Rue Kream

Posted anonymously at member's request.
*******************
they are throwing play dough. they won't stop. I will ask them not to and
they will do it right in front of me. I left them in the art room and they
are still throwing I can hear it and hear them screaming with laughter as
they do it. They are 9 yob, 6 yob and 3 yog. It is mainly the 9 yo. He is my
wild playful one. The others are learning from him. I am trying so hard to
be a gentle parent who doesn't hit or punish or even yell. I have already
lost my temper over this with both boys. So I came up to write this while
they continue. They may be throwing something else by now. My 9 yo has been
a thrower ever since he could. I can feel myself ready to snap so I am not
going down there.
he has plenty of acceptable things to throw. balls, stuffed animals. I can
hear them wrecking things down there. I am the annon poster from a few
months ago who was trying to decide if my oldest should go to school or not.
Well he chose to go. I hate having him go though I have supported him. He
was only going to go for a month, dh talked him into going til halloween. So
Weds is his first report card. He isn't sure if he wants to keep going or
not. He likes school. But I have already had a formal meeting with teacher,
principal, school psychologist and others. He doesn't pay attention. He
doesn't focus. He doesn't retain what he's read. blah blah blah. I want him
home and he knows that. Yes it will be a challenge having him home. Like
right now when I would like to send him to a 24 hour care facility for "bad
boys". The home and the other children are calm and peaceful when he is not
home. I still want him home. Dh doesn't. I would really like to tell my son
that I will make the decision for him and keep him home. Except for moments
like this when I want to order child-size straight jackets. <g> How do you
all keep your sanity????
When I go next week to meet with the teacher and get his report card, and
she tells me he is failing this and failing that etc, I know I am going to
say, ds, you are not going back. I hate all that pass/fail grading bs. But
if he is home 24/7 I may have to order a straight jacket for myself. And ear
plugs! Somebody help and tell me some of the wonderful ideas you have for
me!
As background, he went to public school for the first time last march, april
and may, then chose to go this sept and oct. he had never been in ps before
and he is in 3rd grade. I also have an 11 month old baby. Thank you.

Kelly Weyd

I'm sorry things are so tough. Hugs, and I will say a prayer for you. I'm sure other's will have much better advice. But I will put my two cents worth in. I also have days that the WILD, OUT OF CONTROL BEHAVIOR, just grates on me and wears me down. My six year old has possible AS and SPD. She is just so wild, and she can keep up the wild and hyper for hours. Yesterday she shoved her sister against a window.......not because she was mad at her but because she was just goofing off and being wild. And I'm still trying to figure it all out myself. But so far the only thing that I have found that has worked is to separate my children. I realize that does not solve your whole picture, but there are just times I put one kid on one floor of my house and another kid on the other floor and tell them they just can not be together right now. So far it is working really well.

Kelly

Rue Kream <skreams@...> wrote:
Posted anonymously at member's request.
*******************
they are throwing play dough. they won't stop. I will ask them not to and
they will do it right in front of me. I left them in the art room and they
are still throwing I can hear it and hear them screaming with laughter as
they do it. They are 9 yob, 6 yob and 3 yog. It is mainly the 9 yo. He is my
wild playful one. The others are learning from him. I am trying so hard to
be a gentle parent who doesn't hit or punish or even yell. I have already
lost my temper over this with both boys. So I came up to write this while
they continue. They may be throwing something else by now. My 9 yo has been
a thrower ever since he could. I can feel myself ready to snap so I am not
going down there.
he has plenty of acceptable things to throw. balls, stuffed animals. I can
hear them wrecking things down there. I am the annon poster from a few
months ago who was trying to decide if my oldest should go to school or not.
Well he chose to go. I hate having him go though I have supported him. He
was only going to go for a month, dh talked him into going til halloween. So
Weds is his first report card. He isn't sure if he wants to keep going or
not. He likes school. But I have already had a formal meeting with teacher,
principal, school psychologist and others. He doesn't pay attention. He
doesn't focus. He doesn't retain what he's read. blah blah blah. I want him
home and he knows that. Yes it will be a challenge having him home. Like
right now when I would like to send him to a 24 hour care facility for "bad
boys". The home and the other children are calm and peaceful when he is not
home. I still want him home. Dh doesn't. I would really like to tell my son
that I will make the decision for him and keep him home. Except for moments
like this when I want to order child-size straight jackets. <g> How do you
all keep your sanity????
When I go next week to meet with the teacher and get his report card, and
she tells me he is failing this and failing that etc, I know I am going to
say, ds, you are not going back. I hate all that pass/fail grading bs. But
if he is home 24/7 I may have to order a straight jacket for myself. And ear
plugs! Somebody help and tell me some of the wonderful ideas you have for
me!
As background, he went to public school for the first time last march, april
and may, then chose to go this sept and oct. he had never been in ps before
and he is in 3rd grade. I also have an 11 month old baby. Thank you.






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[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

Momma

Why not get in there and throw play dough with them? What would it have
hurt? Sounds like you missed out on a great time!

Dawn





Posted anonymously at member's request.
*******************
they are throwing play dough. they won't stop. I will ask them not to and
they will do it right in front of me. I left them in the art room and they
are still throwing I can hear it and hear them screaming with laughter as
they do it. They are 9 yob, 6 yob and 3 yog. It is mainly the 9 yo. He is my
wild playful one. The others are learning from him. I am trying so hard to
be a gentle parent who doesn't hit or punish or even yell. I have already
lost my temper over this with both boys. So I came up to write this while
they continue. They may be throwing something else by now. My 9 yo has been
a thrower ever since he could. I can feel myself ready to snap so I am not
going down there.
he has plenty of acceptable things to throw. balls, stuffed animals. I can
hear them wrecking things down there. I am the annon poster from a few
months ago who was trying to decide if my oldest should go to school or not.
Well he chose to go. I hate having him go though I have supported him. He
was only going to go for a month, dh talked him into going til halloween. So
Weds is his first report card. He isn't sure if he wants to keep going or
not. He likes school. But I have already had a formal meeting with teacher,
principal, school psychologist and others. He doesn't pay attention. He
doesn't focus. He doesn't retain what he's read. blah blah blah. I want him
home and he knows that. Yes it will be a challenge having him home. Like
right now when I would like to send him to a 24 hour care facility for "bad
boys". The home and the other children are calm and peaceful when he is not
home. I still want him home. Dh doesn't. I would really like to tell my son
that I will make the decision for him and keep him home. Except for moments
like this when I want to order child-size straight jackets. <g> How do you
all keep your sanity????
When I go next week to meet with the teacher and get his report card, and
she tells me he is failing this and failing that etc, I know I am going to
say, ds, you are not going back. I hate all that pass/fail grading bs. But
if he is home 24/7 I may have to order a straight jacket for myself. And ear
plugs! Somebody help and tell me some of the wonderful ideas you have for
me!
As background, he went to public school for the first time last march, april
and may, then chose to go this sept and oct. he had never been in ps before
and he is in 3rd grade. I also have an 11 month old baby. Thank you.





[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

Joyce Fetteroll

> they are throwing play dough. they won't stop.

Perhaps it turned from a practical suggestion to avoid getting play
dough into the carpet into a power struggle to make them do what
you've told them to do.

You don't need to go into more detail about why you were right in
this case. There are, of course, times when we might need to dip into
our emergency bag and just say "No, stop," because what they're doing
is dangerous or destructive and we can't at the moment think of a
better way. But the less they hear no, the more likely they are to
listen when we really need them to.

Probably the most common source of parenting frustration is trying to
control kids, make them behave, make them act right, stop them from
making our lives more difficult. If you set your life's goal as
herding cats, think what a life of frustration it would be. If you
set you life's goal as enjoying who the cats are, life for all of you
would be more pleasant. :-)

Kids *are* messy. And loud. And autonomous beings with needs that are
inconvenient to a relaxing life. The sooner we accept that, the
easier it is to start letting go and stop trying to make our lives
into some sitcom image we have in our heads of kids that are snarky
for 26 minutes and 30 seconds until they see how right their parents
are in the last 30 seconds so the credits can roll ;-)

If you're trying to get some renewal in your life by trying to
control your family into giving it to you, it could be you need to
get away and do something just for yourself for an hour or so a week.
Ask your husband to watch them so you can go to Borders and read for
a while, or take a bath, or go for a walk. It's really hard to give
when we're tapped out ourselves, but it doesn't work to try to get
the kids to give us the peace we need.

I'm throwing out a lot of ideas here and some or all may be missing
the mark. There isn't much to go on, but this play dough incident
sounds like a last straw issue. So I'm assuming there's a whole lot
more than play dough going on.

> I will ask them not to and
> they will do it right in front of me.

There might be a number of reasons for this:

It could be that your automatic response is "No," so the word has
lost its meaning. It may not feel to you like you say no a lot, but
they're reacting and responding based on *their* perception, not yours.

It could be that your requests *FROM THEIR POINT OF VIEW* make no sense.

From their point of view, whatever issue that has your panties in a
knot is not high on their priority list. It may be play dough in the
carpet. Or play dough bits going everywhere that you're envisioning
having to clean up. Or waste. Or whatever. It doesn't make a
difference. From *their* point of view they'd rather have no carpet,
or a dough-mud-paint splattered play place, or whatever it is that's
blocking them from being free to play. From *their* point of view,
your actions say "I don't care what you want. This is what I want and
what I want is important so you need to stop making it so difficult."

That doesn't mean that they're right and you're wrong. It means your
visions of life are clashing. As the one who decided to bring them
into the world, you're the one who needs to figure out how to fit
your goals around their goals.

If they're ignoring you to deliberately do what you've asked them not
to do, then there's something more going on than not listening. And
you'll need to do some serious self-examination. See the world
through their eyes rather than seeing them as deliberately defiant.

Maybe this will help: One of your goals is to create a home for your
family. Their goal is to play. Your goals are clashing. But as a
mindful parent your goal is to get those *goals* to mesh and work
together *not* get your kids to mesh with your goals.

Right now their perception is that your goal is to make life more
convenient and less difficult for you. And your "no's" are oriented
towards that goal. But since your "no's" are interfering with their
goals, and you apparently don't care about what they want, they are
showing you the same lack of caring about your goals and wants.
They're learning by example to treat others' needs and wants as less
important than their own. They're learning they need to fight to get
what they want because you're their adversary.

Now it may *feel* like you give and give and give so you have the
right to draw the line. But from their point of view, they know
everything the want to do is in your power to grant or deny. Imagine
living with a husband who, though generous, could use his power to
tell you when to go to bed, when to get up, when and what to eat,
what and how much to watch on TV, whether or not you could go to the
store and how much you could spend, and required a convincing
explanation that met his needs for you when you wanted to buy
something for yourself.

It's exhausting just thinking of living life like that. And yet
that's how conventionally parented kids live. And the harsher it is,
the sooner they want to leave home.

To get back on the mindful parenting track, you need to create
confidence in them that your goal is to help them get what they want.
That's your top priority. You may not always be able to forge a
direct path, you may have to find a different -- and better :-) --
option than the one they're asking for or put something off until the
next day -- and then move the earth to make it happen the next day
until they're rock solid certain that their needs *are* at the top of
your list. But you want to work towards a certainty that you're their
partner and advocate rather than their adversary.

*Then* when they're confident that you're trying to help them, *then*
they'll be willing to work with you rather than against you. Right
now it sounds like they're fighting against you to get what they want
because you're adversaries, each trying to be the one to get to your
respective goals. They know you hold the power to grant or deny. And
they need to fight to get what they want. Stop the struggle. Be their
partner. And they'll be yours. (It will take time though! You can't
be their partner with the idea to make them yours. It has to be a
free gift because that's what you want to give.)

> I left them in the art room and they
> are still throwing I can hear it and hear them screaming with
> laughter as
> they do it.

If there's a choice between laughter and tears, which would you choose?

Perhaps what it feels like is that they're laughing at you. It
perhaps feels sort of mocking when they're laughing and having a good
time doing something you've asked them not to.

Turn your view point around. They're laughing because they're happy
and having fun. And you're trying to be, what someone called, the fun
police. And it makes you angry that they're having fun (and you're
not.) There's often a bit of jealousy in parents that their kids
*can* be so free of care and responsibility. (Not "have to" pick up
all that play dough.) The thing is that when we were kids it was
implied that when we were adults it would be our turn to get what we
wanted. But when we got to be adults and took on responsibilities
(and filled our heads full of "have tos" and "can'ts") we realized
that was a big fat lie. And we're unconsciously resentful. We've got
this voice in the backs of our heads that says "When's it going to be
my turn?"

But we *can* get what we want. It just isn't going to look like we
thought it would and we need to go about it differently than stealing
it from our kids the way our parents may have stolen their turns from
us.

There's a lot of stuff here (on the right):

http://home.earthlink.net/~fetteroll/rejoycing/

and here:

http://sandradodd.com

that will help.

> It is mainly the 9 yo. He is my
> wild playful one.

Have you read Raising Your Spirited Child by Mary Sheedy Kurcinka?
http://www.amazon.com/Raising-Your-Spirited-Child-Perceptive/dp/
0060923288/ref=pd_sxp_f_pt/104-2292121-4844760

The subtitle is "A Guide for Parents Whose Child Is More Intense,
Sensitive, Perceptive, Persistent, Energetic". I don't know how many
parents I've heard say "Now I understand him," after reading that
book.It's very popular so should be available through your library
though there are used ones at Amazon for $1.40. (There's a new
version coming out in December.)

There's also "Kids, Parents, and Power Struggles: Winning for a
Lifetime" also by Kurcinka.
http://www.amazon.com/Kids-Parents-Power-Struggles-Lifetime/dp/
0060930438/ref=pd_sxp_f_pt/104-2292121-4844760

that unschoolers have said wonderful things about.

And How to Talk So Kids Will Listen & Listen So Kids Will Talk by
Adele Faber, Elaine Mazlish
http://www.amazon.com/How-Talk-Kids-Will-Listen/dp/0380811960/
ref=pd_sxp_f_pt/104-2292121-4844760

Joyce

Beth Fleming

Hello All,
I thought this might be of interest to all of you Harry Potter fans (and also budding novelists!)....My kids and I just watched this segment of 60 minutes with JK Rowling....It was inspirational and funny and I think that her filing system resembles my own!
Enjoy!
Peace,
Beth
http://60minutes.yahoo.com/segment/12/harry_potter









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[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

Anne B

well all the replies helped....and I realized that its ok to throw
playdough....who'd have thought? after all he was down in the art room
where the floor is tiled and making a mess is ok. I took all the little
containers of craft supplies and moved them so they wouldn't be knocked all
over the place and told him to go ahead and throw all he wanted. he said,
you mean I can throw it? I said, well you were doing it anyway when I said
not to, so go ahead! maybe at times I am too uptight. last night I didn't
say a word when my boys were running threw the house shooting and throwing
play knives at each other and then winding yard all around the house. they
had a blast. fortunately dh stayed upstairs and so he didn't get all
annoyed. I am really trying to implement the RU lifestyle here as best I
can. Yet I still find myself saying No without even thinking or asking
myself why not? so I am working on it. there is so much for me to learn!
so many things to let go of! this list is helping me tremendously though.

And as for the unschooling part of RU I am still working on that too. dh
is not on board with un-schooling. I can't say I am totally sure of it
either. I do like to teach them things, when I have time which seems like
never. But I am not sure if I know how to unschool them but at the same
time not neglect them. This morning my oldest stayed home from school
(long story, I thought he was getting his report card last night but I was
a week off and we were waiting for that before making the decision to pull
him out.....he will go a few more days....) and I went down and spent about
an hour helping him finally finish building the megabloks ninja turtles
house that he got last Christmas. Plus I played ball with him some in the
afternoon. And he did a little of his home work. But other than that I
didn't do anything one on one with him. Is that enough? Plus I haven't
done a thing wrt teaching my 6 yo (k) to read or math or anything since the
school year began. But he is always very busy playing etc. And I do
usually read to the 6 and 3 yo at bed time. Is that enough for now? (also
have a baby to keep me busy).

Thanks for reading.


At 11:28 PM 10/27/2006 -0500, you wrote:
>Why not get in there and throw play dough with them? What would it have
>hurt? Sounds like you missed out on a great time!
>
>Dawn
>
>


[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

Michelle Leifur Reid

On 11/2/06, Anne B <kbarnett3@...> wrote:

> (long story, I thought he was getting his report card last night but I was
> a week off and we were waiting for that before making the decision to pull
> him out.....he will go a few more days....)

Why does a a piece of paper that has no true telling of a child's
ability, comprehension and intelligence hold the balance for his being
able to come home to the freedom of natural and lifelong learning?
Does he have to earn the right to stay home or are you waiting for him
to flunk out of the system? Either scenario isn't a caring response
to your child. IIRC (because I know this started in a different
thread and can't reference it from here) you are already
home/unschooling some of your children. Is this fair to him if it is
something that he wants to do?

As for coming on board with unschooling the only thing that I can say
is to read read read read read. Read everything you can get your hands
on. Read Sandra's and Joyce's websites. Read Rue's book. Read John
Holt. Read the archives. Read many of our blogs. If your dh won't
read then quote him things you've read, share with him the changes you
see in your children. Show him what they truly are learning and ask
him how much of his public education he uses on a daily basis. Most
adults couldn't pass the 8th grade assessment tests that we force our
children to take so that we know they are well prepared for adulthood!

Michelle

[email protected]

<<Why does a a piece of paper that has no true telling of a child's
ability, comprehension and intelligence hold the balance for his being
able to come home to the freedom of natural and lifelong learning?
Does he have to earn the right to stay home or are you waiting for him
to flunk out of the system? Either scenario isn't a caring response
to your child.>>

Perhaps waiting for the piece of paper gives a sense of completion...a sense of "I succeeded at this" rather than "I didnt make it." I gave my daughter the option of quitting school in January or February, but as miserable as she was she insisted on finishing the eighth grade because she "didnt want to be a quitter," and didnt want to "feel like a failure" because she couldnt hack eighth grade. Her grades were dropping to record lows because she could not stand the meaninglessness of the work, but it was still important for her to demonstrate to others that her decision to unschool high school was by choice, not because she was an "academic failure." I know these are all very schoolish notions, but the reality is she was in the system for a long time and it will take her a long time to deschool. I just honored her wishes. She is probably older than the child who is the subject of the above post so perhaps circumstances are different, but I thought I would add my two cents for any
one in a similiar situation.
Kathryn

-------------- Original message --------------
From: "Michelle Leifur Reid" <pamperedmichelle@...>
On 11/2/06, Anne B <kbarnett3@...> wrote:

> (long story, I thought he was getting his report card last night but I was
> a week off and we were waiting for that before making the decision to pull
> him out.....he will go a few more days....)

Why does a a piece of paper that has no true telling of a child's
ability, comprehension and intelligence hold the balance for his being
able to come home to the freedom of natural and lifelong learning?
Does he have to earn the right to stay home or are you waiting for him
to flunk out of the system? Either scenario isn't a caring response
to your child. IIRC (because I know this started in a different
thread and can't reference it from here) you are already
home/unschooling some of your children. Is this fair to him if it is
something that he wants to do?

As for coming on board with unschooling the only thing that I can say
is to read read read read read. Read everything you can get your hands
on. Read Sandra's and Joyce's websites. Read Rue's book. Read John
Holt. Read the archives. Read many of our blogs. If your dh won't
read then quote him things you've read, share with him the changes you
see in your children. Show him what they truly are learning and ask
him how much of his public education he uses on a daily basis. Most
adults couldn't pass the 8th grade assessment tests that we force our
children to take so that we know they are well prepared for adulthood!

Michelle



[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

[email protected]

In a message dated 11/3/2006 9:59:18 AM Eastern Standard Time,
pamperedmichelle@... writes:
Most
adults couldn't pass the 8th grade assessment tests that we force our
children to take so that we know they are well prepared for adulthood!

Michelle



So true. Try this test:

<http://www.rethinkingschools.org/just_fun/games/mapgame.html>

Here's to that "A" in world geography years ago. I sat at my computer,
staring at the screen, waiting for some memory to click but my cursor never moved.

Peace,
Robin, clueless in MA


[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

Kelly Weyd

I am also new to the "unschooling" lifestyle. I am still trying to figure it all out, and realize it's a journey........it won't just all fall into place overnight. I think playing blocks and then playing ball with your son is wonderful. As for the six year old playing........well I've got a six year old upstairs playing her leapster right now. She is not as interested as my 8 year old in reading, writing in a journal, math, etc. But that's o.k. We are still de-schooling (the kids and myself) and she will find her own way. Plus she is 6, and to me 6 should be all about playing and being a kid. Give it some time......I think you'll be fine.
Kelly

Anne B <kbarnett3@...> wrote:
well all the replies helped....and I realized that its ok to throw
playdough....who'd have thought? after all he was down in the art room
where the floor is tiled and making a mess is ok. I took all the little
containers of craft supplies and moved them so they wouldn't be knocked all
over the place and told him to go ahead and throw all he wanted. he said,
you mean I can throw it? I said, well you were doing it anyway when I said
not to, so go ahead! maybe at times I am too uptight. last night I didn't
say a word when my boys were running threw the house shooting and throwing
play knives at each other and then winding yard all around the house. they
had a blast. fortunately dh stayed upstairs and so he didn't get all
annoyed. I am really trying to implement the RU lifestyle here as best I
can. Yet I still find myself saying No without even thinking or asking
myself why not? so I am working on it. there is so much for me to learn!
so many things to let go of! this list is helping me tremendously though.

And as for the unschooling part of RU I am still working on that too. dh
is not on board with un-schooling. I can't say I am totally sure of it
either. I do like to teach them things, when I have time which seems like
never. But I am not sure if I know how to unschool them but at the same
time not neglect them. This morning my oldest stayed home from school
(long story, I thought he was getting his report card last night but I was
a week off and we were waiting for that before making the decision to pull
him out.....he will go a few more days....) and I went down and spent about
an hour helping him finally finish building the megabloks ninja turtles
house that he got last Christmas. Plus I played ball with him some in the
afternoon. And he did a little of his home work. But other than that I
didn't do anything one on one with him. Is that enough? Plus I haven't
done a thing wrt teaching my 6 yo (k) to read or math or anything since the
school year began. But he is always very busy playing etc. And I do
usually read to the 6 and 3 yo at bed time. Is that enough for now? (also
have a baby to keep me busy).

Thanks for reading.

At 11:28 PM 10/27/2006 -0500, you wrote:
>Why not get in there and throw play dough with them? What would it have
>hurt? Sounds like you missed out on a great time!
>
>Dawn
>
>

[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]






---------------------------------
Everyone is raving about the all-new Yahoo! Mail.

[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

Anne B

At 08:57 AM 11/3/2006 -0600, you wrote:

>Why does a a piece of paper that has no true telling of a child's
>ability, comprehension and intelligence hold the balance for his being
>able to come home to the freedom of natural and lifelong learning?
>Does he have to earn the right to stay home or are you waiting for him
>to flunk out of the system?

Oh I know. this is my dh wanting him to stay in til he gets it. it irks
me to no end! my dh also makes statements like, if he stays home he'll be
doing school work for 6 hours a day (at home). I immediately shoot that one
down of course! Even the experts say that everything "learned" in a school
week can be learned in 3 hours a week at home. But yeah he is going to
"flunk" in some areas, the teacher already told me that.

>Either scenario isn't a caring response
>to your child. IIRC (because I know this started in a different
>thread and can't reference it from here) you are already
>home/unschooling some of your children. Is this fair to him if it is
>something that he wants to do?

it is not fair. and it has been a real tug of war with my dh over this. i
know I should never have agreed to let him go to school in the first
place. the arguments that dh makes, but he likes school. he likes to be
with the kids. he likes the routines and even most of the work. I say so
what. he doesn't like the home work. and a lot of the stuff they are
having him do really irks me too.


>As for coming on board with unschooling the only thing that I can say
>is to read read read read read. Read everything you can get your hands
>on. Read Sandra's and Joyce's websites. Read Rue's book. Read John
>Holt. Read the archives. Read many of our blogs.

I am doing that as much as I can. I just ordered Rue's book in fact. I am
really starting to get the picture and loving it. But still have a lot of
concerns. And feelings of guilt because I am not "teaching" my 6 yo.

> If your dh won't read then quote him things you've read, share with him
> the changes you
>see in your children. Show him what they truly are learning and ask
>him how much of his public education he uses on a daily basis. Most
>adults couldn't pass the 8th grade assessment tests that we force our
>children to take so that we know they are well prepared for adulthood!
>
>Michelle

that makes a lot of sense. And I totally agree that just because the gov't
says a 3rd grader should learn this and that, doesn't mean all kids of that
age should. it also feels like the whole world is against me on that,
including my mom who is a ps teacher. I am dealing with a lot as a result
of dh being home 24/7 also, he is on disability, so when my high energy 9
yo is away at school dh doesn't have to deal with him, you know? I think
it is stupid to wait for the report card and I wanted to let him stay home
at the end of Sept. My dh keeps talking him into one more month at a
time. But I think my son is about over the bs and ready to stay home.

Thanks,

Anne

[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

Anne B

Thanks Kelly....I said that to myself the whole time he was 5....well he's
only 5....he should be playing all day.....and then when he turned 6 in
Sept the guilt has started to set in....I should be doing this with
him....we haven't touched the math book yet....etc. because 99% or more of
the people around here send their kids to school....and he would be in
kinder if I had sent him, which is full day (ick). and people here do that
even though the law says kids don't have to go to school til they are 8!
most people don't even know that. it boggles my mind. so I am trying to
let go of these schoolish notions and the guilt and when my mom calls I
just say, the kids are fine and try not to talk about it. the guilt is big
though. big. I need to let it go and let the kids play.

Anne


At 07:50 AM 11/3/2006 -0800, you wrote:
>I am also new to the "unschooling" lifestyle. I am still trying to figure
>it all out, and realize it's a journey........it won't just all fall into
>place overnight. I think playing blocks and then playing ball with your
>son is wonderful. As for the six year old playing........well I've got a
>six year old upstairs playing her leapster right now. She is not as
>interested as my 8 year old in reading, writing in a journal, math,
>etc. But that's o.k. We are still de-schooling (the kids and myself) and
>she will find her own way. Plus she is 6, and to me 6 should be all about
>playing and being a kid. Give it some time......I think you'll be fine.
> Kelly


[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

Kelly Weyd

Hugs Honey, you have a lot on your plate.
Kelly

Anne B <kbarnett3@...> wrote:
At 08:57 AM 11/3/2006 -0600, you wrote:

>Why does a a piece of paper that has no true telling of a child's
>ability, comprehension and intelligence hold the balance for his being
>able to come home to the freedom of natural and lifelong learning?
>Does he have to earn the right to stay home or are you waiting for him
>to flunk out of the system?

Oh I know. this is my dh wanting him to stay in til he gets it. it irks
me to no end! my dh also makes statements like, if he stays home he'll be
doing school work for 6 hours a day (at home). I immediately shoot that one
down of course! Even the experts say that everything "learned" in a school
week can be learned in 3 hours a week at home. But yeah he is going to
"flunk" in some areas, the teacher already told me that.

>Either scenario isn't a caring response
>to your child. IIRC (because I know this started in a different
>thread and can't reference it from here) you are already
>home/unschooling some of your children. Is this fair to him if it is
>something that he wants to do?

it is not fair. and it has been a real tug of war with my dh over this. i
know I should never have agreed to let him go to school in the first
place. the arguments that dh makes, but he likes school. he likes to be
with the kids. he likes the routines and even most of the work. I say so
what. he doesn't like the home work. and a lot of the stuff they are
having him do really irks me too.

>As for coming on board with unschooling the only thing that I can say
>is to read read read read read. Read everything you can get your hands
>on. Read Sandra's and Joyce's websites. Read Rue's book. Read John
>Holt. Read the archives. Read many of our blogs.

I am doing that as much as I can. I just ordered Rue's book in fact. I am
really starting to get the picture and loving it. But still have a lot of
concerns. And feelings of guilt because I am not "teaching" my 6 yo.

> If your dh won't read then quote him things you've read, share with him
> the changes you
>see in your children. Show him what they truly are learning and ask
>him how much of his public education he uses on a daily basis. Most
>adults couldn't pass the 8th grade assessment tests that we force our
>children to take so that we know they are well prepared for adulthood!
>
>Michelle

that makes a lot of sense. And I totally agree that just because the gov't
says a 3rd grader should learn this and that, doesn't mean all kids of that
age should. it also feels like the whole world is against me on that,
including my mom who is a ps teacher. I am dealing with a lot as a result
of dh being home 24/7 also, he is on disability, so when my high energy 9
yo is away at school dh doesn't have to deal with him, you know? I think
it is stupid to wait for the report card and I wanted to let him stay home
at the end of Sept. My dh keeps talking him into one more month at a
time. But I think my son is about over the bs and ready to stay home.

Thanks,

Anne

[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]






---------------------------------
Low, Low, Low Rates! Check out Yahoo! Messenger's cheap PC-to-Phone call rates.

[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

Kelly Weyd

Yep, I flunked that test!
kelly

ohpurple1@... wrote:
In a message dated 11/3/2006 9:59:18 AM Eastern Standard Time,
pamperedmichelle@... writes:
Most
adults couldn't pass the 8th grade assessment tests that we force our
children to take so that we know they are well prepared for adulthood!

Michelle

So true. Try this test:

<http://www.rethinkingschools.org/just_fun/games/mapgame.html>

Here's to that "A" in world geography years ago. I sat at my computer,
staring at the screen, waiting for some memory to click but my cursor never moved.

Peace,
Robin, clueless in MA

[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]






---------------------------------
Everyone is raving about the all-new Yahoo! Mail.

[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

Deb

--- In [email protected], Kelly Weyd <kellmar98@...>
wrote:
>
> Yep, I flunked that test!
> kelly
I did the ones I knew (like Israel and Egypt) and whatever was left I
just kept clicking and clicking until it fit into place.

--Deb