Children with power
Johanna
Hello List,
this may be helpful for people new to unschooling – but it would be
nice if the experienced unschoolers around here would comment! Thanks!
I wanted to report about a show that is being broadcasted here in
Germany (or was). Maybe it's a copy of a show that is already known
in US or elsewhere – this wouldn't be unusual, but if not, this is
really interesting :-)
So it's a show where two families have been filmed for 8 days. The
roles have been switched, the children are the "parents", the parents
are the "children". It's all about switching roles and the children
are called "the bosses" throughout the show. The parents are to do
what the children say. They have a budget of € 400 for the week and
have to use it wisely. They also have to manage all the household and
decide what to do during free time. I didn't see all of it and I
don't know if the children were still in school and if parents went
to their jobs, maybe they used a vacation week. Children could also
order their parents to drive somewhere (if they thought of it).
Today was the last day of this experiment (they called it an
experiment) and at the end, all were asked how they liked it and if
they had learned something or if they had anything to comment. It was
wonderful:
The parents said that they were suprised to see how much children can
do on their own, how much they understand about household and money
managing and how many problems are just solved all by themselves
without them intervening. They were also surpised to see how creative
the children were in selecting family activities – one mother said
she was happy that they did things they wouldn't have done before
(skiing or whatever it was). One parent was surprised to see that s/he
(?) could count on the children. They were amazed how the children
were able to really DO the stuff they were planning, no matter how
many difficulties arose in the process. They were asked if they could
imagine to do this every half a year for like 4 days or so - switch
roles again. One family said yes, the other even said "we could
always do this" (!) (half joking but still, he was very convinced!)
The children were very happy that they had had the chance to show
their parents their skills to manage on their own. I felt that some
of the children were very sad that the roles would be switched again.
The symbol for returning the power to the parents was handing out the
keys of the house. At this moment, one child whined: "oh noooo, I
don't want to give up the power! I want to be the boss for at least
one more hour!" But they were also happy that lasting changes had
been made in the house (they painted walls and made a "chill out
zone" and stuff.
It was a bit sad that the interviewers (after the experiment) kept
asking things like "yeah well, but you realize how hard a job it was,
didn't you? Isn't it hard to be a parent? common, it was hard, wasn't
it?" (I guess the goal was that children learn that it is difficult
to be a parent and that they should respect parents more and help
more). The children said it was hard the first 4 days but that
actually it was more fun than hard. Another good observation was,
that the children tried to do all the housework themselves, and only
asked the parents to help when they really needed help or when "a
hand would have been nice and they were around anyway". In one of the
families, they required the parents to do chores, in the other, they
just didn't (I guess each family did it the way it was modeled by the
parents before).
The first 4 days, the parents had a hard time letting go of control.
One mother said that it was obvious that a change from one extreme to
the other would be difficult, but that when she "got" it, she really
enjoyed "being a kid".
I was watching the show today with a big wide grin. It's sad the show
has only been shown in the kid's channel and surely very few parents
saw the show. Another sad thing is that nobody concluded that it
would be best giving everyone equal rights instead of flipping, but
it's a start! ;-)
And so I got this intriguing idea:
I was wondering what would happen if this experiment would have
continued for more weeks or months. I presume that the parents would
feel it's "unfair" and they wouldn't like the coercive methods and
the way the new "bosses" were talking to the parents who have no
rights (in the show the children sometimes used these methods, also
ordered the smaller kids to "Sit down and eat your toast" and "Don't
talk to me like that" blah, they had arguments about how the parents
were disrespectful or not following the rules (i.e. not letting go of
control). Since the children would know how it was before to be in
that situation, they would be more likely to agree on "equal rights"
for everybody - they would maybe talk it out and agree on making it
all equal. Of course, in real life it wouldn't work because parents
think they have an inherent right to be on top of the hierarchy so at
some point they would just loose temper and call off the experiment.
BUT – I was wondering if this wouldn't be a good thing to start with
when people start unschooling/gentle parenting. While traditional
parenting places the parents on top of the kids (parent -----> kid)
and switching does the same but the other way round (parent <--------
kid) and what we want to reach with gentle parenting is parent
<-------> child - it would maybe be a good idea to first place the
kid on top for a while.
This way he could see how difficult it is (to be coercive, to be a
parent, to be responsible, to do chores alone). I imagine it would
help find balance. It's an easy experiment to do for a week or so to
switch roles, but it's not easy to find balance right away (going
from one extreme to the other is a lot easier because parents have
shown us how to do it, while finding the ideal middle needs to be
worked on and both sides have to learn, this is why deschooling of
parents and children takes so long). I'm not saying that with this
experiment deschooling will be shorter or less work, but it might be
clearer for everybody why we are doing this.
This excercise could help parents and children understand each
other's roles, to value the responsibilities of each and to truely
understand why it is important to find that balance.
Also, as the experiment on tv showed, parents would find out that
children CAN do a lot and so it would be easier to build up that oh
so needed trust!
And, the parents could see the world from a kid's perspective for a
while, which obviously brought joy to these families (doing fun stuff
together, living joyfully like a kid!)
I also think that it would trigger creativity (ours and my
daughter's) on what to do with our free time, especially because of
the limited budget. After that, when the "real" experiment starts
(gentle parenting, finding that middle), one could continue to
integrate the child in money managing (as many unschoolers do). I had
the idea that letting the kid know how much money is available would
trigger creativity on how to use that money wisely doing fun things.
I was wondering if we should do this here at home. My daughter
watched that show and I could feel that she was thinking "we should
do that too", instead of "luckily we don't need to do that because WE
have equal rights" or something.
What do you think?
Greetings
Johanna
--
Unerzogen! | dialog@... | http://www.unerzogen.de |
unerzogen-subscribe@...
this may be helpful for people new to unschooling – but it would be
nice if the experienced unschoolers around here would comment! Thanks!
I wanted to report about a show that is being broadcasted here in
Germany (or was). Maybe it's a copy of a show that is already known
in US or elsewhere – this wouldn't be unusual, but if not, this is
really interesting :-)
So it's a show where two families have been filmed for 8 days. The
roles have been switched, the children are the "parents", the parents
are the "children". It's all about switching roles and the children
are called "the bosses" throughout the show. The parents are to do
what the children say. They have a budget of € 400 for the week and
have to use it wisely. They also have to manage all the household and
decide what to do during free time. I didn't see all of it and I
don't know if the children were still in school and if parents went
to their jobs, maybe they used a vacation week. Children could also
order their parents to drive somewhere (if they thought of it).
Today was the last day of this experiment (they called it an
experiment) and at the end, all were asked how they liked it and if
they had learned something or if they had anything to comment. It was
wonderful:
The parents said that they were suprised to see how much children can
do on their own, how much they understand about household and money
managing and how many problems are just solved all by themselves
without them intervening. They were also surpised to see how creative
the children were in selecting family activities – one mother said
she was happy that they did things they wouldn't have done before
(skiing or whatever it was). One parent was surprised to see that s/he
(?) could count on the children. They were amazed how the children
were able to really DO the stuff they were planning, no matter how
many difficulties arose in the process. They were asked if they could
imagine to do this every half a year for like 4 days or so - switch
roles again. One family said yes, the other even said "we could
always do this" (!) (half joking but still, he was very convinced!)
The children were very happy that they had had the chance to show
their parents their skills to manage on their own. I felt that some
of the children were very sad that the roles would be switched again.
The symbol for returning the power to the parents was handing out the
keys of the house. At this moment, one child whined: "oh noooo, I
don't want to give up the power! I want to be the boss for at least
one more hour!" But they were also happy that lasting changes had
been made in the house (they painted walls and made a "chill out
zone" and stuff.
It was a bit sad that the interviewers (after the experiment) kept
asking things like "yeah well, but you realize how hard a job it was,
didn't you? Isn't it hard to be a parent? common, it was hard, wasn't
it?" (I guess the goal was that children learn that it is difficult
to be a parent and that they should respect parents more and help
more). The children said it was hard the first 4 days but that
actually it was more fun than hard. Another good observation was,
that the children tried to do all the housework themselves, and only
asked the parents to help when they really needed help or when "a
hand would have been nice and they were around anyway". In one of the
families, they required the parents to do chores, in the other, they
just didn't (I guess each family did it the way it was modeled by the
parents before).
The first 4 days, the parents had a hard time letting go of control.
One mother said that it was obvious that a change from one extreme to
the other would be difficult, but that when she "got" it, she really
enjoyed "being a kid".
I was watching the show today with a big wide grin. It's sad the show
has only been shown in the kid's channel and surely very few parents
saw the show. Another sad thing is that nobody concluded that it
would be best giving everyone equal rights instead of flipping, but
it's a start! ;-)
And so I got this intriguing idea:
I was wondering what would happen if this experiment would have
continued for more weeks or months. I presume that the parents would
feel it's "unfair" and they wouldn't like the coercive methods and
the way the new "bosses" were talking to the parents who have no
rights (in the show the children sometimes used these methods, also
ordered the smaller kids to "Sit down and eat your toast" and "Don't
talk to me like that" blah, they had arguments about how the parents
were disrespectful or not following the rules (i.e. not letting go of
control). Since the children would know how it was before to be in
that situation, they would be more likely to agree on "equal rights"
for everybody - they would maybe talk it out and agree on making it
all equal. Of course, in real life it wouldn't work because parents
think they have an inherent right to be on top of the hierarchy so at
some point they would just loose temper and call off the experiment.
BUT – I was wondering if this wouldn't be a good thing to start with
when people start unschooling/gentle parenting. While traditional
parenting places the parents on top of the kids (parent -----> kid)
and switching does the same but the other way round (parent <--------
kid) and what we want to reach with gentle parenting is parent
<-------> child - it would maybe be a good idea to first place the
kid on top for a while.
This way he could see how difficult it is (to be coercive, to be a
parent, to be responsible, to do chores alone). I imagine it would
help find balance. It's an easy experiment to do for a week or so to
switch roles, but it's not easy to find balance right away (going
from one extreme to the other is a lot easier because parents have
shown us how to do it, while finding the ideal middle needs to be
worked on and both sides have to learn, this is why deschooling of
parents and children takes so long). I'm not saying that with this
experiment deschooling will be shorter or less work, but it might be
clearer for everybody why we are doing this.
This excercise could help parents and children understand each
other's roles, to value the responsibilities of each and to truely
understand why it is important to find that balance.
Also, as the experiment on tv showed, parents would find out that
children CAN do a lot and so it would be easier to build up that oh
so needed trust!
And, the parents could see the world from a kid's perspective for a
while, which obviously brought joy to these families (doing fun stuff
together, living joyfully like a kid!)
I also think that it would trigger creativity (ours and my
daughter's) on what to do with our free time, especially because of
the limited budget. After that, when the "real" experiment starts
(gentle parenting, finding that middle), one could continue to
integrate the child in money managing (as many unschoolers do). I had
the idea that letting the kid know how much money is available would
trigger creativity on how to use that money wisely doing fun things.
I was wondering if we should do this here at home. My daughter
watched that show and I could feel that she was thinking "we should
do that too", instead of "luckily we don't need to do that because WE
have equal rights" or something.
What do you think?
Greetings
Johanna
--
Unerzogen! | dialog@... | http://www.unerzogen.de |
unerzogen-subscribe@...
rebecca de
Johanna,
What an awesome idea? I'm the one that just wrote about my pity party and power struggle with my child. I think this would be the best thing I could do to unschool myself and learn to let go of the power/control. I'm willing to try it. So as soon as I do it I will let everyone know how it's going and everything........
---------------------------------
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[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
What an awesome idea? I'm the one that just wrote about my pity party and power struggle with my child. I think this would be the best thing I could do to unschool myself and learn to let go of the power/control. I'm willing to try it. So as soon as I do it I will let everyone know how it's going and everything........
---------------------------------
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[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Johanna
Yay, I thought probably nobody would read that long ;-) I'm glad it
helped someone :-) I'm also thinking about doing this. Another thing
I thought about later was that it would also help for everyone to see
that unschooling or gentle parenting is *not* about doing letting the
child have all the "power"! (this was something my father foresaw for
instance). It's not about parents <----- kids. It would help the kids
see that too! (I sometimes think my daughter thinks that ;-))
Greetings
Johanna
Am 27.10.2006 um 20:08 schrieb rebecca de:
helped someone :-) I'm also thinking about doing this. Another thing
I thought about later was that it would also help for everyone to see
that unschooling or gentle parenting is *not* about doing letting the
child have all the "power"! (this was something my father foresaw for
instance). It's not about parents <----- kids. It would help the kids
see that too! (I sometimes think my daughter thinks that ;-))
Greetings
Johanna
Am 27.10.2006 um 20:08 schrieb rebecca de:
> Johanna,
>
> What an awesome idea? I'm the one that just wrote about my
> pity party and power struggle with my child. I think this would be
> the best thing I could do to unschool myself and learn to let go of
> the power/control. I'm willing to try it. So as soon as I do it
> I will let everyone know how it's going and everything........
>
Wildflower Car
They have a show in the US called, "Try My Life". It is where one parent
trades roles with one child. The child goes to work and the parent goes to
school. It would be hard in my house because my husband and I are both at
home all day with the kids! And which child would be in charge?
I get the idea of using it as a launch for unschooling, it would be
interesting to see.
WIldflower
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trades roles with one child. The child goes to work and the parent goes to
school. It would be hard in my house because my husband and I are both at
home all day with the kids! And which child would be in charge?
I get the idea of using it as a launch for unschooling, it would be
interesting to see.
WIldflower
_________________________________________________________________
Get today's hot entertainment gossip
http://movies.msn.com/movies/hotgossip?icid=T002MSN03A07001
Johanna
In the German show they only switched roles in the house. Apparently,
the children still went to school and parents still went to work or
had a week off.
Greetings
Johanna
Am 29.10.2006 um 04:37 schrieb Wildflower Car:
the children still went to school and parents still went to work or
had a week off.
Greetings
Johanna
Am 29.10.2006 um 04:37 schrieb Wildflower Car:
> They have a show in the US called, "Try My Life". It is where one
> parent
> trades roles with one child. The child goes to work and the parent
> goes to
> school. It would be hard in my house because my husband and I are
> both at
> home all day with the kids! And which child would be in charge?