[email protected]

In a message dated 10/16/2006 11:27:51 P.M. Eastern Standard Time,
[email protected] writes:

So when the boys
are able to talk it out and work a conflict out without violence, I
should comment on it and give attention for that. However, I
struggle with not giving any attention when in a fight, because I
usually need to intervene to stop the violence! I also wonder if
they would learn how to resolve conflicts if I am not guiding them
and telling them to use their words, etc<<<<<<<<<

Personally, I think that my boys learn how to deal with conflict by watching
me deal with conflict and by me helping them deal with conflict. I think
for them to have more useful tools to use when conflict arises they need help
when conflict arises. I don't think I can expect my boys to just "work it
out" if they don't know how, have never done it. Each time I helped them when
they needed me they progressed to a point where they now work most things out
on their own now. If I had not shown them a better way they would be hitting
each other as they did when they were much younger. And of course they
would work it out, the more powerful person would get their way.

A think a more useful tool to guide them might be to show them how to use
their words. Help them put their feelings into words, and their needs into
words. Get in there when conflict arises and help them through the process. It
was so powerful for my boys to *see* it work. And getting in there before
it comes to violence works best.

Just a couple of thoughts,
Pam G




[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

[email protected]

-----Original Message-----
From: Genant2@...

Personally, I think that my boys learn how to deal with conflict by
watching
me deal with conflict and by me helping them deal with conflict. I
think
for them to have more useful tools to use when conflict arises they
need help
when conflict arises. I don't think I can expect my boys to just
"work it
out" if they don't know how, have never done it. Each time I helped
them when
they needed me they progressed to a point where they now work most
things out
on their own now. If I had not shown them a better way they would be
hitting
each other as they did when they were much younger. And of course
they
would work it out, the more powerful person would get their way.
-=-=-=-=-=-

My father's really LOUSY comment when my brother (15 monhs younger)
Johnny and I would fight was, "Kelly, one day he's going to be bigger
than you are."

One day he WAS. And indeed, it was all about the bigger/more powerful
person getting his/her way.

Of course, my brother and I would both get the belt for fighting with
each other and bickering.

That healing is a tough process.


~Kelly

"Wisdom begins in Wonder." ~Socrates

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Johanna

Am 25.10.2006 um 02:06 schrieb kbcdlovejo@...:

> My father's really LOUSY comment when my brother (15 monhs younger)
> Johnny and I would fight was, "Kelly, one day he's going to be bigger
> than you are."
>
> One day he WAS. And indeed, it was all about the bigger/more powerful
> person getting his/her way.
>
> Of course, my brother and I would both get the belt for fighting with
> each other and bickering.
>
> That healing is a tough process.
>
>
> ~Kelly


LOL, the same thing was told to me by my mother when I beat would
beat my sister. She's 4 years younger, but it was obvious that I had
gotten "Chilean" genes of small people and my sister had gotten the
"German" genes for being tall. In Fact, she's a head bigger than I am
(can you say that in English??).

She never used that "power" when she was bigger - but I stopped back
then hitting her, really being afraid of that ;-) I realized it was
true.

Greetings
Johanna