Ren Allen

~~"I really hate getting together", and I said "you hate getting
together?" and he said "ya, because everyone likes to make their own
choices and when we get together people try and make my choices".~~

I have a 5 y.o. with some pretty intense challenges that can't STAND
people younger than him. He will tell me "I HATE babies" and he means
it. They don't understand his personal boundaries (which are many) and
he has a very difficult time with impulse control and other people's
boundaries! Even with friends he likes, it's difficult to have them
over unless they're a few years older than him...then we tend to do
better.

Everything Leslie said about this, had me nodding my head in
agreement. We do better if we meet on neutral territory like a park,
swimming hole or museum. I don't invite people with babies or wee
toddlers over anymore, it just isn't worth the stress. They will grow
and gain new tools, this won't last forever (just feels like it when
you're in the middle of it).

So nothing new to share here, just some sympathy and wanting to let
you know you're not alone. Some kids just need a LOT of space around
their lives, and a lot of time to figure out the intricacies of social
interactions.:)

Ren
learninginfreedom.com

Donna Brown

Everything Leslie said about this, had me nodding my head in
> agreement. We do better if we meet on neutral territory like a
park,
> swimming hole or museum. I don't invite people with babies or wee
> toddlers over anymore, it just isn't worth the stress. They will
grow
> and gain new tools, this won't last forever (just feels like it
when
> you're in the middle of it).
Hi,
I just want to encourage with this; I too have a son (now 16) who
had/has very strong boundary issues and meeting with other children
at his request was alway challenging to say the least. But today he
is a very social teenager with a wide variety of friends. He still
has very strong boundaries, that is who he is, but he has the
ability and control to handle any situation he has encountered. With
the help of two great understand moms who were raising their
children with the same philsophy we muddled through with tears and
laughter sometimes both at the same time.
I am amazed at the beautiful complexity of our relationships with
our children. How can we enjoy the time we have now so much and
with reflection it grows even sweeter? Life is sweet!
Good Day!
Donna

--- In [email protected], "Ren Allen"
<starsuncloud@...> wrote:
>
> ~~"I really hate getting together", and I said "you hate getting
> together?" and he said "ya, because everyone likes to make their
own
> choices and when we get together people try and make my choices".~~
>
> I have a 5 y.o. with some pretty intense challenges that can't
STAND
> people younger than him. He will tell me "I HATE babies" and he
means
> it. They don't understand his personal boundaries (which are many)
and
> he has a very difficult time with impulse control and other
people's
> boundaries! Even with friends he likes, it's difficult to have
them
> over unless they're a few years older than him...then we tend to do
> better.
>
> Everything Leslie said about this, had me nodding my head in
> agreement. We do better if we meet on neutral territory like a
park,
> swimming hole or museum. I don't invite people with babies or wee
> toddlers over anymore, it just isn't worth the stress. They will
grow
> and gain new tools, this won't last forever (just feels like it
when
> you're in the middle of it).
>
> So nothing new to share here, just some sympathy and wanting to let
> you know you're not alone. Some kids just need a LOT of space
around
> their lives, and a lot of time to figure out the intricacies of
social
> interactions.:)
>
> Ren
> learninginfreedom.com
>

Julie v.

Ren,

I think now that he has stated that he doesn't want to get together I can honor his wishes.
Before he stated this he always did want to get together, it was me that was iffy because I
knew that it was always challenging, but I also wanted to honor his wishes of getting
together with friends and then try my hardest to be there when he needed me. Maybe now
that he is getting better able to articulate his feelings like your 5 year old we can come to
an understanding. I see so many parents that push their children into social situations
and then demand that they "play nice" or "get along", and then I've had people (mostly
family) tell me that he doesn't know how to play with other kids because he's always just
around me & dh (which isn't true at all).

Thanks for commiserating with me:)

Julie




--- In [email protected], "Ren Allen" <starsuncloud@...> wrote:
>
> ~~"I really hate getting together", and I said "you hate getting
> together?" and he said "ya, because everyone likes to make their own
> choices and when we get together people try and make my choices".~~
>
> I have a 5 y.o. with some pretty intense challenges that can't STAND
> people younger than him. He will tell me "I HATE babies" and he means
> it. They don't understand his personal boundaries (which are many) and
> he has a very difficult time with impulse control and other people's
> boundaries! Even with friends he likes, it's difficult to have them
> over unless they're a few years older than him...then we tend to do
> better.
>
> Everything Leslie said about this, had me nodding my head in
> agreement. We do better if we meet on neutral territory like a park,
> swimming hole or museum. I don't invite people with babies or wee
> toddlers over anymore, it just isn't worth the stress. They will grow
> and gain new tools, this won't last forever (just feels like it when
> you're in the middle of it).
>
> So nothing new to share here, just some sympathy and wanting to let
> you know you're not alone. Some kids just need a LOT of space around
> their lives, and a lot of time to figure out the intricacies of social
> interactions.:)
>
> Ren
> learninginfreedom.com
>

Julie v.

Donna,

It's nice to hear from you & Leslie that your sons were similar and you all got through it
fine, thanks for validating my feelings.

I think even at this age my son has very strong boundaries, my husband and I have
definately failed the test a time or two and he is teaching us soooo much more sometimes
then I think we are teaching him. I think that having strong boundaries is definately a
good thing because you won't worry about them being taken advantage of. It's nice to
hear when families respect their children and understand them instead of trying the
change them or force them to be someone they aren't.

Julie



Hi,
> I just want to encourage with this; I too have a son (now 16) who
> had/has very strong boundary issues and meeting with other children
> at his request was alway challenging to say the least. But today he
> is a very social teenager with a wide variety of friends. He still
> has very strong boundaries, that is who he is, but he has the
> ability and control to handle any situation he has encountered. With
> the help of two great understand moms who were raising their
> children with the same philsophy we muddled through with tears and
> laughter sometimes both at the same time.
> I am amazed at the beautiful complexity of our relationships with
> our children. How can we enjoy the time we have now so much and
> with reflection it grows even sweeter? Life is sweet!
> Good Day!
> Donna
>
> --- In [email protected], "Ren Allen"
> <starsuncloud@> wrote:
> >
> > ~~"I really hate getting together", and I said "you hate getting
> > together?" and he said "ya, because everyone likes to make their
> own
> > choices and when we get together people try and make my choices".~~
> >
> > I have a 5 y.o. with some pretty intense challenges that can't
> STAND
> > people younger than him. He will tell me "I HATE babies" and he
> means
> > it. They don't understand his personal boundaries (which are many)
> and
> > he has a very difficult time with impulse control and other
> people's
> > boundaries! Even with friends he likes, it's difficult to have
> them
> > over unless they're a few years older than him...then we tend to do
> > better.
> >
> > Everything Leslie said about this, had me nodding my head in
> > agreement. We do better if we meet on neutral territory like a
> park,
> > swimming hole or museum. I don't invite people with babies or wee
> > toddlers over anymore, it just isn't worth the stress. They will
> grow
> > and gain new tools, this won't last forever (just feels like it
> when
> > you're in the middle of it).
> >
> > So nothing new to share here, just some sympathy and wanting to let
> > you know you're not alone. Some kids just need a LOT of space
> around
> > their lives, and a lot of time to figure out the intricacies of
> social
> > interactions.:)
> >
> > Ren
> > learninginfreedom.com
> >
>

Michelle Leifur Reid

On 10/14/06, Julie v. <jlvw@...> wrote:
> Ren,
>
> I think now that he has stated that he doesn't want to get together I can honor his wishes.

One thing that happened with Keon was his being able to understand
that there was an alternative to these get-togethers. To him when I
would say "Do you want to go play with Fred (made up name)?" in his
mind it said, "Do you want to go play with Fred or do nothing?" When
I started showing him the alternatives such as "Do you want to go play
with Fred or would you rather stay home and bake cookies today?" he
started realizing that Fred wasn't the only option. He might decide
that he does want to play with Fred or he might decide that he wants
to stay home and bake cookies. As he got used to the idea that there
was more than "just Fred" he would offer his own alternatives if he
didn't really want to go play with Fred. He might say, "I don't want
to play with Fred. Could we go to the big open park and fly a kite
instead?"

Michelle