighbor's house next door, where her 6 y./o was
> playing. All the kids, including the three year old,
> were engrossed in "Silence of the Lambs."

> Kids do not want to watch those programs . if you
> leave up to them they want age appropriate shows. I
> do not limit and my son now almost 4 and a half
> wants to watch only kids stuff.
> He also already learned how to set on "his"
> channels.




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plaidpanties666

--- In [email protected], Melynda Laurent
<melyndalaurent@...> wrote:
>> > **Yes, While I wish it was that simple, it¹s not. I have to
respectfully
> > disagree with you on this one. Sexual predators are extremely
adept at
> > convincing children of things you would not believe. Sadly, we
are good
> > friends of a family where the unthinkable happened :-(

An unschooling family?

That's a really important distinction. I can already see a Big
difference between the way my unschooling 5yr old approaches social
situations *and* new information compared to other kids her age.
She's waaaaaay more likely to include her parents as a source of
information and a guide to problem solving.

My stepson is more of a concern Because he's learned that adults are
not to be trusted with personal information. But rather than
limiting his movies and internet we're working on making ourselves
available, respecting his boundaries, showing him courtesy and
trust, and letting him know that he is Worthy of respect and trust.

> > ** While this maybe true of lots of targets, it¹s not true of
ALL. A child
> > can accidentally wander onto a site and get drawn in...

I don't think of people as "targets" first and formost. I find it
terribly disrespectful that you would describe another human being
in such a way. Right now, today, my dss might not tell me if he was
looking at porn online. I don't know. I do know that last night he
watched "Fight Club" which has both violent and sexual content and
we just has a brief chat about that. Mostly to let him know that I
knew he'd seen it and I'm okay with that. That I'm not out to censor
his movie-watching or computer use. I am interested in what he
thinks and feels about it, but I don't necessarily expect him to
talk with me about that, directly.

> > ** Children can not always think things through on their own-
they do need us
> > as parents for guidance. I personally would never lull myself
into a false
> > sense of security of my child¹s safely based on my open
relationship with
> > them.

NO-body is suggesting kids be left totally on their own to negotiate
the complexities of human relationships - be they friendly,
antagonistic, romantic, violent, cooperative, sexual, economic,
whatever! Of course kids need information and feedback from people
they trust - the important part is creating a relationship that
fosters that trust. I'm not about to "rest on my laurels" and assume
that b/c my dd trusts me Now I don't ever have to do any more "work"
in the relationship, anymore than I'm going to assume that just b/c
all is peachy between me and George at This moment the relationship
will always go smoothly.

I don't have any guarantee that having an honest relationship with
my dd and dss will "protect" them from anything at all, but I am
Very sure that imposing restrictions on them "for their own good"
will undermine the trust between us, making communication and any
kind of "guidance" much less likely to occur.

---Meredith (Mo 5, dss Ray 13)

Ren Allen

"* Children can not always think things through on their own- they do
need us as parents for guidance. I personally would never lull myself
into a false sense of security of my child¹s safely based on my open
relationship with them."

Guidance is very different from coercion, control and limits. Guidance
involves shared information and a lot of trust.

Three of my four children have myspace accounts. First of all, myspace
allows you to set your profile to "private" which means that anyone
wanting to be added to your friends list has to know certain
information first. Secondly, nobody gets on your friends list without
your approval even if you DON'T have it set to private!

When the parent is the child's partner, the child has a trusted adult
to run information past. Sierra calls me in occasionally and asks me
who certain people are before she adds them...usually it's some
unschooled child we met at a past conference. She chats regularly with
57 friends and loves it! She's learned to type pretty fast, has
learned a ton of spelling and enjoys her online social group immensely.

She knows that some people lie about who they are. Even if someone DID
manage to convince her they were a 9year old friend when they weren't,
how on earth are they going to lure her away?? All my children know
that when you meet someone from the internet for the first time, you
make sure it is a public place etc...

Most of our close friends are people we met online. If it were that
dangerous, we should have met at least ONE creepy person by now. We
haven't. Not one. That doesn't mean they aren't out there, doesn't
mean it won't happen, but I DO think that unschoolers raised
respectfully and with involved parents are pretty much immune to
getting cornered.

ANYONE can get harrassed. Not just anyone can get cornered or lured
into a bad situation. NO matter how inexperienced a child is, why on
earth wouldn't they be telling their parents about someone they met
online that they want to meet in real life??? In a trusting
relationship, that is NOT an issue.

All of my children would tell me if they met someone online and wanted
to meet up with that person. All of them know to be cautious until
they get to know someone. I have NO concerns about them being sneaky
(they have NO reason to be) because they don't get in trouble. Ever.
I don't punish any of them. EVER. Very different situation than what
most kids deal with.

It's not a false sense of security. It's a true sense of security. And
not because I don't believe bad things can happen to anyone...I just
don't fear my child being lured away under false pretenses because
they'd be TALKING to me before they met anyone!!!

Ren
learninginfreedom.com

Joyce Fetteroll

> If you have lots and lots of channels and your children watch TV
> anytime they want for as long they want and stay up as late as they
> want how do you deal with TV content that might not be "age
> appropriate?"

......

> Kids do not want to watch those programs .

I think it's more accurate to turn that around. Fears about these
programs stem from fears that children (implying all) will watch
violence and sex unless we stop them. *All* children don't want to
watch violence and sex. But the opposite isn't true. It isn't
accurate to say *all* children *don't* want to watch violence and sex.

Though it might be accurate to say all children don't want to watch
sex. In 11 years on line talking about this stuff, I've only talked
with one woman whose young son wanted to see sexual situations. My
immediate thought would be sexual abuse but it sounded like (and it's
obviously impossible to know) that wasn't the case. Barring that,
talking further it wasn't totally clear that it wasn't something else
he wanted to see. Maybe just naturally curious about sex and he got
the idea that the only information about it was movies! Maybe just
highly visual and needed to see the answers to his questions.

In these conversations about protecting kids from sex and violence on
TV it's common for a parent or two to pipe up and say "Wait! My child
loves horror movies even though they give him/her nightmares." (Or
just loves horror movies period!) But it just doesn't happen that
parents say "Wait! My child loves sex scenes in movies. He/she fast
forwards past all the talking to get to the sex."! Interest in sex
stems from hormones. When the body is ready (or on its way to ready)
to reproduce, the brain starts finding sex interesting. But 6 yos --
barring some unusual biochemistry -- don't have the hormones and just
aren't interested.

Violence, on the other hand, is universally understandable -- though
not universally enjoyable -- to everyone regardless of age. Violence
has shaped our brains since time immemorial. Kill to eat. Crush
rivals to get access to sex. Admire the ability to crush rivals since
it indicates strong survivor genes. (Funny how it comes back to
sex ;-) We've just added layers on top of the ancient impulses that
control when it's okay to be violent. The ancient desires, needs,
attitudes are still there. They're just underneath other layers. So
it's perfectly naturally to kids to understand and appreciate (some
level) of violence.

All kids are searching for programs they enjoy. *Most* kids are going
to find adult movies and shows boring. There just isn't anything kid
drawing about adults talking or kissing or having sex. As they flip
through channels, there's nothing that will make them want to stop
and watch. It's boring.

All kids understand the level of violence and horror they're
comfortable with. It's perfectly natural for kids to test their
boundaries to see if they're able to handle what bothered them
before. It's part of growing. Even adults test their boundaries. And
it's really cool when we find something we can handle that we
couldn't before.

Kids are all along the spectrum when it comes to level of tolerance
for violence. Some don't want to see any violence and are bothered by
intense situations. Some will watch Texas Chainsaw Massacre at 5 and
say "MOM! It's just a movie! Sheeesh!" ;-)

So rather than standing between a child and TV and wondering how to
protect them from it, it's better to stand beside a child and look in
the direction they're facing and wonder together how to do what is
interesting them in ways that will be comfortable for them. Because
kids *do* want to be comfortable and safe. (Though some kids
definitions of comfortable my be testing their boundaries on horror
movies!) They don't want to be surprised by violence that's way
beyond boundaries they aren't interested in testing yet. They don't
want to stumble across some scene that captures their interest that
turns into sex that confuses and scares them.

So talk to them about what will help them see the things they want to
see and avoid the things they don't want to see. Give them the tools
to help themselves be comfortable and safe. (But don't hand the
responsibility of being safe over to them. It's still our job to keep
on helping them.)

Help them find the channels they'll feel comfortable with if they're
going to be up late and help them recognize the channels that might
have things that will bother them. *Ask* the kids if they'd like
certain channels blocked so they don't even have to flip past them.

Trust that they want to stay close to their comfort zone and talk
together about ideas on how to do that. Trust that they *don't want
to see* violence that's beyond the boundaries they aren't ready to
test. Help them figure out how to stay in their comfort zone. Give
them the tools that will help them do what they want (watch TV, surf
the internet) and help them avoid the things they want to avoid.

Even with all the tools, we can't, of course, protect them from ever
seeing something they don't want to see. And when that happens, we
can help them build up more tools on how to handle surprising
situations and how to cope with the unexpected. Those are tools that
can serve them for a lifetime. Protecting them prevents them from
acquiring those tools.

(And some kids do want to push hard on the boundaries of their
comfort zones. They want horror movies even though they're scared.
There are ways to help kids explore those boundaries. If we're their
partner rather than their protector, they'll be more likely to reach
out for help rather than pushing themselves too far in fear that
controls will come down and they won't be able to see what fascinates/
scares them.)

> Is their no such thing as "age appropriate?"

Strictly speaking, no. There are movies I have no interest in
watching! So there isn't an age when Saw is appropriate.

Turn it around. Rather than dividing the world into things you will
let him watch and things you want to protect him from, divide the
world into things he is interested in and things he isn't interested
in. Then you'll see there isn't a reason for him to want to see
anything he isn't interested in! *Help* them find the things they
want to see and *help* them avoid the things they don't want to see.

Joyce

[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

Joyce Fetteroll

On Nov 25, 2006, at 12:22 AM, Kelly Weyd wrote:

> They do not have enough worldly experience yet to realize there are
> people out there that would hurt them.

No one should assume their kids have experience or knowledge to keep
themselves safe.

But we should assume they all want to feel safe.

So our job is to help them do what they want. We don't need to get
into the subject of sexual predators with a 5 yo, but we can talk
about bad people who sometimes pretend to be children so *sometimes*
it isn't safe to give out personal information. (Stories are full of
"bad guys" so that's a perfectly understandable concept to them.)

But sometimes it is. And if they know that they can come to us when
someone is asking for personal information (be it a person or a form)
and we can help them figure out if it's safe or not, they will come
and ask because they do want to be safe. They also want to do fun
things. If we put keeping them in *our* comfort zone ahead of helping
them do what they want, they'll find a way to do what they want
without us knowing so we won't stop them.

The thing is when we say "Don't," or "You're not allowed because it
isn't safe," and they've done it or their friends have done it and
nothing has happened, we lose credibility. They then can't trust what
we say. So the one obvious option is to sneak off and do it because
we're so clueless as to not understand it well enough to know it's safe.

But if they know we're trying to help them do what they want, they
*will* help us help them do it safely. They want to talk to their
friends on line. They *don't* want to be approached by some jerk
pretending to be a child. If they suspect that if they come to us
with something that makes them uncomfortable that we'll take away
their access to what they enjoy in order to keep them safe, they
aren't going to come to us! They're going to try to muddle through on
their own. If they know we're their partners in trying to help them
do what they want, they *will* come to us for advice because they
trust that we're trying to help.

So it's useful to ask ourself if the action we want to take to keep
them safe will encourage them to come to us with a problem. Or if it
will make them keep quiet because they fear we'll stop them.

Joyce

[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

Michelle Leifur Reid

On 11/24/06, airokat@... <airokat@...> wrote:
> If you have lots and lots of channels and your children watch TV anytime they want for as long they want and stay up as late as they want how do you deal with TV content that might not be "age appropriate?" There are shows that contain images that can be very scary for a three year old or shows containg explicit sexual content that kids might not understand at, say, 6 years of age.

Question: If you are watching tv and something comes on that amakes
you uncomfortable, do you conitnue to watch it or do you change the
channel? I change the channel. And what I have found is that my kids
will do the same or they will go to another room if other people are
engaged in that program. If it is something that truly concerns you
(you have an "adult" channel for instance) you can always block it as
most newer tv's and most cable companies offer this service. We've
blocked most sports channels. Not because we are offended by them,
but because we don't watch sports and so most of the time they are
just in our way as we are flipping through channels. :-)


Michelle

Elissa Jill Cleaveland

I just
don't fear my child being lured away under false pretenses because
they'd be TALKING to me before they met anyone!!!
********
Same here.
Besides, they would need me to DRIVE!

Elissa Jill
A Kindersher saychel iz oychet a saychel.
"A Child's wisdom is also wisdom." ~Yiddish Proverb

[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

[email protected]

<<If it is something that truly concerns you
(you have an "adult" channel for instance) you can always block it as
most newer tv's and most cable companies offer this service. >>

It just seems to me that the unschooling philosphy, or at least what I am hearing on this site, says that if you subscribe to the adult channel, you should make it available. Why block it? There is nothing that is "age-appropriate" and it can be a source of discussion and learning. And kids wont want to watch it, correct?
For the record, both my teenagers have MySpace accounts and I do not limit their access to the internet. I have no parental controls and they can spend as much time online as they want and and they can watch TV for as long as they want. My dd 14/yo stays up until 3am on myspace and in chat rooms, and is now into webcam chatrooms, which she prefers, because "at least you can see that people really are who they say they are. No one can pose as someone or something they are not." She has had the experience of being stalked on the internet by someone creepy. I think because she made the mistake of allowing someone into her "friends" on MySpace that she shouldnt have. My previous post was in no way a derogation of MySpace, just a warning that creepy people on the internet have ways of getting to kids.
Kathryn

-------------- Original message --------------
From: "Michelle Leifur Reid" <pamperedmichelle@...>
On 11/24/06, airokat@... <airokat@...> wrote:
> If you have lots and lots of channels and your children watch TV anytime they want for as long they want and stay up as late as they want how do you deal with TV content that might not be "age appropriate?" There are shows that contain images that can be very scary for a three year old or shows containg explicit sexual content that kids might not understand at, say, 6 years of age.

Question: If you are watching tv and something comes on that amakes
you uncomfortable, do you conitnue to watch it or do you change the
channel? I change the channel. And what I have found is that my kids
will do the same or they will go to another room if other people are
engaged in that program. If it is something that truly concerns you
(you have an "adult" channel for instance) you can always block it as
most newer tv's and most cable companies offer this service. We've
blocked most sports channels. Not because we are offended by them,
but because we don't watch sports and so most of the time they are
just in our way as we are flipping through channels. :-)

Michelle



[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

Joyce Fetteroll

On Nov 26, 2006, at 11:11 PM, airokat@... wrote:

> It just seems to me that the unschooling philosphy, or at least
> what I am hearing on this site, says that if you subscribe to the
> adult channel, you should make it available. Why block it?

I think it's more helpful in understanding unschooling to see the
goal as providing children access to what they want (or might be
interested in) rather than giving them access to everything.

If there were a 24 hour horror channel, I'd block it for me so I
didn't have to flip past those movies.

*Usually* blocking means parents hold the key and won't let children
have it. For unschoolers blocking can be a useful tool to help people
in the family get what they want. We can give kids the code. We can
unblock it when they ask.

So blocking doesn't need to mean one thing. It depends what attitude
it's being used with. If someone blocks channels with the attitude of
"No, you can't see that," of "I don't want you to see that," then it
creates forbidden fruit. On the other hand if someone is blocking
something with the attitude of "Let me move that out of the way so
you don't have to look at it," then it's helping someone get what
they want (freedom from having to see what they don't want to see.)

> There is nothing that is "age-appropriate" and it can be a source
> of discussion and learning. And kids wont want to watch it, correct?

There are such things as individual taste, though. Not everyone wants
to see everything.

The unschooling question is: What do your children want?

Joyce

[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]