Sandy

Just interested in hearing how unschooling has helped to heal your
older child and also your relationships. Guess I'm looking for
"confirmation" that things CAN BE remedied and successfully. I do
realize that there are going to be hurdles but I am holding on to
"Hope" in a major way that my ds will be okay.

~Sandy

Schafer Vanessa

Sandy,

We have been unschooling since September. We just
pulled our two children out at the end of the school
year-where they were in 3rd and 4th grade.

We are still deschooling, but I have seen such a
tremendous change in both of my children. They are
more kind and loving, and are still healing, but doing
very well. We were out to eat with my husband the
other day, and the waitress asked if the kids had the
day off, and I told her no, that we homeschool, and
she went on to say how homeschooled children were so
polite, and so nice, and everything a public schooled
child was not. She also said she admired me for being
able to do it.

Life is good. Living the unschooled life is so much
better. My kids have alot of baggage to unload, from
the horrors of public school, but they are having fun,
and living life free. Success has come to us in
unschooling, in that my kids are happy just being
themselves, without all of the homework, and bullying,
etc. They are able to learn about whatever they want,
without being told what they have to learn, and only
getting little snippets here and there.

We spend our time together, going for walks, doing
yard work (they love to run the lawnmower over the
leaves that have been raked up), reading books,
drawing, playing games,(both board, and video)
watching movies, and just relaxing. Learning doesn't
look like anything really. You'll be amazed once you
are in the unschooling mode, at what your kids will
learn. Just sit back, relax, and enjoy your kids.
Trust me, this is a positive thing.

Good luck.

----Vanessa


--- Sandy <sereneaspirations@...> wrote:

> Just interested in hearing how unschooling has
> helped to heal your
> older child and also your relationships. Guess I'm
> looking for
> "confirmation" that things CAN BE remedied and
> successfully. I do
> realize that there are going to be hurdles but I am
> holding on to
> "Hope" in a major way that my ds will be okay.
>
> ~Sandy
>
>
>
>




____________________________________________________________________________________
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Schafer Vanessa

Sandy,

I forgot to ask you what kind of damage you were
talking about? The healing will take place, it just
takes time.

----Vanessa

--- Sandy <sereneaspirations@...> wrote:

> Just interested in hearing how unschooling has
> helped to heal your
> older child and also your relationships. Guess I'm
> looking for
> "confirmation" that things CAN BE remedied and
> successfully. I do
> realize that there are going to be hurdles but I am
> holding on to
> "Hope" in a major way that my ds will be okay.
>
> ~Sandy
>
>
>
>




____________________________________________________________________________________
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Lesa

Vanessa,

Your story sounds very much like mine. I pulled my DD from public school
after 3rd grade. It took her about 6 to 7 months to deschool. The changes
into radical unschooling took some time for her balance out... we jumped
into it head-first and it took some time for her to trust that we weren't
going to force her to do school or chores anymore.

I just want to tell Sandy to take heart... when it doesn't seem like your
children are making any progress to be free of their past, keep going anyway
We're all continually in the process of change and growth. Don't be
wishy-washy out of fear... that will only hinder that process.


Lesa
http://lifeacademy.homeschooljournal.net
http://stores.ebay.com/qtpiecraftsthings

-------Original Message-------

From: Schafer Vanessa
Date: 11/01/06 10:00:13
To: [email protected]
Subject: Re: [unschoolingbasics] Damaged older children...Any successful
healing stories?

Sandy,

We have been unschooling since September. We just
pulled our two children out at the end of the school
year-where they were in 3rd and 4th grade.

We are still deschooling, but I have seen such a
tremendous change in both of my children. They are
more kind and loving, and are still healing, but doing
very well. We were out to eat with my husband the
other day, and the waitress asked if the kids had the
day off, and I told her no, that we homeschool, and
she went on to say how homeschooled children were so
polite, and so nice, and everything a public schooled
child was not. She also said she admired me for being
able to do it.

Life is good. Living the unschooled life is so much
better. My kids have alot of baggage to unload, from
the horrors of public school, but they are having fun,
and living life free. Success has come to us in
unschooling, in that my kids are happy just being
themselves, without all of the homework, and bullying,
etc. They are able to learn about whatever they want,
without being told what they have to learn, and only
getting little snippets here and there.

We spend our time together, going for walks, doing
yard work (they love to run the lawnmower over the
leaves that have been raked up), reading books,
drawing, playing games,(both board, and video)
watching movies, and just relaxing. Learning doesn't
look like anything really. You'll be amazed once you
are in the unschooling mode, at what your kids will
learn. Just sit back, relax, and enjoy your kids.
Trust me, this is a positive thing.

Good luck.

----Vanessa
.



[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

Schafer Vanessa

Hi Lesa,

Where do you live? (If you don't mind me asking.) We
are in Michigan, in a town called South Lyon. How old
is your daughter, and how is she doing? We are still
deschooling, and I am loving having my kids with me
all the time. (Some of my friends think I'm crazy,
but I wouldn't have it any other way.) We discover
new things all the time, and haven't done anything
schooly in a long time. They are changing so quickly,
and all in a positive way. It's weird to see the
changes in them, since they haven't been in public
school. I can honestly say that I wish I had pulled
them out sooner, but I can't change that now. I have
only the future to look forward to, and with my kids I
know it will be exciting.

----Vanessa

--- Lesa <lesajm@...> wrote:

> Vanessa,
>
> Your story sounds very much like mine. I pulled my
> DD from public school
> after 3rd grade. It took her about 6 to 7 months to
> deschool. The changes
> into radical unschooling took some time for her
> balance out... we jumped
> into it head-first and it took some time for her to
> trust that we weren't
> going to force her to do school or chores anymore.
>
> I just want to tell Sandy to take heart... when it
> doesn't seem like your
> children are making any progress to be free of their
> past, keep going anyway
> We're all continually in the process of change and
> growth. Don't be
> wishy-washy out of fear... that will only hinder
> that process.
>
>
> Lesa
> http://lifeacademy.homeschooljournal.net
> http://stores.ebay.com/qtpiecraftsthings
>
> -------Original Message-------
>
> From: Schafer Vanessa
> Date: 11/01/06 10:00:13
> To: [email protected]
> Subject: Re: [unschoolingbasics] Damaged older
> children...Any successful
> healing stories?
>
> Sandy,
>
> We have been unschooling since September. We just
> pulled our two children out at the end of the school
> year-where they were in 3rd and 4th grade.
>
> We are still deschooling, but I have seen such a
> tremendous change in both of my children. They are
> more kind and loving, and are still healing, but
> doing
> very well. We were out to eat with my husband the
> other day, and the waitress asked if the kids had
> the
> day off, and I told her no, that we homeschool, and
> she went on to say how homeschooled children were so
> polite, and so nice, and everything a public
> schooled
> child was not. She also said she admired me for
> being
> able to do it.
>
> Life is good. Living the unschooled life is so much
> better. My kids have alot of baggage to unload, from
> the horrors of public school, but they are having
> fun,
> and living life free. Success has come to us in
> unschooling, in that my kids are happy just being
> themselves, without all of the homework, and
> bullying,
> etc. They are able to learn about whatever they
> want,
> without being told what they have to learn, and only
> getting little snippets here and there.
>
> We spend our time together, going for walks, doing
> yard work (they love to run the lawnmower over the
> leaves that have been raked up), reading books,
> drawing, playing games,(both board, and video)
> watching movies, and just relaxing. Learning doesn't
> look like anything really. You'll be amazed once you
> are in the unschooling mode, at what your kids will
> learn. Just sit back, relax, and enjoy your kids.
> Trust me, this is a positive thing.
>
> Good luck.
>
> ----Vanessa
> .
>
>
>
> [Non-text portions of this message have been
> removed]
>
>


Vanessa




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Kelly Weyd

Well I am brand new to homeschooling and "unschooling". I brought my two girls home from ps a bit over a month ago. The smile has returned to my 8 year olds face. She was so incredibly miserable at school. She is very petite, so she was a target. She endured a lot of teasing and bullying. Also she did not do well with the academic pressure. The Math homework had her in tears every single night. She is just so happy now. I know this is not the kind of story you are looking for, but I thought I would share.
Kelly

Sandy <sereneaspirations@...> wrote:
Just interested in hearing how unschooling has helped to heal your
older child and also your relationships. Guess I'm looking for
"confirmation" that things CAN BE remedied and successfully. I do
realize that there are going to be hurdles but I am holding on to
"Hope" in a major way that my ds will be okay.

~Sandy






---------------------------------
Check out the New Yahoo! Mail - Fire up a more powerful email and get things done faster.

[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

Kelly Weyd

Along with this subject I decided that life was too short. I decided I did not care if my daughter ever learned another thing in her life. Her happiness and her well being were more important than anything. Her going through the pure torture of public school just so she could be so called educated just was not worth it. Bringing her home, loving her, playing with her, cuddling with her, talking to her, etc. is SOOOOO much more important than whether she knows what 6 X 6 is. These are all important with my other daughter also, but my 8 year old was so damaged and she definately needs the healing. I have family members who think it's ok for children to be teased at school and that it toughens them up. Sorry, it's not o.k. and it was not o.k. to leave my child in that situation. My daughters were adopted out of the foster care system and their lives prior to coming to my husband and I were more hell than anyone should have to endure in a lifetime. So ps just became
more hell for them. It's definately time for them to heal. And seeing the smiles on their faces, and getting the best hugs from them is proof I'm doing the right thing.
Kelly

Schafer Vanessa <psychomom95@...> wrote:
Sandy,

I forgot to ask you what kind of damage you were
talking about? The healing will take place, it just
takes time.

----Vanessa

--- Sandy <sereneaspirations@...> wrote:

> Just interested in hearing how unschooling has
> helped to heal your
> older child and also your relationships. Guess I'm
> looking for
> "confirmation" that things CAN BE remedied and
> successfully. I do
> realize that there are going to be hurdles but I am
> holding on to
> "Hope" in a major way that my ds will be okay.
>
> ~Sandy
>
>
>
>

__________________________________________________________
Cheap Talk? Check out Yahoo! Messenger's low PC-to-Phone call rates
(http://voice.yahoo.com)






---------------------------------
Cheap Talk? Check out Yahoo! Messenger's low PC-to-Phone call rates.

[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

Schafer Vanessa

Kelly,

I know your story, because I also lived it with both
of my kids. My son, because he is a big kid, and kind
to others, was an easy target for teasing, and being
bullyed. The worst of it came this year when he got a
"death" threat in an anonymous letter that was put in
his desk, from a classmate. My daughter has also had
math anxiety, and would develop really bad stomach
aches. I would constantly have calls from the school
asking me to come and get her, and than they would
tell me to let them rephrase it, and they would say,
you will come get her. I would go get her, and
sometimes it was from hunger, and most of the time, it
was because of math, and those stinking time tests.
We finally had enough, and brought both kids home at
the end of the 3rd and 4th grade years. They are more
happier than I have seen them in a long time, and are
definately more relaxed. I wish we would've pulled
them out sooner, (before the end of the year), but my
husband wanted them to finish the year out at school.

Trying to deal with anxiety issues, and the bullying
problems through the proper channels at public school
for us was like banging our heads agains a brick wall.
Living life like it's one huge adventure is awesome.
The kids love it, and so do I.

I wish you all the luck in the world with your
adventure. Thanks for sharing your story. I am
truely sorry for what your daughter had to endure.

---Vanessa

--- Kelly Weyd <kellmar98@...> wrote:

> Well I am brand new to homeschooling and
> "unschooling". I brought my two girls home from ps
> a bit over a month ago. The smile has returned to
> my 8 year olds face. She was so incredibly miserable
> at school. She is very petite, so she was a target.
> She endured a lot of teasing and bullying. Also she
> did not do well with the academic pressure. The
> Math homework had her in tears every single night.
> She is just so happy now. I know this is not the
> kind of story you are looking for, but I thought I
> would share.
> Kelly
>
> Sandy <sereneaspirations@...> wrote:
> Just interested in hearing how unschooling
> has helped to heal your
> older child and also your relationships. Guess I'm
> looking for
> "confirmation" that things CAN BE remedied and
> successfully. I do
> realize that there are going to be hurdles but I am
> holding on to
> "Hope" in a major way that my ds will be okay.
>
> ~Sandy
>
>
>
>
>
>
> ---------------------------------
> Check out the New Yahoo! Mail - Fire up a more
> powerful email and get things done faster.
>
> [Non-text portions of this message have been
> removed]
>
>




____________________________________________________________________________________
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Sandy

--- In [email protected], Kelly Weyd <kellmar98@...>
wrote:
>
> Along with this subject I decided that life was too short.

Wow, that really hit home with me because over the past month I had
been thinking about that constantly. On October 8th, I lost a dear
friend, a 36 year old wife and mother of 3 children ages 8, 11, and 13
to Melanoma Cancer. Maybe that is why now, my inner-self feels more
strongly than ever about totally embracing unschooling. Maybe that is
why seeing my son doing meaningless work the other day really hit my
heart in a powerful way. Deep down, I'd been thinking about Christine
and how her children were schooled but yet she was a SAHM and loved
her children deeply, but how much more time could have been spent with
her had they been homeschooled? Why it took your post here to draw
out the reality of this decision is beyond me, but thank you. In
meditative terms I have just had an "AH" moment.

~Sandy

Sandy

--- In [email protected], Schafer Vanessa
<psychomom95@...> wrote:
>
> Kelly,
>
> I know your story, because I also lived it with both
> of my kids. My son, because he is a big kid, and kind
> to others, was an easy target for teasing, and being
> bullyed.

I KNOW how you feel! When Zak was schooled from ages 4 to 8 he was
targeted for that exact same reason. He was taller than other children
his age, big (not as in overweight but you know what I mean)and kind.
Why on earth children like that are targets is beyond me, but it is
totally heartbreaking.

~Sandy

Michelle Leifur Reid

Be consistant with unschooling :-) Seriously, you are going to have
to build up a lot of trust with your son. I think it takes even
longer when they have had the freedom of unschooling and then had it
taken away. They have to learn to trust that you aren't going to
snatch it away again. Until your son realizes that unschooling is
here for good he may not blossom like you would expect from an
unschooling child. Major deschooling time and don't be surprised if
it takes longer than it did last time (if you ever got to that point)

Michelle

Schafer Vanessa

Sandy,

It is a sad situation for kind kids like Zak and my
son Tyler. We actually decided to pull my kids out,
after my daughter got bit on the inside of her arm,
and after all the bullying my son went through. We
were told by the principal at our ex-school, and my
sons teacher that the bullying would only get worse in
middle school, and high school. My kids happiness
means more to us than to put them through the toture
of public school, and the non response to problems by
the school teachers/principal. My kids are so much
happier now, and love unschooling. How old is Zak?
Tyler is a big kid too, but is solid. He is built
more like his dad's side of the family. He is big,
but is very kind, gentle and loveable. I hope all
works out with Zak.

---Vanessa

--- Sandy <sereneaspirations@...> wrote:

> --- In [email protected], Schafer
> Vanessa
> <psychomom95@...> wrote:
> >
> > Kelly,
> >
> > I know your story, because I also lived it with
> both
> > of my kids. My son, because he is a big kid, and
> kind
> > to others, was an easy target for teasing, and
> being
> > bullyed.
>
> I KNOW how you feel! When Zak was schooled from
> ages 4 to 8 he was
> targeted for that exact same reason. He was taller
> than other children
> his age, big (not as in overweight but you know what
> I mean)and kind.
> Why on earth children like that are targets is
> beyond me, but it is
> totally heartbreaking.
>
> ~Sandy
>
>
>




__________________________________________________________________________________________
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[email protected]

Late, again. Too many irons in the fire, but I figure these posts can
sit until I can get to them.

-----Original Message-----
From: sereneaspirations@...


Just interested in hearing how unschooling has helped to heal your
older child and also your relationships. Guess I'm looking for
"confirmation" that things CAN BE remedied and successfully. I do
realize that there are going to be hurdles but I am holding on to
"Hope" in a major way that my ds will be okay.

-=-=-=-=-=-=-


We really didn't have a "relationship problem"---Cameron and I have
always gotten along well. I think it could very well have deteriorated
had we kept him in school though.

But he went from a happy, bright, fun kid to a dark, sullen, brooding
one. Fifth and sixth grades began the slow downward slope. Plus that
initial DEschooling time---that sucked too. All his friends were
assuring him that he would be stupid and never learn algebra and never
get a job or get into college.

We'd always been honest and has a trusting relationship, so when I
played the "trust me" card, he wasn't totally writing me off. But he
also had all my years of saying that school was his job and such. I was
suddenly sending the opposite message. His peers, on the other hand,
were sending him my *old message! <G>

Deschooling sucked---no way around it. It was hard. I think I may have
lost a little of his trust because we did such a 180 on him. "Your
education is of otmost importance" to "School's a waste of time and
taking away your life." How much conflict can a 13 year old take? <g>

But things CAN be remedied and successfully. Everything I told him came
true. Our trust is even deeper.

Folks here who know him probably all shook their heads in wonder when I
described him above as "dark, sullen, and brooding." He has about the
sunniest disposition any one person can have.

Are there still scars? You betcha! We were just talking about a few
yesterday---he still has things that niggle at him.

But he's healed up pretty well. Just a few scars that itch occasionally.

Unschooling has been incredibly healing for our whole family. Sometimes
the process can be painful---that patience thang is HARD! <g> But yes,
we heal, and we get better every day.

~Kelly





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Ren Allen

~~Folks here who know him probably all shook their heads in wonder
when I described him above as "dark, sullen, and brooding." He has
about the
sunniest disposition any one person can have.~~

I met Cameron at the very first conference when he was going through a
lot of his healing. I don't think he made eye contact with me that
first year....and I think I saw him maybe TWICE the entire weekend for
very brief moments. The rest of the time he was in his room.

The next year he actually smiled at me and looked into my eyes, but
was still very shy and quiet, not around much.

NOW?
Cameron is THE ringleader. Giving out "hug buttons", making sure
everyone is having a good time, chatting until the wee hours of the
morning with us, helping out constantly, drumming in the talent show,
traveling to visit camp and friends....I could go on and on.

Seeing the metamorphis is hard to describe. It's exactly like a
butterfly emerging from the dark safety of the cocoon. Trust the
process.:)

Ren
learninginfreedom.com

Joanne

Hi Sandy,

My three children have had to not only heal from school, but from
foster care and an abusive and neglectful biological home. My oldest
(and to a smaller degree, my middle child) are still healing.

Removing them from school was the best thing I could have done for
them. When I took them out, I immediately began unschooling because
school had put such pressure on them that I didn't want to duplicate
that at home, especially that I was trying to have home be a safe
and supportive place for them to heal and learn how to trust.

I wrote a short article on how unschooling played a big role in
their healing journey for Connections but I don't know which issue
Danielle will be published in.

My middle daughter (11 years old) has made tremendous progress since
leaving school. It was an amazing process to be part of and I felt
privledged that she allowed me in.

Hang in there and keep reading here. You're welcome to read my blog
also.

~ Joanne ~
Mom to Jacqueline (8), Shawna (11) & Cimion (14)
Adopted into our hearts October 2003
http://anunschoolinglife.blogspot.com/
************************************





--- In [email protected], "Sandy"
<sereneaspirations@...> wrote:
>
> Just interested in hearing how unschooling has helped to heal your
> older child and also your relationships. Guess I'm looking for
> "confirmation" that things CAN BE remedied and successfully. I do
> realize that there are going to be hurdles but I am holding on to
> "Hope" in a major way that my ds will be okay.
>
> ~Sandy
>