Overcoming Objections from InLaws?
Heather
Hi All.
I am just hoping for ideas on overcoming objections to Homeschooling
from InLaws. My MIL is VERY OPPOSED to the idea of me homeschooling my
children. Likely that is the reason I've put off the decision this
long to decide to do it. She thinks kids need to be 'socialized'
and 'integrated' in order for them to deal with the 'real world' that
they will have to join 'some day'. I've put her off saying that my
oldest son is only 3 1/2 and I'd not be putting him in school until he
was at least six anyway and so we have some time (figuring I'll just
do what I want and homeschool, but that it'd buy me some time of
complaining from her). She is so opposed that she has told me that
she'll pay the entire bill for any private school I choose if I want
so badly to keep them out of public... Please help! Any ideas would be
great!
Thanks!
Heather
I am just hoping for ideas on overcoming objections to Homeschooling
from InLaws. My MIL is VERY OPPOSED to the idea of me homeschooling my
children. Likely that is the reason I've put off the decision this
long to decide to do it. She thinks kids need to be 'socialized'
and 'integrated' in order for them to deal with the 'real world' that
they will have to join 'some day'. I've put her off saying that my
oldest son is only 3 1/2 and I'd not be putting him in school until he
was at least six anyway and so we have some time (figuring I'll just
do what I want and homeschool, but that it'd buy me some time of
complaining from her). She is so opposed that she has told me that
she'll pay the entire bill for any private school I choose if I want
so badly to keep them out of public... Please help! Any ideas would be
great!
Thanks!
Heather
Michelle Leifur Reid
On 11/16/06, Heather <johevili72@...> wrote:
even understand but has just heard from other homeschool naysayers.
Does she really know any homeschooled families? Probably not or if
she does know any it is casually and she looks for weird things to set
them apart from "the real world."
This is YOUR child. NOT your MIL's. YOU get to decide how to educate
them, not her. She can naysay all she wants and grumble all she
wants, but as long as you are following the law (as required by your
state) there is NOTHING she can do about YOUR decision. Thank her for
her concern and then keep on keepin' on. Eventually she is going to
either give up or realize that your kids aren't growing a third arm
from their foreheads and may just be able to "integrate" into "real
life" If she is open to it, offer her some reading material from well
respected homeschool advocates such as John Holt. Tell her that she
might as well get on board with homeschooling because that is what you
are all going to do. My mother has resigned herself to the fact that
my children are going to be disadvantaged by their isolation and
inability to mesh with what is really going on in life. It's hard
taking criticism from someone you love and respect, but you still need
to do what is right for YOUR children.
Michelle
> Hi All.blah blah blah blah blah. It's rhetoric that she probably doesn't
>
> I am just hoping for ideas on overcoming objections to Homeschooling
> from InLaws. My MIL is VERY OPPOSED to the idea of me homeschooling my
> children. Likely that is the reason I've put off the decision this
> long to decide to do it. She thinks kids need to be 'socialized'
> and 'integrated' in order for them to deal with the 'real world' that
> they will have to join 'some day'.
even understand but has just heard from other homeschool naysayers.
Does she really know any homeschooled families? Probably not or if
she does know any it is casually and she looks for weird things to set
them apart from "the real world."
This is YOUR child. NOT your MIL's. YOU get to decide how to educate
them, not her. She can naysay all she wants and grumble all she
wants, but as long as you are following the law (as required by your
state) there is NOTHING she can do about YOUR decision. Thank her for
her concern and then keep on keepin' on. Eventually she is going to
either give up or realize that your kids aren't growing a third arm
from their foreheads and may just be able to "integrate" into "real
life" If she is open to it, offer her some reading material from well
respected homeschool advocates such as John Holt. Tell her that she
might as well get on board with homeschooling because that is what you
are all going to do. My mother has resigned herself to the fact that
my children are going to be disadvantaged by their isolation and
inability to mesh with what is really going on in life. It's hard
taking criticism from someone you love and respect, but you still need
to do what is right for YOUR children.
Michelle
Manisha Kher
Given how young your children are I would for now nod
and say you appreciate her concern and you'll decide
when the time comes. Meanwhile find other
homeschoolers to hang out with. Do things with friends
if your kids enjoy that. Live a full life and tell
your MIL about all the things that you're doing.
She may never accept the idea, but at least she'll be
able to see that her grandkids are not being totally
ruined.
And remember you do not have to overcome her
objections. These are your children.
Manisha
--- Heather <johevili72@...> wrote:
Sponsored Link
Don't quit your job - take classes online
www.Classesusa.com
and say you appreciate her concern and you'll decide
when the time comes. Meanwhile find other
homeschoolers to hang out with. Do things with friends
if your kids enjoy that. Live a full life and tell
your MIL about all the things that you're doing.
She may never accept the idea, but at least she'll be
able to see that her grandkids are not being totally
ruined.
And remember you do not have to overcome her
objections. These are your children.
Manisha
--- Heather <johevili72@...> wrote:
> Hi All.mailto:[email protected]
>
> I am just hoping for ideas on overcoming objections
> to Homeschooling
> from InLaws. My MIL is VERY OPPOSED to the idea of
> me homeschooling my
> children. Likely that is the reason I've put off the
> decision this
> long to decide to do it. She thinks kids need to be
> 'socialized'
> and 'integrated' in order for them to deal with the
> 'real world' that
> they will have to join 'some day'. I've put her off
> saying that my
> oldest son is only 3 1/2 and I'd not be putting him
> in school until he
> was at least six anyway and so we have some time
> (figuring I'll just
> do what I want and homeschool, but that it'd buy me
> some time of
> complaining from her). She is so opposed that she
> has told me that
> she'll pay the entire bill for any private school I
> choose if I want
> so badly to keep them out of public... Please help!
> Any ideas would be
> great!
>
> Thanks!
> Heather
>
>
>
>
>
> Yahoo! Groups Links
>
> (Yahoo! ID required)
>
>
>____________________________________________________________________________________
>
>
>
Sponsored Link
Don't quit your job - take classes online
www.Classesusa.com
Dawn Bennink
Hi, Heather.
I think many of us have been through the negative reactions of friends,
family or whoever. I know it's hard. But the best thing I think I can say
to you is that your children are YOUR children and you must raise them as
YOU see fit. Your mother-in-law has raised her children. While she may
have done a lovely job, she did it in a different time, maybe in a different
place, and with different children. She can think whatever she wants, but
the bottom line is that it is your time to raise your children and she needs
to respect that. My in-laws hardly approve of a THING that I do, and
certainly don't approve of our homeschooling. But I've told them that while
I appreciate that they care about my children very much, they need to
understand that my husband and I make the decisions and they need to respect
that. I know it may be easier said than done to get them to back off, but
setting the tone of your relationship with your in-laws is probably a good
thing to do sooner than later.
As to socialization, you might want to read the article at
http://www.tnhomeed.com/LRSocial.html . I think it addresses it all really
well.
Anecdotally, I can tell you that my older son went to preschool, 6 hours a
week, for two school years. He is shy, doesn't talk to strangers much, is
prone to giving one word answers to people he doesn't know, and might be
considered "unsocialized." But he's great with other kids, articulate and
intelligent with people he knows, and possessing of better manners and
social skills, once comfortable with someone, than most adults I know. On
the other hand, my 6 year old NEVER went to preschool or to public school
and he is the most social animal you can imagine. He will chat with anyone,
anytime, any place regardless of their age, physical appearance or social
status. He's the kind of kid who makes adults' jaws drop at how well he
communicates with adults and children alike.
Socialization, by definition, is the process of learning and adopting the
behavior patterns of the community in which a person or animal lives. If
you think about it, there is little resemblence between the behavior
patterns of schools, public or private, and the "real world." That article
I cited illustrates this well. Socialization has become a catch phrase for
becoming overly friendly with strangers, blindly trusting of authority
figures, docile and unquestioning of information presented by those
authority figures, agist and prone to think with pack mentality, among other
things. None of these are things I want for my children. I want them to
question everything, be curious about everything, to express their feelings,
to be reasonably cautious with people they don't know, not think with the
pack, and more. Yes, I want them to be mannerly, respectful and decent.
But from what I see, they won't learn that in school.
I would say you should do what YOU see fit, as a parent, and make the
parenting decisions you think are the best ones for your children. If
others question your decisions, well, that's ok. Even if they offer to
throw cash at you to think their way, I'd resist. Politely decline and do
what you think is best. I'd venture to say nobody knows your children like
you do. You need to trust your judgement and do what you think is right.
Hugs!
Dawn
I think many of us have been through the negative reactions of friends,
family or whoever. I know it's hard. But the best thing I think I can say
to you is that your children are YOUR children and you must raise them as
YOU see fit. Your mother-in-law has raised her children. While she may
have done a lovely job, she did it in a different time, maybe in a different
place, and with different children. She can think whatever she wants, but
the bottom line is that it is your time to raise your children and she needs
to respect that. My in-laws hardly approve of a THING that I do, and
certainly don't approve of our homeschooling. But I've told them that while
I appreciate that they care about my children very much, they need to
understand that my husband and I make the decisions and they need to respect
that. I know it may be easier said than done to get them to back off, but
setting the tone of your relationship with your in-laws is probably a good
thing to do sooner than later.
As to socialization, you might want to read the article at
http://www.tnhomeed.com/LRSocial.html . I think it addresses it all really
well.
Anecdotally, I can tell you that my older son went to preschool, 6 hours a
week, for two school years. He is shy, doesn't talk to strangers much, is
prone to giving one word answers to people he doesn't know, and might be
considered "unsocialized." But he's great with other kids, articulate and
intelligent with people he knows, and possessing of better manners and
social skills, once comfortable with someone, than most adults I know. On
the other hand, my 6 year old NEVER went to preschool or to public school
and he is the most social animal you can imagine. He will chat with anyone,
anytime, any place regardless of their age, physical appearance or social
status. He's the kind of kid who makes adults' jaws drop at how well he
communicates with adults and children alike.
Socialization, by definition, is the process of learning and adopting the
behavior patterns of the community in which a person or animal lives. If
you think about it, there is little resemblence between the behavior
patterns of schools, public or private, and the "real world." That article
I cited illustrates this well. Socialization has become a catch phrase for
becoming overly friendly with strangers, blindly trusting of authority
figures, docile and unquestioning of information presented by those
authority figures, agist and prone to think with pack mentality, among other
things. None of these are things I want for my children. I want them to
question everything, be curious about everything, to express their feelings,
to be reasonably cautious with people they don't know, not think with the
pack, and more. Yes, I want them to be mannerly, respectful and decent.
But from what I see, they won't learn that in school.
I would say you should do what YOU see fit, as a parent, and make the
parenting decisions you think are the best ones for your children. If
others question your decisions, well, that's ok. Even if they offer to
throw cash at you to think their way, I'd resist. Politely decline and do
what you think is best. I'd venture to say nobody knows your children like
you do. You need to trust your judgement and do what you think is right.
Hugs!
Dawn
----- Original Message -----
From: "Heather" <johevili72@...>
To: <[email protected]>
Sent: Thursday, November 16, 2006 12:22 PM
Subject: [unschoolingbasics] Overcoming Objections from InLaws?
> Hi All.
>
> I am just hoping for ideas on overcoming objections to Homeschooling
> from InLaws. My MIL is VERY OPPOSED to the idea of me homeschooling my
> children. Likely that is the reason I've put off the decision this
> long to decide to do it. She thinks kids need to be 'socialized'
> and 'integrated' in order for them to deal with the 'real world' that
> they will have to join 'some day'. I've put her off saying that my
> oldest son is only 3 1/2 and I'd not be putting him in school until he
> was at least six anyway and so we have some time (figuring I'll just
> do what I want and homeschool, but that it'd buy me some time of
> complaining from her). She is so opposed that she has told me that
> she'll pay the entire bill for any private school I choose if I want
> so badly to keep them out of public... Please help! Any ideas would be
> great!
>
> Thanks!
> Heather
>
>
>
>
>
> Yahoo! Groups Links
>
>
>
>
Heather
Michelle,
Thank you thank you thank you! I'd write more but my kids are
screaming for lunch!
SMiles,
HEahter
--- In [email protected], "Michelle Leifur Reid"
<pamperedmichelle@...> wrote:
Thank you thank you thank you! I'd write more but my kids are
screaming for lunch!
SMiles,
HEahter
--- In [email protected], "Michelle Leifur Reid"
<pamperedmichelle@...> wrote:
>Homeschooling
> On 11/16/06, Heather <johevili72@...> wrote:
> > Hi All.
> >
> > I am just hoping for ideas on overcoming objections to
> > from InLaws. My MIL is VERY OPPOSED to the idea of mehomeschooling my
> > children. Likely that is the reason I've put off the decisionthis
> > long to decide to do it. She thinks kids need to be 'socialized'that
> > and 'integrated' in order for them to deal with the 'real world'
> > they will have to join 'some day'.if
>
> blah blah blah blah blah. It's rhetoric that she probably doesn't
> even understand but has just heard from other homeschool naysayers.
> Does she really know any homeschooled families? Probably not or
> she does know any it is casually and she looks for weird things toset
> them apart from "the real world."educate
>
> This is YOUR child. NOT your MIL's. YOU get to decide how to
> them, not her. She can naysay all she wants and grumble all sheyour
> wants, but as long as you are following the law (as required by
> state) there is NOTHING she can do about YOUR decision. Thank herfor
> her concern and then keep on keepin' on. Eventually she is goingto
> either give up or realize that your kids aren't growing a third armwell
> from their foreheads and may just be able to "integrate" into "real
> life" If she is open to it, offer her some reading material from
> respected homeschool advocates such as John Holt. Tell her thatshe
> might as well get on board with homeschooling because that is whatyou
> are all going to do. My mother has resigned herself to the factthat
> my children are going to be disadvantaged by their isolation andneed
> inability to mesh with what is really going on in life. It's hard
> taking criticism from someone you love and respect, but you still
> to do what is right for YOUR children.
>
> Michelle
>
Schuyler
It's hard to be family sometimes. I recently was thinking about my dad and his worries about my home-educated children (unschooling isn't a term he bandies about). For his mother education was a very important ideal. And his mother was his world in a lot of ways, for a long time. Knowing that helps me to understand and respond to his fears about my children. Fortunately my in-laws aren't likely to question our decisions, since I can better dictate my relationships with and responses to my own parents.
Given your children's ages, I woudn't really even talk about homeschooling with your mother-in-law. Since you've already brought up the possibility, I wouldn't talk about it much. And if they bring it up, you can put them off with "Well, we'll see how it goes. I can always change my mind." And then talk about some of the exciting things you are doing, talk about what your days are filled with and how wonderful your life is.
The fact that she is prepared to pay for her grandchildren to go to private school, not an inexpensive offer, suggests that she is really concerned about their well-being. Not that you should take her up on her offer, but maybe if you can see the offer as a generous one instead of an aggressive, manipulative one it might be easier for you. It also suggests that she doesn't trust you to be able to make decisions on your own. Next time she questions your decision, deeply questions your decision, have books and papers and articles together to hand to her. Be able to talk up the benefits of homeschooling. If she pulls the socialization card, talk about what you are doing to address those things. Ask her how an artificial system like school, where children are segregated based on age, can truly socialize someone. Ask her what kind of socialization she thinks school offers. Ask her how separating her grandchildren off from the real world can help them to be more integrated into the real world. But it is a fine line to walk, you have to try not to make her feel backed into a corner. Try and keep it light and easy. Which is hard since you may feel backed into a corner. Make sure you are confident about what you are choosing. Read through http://home.earthlink.net/~fetteroll/rejoycing/ and http://sandradodd.com/unschooling to get a real grasp on what unschooling is and means. But you certainly don't have to tell your MIL you're unschooling, I wouldn't open that can of worms for as long as you can possibly avoid it. Not that unschooling is a can of worms, but jumping from public school to unschooling is a pretty large conceptual leap, and not one that would come easily for someone not reviewing the same sort of information that you are.
At the end of the day, how you raise your children is your choice. But how you present it and how defensive you make your extended family feel may make a difference to how comfortable they are with your choices.
Schuyler
www.waynforth.blogspot.com
Given your children's ages, I woudn't really even talk about homeschooling with your mother-in-law. Since you've already brought up the possibility, I wouldn't talk about it much. And if they bring it up, you can put them off with "Well, we'll see how it goes. I can always change my mind." And then talk about some of the exciting things you are doing, talk about what your days are filled with and how wonderful your life is.
The fact that she is prepared to pay for her grandchildren to go to private school, not an inexpensive offer, suggests that she is really concerned about their well-being. Not that you should take her up on her offer, but maybe if you can see the offer as a generous one instead of an aggressive, manipulative one it might be easier for you. It also suggests that she doesn't trust you to be able to make decisions on your own. Next time she questions your decision, deeply questions your decision, have books and papers and articles together to hand to her. Be able to talk up the benefits of homeschooling. If she pulls the socialization card, talk about what you are doing to address those things. Ask her how an artificial system like school, where children are segregated based on age, can truly socialize someone. Ask her what kind of socialization she thinks school offers. Ask her how separating her grandchildren off from the real world can help them to be more integrated into the real world. But it is a fine line to walk, you have to try not to make her feel backed into a corner. Try and keep it light and easy. Which is hard since you may feel backed into a corner. Make sure you are confident about what you are choosing. Read through http://home.earthlink.net/~fetteroll/rejoycing/ and http://sandradodd.com/unschooling to get a real grasp on what unschooling is and means. But you certainly don't have to tell your MIL you're unschooling, I wouldn't open that can of worms for as long as you can possibly avoid it. Not that unschooling is a can of worms, but jumping from public school to unschooling is a pretty large conceptual leap, and not one that would come easily for someone not reviewing the same sort of information that you are.
At the end of the day, how you raise your children is your choice. But how you present it and how defensive you make your extended family feel may make a difference to how comfortable they are with your choices.
Schuyler
www.waynforth.blogspot.com
----- Original Message -----
From: Heather
To: [email protected]
Sent: Thursday, November 16, 2006 5:22 PM
Subject: [unschoolingbasics] Overcoming Objections from InLaws?
Hi All.
I am just hoping for ideas on overcoming objections to Homeschooling
from InLaws. My MIL is VERY OPPOSED to the idea of me homeschooling my
children. Likely that is the reason I've put off the decision this
long to decide to do it. She thinks kids need to be 'socialized'
and 'integrated' in order for them to deal with the 'real world' that
they will have to join 'some day'. I've put her off saying that my
oldest son is only 3 1/2 and I'd not be putting him in school until he
was at least six anyway and so we have some time (figuring I'll just
do what I want and homeschool, but that it'd buy me some time of
complaining from her). She is so opposed that she has told me that
she'll pay the entire bill for any private school I choose if I want
so badly to keep them out of public... Please help! Any ideas would be
great!
Thanks!
Heather
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Marsha Boyd
Heather,
I am by no means an expert. This is my third year of homeschooling (My son is in the 5th grade.) and I get lots of socialization questions from people I work with. "What about socialization?" "What about social skills?" "What about interacting with society? with people?" "What about what he is missing by being at school?"
I love to answer that one- "You're right, he's missing boredom, peer pressure, pressure to do drugs, to have sex, to skip school, to make fun of other kids or be made fun of himself, to wear the "right" clothes, to be part of the in crowd, to fit in, to be stifled, to receive cookie-cutter education, to be forced to sit and daydream because he already finished his work and 3/4 of the rest of the class haven't, to be forced to take classes he will NEVER use, to not be allowed to pursue the things he loves to do, to get up at 6 AM, ride a bus, get to school, go all day, eat nasty food, get home at 4 PM, do homework till 7 PM.............
These people aren't my MIL of course but I want my son to understand that he can be whoever God created him to be, that he doesn't have to conform to the norm to be successful, that he can believe in himself and pursue his dreams, that life can be fun and that sometimes you just don't have to prove yourself to anyone but yourself..........
The bottom line is you are the only person who can make decisions for your children (you & your husband) not your MIL or anyone else, that responsibility was given entirely to you! As for private school, I don't see that as a solution to public education. You're still placing your child's life and education in the hands of someone else who is dealing with him AND 20 other kids! Who better knows your child that you? Who can better lead him & teach him that you? And who can argue (not even school teachers) that your child will learn more, learn faster & advance farther one on one with you as opposed to a class room. As long as you and your husband are in agreement and both want to do this, maybe she'll have to just put on her big girl panties & deal with it! :-)
Good luck,
Marsha
Hope that helped.
"Someone needs exactly what you have been given by God. Someone is hungry and thirsty for your presence. Someone will perish unless you enter his life. Someone is literally dying, emotionally, mentally, or spiritually waiting for you to come to his rescue. Someone has been lying awake at night praying that God would send you his way."
What is your assignment?
Mike Murdock- The Assignment.
I am by no means an expert. This is my third year of homeschooling (My son is in the 5th grade.) and I get lots of socialization questions from people I work with. "What about socialization?" "What about social skills?" "What about interacting with society? with people?" "What about what he is missing by being at school?"
I love to answer that one- "You're right, he's missing boredom, peer pressure, pressure to do drugs, to have sex, to skip school, to make fun of other kids or be made fun of himself, to wear the "right" clothes, to be part of the in crowd, to fit in, to be stifled, to receive cookie-cutter education, to be forced to sit and daydream because he already finished his work and 3/4 of the rest of the class haven't, to be forced to take classes he will NEVER use, to not be allowed to pursue the things he loves to do, to get up at 6 AM, ride a bus, get to school, go all day, eat nasty food, get home at 4 PM, do homework till 7 PM.............
These people aren't my MIL of course but I want my son to understand that he can be whoever God created him to be, that he doesn't have to conform to the norm to be successful, that he can believe in himself and pursue his dreams, that life can be fun and that sometimes you just don't have to prove yourself to anyone but yourself..........
The bottom line is you are the only person who can make decisions for your children (you & your husband) not your MIL or anyone else, that responsibility was given entirely to you! As for private school, I don't see that as a solution to public education. You're still placing your child's life and education in the hands of someone else who is dealing with him AND 20 other kids! Who better knows your child that you? Who can better lead him & teach him that you? And who can argue (not even school teachers) that your child will learn more, learn faster & advance farther one on one with you as opposed to a class room. As long as you and your husband are in agreement and both want to do this, maybe she'll have to just put on her big girl panties & deal with it! :-)
Good luck,
Marsha
Hope that helped.
"Someone needs exactly what you have been given by God. Someone is hungry and thirsty for your presence. Someone will perish unless you enter his life. Someone is literally dying, emotionally, mentally, or spiritually waiting for you to come to his rescue. Someone has been lying awake at night praying that God would send you his way."
What is your assignment?
Mike Murdock- The Assignment.
----- Original Message -----
From: Heather
To: [email protected]
Sent: Thursday, November 16, 2006 12:22 PM
Subject: [unschoolingbasics] Overcoming Objections from InLaws?
Hi All.
I am just hoping for ideas on overcoming objections to Homeschooling
from InLaws. My MIL is VERY OPPOSED to the idea of me homeschooling my
children. Likely that is the reason I've put off the decision this
long to decide to do it. She thinks kids need to be 'socialized'
and 'integrated' in order for them to deal with the 'real world' that
they will have to join 'some day'. I've put her off saying that my
oldest son is only 3 1/2 and I'd not be putting him in school until he
was at least six anyway and so we have some time (figuring I'll just
do what I want and homeschool, but that it'd buy me some time of
complaining from her). She is so opposed that she has told me that
she'll pay the entire bill for any private school I choose if I want
so badly to keep them out of public... Please help! Any ideas would be
great!
Thanks!
Heather
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
[email protected]
-----Original Message-----
From: johevili72@...
I am just hoping for ideas on overcoming objections to Homeschooling
from InLaws. My MIL is VERY OPPOSED to the idea of me homeschooling my
children. Likely that is the reason I've put off the decision this
long to decide to do it. She thinks kids need to be 'socialized'
and 'integrated' in order for them to deal with the 'real world' that
they will have to join 'some day'. I've put her off saying that my
oldest son is only 3 1/2 and I'd not be putting him in school until he
was at least six anyway and so we have some time (figuring I'll just
do what I want and homeschool, but that it'd buy me some time of
complaining from her). She is so opposed that she has told me that
she'll pay the entire bill for any private school I choose if I want
so badly to keep them out of public... Please help! Any ideas would be
great!
-=-=-=-=-
1) These are *your* children, not hers. She got to make her own
decisions with her children. If she's not happy with the choices her
son makes, whose fault/problem is that?
2) Until she's willing to study up on unschooling and be as informed as
you are and can carry on an INTELLIGENT conversation on the subject,
the topic is CLOSED. You can give her websites and books and articles.
*After* she has completed the *assignment*, then you'll be ready to
talk. Until then, she's simply ignorant and uninformed and can butt
out.
If she's not willing to learn more, well, that's just an example of a
schooled personality and that's not what you want for your child. You
want him to question and seek new information all his life.
3) If she thinks schooled children are actually living in the "real
world" or even something similar, she's woefully mistaken. Unschooled
childre are *truly* lliving in the real world all the time, unlike
schooled children, who are in a *simulated* world and may join teh real
world "some day."
4) We figured the amount we spent on private school ($10,000 per child)
could buy us some SERIOUS trips to REAL places instead of just reading
about them and doing papers and projects on them. TEN THOUSAND
dollars/year??? We can GO to the Grand Canyon, to Australia, to
Scotland, to Minnesooota! The amount she would spend on 12 years
tuition could enable the WHOLE family to travel the world twice over!
It also buys some handsome musical instruments and memberships to every
musuem within driving distance. It'll buy games and camera and swimming
pools and bee hives and chicken coops and a library of Usborne books
---and a new van to drive all those places.
Ten thousand dollars/year could pay for you to EXPERIENCE all the
things you could only READ about in school. What a waste!
NO! ---better! You'll be sending him to THE best private school money
can buy---with often a teacher-student ratio of 1-4 teachers to ONE
student! Lots of hands-on travel and expereinces no school could match!
~Kelly
________________________________________________________________________
Check out the new AOL. Most comprehensive set of free safety and
security tools, free access to millions of high-quality videos from
across the web, free AOL Mail and more.
From: johevili72@...
I am just hoping for ideas on overcoming objections to Homeschooling
from InLaws. My MIL is VERY OPPOSED to the idea of me homeschooling my
children. Likely that is the reason I've put off the decision this
long to decide to do it. She thinks kids need to be 'socialized'
and 'integrated' in order for them to deal with the 'real world' that
they will have to join 'some day'. I've put her off saying that my
oldest son is only 3 1/2 and I'd not be putting him in school until he
was at least six anyway and so we have some time (figuring I'll just
do what I want and homeschool, but that it'd buy me some time of
complaining from her). She is so opposed that she has told me that
she'll pay the entire bill for any private school I choose if I want
so badly to keep them out of public... Please help! Any ideas would be
great!
-=-=-=-=-
1) These are *your* children, not hers. She got to make her own
decisions with her children. If she's not happy with the choices her
son makes, whose fault/problem is that?
2) Until she's willing to study up on unschooling and be as informed as
you are and can carry on an INTELLIGENT conversation on the subject,
the topic is CLOSED. You can give her websites and books and articles.
*After* she has completed the *assignment*, then you'll be ready to
talk. Until then, she's simply ignorant and uninformed and can butt
out.
If she's not willing to learn more, well, that's just an example of a
schooled personality and that's not what you want for your child. You
want him to question and seek new information all his life.
3) If she thinks schooled children are actually living in the "real
world" or even something similar, she's woefully mistaken. Unschooled
childre are *truly* lliving in the real world all the time, unlike
schooled children, who are in a *simulated* world and may join teh real
world "some day."
4) We figured the amount we spent on private school ($10,000 per child)
could buy us some SERIOUS trips to REAL places instead of just reading
about them and doing papers and projects on them. TEN THOUSAND
dollars/year??? We can GO to the Grand Canyon, to Australia, to
Scotland, to Minnesooota! The amount she would spend on 12 years
tuition could enable the WHOLE family to travel the world twice over!
It also buys some handsome musical instruments and memberships to every
musuem within driving distance. It'll buy games and camera and swimming
pools and bee hives and chicken coops and a library of Usborne books
---and a new van to drive all those places.
Ten thousand dollars/year could pay for you to EXPERIENCE all the
things you could only READ about in school. What a waste!
NO! ---better! You'll be sending him to THE best private school money
can buy---with often a teacher-student ratio of 1-4 teachers to ONE
student! Lots of hands-on travel and expereinces no school could match!
~Kelly
________________________________________________________________________
Check out the new AOL. Most comprehensive set of free safety and
security tools, free access to millions of high-quality videos from
across the web, free AOL Mail and more.
[email protected]
And then SCHUYLER goes and says something NICE! <bwg>
~Kelly
-----Original Message-----
From: s.waynforth@...
It's hard to be family sometimes. I recently was thinking about my
dad and his
worries about my home-educated children (unschooling isn't a term he
bandies
about). For his mother education was a very important ideal. And his
mother was
his world in a lot of ways, for a long time. Knowing that helps me to
understand
and respond to his fears about my children. Fortunately my in-laws
aren't likely
to question our decisions, since I can better dictate my relationships
with and
responses to my own parents.
Given your children's ages, I woudn't really even talk about
homeschooling with
your mother-in-law. Since you've already brought up the possibility, I
wouldn't
talk about it much. And if they bring it up, you can put them off with
"Well,
we'll see how it goes. I can always change my mind." And then talk
about some of
the exciting things you are doing, talk about what your days are filled
with and
how wonderful your life is.
The fact that she is prepared to pay for her grandchildren to go to
private
school, not an inexpensive offer, suggests that she is really concerned
about
their well-being. Not that you should take her up on her offer, but
maybe if you
can see the offer as a generous one instead of an aggressive,
manipulative one
it might be easier for you. It also suggests that she doesn't trust you
to be
able to make decisions on your own. Next time she questions your
decision,
deeply questions your decision, have books and papers and articles
together to
hand to her. Be able to talk up the benefits of homeschooling. If she
pulls the
socialization card, talk about what you are doing to address those
things. Ask
her how an artificial system like school, where children are segregated
based on
age, can truly socialize someone. Ask her what kind of socialization
she thinks
school offers. Ask her how separating her grandchildren off from the
real world
can help them to be more integrated into the real world. But it is a
fine line
to walk, you have to try not to make her feel backed into a corner. Try
and keep
it light and easy. Which is hard since you may feel backed into a
corner. Make
sure you are confident about what you are choosing. Read through
http://home.earthlink.net/~fetteroll/rejoycing/ and
http://sandradodd.com/unschooling
to get a real grasp on what unschooling is and means. But you certainly
don't
have to tell your MIL you're unschooling, I wouldn't open that can of
worms for
as long as you can possibly avoid it. Not that unschooling is a can of
worms,
but jumping from public school to unschooling is a pretty large
conceptual leap,
and not one that would come easily for someone not reviewing the same
sort of
information that you are.
At the end of the day, how you raise your children is your choice. But
how you
present it and how defensive you make your extended family feel may
make a
difference to how comfortable they are with your choices.
Schuyler
________________________________________________________________________
Check out the new AOL. Most comprehensive set of free safety and
security tools, free access to millions of high-quality videos from
across the web, free AOL Mail and more.
~Kelly
-----Original Message-----
From: s.waynforth@...
It's hard to be family sometimes. I recently was thinking about my
dad and his
worries about my home-educated children (unschooling isn't a term he
bandies
about). For his mother education was a very important ideal. And his
mother was
his world in a lot of ways, for a long time. Knowing that helps me to
understand
and respond to his fears about my children. Fortunately my in-laws
aren't likely
to question our decisions, since I can better dictate my relationships
with and
responses to my own parents.
Given your children's ages, I woudn't really even talk about
homeschooling with
your mother-in-law. Since you've already brought up the possibility, I
wouldn't
talk about it much. And if they bring it up, you can put them off with
"Well,
we'll see how it goes. I can always change my mind." And then talk
about some of
the exciting things you are doing, talk about what your days are filled
with and
how wonderful your life is.
The fact that she is prepared to pay for her grandchildren to go to
private
school, not an inexpensive offer, suggests that she is really concerned
about
their well-being. Not that you should take her up on her offer, but
maybe if you
can see the offer as a generous one instead of an aggressive,
manipulative one
it might be easier for you. It also suggests that she doesn't trust you
to be
able to make decisions on your own. Next time she questions your
decision,
deeply questions your decision, have books and papers and articles
together to
hand to her. Be able to talk up the benefits of homeschooling. If she
pulls the
socialization card, talk about what you are doing to address those
things. Ask
her how an artificial system like school, where children are segregated
based on
age, can truly socialize someone. Ask her what kind of socialization
she thinks
school offers. Ask her how separating her grandchildren off from the
real world
can help them to be more integrated into the real world. But it is a
fine line
to walk, you have to try not to make her feel backed into a corner. Try
and keep
it light and easy. Which is hard since you may feel backed into a
corner. Make
sure you are confident about what you are choosing. Read through
http://home.earthlink.net/~fetteroll/rejoycing/ and
http://sandradodd.com/unschooling
to get a real grasp on what unschooling is and means. But you certainly
don't
have to tell your MIL you're unschooling, I wouldn't open that can of
worms for
as long as you can possibly avoid it. Not that unschooling is a can of
worms,
but jumping from public school to unschooling is a pretty large
conceptual leap,
and not one that would come easily for someone not reviewing the same
sort of
information that you are.
At the end of the day, how you raise your children is your choice. But
how you
present it and how defensive you make your extended family feel may
make a
difference to how comfortable they are with your choices.
Schuyler
________________________________________________________________________
Check out the new AOL. Most comprehensive set of free safety and
security tools, free access to millions of high-quality videos from
across the web, free AOL Mail and more.
Sylvia Toyama
We get opposition here, too. My parents are okay with the homeschooling aspect -- my Mom is totally onboard with the academic aspects of unschooling, it's the radical parenting she rejects. My Dad assumes I'm homeschooling traditionally, but has never asked for details -- I see no reason to enlighten him. For me, their opinions matter not at all, and when/if we disagree I have no problem pointing that I'm the mom and they're only a grandparent, so don't push me.
With the inlaws, it's a whole different situation. Dh's Mom is a retired school teacher (k-3) who just can't wrap her mind around why we'd homeschool at all, or that the boys could be happy not in school. His Dad is retired military, who just 'does the next thing' without ever questioning anything in life -- once you've done A, then you do B, and so on. However, they are very nice people, dh is an only child and overall much more compliant and kinder a person than I am. <eg>
We routinely get questions about how homeschooling is going, what are the boys learning, and ideas for 'projects' -- got one just last week where my mil said:
Sylvia, how are the boys coming along with their homeschooling? Trips to the museum/zoo and activities with their fellow homeschoolers must keep them busy. I was just thinking about a writing project for Andrew--how about he wrote letters to us? This way, he'll develop his creative writing as well as handwriting skills, learn about the postal system, etc. We in turn could write regularly to him and encourage him. Just a thought.
My first reaction was to roll my eyes, and tell dh. He'd already seen the email, and was thinking about a response to her. He said, "Andy already knows how the postal system works and my handwriting is bad -- what does she expect from him and us?"
I've fielded questions from her over the years. I've explained that we don't use a curriculum, that we follow the boys' interests, even mentioned Holt's name, thinking that as a teacher in the 60's & 70's she might be familiar with his theories -- I even referred to open classrooms once. I've never used the word unschooling, tho I did share with them a link to my blog, where I openly talk about our life and unschooling. I doubt they've ever visited. Gary says even if she had, she'd never mention something she doesn't agree with -- it's more her style to advance her 'helpful suggestions' and see if I'll bite. I explained to him that I'm ready to tell her to bite me. <weg> Really, I'm at the point where all I want to say is "we're their parents, you're the grandparents and you had your chance." I mean, hey, if she wants to write letters (Gary said, why not emails) I'll encourage the boys to write back -- if it's for the honest goal of getting better acquainted, but I
will not have their letters 'graded.' Gary is convinced what she wants is benchmarks to compare Andy with Gary's cousins' children.
After much discussion, we decided he'll respond -- in fact, from now on, he gets to respond to all their questions about homeschooling because I'm not able to promise I'll be gracious. When he gets around to emailing them, I'll share what he posted if it seems helpful. Personally, I'm ready to tell them to bug off. My parents aren't hurt when I tell them that, since that's just 'Sylvia being too sensitive.' His parents would be deeply hurt -- or at least they'd convince him they were.
In my fantasies, I tell them where to get off -- in real life, dealing with inlaws is a bit more difficult. And much less entertaining!
Sylvia
Mom to
Will (21) Andy (10) and Dan (5-1/2)
www.ourhapahome.blogspot.com
Life is what happens while youre busy making other plans. ~ John Lennon
---------------------------------
Sponsored Link
$200,000 mortgage for $660/mo - 30/15 yr fixed, reduce debt, home equity - Click now for info
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
With the inlaws, it's a whole different situation. Dh's Mom is a retired school teacher (k-3) who just can't wrap her mind around why we'd homeschool at all, or that the boys could be happy not in school. His Dad is retired military, who just 'does the next thing' without ever questioning anything in life -- once you've done A, then you do B, and so on. However, they are very nice people, dh is an only child and overall much more compliant and kinder a person than I am. <eg>
We routinely get questions about how homeschooling is going, what are the boys learning, and ideas for 'projects' -- got one just last week where my mil said:
Sylvia, how are the boys coming along with their homeschooling? Trips to the museum/zoo and activities with their fellow homeschoolers must keep them busy. I was just thinking about a writing project for Andrew--how about he wrote letters to us? This way, he'll develop his creative writing as well as handwriting skills, learn about the postal system, etc. We in turn could write regularly to him and encourage him. Just a thought.
My first reaction was to roll my eyes, and tell dh. He'd already seen the email, and was thinking about a response to her. He said, "Andy already knows how the postal system works and my handwriting is bad -- what does she expect from him and us?"
I've fielded questions from her over the years. I've explained that we don't use a curriculum, that we follow the boys' interests, even mentioned Holt's name, thinking that as a teacher in the 60's & 70's she might be familiar with his theories -- I even referred to open classrooms once. I've never used the word unschooling, tho I did share with them a link to my blog, where I openly talk about our life and unschooling. I doubt they've ever visited. Gary says even if she had, she'd never mention something she doesn't agree with -- it's more her style to advance her 'helpful suggestions' and see if I'll bite. I explained to him that I'm ready to tell her to bite me. <weg> Really, I'm at the point where all I want to say is "we're their parents, you're the grandparents and you had your chance." I mean, hey, if she wants to write letters (Gary said, why not emails) I'll encourage the boys to write back -- if it's for the honest goal of getting better acquainted, but I
will not have their letters 'graded.' Gary is convinced what she wants is benchmarks to compare Andy with Gary's cousins' children.
After much discussion, we decided he'll respond -- in fact, from now on, he gets to respond to all their questions about homeschooling because I'm not able to promise I'll be gracious. When he gets around to emailing them, I'll share what he posted if it seems helpful. Personally, I'm ready to tell them to bug off. My parents aren't hurt when I tell them that, since that's just 'Sylvia being too sensitive.' His parents would be deeply hurt -- or at least they'd convince him they were.
In my fantasies, I tell them where to get off -- in real life, dealing with inlaws is a bit more difficult. And much less entertaining!
Sylvia
Mom to
Will (21) Andy (10) and Dan (5-1/2)
www.ourhapahome.blogspot.com
Life is what happens while youre busy making other plans. ~ John Lennon
---------------------------------
Sponsored Link
$200,000 mortgage for $660/mo - 30/15 yr fixed, reduce debt, home equity - Click now for info
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Charlene Hertzberg
<She thinks kids need to be 'socialized'
and 'integrated' in order for them to deal with the 'real world' that
they will have to join 'some day'. >
Her fears are probably very valid for what she expects homeschooling to look like. Many people who are not in the homeschooling world, picture homeschooling as the kids sitting at home all day with mom "teaching" them the way that teachers do OR even worse, just sitting learning from textbooks on their own. I would specifically address her fears. Let her know that while socializing was difficult before, there are tons of resources and groups for kids who are homeschooled. The kids will be able to visit with other kids several times a week and spend hours interacting, playing, working on projects together (let her envision science projects if that is what helps her, I'm sure at some point your kids will embark on some sort of science-ish project with a friend or two), etc. They'll also have lots of time to interact with other adults and learn how to behave properly in society (if that is the type of socialization that she is worried about). In fact they'll be able to learn how to act in society by interacting in real places.
As far as integrating into the real world, I wouldn't even get into arguing that they live in the real world now... but tell her that they'll have opportunities to learn in real world situations that will help get them ready. Then talk about how the colleges are finding that homeschoolers are more succesful than their schooled counterparts (both public and private) and that many universities are setting up special scholarships and some are actively recruiting homeschoolers because they do so well.
Then, talk about how dangerous all schools have become and how bullying has become such a huge issue at all schools, including private schools (maybe even worse at private schools). Let her think about kids she sees at the store and hears about, does she want her grandkids like them?
Remember, her concerns are coming from a place of love. I'd try to very gradually over the next few years chip away at her concerns by talking to her in a loving manner and letting her know all of the great things you are learning about homeschooled kids.
Charlene
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
and 'integrated' in order for them to deal with the 'real world' that
they will have to join 'some day'. >
Her fears are probably very valid for what she expects homeschooling to look like. Many people who are not in the homeschooling world, picture homeschooling as the kids sitting at home all day with mom "teaching" them the way that teachers do OR even worse, just sitting learning from textbooks on their own. I would specifically address her fears. Let her know that while socializing was difficult before, there are tons of resources and groups for kids who are homeschooled. The kids will be able to visit with other kids several times a week and spend hours interacting, playing, working on projects together (let her envision science projects if that is what helps her, I'm sure at some point your kids will embark on some sort of science-ish project with a friend or two), etc. They'll also have lots of time to interact with other adults and learn how to behave properly in society (if that is the type of socialization that she is worried about). In fact they'll be able to learn how to act in society by interacting in real places.
As far as integrating into the real world, I wouldn't even get into arguing that they live in the real world now... but tell her that they'll have opportunities to learn in real world situations that will help get them ready. Then talk about how the colleges are finding that homeschoolers are more succesful than their schooled counterparts (both public and private) and that many universities are setting up special scholarships and some are actively recruiting homeschoolers because they do so well.
Then, talk about how dangerous all schools have become and how bullying has become such a huge issue at all schools, including private schools (maybe even worse at private schools). Let her think about kids she sees at the store and hears about, does she want her grandkids like them?
Remember, her concerns are coming from a place of love. I'd try to very gradually over the next few years chip away at her concerns by talking to her in a loving manner and letting her know all of the great things you are learning about homeschooled kids.
Charlene
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Sylvia Toyama
And then SCHUYLER goes and says something NICE! <bwg>
~Kelly
*****
yeah, but what you said hit me like new info this time around, Kelly, so thanks!
I've heard Sandra share that she basically told her mil she'd discuss a topic only once mil had read up on it, but for whatever reason (maybe I'm slow on the uptake) it never occurred to me to say that to my mil. Okay, that's because I'm too busy fighting back to snarky remarks to think of anything to say to my mil when she asks. But I did just cut & email some of your post to Gary since he's drafting an email to his mom about her last 'helpful suggestion' about homeschooling.
If he doesn't include the 'do your own research' answer in his reply, I'll try to remember to make it my pat answer from now on. Now that I think about, I'm tired of doing everyone else's research for them so I can defend myself when what we're doing requires no defense or apology.
Sylvia
Mom to
Will (21) Andy (10) and Dan (5-1/2)
www.ourhapahome.blogspot.com
Life is what happens while youre busy making other plans. ~ John Lennon
---------------------------------
Sponsored Link
Don't quit your job - take classes online and earn your degree in 1 year. Start Today
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
~Kelly
*****
yeah, but what you said hit me like new info this time around, Kelly, so thanks!
I've heard Sandra share that she basically told her mil she'd discuss a topic only once mil had read up on it, but for whatever reason (maybe I'm slow on the uptake) it never occurred to me to say that to my mil. Okay, that's because I'm too busy fighting back to snarky remarks to think of anything to say to my mil when she asks. But I did just cut & email some of your post to Gary since he's drafting an email to his mom about her last 'helpful suggestion' about homeschooling.
If he doesn't include the 'do your own research' answer in his reply, I'll try to remember to make it my pat answer from now on. Now that I think about, I'm tired of doing everyone else's research for them so I can defend myself when what we're doing requires no defense or apology.
Sylvia
Mom to
Will (21) Andy (10) and Dan (5-1/2)
www.ourhapahome.blogspot.com
Life is what happens while youre busy making other plans. ~ John Lennon
---------------------------------
Sponsored Link
Don't quit your job - take classes online and earn your degree in 1 year. Start Today
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Sylvia Toyama
I wrote this before the most recent message appeared, but don't see it, so maybe Yahoo dropped it into some void -- or maybe it will appear three times later tonight! I'll try again. Sorry if it appears twice.
We get opposition here, too. My parents are okay with the homeschooling aspect -- my Mom is totally onboard with the academic aspects of unschooling, it's the radical parenting she rejects. My Dad assumes I'm homeschooling traditionally, but has never asked for details -- I see no reason to enlighten him. For me, their opinions matter not at all, and when/if we disagree I have no problem pointing that I'm the mom and they're only a grandparent, so don't push me.
With the inlaws, it's a whole different situation. Dh's Mom is a retired school teacher (k-3) who just can't wrap her mind around why we'd homeschool at all, or that the boys could be happy not in school. His Dad is retired military, who just 'does the next thing' without ever questioning anything in life -- once you've done A, then you do B, and so on. However, they are very nice people, dh is an only child and overall much more compliant and kinder a person than I am. <eg>
We routinely get questions about how homeschooling is going, what are the boys learning, and ideas for 'projects' -- got one just last week where my mil said:
Sylvia, how are the boys coming along with their homeschooling? Trips to the museum/zoo and activities with their fellow homeschoolers must keep them busy. I was just thinking about a writing project for Andrew--how about he wrote letters to us? This way, he'll develop his creative writing as well as handwriting skills, learn about the postal system, etc. We in turn could write regularly to him and encourage him. Just a thought.
My first reaction was to roll my eyes, and tell dh. He'd already seen the email, and was thinking about a response to her. He said, "Andy already knows how the postal system works and my handwriting is bad -- what does she expect from him and us?"
I've fielded questions from her over the years. I've explained that we don't use a curriculum, that we follow the boys' interests, even mentioned Holt's name, thinking that as a teacher in the 60's & 70's she might be familiar with his theories -- I even referred to open classrooms once. I've never used the word unschooling, tho I did share with them a link to my blog, where I openly talk about our life and unschooling. I doubt they've ever visited. Gary says even if she had, she'd never mention something she doesn't agree with -- it's more her style to advance her 'helpful suggestions' and see if I'll bite. I explained to him that I'm ready to tell her to bite me. <weg> Really, I'm at the point where all I want to say is "we're their parents, you're the grandparents and you had your chance." I mean, hey, if she wants to write letters (Gary said, why not emails) I'll encourage the boys to write back -- if it's for the honest goal of getting better acquainted, but I
will not have their letters 'graded.' Gary is convinced what she wants is benchmarks to compare Andy with Gary's cousins' children.
After much discussion, we decided he'll respond -- in fact, from now on, he gets to respond to all their questions about homeschooling because I'm not able to promise I'll be gracious. When he gets around to emailing them, I'll share what he posted if it seems helpful. Personally, I'm ready to tell them to bug off. My parents aren't hurt when I tell them that, since that's just 'Sylvia being too sensitive.' His parents would be deeply hurt -- or at least they'd convince him they were.
In my fantasies, I tell them where to get off -- in real life, dealing with inlaws is a bit more difficult. And much less entertaining!
Sylvia
---------------------------------
Sponsored Link
Mortgage rates as low as 4.625% - $150,000 loan for $579 a month. Intro-*Terms
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
We get opposition here, too. My parents are okay with the homeschooling aspect -- my Mom is totally onboard with the academic aspects of unschooling, it's the radical parenting she rejects. My Dad assumes I'm homeschooling traditionally, but has never asked for details -- I see no reason to enlighten him. For me, their opinions matter not at all, and when/if we disagree I have no problem pointing that I'm the mom and they're only a grandparent, so don't push me.
With the inlaws, it's a whole different situation. Dh's Mom is a retired school teacher (k-3) who just can't wrap her mind around why we'd homeschool at all, or that the boys could be happy not in school. His Dad is retired military, who just 'does the next thing' without ever questioning anything in life -- once you've done A, then you do B, and so on. However, they are very nice people, dh is an only child and overall much more compliant and kinder a person than I am. <eg>
We routinely get questions about how homeschooling is going, what are the boys learning, and ideas for 'projects' -- got one just last week where my mil said:
Sylvia, how are the boys coming along with their homeschooling? Trips to the museum/zoo and activities with their fellow homeschoolers must keep them busy. I was just thinking about a writing project for Andrew--how about he wrote letters to us? This way, he'll develop his creative writing as well as handwriting skills, learn about the postal system, etc. We in turn could write regularly to him and encourage him. Just a thought.
My first reaction was to roll my eyes, and tell dh. He'd already seen the email, and was thinking about a response to her. He said, "Andy already knows how the postal system works and my handwriting is bad -- what does she expect from him and us?"
I've fielded questions from her over the years. I've explained that we don't use a curriculum, that we follow the boys' interests, even mentioned Holt's name, thinking that as a teacher in the 60's & 70's she might be familiar with his theories -- I even referred to open classrooms once. I've never used the word unschooling, tho I did share with them a link to my blog, where I openly talk about our life and unschooling. I doubt they've ever visited. Gary says even if she had, she'd never mention something she doesn't agree with -- it's more her style to advance her 'helpful suggestions' and see if I'll bite. I explained to him that I'm ready to tell her to bite me. <weg> Really, I'm at the point where all I want to say is "we're their parents, you're the grandparents and you had your chance." I mean, hey, if she wants to write letters (Gary said, why not emails) I'll encourage the boys to write back -- if it's for the honest goal of getting better acquainted, but I
will not have their letters 'graded.' Gary is convinced what she wants is benchmarks to compare Andy with Gary's cousins' children.
After much discussion, we decided he'll respond -- in fact, from now on, he gets to respond to all their questions about homeschooling because I'm not able to promise I'll be gracious. When he gets around to emailing them, I'll share what he posted if it seems helpful. Personally, I'm ready to tell them to bug off. My parents aren't hurt when I tell them that, since that's just 'Sylvia being too sensitive.' His parents would be deeply hurt -- or at least they'd convince him they were.
In my fantasies, I tell them where to get off -- in real life, dealing with inlaws is a bit more difficult. And much less entertaining!
Sylvia
---------------------------------
Sponsored Link
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[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Vickisue Gray
~~maybe she'll have to just put on her big girl panties & deal with it! :-) ~~
Marsha you're funny!
ROFL ~~ I know a few people to whom THAT applies. Wish I had said it to them!
Vicki
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Marsha you're funny!
ROFL ~~ I know a few people to whom THAT applies. Wish I had said it to them!
Vicki
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Heather
Thank you thank you thank you so much to Schuyler and Manisha and
Michelle and Kelly for all your great responses! I just wish I had
the time just now to reply to each of you independently but I need
to get dinner together sometime in the near future! LOL! I haven't
been so excited about life in general since I made my decision,
finally, to at least homeschool or possibly unschool my kids.
Unschooling is an exciting idea to me that I am only learning about
in the last week or so since really jumping into the 'pool' of the
internet and all the lovely resources it has to offer! I'd really
dragged my feet on making the decision up until now, likely because
I KNEW my MIL was so opposed to the whole idea. She is more like my
mother than my own (who for various reason's I've not seen for over
a decade, but that's a whole other story) and her opinion has
weighed heavily on me. Then again, she's pretty freaked out about
the co-sleeping arraingement that I've enjoyed w/ my kids since they
were born and I've not 'bent to her wishes' on that score either, so
I guess I have some sort of backbone back there somewhere.. haha!
I've just decided that traditional school isn't the right place for
my kids. My son especially, would be 'broken' by that sort of
education, I think. He is somewhat speech delayed and a very
sensitive soul and I know it would crush the sweetness and light I
see in him everyday to go into a situation like traditional school.
Luckily for me, my husband (of 15 yrs now, we put off having kids a
long time, wanting to be financially 'sound'[if there is such a
thing] enough for me to stay home with them full time, and I am so
glad I went with my gut there as well!!!!) is supportive of my
decision to educate the kids at home. I've not really discussed un-
schooling with him much yet. Want to get a more solid grasp on the
information myself before trying to present it to him yet... But he
is supportive of my efforts, at least for the first few years. I
told him that was a fair support and we would reassess after we see
how the kids and I are after a few years. I figure and hope that the
results will speak for themselves. I have faith that they will.
Faith in my kids to continue being the fabulous people they continue
to grow into everyday and faith in myself to be courageous enough to
ALLOW them to do so... Like I said, I am excited by all I've read
and perhaps this is the first time I've actually done
any 'unschooling' myself! LOL! I can't get my hands on enough
information, websites and books on the subject and spend all my
spare time (considering I have a 2 and 3 yr old, and a house to run
etc, that's a finite thing, as I am sure you all understand!)
learning about it... Naturally, I am trying to balance my excitement
in order to leave enough time to play with, color with, read to and
grow with my kids! I read somewhere once that the key to a happy
life is to have just a little more to do everyday than you can
possibly get done, and I, more and more, believe that is the truth!!
Well..... Better go before I burn dinner! LOL! Have a lovely day all!
Smiles and Kindred Spirit Hugs,
Heather
Michelle and Kelly for all your great responses! I just wish I had
the time just now to reply to each of you independently but I need
to get dinner together sometime in the near future! LOL! I haven't
been so excited about life in general since I made my decision,
finally, to at least homeschool or possibly unschool my kids.
Unschooling is an exciting idea to me that I am only learning about
in the last week or so since really jumping into the 'pool' of the
internet and all the lovely resources it has to offer! I'd really
dragged my feet on making the decision up until now, likely because
I KNEW my MIL was so opposed to the whole idea. She is more like my
mother than my own (who for various reason's I've not seen for over
a decade, but that's a whole other story) and her opinion has
weighed heavily on me. Then again, she's pretty freaked out about
the co-sleeping arraingement that I've enjoyed w/ my kids since they
were born and I've not 'bent to her wishes' on that score either, so
I guess I have some sort of backbone back there somewhere.. haha!
I've just decided that traditional school isn't the right place for
my kids. My son especially, would be 'broken' by that sort of
education, I think. He is somewhat speech delayed and a very
sensitive soul and I know it would crush the sweetness and light I
see in him everyday to go into a situation like traditional school.
Luckily for me, my husband (of 15 yrs now, we put off having kids a
long time, wanting to be financially 'sound'[if there is such a
thing] enough for me to stay home with them full time, and I am so
glad I went with my gut there as well!!!!) is supportive of my
decision to educate the kids at home. I've not really discussed un-
schooling with him much yet. Want to get a more solid grasp on the
information myself before trying to present it to him yet... But he
is supportive of my efforts, at least for the first few years. I
told him that was a fair support and we would reassess after we see
how the kids and I are after a few years. I figure and hope that the
results will speak for themselves. I have faith that they will.
Faith in my kids to continue being the fabulous people they continue
to grow into everyday and faith in myself to be courageous enough to
ALLOW them to do so... Like I said, I am excited by all I've read
and perhaps this is the first time I've actually done
any 'unschooling' myself! LOL! I can't get my hands on enough
information, websites and books on the subject and spend all my
spare time (considering I have a 2 and 3 yr old, and a house to run
etc, that's a finite thing, as I am sure you all understand!)
learning about it... Naturally, I am trying to balance my excitement
in order to leave enough time to play with, color with, read to and
grow with my kids! I read somewhere once that the key to a happy
life is to have just a little more to do everyday than you can
possibly get done, and I, more and more, believe that is the truth!!
Well..... Better go before I burn dinner! LOL! Have a lovely day all!
Smiles and Kindred Spirit Hugs,
Heather
--- In [email protected], kbcdlovejo@... wrote:
>
> And then SCHUYLER goes and says something NICE! <bwg>
>
> ~Kelly
>
> -----Original Message-----
> From: s.waynforth@...
>
> It's hard to be family sometimes. I recently was thinking
about my
> dad and his
> worries about my home-educated children (unschooling isn't a term
he
> bandies
> about). For his mother education was a very important ideal. And
his
> mother was
> his world in a lot of ways, for a long time. Knowing that helps me
to
> understand
> and respond to his fears about my children. Fortunately my in-laws
> aren't likely
> to question our decisions, since I can better dictate my
relationships
> with and
> responses to my own parents.
>
> Given your children's ages, I woudn't really even talk about
> homeschooling with
> your mother-in-law. Since you've already brought up the
possibility, I
> wouldn't
> talk about it much. And if they bring it up, you can put them off
with
> "Well,
> we'll see how it goes. I can always change my mind." And then talk
> about some of
> the exciting things you are doing, talk about what your days are
filled
> with and
> how wonderful your life is.
>
> The fact that she is prepared to pay for her grandchildren to go
to
> private
> school, not an inexpensive offer, suggests that she is really
concerned
> about
> their well-being. Not that you should take her up on her offer,
but
> maybe if you
> can see the offer as a generous one instead of an aggressive,
> manipulative one
> it might be easier for you. It also suggests that she doesn't
trust you
> to be
> able to make decisions on your own. Next time she questions your
> decision,
> deeply questions your decision, have books and papers and articles
> together to
> hand to her. Be able to talk up the benefits of homeschooling. If
she
> pulls the
> socialization card, talk about what you are doing to address those
> things. Ask
> her how an artificial system like school, where children are
segregated
> based on
> age, can truly socialize someone. Ask her what kind of
socialization
> she thinks
> school offers. Ask her how separating her grandchildren off from
the
> real world
> can help them to be more integrated into the real world. But it is
a
> fine line
> to walk, you have to try not to make her feel backed into a
corner. Try
> and keep
> it light and easy. Which is hard since you may feel backed into a
> corner. Make
> sure you are confident about what you are choosing. Read through
> http://home.earthlink.net/~fetteroll/rejoycing/ and
> http://sandradodd.com/unschooling
> to get a real grasp on what unschooling is and means. But you
certainly
> don't
> have to tell your MIL you're unschooling, I wouldn't open that can
of
> worms for
> as long as you can possibly avoid it. Not that unschooling is a
can of
> worms,
> but jumping from public school to unschooling is a pretty large
> conceptual leap,
> and not one that would come easily for someone not reviewing the
same
> sort of
> information that you are.
>
> At the end of the day, how you raise your children is your choice.
But
> how you
> present it and how defensive you make your extended family feel
may
> make a
> difference to how comfortable they are with your choices.
>
> Schuyler
>
_____________________________________________________________________
___
> Check out the new AOL. Most comprehensive set of free safety and
> security tools, free access to millions of high-quality videos
from
> across the web, free AOL Mail and more.
>
Heather
Marsha,
YOU ARE TOO COOL!! I love it! DINNER IS BURNING though! Thanks for
the great post!
Smiles and love,
Heather
--- In [email protected], "Marsha Boyd"
<heavnsnt@...> wrote:
questions from people I work with. "What about
socialization?" "What about social skills?" "What about
interacting with society? with people?" "What about what he is
missing by being at school?"
make fun of other kids or be made fun of himself, to wear
the "right" clothes, to be part of the in crowd, to fit in, to be
stifled, to receive cookie-cutter education, to be forced to sit and
daydream because he already finished his work and 3/4 of the rest of
the class haven't, to be forced to take classes he will NEVER use,
to not be allowed to pursue the things he loves to do, to get up at
6 AM, ride a bus, get to school, go all day, eat nasty food, get
home at 4 PM, do homework till 7 PM.............
doesn't have to conform to the norm to be successful, that he can
believe in himself and pursue his dreams, that life can be fun and
that sometimes you just don't have to prove yourself to anyone but
yourself..........
that responsibility was given entirely to you! As for private
school, I don't see that as a solution to public education. You're
still placing your child's life and education in the hands of
someone else who is dealing with him AND 20 other kids! Who better
knows your child that you? Who can better lead him & teach him that
you? And who can argue (not even school teachers) that your child
will learn more, learn faster & advance farther one on one with you
as opposed to a class room. As long as you and your husband are in
agreement and both want to do this, maybe she'll have to just put on
her big girl panties & deal with it! :-)
you enter his life. Someone is literally dying, emotionally,
mentally, or spiritually waiting for you to come to his rescue.
Someone has been lying awake at night praying that God would send
you his way."
YOU ARE TOO COOL!! I love it! DINNER IS BURNING though! Thanks for
the great post!
Smiles and love,
Heather
--- In [email protected], "Marsha Boyd"
<heavnsnt@...> wrote:
>(My son is in the 5th grade.) and I get lots of socialization
> Heather,
> I am by no means an expert. This is my third year of homeschooling
questions from people I work with. "What about
socialization?" "What about social skills?" "What about
interacting with society? with people?" "What about what he is
missing by being at school?"
> I love to answer that one- "You're right, he's missing boredom,peer pressure, pressure to do drugs, to have sex, to skip school, to
make fun of other kids or be made fun of himself, to wear
the "right" clothes, to be part of the in crowd, to fit in, to be
stifled, to receive cookie-cutter education, to be forced to sit and
daydream because he already finished his work and 3/4 of the rest of
the class haven't, to be forced to take classes he will NEVER use,
to not be allowed to pursue the things he loves to do, to get up at
6 AM, ride a bus, get to school, go all day, eat nasty food, get
home at 4 PM, do homework till 7 PM.............
> These people aren't my MIL of course but I want my son tounderstand that he can be whoever God created him to be, that he
doesn't have to conform to the norm to be successful, that he can
believe in himself and pursue his dreams, that life can be fun and
that sometimes you just don't have to prove yourself to anyone but
yourself..........
> The bottom line is you are the only person who can make decisionsfor your children (you & your husband) not your MIL or anyone else,
that responsibility was given entirely to you! As for private
school, I don't see that as a solution to public education. You're
still placing your child's life and education in the hands of
someone else who is dealing with him AND 20 other kids! Who better
knows your child that you? Who can better lead him & teach him that
you? And who can argue (not even school teachers) that your child
will learn more, learn faster & advance farther one on one with you
as opposed to a class room. As long as you and your husband are in
agreement and both want to do this, maybe she'll have to just put on
her big girl panties & deal with it! :-)
> Good luck,is hungry and thirsty for your presence. Someone will perish unless
> Marsha
>
> Hope that helped.
> "Someone needs exactly what you have been given by God. Someone
you enter his life. Someone is literally dying, emotionally,
mentally, or spiritually waiting for you to come to his rescue.
Someone has been lying awake at night praying that God would send
you his way."
> What is your assignment?Homeschooling
> Mike Murdock- The Assignment.
> ----- Original Message -----
> From: Heather
> To: [email protected]
> Sent: Thursday, November 16, 2006 12:22 PM
> Subject: [unschoolingbasics] Overcoming Objections from InLaws?
>
>
> Hi All.
>
> I am just hoping for ideas on overcoming objections to
> from InLaws. My MIL is VERY OPPOSED to the idea of mehomeschooling my
> children. Likely that is the reason I've put off the decisionthis
> long to decide to do it. She thinks kids need to be 'socialized'that
> and 'integrated' in order for them to deal with the 'real world'
> they will have to join 'some day'. I've put her off saying thatmy
> oldest son is only 3 1/2 and I'd not be putting him in schooluntil he
> was at least six anyway and so we have some time (figuring I'lljust
> do what I want and homeschool, but that it'd buy me some time ofthat
> complaining from her). She is so opposed that she has told me
> she'll pay the entire bill for any private school I choose if Iwant
> so badly to keep them out of public... Please help! Any ideaswould be
> great!
>
> Thanks!
> Heather
>
>
>
>
>
> [Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
>
Heather
Thanks also to those who've posted replies to my post since I wrote
this... This group is AWESOME!!
Smiles,
Heather
--- In [email protected], "Heather" <johevili72@...>
wrote:
this... This group is AWESOME!!
Smiles,
Heather
--- In [email protected], "Heather" <johevili72@...>
wrote:
>about
> Thank you thank you thank you so much to Schuyler and Manisha and
> Michelle and Kelly for all your great responses! I just wish I had
> the time just now to reply to each of you independently but I need
> to get dinner together sometime in the near future! LOL! I haven't
> been so excited about life in general since I made my decision,
> finally, to at least homeschool or possibly unschool my kids.
> Unschooling is an exciting idea to me that I am only learning
> in the last week or so since really jumping into the 'pool' of thebecause
> internet and all the lovely resources it has to offer! I'd really
> dragged my feet on making the decision up until now, likely
> I KNEW my MIL was so opposed to the whole idea. She is more likemy
> mother than my own (who for various reason's I've not seen forover
> a decade, but that's a whole other story) and her opinion hasthey
> weighed heavily on me. Then again, she's pretty freaked out about
> the co-sleeping arraingement that I've enjoyed w/ my kids since
> were born and I've not 'bent to her wishes' on that score either,so
> I guess I have some sort of backbone back there somewhere.. haha!for
> I've just decided that traditional school isn't the right place
> my kids. My son especially, would be 'broken' by that sort ofschool.
> education, I think. He is somewhat speech delayed and a very
> sensitive soul and I know it would crush the sweetness and light I
> see in him everyday to go into a situation like traditional
> Luckily for me, my husband (of 15 yrs now, we put off having kidsa
> long time, wanting to be financially 'sound'[if there is such ahe
> thing] enough for me to stay home with them full time, and I am so
> glad I went with my gut there as well!!!!) is supportive of my
> decision to educate the kids at home. I've not really discussed un-
> schooling with him much yet. Want to get a more solid grasp on the
> information myself before trying to present it to him yet... But
> is supportive of my efforts, at least for the first few years. Isee
> told him that was a fair support and we would reassess after we
> how the kids and I are after a few years. I figure and hope thatthe
> results will speak for themselves. I have faith that they will.continue
> Faith in my kids to continue being the fabulous people they
> to grow into everyday and faith in myself to be courageous enoughto
> ALLOW them to do so... Like I said, I am excited by all I've readrun
> and perhaps this is the first time I've actually done
> any 'unschooling' myself! LOL! I can't get my hands on enough
> information, websites and books on the subject and spend all my
> spare time (considering I have a 2 and 3 yr old, and a house to
> etc, that's a finite thing, as I am sure you all understand!)excitement
> learning about it... Naturally, I am trying to balance my
> in order to leave enough time to play with, color with, read toand
> grow with my kids! I read somewhere once that the key to a happytruth!!
> life is to have just a little more to do everyday than you can
> possibly get done, and I, more and more, believe that is the
> Well..... Better go before I burn dinner! LOL! Have a lovely dayall!
>term
> Smiles and Kindred Spirit Hugs,
> Heather
>
> --- In [email protected], kbcdlovejo@ wrote:
> >
> > And then SCHUYLER goes and says something NICE! <bwg>
> >
> > ~Kelly
> >
> > -----Original Message-----
> > From: s.waynforth@
> >
> > It's hard to be family sometimes. I recently was thinking
> about my
> > dad and his
> > worries about my home-educated children (unschooling isn't a
> heme
> > bandies
> > about). For his mother education was a very important ideal. And
> his
> > mother was
> > his world in a lot of ways, for a long time. Knowing that helps
> tolaws
> > understand
> > and respond to his fears about my children. Fortunately my in-
> > aren't likelyoff
> > to question our decisions, since I can better dictate my
> relationships
> > with and
> > responses to my own parents.
> >
> > Given your children's ages, I woudn't really even talk about
> > homeschooling with
> > your mother-in-law. Since you've already brought up the
> possibility, I
> > wouldn't
> > talk about it much. And if they bring it up, you can put them
> withtalk
> > "Well,
> > we'll see how it goes. I can always change my mind." And then
> > about some ofarticles
> > the exciting things you are doing, talk about what your days are
> filled
> > with and
> > how wonderful your life is.
> >
> > The fact that she is prepared to pay for her grandchildren to go
> to
> > private
> > school, not an inexpensive offer, suggests that she is really
> concerned
> > about
> > their well-being. Not that you should take her up on her offer,
> but
> > maybe if you
> > can see the offer as a generous one instead of an aggressive,
> > manipulative one
> > it might be easier for you. It also suggests that she doesn't
> trust you
> > to be
> > able to make decisions on your own. Next time she questions your
> > decision,
> > deeply questions your decision, have books and papers and
> > together toIf
> > hand to her. Be able to talk up the benefits of homeschooling.
> shethose
> > pulls the
> > socialization card, talk about what you are doing to address
> > things. Askis
> > her how an artificial system like school, where children are
> segregated
> > based on
> > age, can truly socialize someone. Ask her what kind of
> socialization
> > she thinks
> > school offers. Ask her how separating her grandchildren off from
> the
> > real world
> > can help them to be more integrated into the real world. But it
> aa
> > fine line
> > to walk, you have to try not to make her feel backed into a
> corner. Try
> > and keep
> > it light and easy. Which is hard since you may feel backed into
> > corner. Makecan
> > sure you are confident about what you are choosing. Read through
> > http://home.earthlink.net/~fetteroll/rejoycing/ and
> > http://sandradodd.com/unschooling
> > to get a real grasp on what unschooling is and means. But you
> certainly
> > don't
> > have to tell your MIL you're unschooling, I wouldn't open that
> ofchoice.
> > worms for
> > as long as you can possibly avoid it. Not that unschooling is a
> can of
> > worms,
> > but jumping from public school to unschooling is a pretty large
> > conceptual leap,
> > and not one that would come easily for someone not reviewing the
> same
> > sort of
> > information that you are.
> >
> > At the end of the day, how you raise your children is your
> But_____________________________________________________________________
> > how you
> > present it and how defensive you make your extended family feel
> may
> > make a
> > difference to how comfortable they are with your choices.
> >
> > Schuyler
> >
>
> ___and
> > Check out the new AOL. Most comprehensive set of free safety
> > security tools, free access to millions of high-quality videos
> from
> > across the web, free AOL Mail and more.
> >
>
Kelly Weyd
I LOVE THIS RESPONSE! My husband told me to print it.........he loves it too!
Kelly
Marsha Boyd <heavnsnt@...> wrote:
Heather,
I am by no means an expert. This is my third year of homeschooling (My son is in the 5th grade.) and I get lots of socialization questions from people I work with. "What about socialization?" "What about social skills?" "What about interacting with society? with people?" "What about what he is missing by being at school?"
I love to answer that one- "You're right, he's missing boredom, peer pressure, pressure to do drugs, to have sex, to skip school, to make fun of other kids or be made fun of himself, to wear the "right" clothes, to be part of the in crowd, to fit in, to be stifled, to receive cookie-cutter education, to be forced to sit and daydream because he already finished his work and 3/4 of the rest of the class haven't, to be forced to take classes he will NEVER use, to not be allowed to pursue the things he loves to do, to get up at 6 AM, ride a bus, get to school, go all day, eat nasty food, get home at 4 PM, do homework till 7 PM.............
These people aren't my MIL of course but I want my son to understand that he can be whoever God created him to be, that he doesn't have to conform to the norm to be successful, that he can believe in himself and pursue his dreams, that life can be fun and that sometimes you just don't have to prove yourself to anyone but yourself..........
The bottom line is you are the only person who can make decisions for your children (you & your husband) not your MIL or anyone else, that responsibility was given entirely to you! As for private school, I don't see that as a solution to public education. You're still placing your child's life and education in the hands of someone else who is dealing with him AND 20 other kids! Who better knows your child that you? Who can better lead him & teach him that you? And who can argue (not even school teachers) that your child will learn more, learn faster & advance farther one on one with you as opposed to a class room. As long as you and your husband are in agreement and both want to do this, maybe she'll have to just put on her big girl panties & deal with it! :-)
Good luck,
Marsha
Hope that helped.
"Someone needs exactly what you have been given by God. Someone is hungry and thirsty for your presence. Someone will perish unless you enter his life. Someone is literally dying, emotionally, mentally, or spiritually waiting for you to come to his rescue. Someone has been lying awake at night praying that God would send you his way."
What is your assignment?
Mike Murdock- The Assignment.
Kelly
Marsha Boyd <heavnsnt@...> wrote:
Heather,
I am by no means an expert. This is my third year of homeschooling (My son is in the 5th grade.) and I get lots of socialization questions from people I work with. "What about socialization?" "What about social skills?" "What about interacting with society? with people?" "What about what he is missing by being at school?"
I love to answer that one- "You're right, he's missing boredom, peer pressure, pressure to do drugs, to have sex, to skip school, to make fun of other kids or be made fun of himself, to wear the "right" clothes, to be part of the in crowd, to fit in, to be stifled, to receive cookie-cutter education, to be forced to sit and daydream because he already finished his work and 3/4 of the rest of the class haven't, to be forced to take classes he will NEVER use, to not be allowed to pursue the things he loves to do, to get up at 6 AM, ride a bus, get to school, go all day, eat nasty food, get home at 4 PM, do homework till 7 PM.............
These people aren't my MIL of course but I want my son to understand that he can be whoever God created him to be, that he doesn't have to conform to the norm to be successful, that he can believe in himself and pursue his dreams, that life can be fun and that sometimes you just don't have to prove yourself to anyone but yourself..........
The bottom line is you are the only person who can make decisions for your children (you & your husband) not your MIL or anyone else, that responsibility was given entirely to you! As for private school, I don't see that as a solution to public education. You're still placing your child's life and education in the hands of someone else who is dealing with him AND 20 other kids! Who better knows your child that you? Who can better lead him & teach him that you? And who can argue (not even school teachers) that your child will learn more, learn faster & advance farther one on one with you as opposed to a class room. As long as you and your husband are in agreement and both want to do this, maybe she'll have to just put on her big girl panties & deal with it! :-)
Good luck,
Marsha
Hope that helped.
"Someone needs exactly what you have been given by God. Someone is hungry and thirsty for your presence. Someone will perish unless you enter his life. Someone is literally dying, emotionally, mentally, or spiritually waiting for you to come to his rescue. Someone has been lying awake at night praying that God would send you his way."
What is your assignment?
Mike Murdock- The Assignment.
----- Original Message -----
From: Heather
To: [email protected]
Sent: Thursday, November 16, 2006 12:22 PM
Subject: [unschoolingbasics] Overcoming Objections from InLaws?
Hi All.
I am just hoping for ideas on overcoming objections to Homeschooling
from InLaws. My MIL is VERY OPPOSED to the idea of me homeschooling my
children. Likely that is the reason I've put off the decision this
long to decide to do it. She thinks kids need to be 'socialized'
and 'integrated' in order for them to deal with the 'real world' that
they will have to join 'some day'. I've put her off saying that my
oldest son is only 3 1/2 and I'd not be putting him in school until he
was at least six anyway and so we have some time (figuring I'll just
do what I want and homeschool, but that it'd buy me some time of
complaining from her). She is so opposed that she has told me that
she'll pay the entire bill for any private school I choose if I want
so badly to keep them out of public... Please help! Any ideas would be
great!
Thanks!
Heather
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Deb Lewis
***I am just hoping for ideas on overcoming objections to Homeschooling
from In Laws.***
You may not be able to "overcome" their objections but that needn't be your
focus or your goal. You might decide to get comfortable with their
objections. You have no control over what they choose to object to, but you
have all the control over how you choose to respond to or deal with their
objections.
You can let it eat at you, or you can be so confident and informed in your
decision that their objections don't warrant your worry.
***My MIL is VERY OPPOSED to the idea of me homeschooling my
children.***
Does she have a reason to believe you should not homeschool? Does she have
a reason to feel like you're not that bright? If you are coming across to
your mil like a person lacking in intelligence or confidence or ability then
you can change that. If her objections are not about you, but are the more
general complaints about homeschooling then you can address those too.
If she thinks you're not smart enough to homeschool your kids then don't
talk to her about it until you're really confident. If she thinks
homeschooling in general is a bad idea then find out her concerns so you can
address them.
If she's just a pain in the ass, move away from her and don't ask her to
visit.
***She thinks kids need to be 'socialized'
and 'integrated' in order for them to deal with the 'real world' that
they will have to join 'some day'.***
People who live in a society should know how to conduct themselves around
others. But it would take some deliberate doing to create a lifestyle in
which your kids would have no experience out in society. Are you
isolationists? If not, then you can reassure her that while your children
are playing with friends in the neighborhood and at the park and at
McDonalds and joining clubs or taking dancing lessons or karate lessons or
singing lessons they will have social interactions with other children. And
while they are out shopping with you and dining out and visiting libraries
and museums and going to concerts and plays and the zoo and volunteering for
tree planting on Earth Day they will have social interactions with people of
all ages.
You can tell her that by not putting your kids in the age defined and
limited confines of school they will remain in the real world and grow up
socializing in the real world and will not need to join it someday because
they will never have left it.
***I've put her off saying that my oldest son is only 3 1/2 and I'd not be
putting him in school until he
was at least six anyway ***
That's good. For now, while you're still formulating good ideas about how
to address her concerns, you can consistently tell her your child is no
where near compulsory school age and there is no reason for her to be
worried about it now.
***She is so opposed that she has told me that
she'll pay the entire bill for any private school I choose ***
See if your state has an option for you to become a private school and do
that and then send her the bill for riding lessons and violin lessons and a
nice, educational "field trip" to France. <g>
Deb Lewis
from In Laws.***
You may not be able to "overcome" their objections but that needn't be your
focus or your goal. You might decide to get comfortable with their
objections. You have no control over what they choose to object to, but you
have all the control over how you choose to respond to or deal with their
objections.
You can let it eat at you, or you can be so confident and informed in your
decision that their objections don't warrant your worry.
***My MIL is VERY OPPOSED to the idea of me homeschooling my
children.***
Does she have a reason to believe you should not homeschool? Does she have
a reason to feel like you're not that bright? If you are coming across to
your mil like a person lacking in intelligence or confidence or ability then
you can change that. If her objections are not about you, but are the more
general complaints about homeschooling then you can address those too.
If she thinks you're not smart enough to homeschool your kids then don't
talk to her about it until you're really confident. If she thinks
homeschooling in general is a bad idea then find out her concerns so you can
address them.
If she's just a pain in the ass, move away from her and don't ask her to
visit.
***She thinks kids need to be 'socialized'
and 'integrated' in order for them to deal with the 'real world' that
they will have to join 'some day'.***
People who live in a society should know how to conduct themselves around
others. But it would take some deliberate doing to create a lifestyle in
which your kids would have no experience out in society. Are you
isolationists? If not, then you can reassure her that while your children
are playing with friends in the neighborhood and at the park and at
McDonalds and joining clubs or taking dancing lessons or karate lessons or
singing lessons they will have social interactions with other children. And
while they are out shopping with you and dining out and visiting libraries
and museums and going to concerts and plays and the zoo and volunteering for
tree planting on Earth Day they will have social interactions with people of
all ages.
You can tell her that by not putting your kids in the age defined and
limited confines of school they will remain in the real world and grow up
socializing in the real world and will not need to join it someday because
they will never have left it.
***I've put her off saying that my oldest son is only 3 1/2 and I'd not be
putting him in school until he
was at least six anyway ***
That's good. For now, while you're still formulating good ideas about how
to address her concerns, you can consistently tell her your child is no
where near compulsory school age and there is no reason for her to be
worried about it now.
***She is so opposed that she has told me that
she'll pay the entire bill for any private school I choose ***
See if your state has an option for you to become a private school and do
that and then send her the bill for riding lessons and violin lessons and a
nice, educational "field trip" to France. <g>
Deb Lewis
Heather
Deb,
Thanks for the smile this morning! I loved this:
"See if your state has an option for you to become a private school
and do that and then send her the bill for riding lessons and
violin lessons and a nice, educational "field trip" to France."
I'd love to write more but today is (and the last few days have
been) a pretty full scheduled day (unusual for us, especially a few
in a row, but I guess sometimes life is like that, huh?).
Have a lovely day!
Smiles,
Heather
--- In [email protected], "Deb Lewis" <d.lewis@...>
wrote:
Thanks for the smile this morning! I loved this:
"See if your state has an option for you to become a private school
and do that and then send her the bill for riding lessons and
violin lessons and a nice, educational "field trip" to France."
I'd love to write more but today is (and the last few days have
been) a pretty full scheduled day (unusual for us, especially a few
in a row, but I guess sometimes life is like that, huh?).
Have a lovely day!
Smiles,
Heather
--- In [email protected], "Deb Lewis" <d.lewis@...>
wrote:
>Homeschooling
> ***I am just hoping for ideas on overcoming objections to
> from In Laws.***needn't be your
>
> You may not be able to "overcome" their objections but that
> focus or your goal. You might decide to get comfortable withtheir
> objections. You have no control over what they choose to objectto, but you
> have all the control over how you choose to respond to or dealwith their
> objections.in your
> You can let it eat at you, or you can be so confident and informed
> decision that their objections don't warrant your worry.Does she have
>
> ***My MIL is VERY OPPOSED to the idea of me homeschooling my
> children.***
>
> Does she have a reason to believe you should not homeschool?
> a reason to feel like you're not that bright? If you are comingacross to
> your mil like a person lacking in intelligence or confidence orability then
> you can change that. If her objections are not about you, butare the more
> general complaints about homeschooling then you can address thosetoo.
>don't
> If she thinks you're not smart enough to homeschool your kids then
> talk to her about it until you're really confident. If shethinks
> homeschooling in general is a bad idea then find out her concernsso you can
> address them.her to
>
> If she's just a pain in the ass, move away from her and don't ask
> visit.that
>
> ***She thinks kids need to be 'socialized'
> and 'integrated' in order for them to deal with the 'real world'
> they will have to join 'some day'.***around
>
> People who live in a society should know how to conduct themselves
> others. But it would take some deliberate doing to create alifestyle in
> which your kids would have no experience out in society. Are youchildren
> isolationists? If not, then you can reassure her that while your
> are playing with friends in the neighborhood and at the park andat
> McDonalds and joining clubs or taking dancing lessons or karatelessons or
> singing lessons they will have social interactions with otherchildren. And
> while they are out shopping with you and dining out and visitinglibraries
> and museums and going to concerts and plays and the zoo andvolunteering for
> tree planting on Earth Day they will have social interactions withpeople of
> all ages.and
>
> You can tell her that by not putting your kids in the age defined
> limited confines of school they will remain in the real world andgrow up
> socializing in the real world and will not need to join it somedaybecause
> they will never have left it.I'd not be
>
> ***I've put her off saying that my oldest son is only 3 1/2 and
> putting him in school until heabout how
> was at least six anyway ***
>
> That's good. For now, while you're still formulating good ideas
> to address her concerns, you can consistently tell her your childis no
> where near compulsory school age and there is no reason for her tobe
> worried about it now.and do
>
> ***She is so opposed that she has told me that
> she'll pay the entire bill for any private school I choose ***
>
> See if your state has an option for you to become a private school
> that and then send her the bill for riding lessons and violinlessons and a
> nice, educational "field trip" to France. <g>
>
> Deb Lewis
>