'Detox' period question...
Cara
We went unschool about 3 weeks ago with everything that
wasn't "homeschool". My daughters are 4 & 7. They used to
imagination play for hours on end, but now since there is unlimited
computer and tv time that's all they want to do.
Some times I offer things to do - like going to the park, playing
outside or riding bikes, read a book to them (my 7 year old does
read by herself), play board/card games. Sometimes they accept, but
more often they do not. Many times they will do things with me
while they wait for their turn on the computer (we only have one so
we take an hour at a time as a turn).
My only problem with TV and computer all the time is that we are
homebound more often then we used to be. We used to go to story
time at the library, play at the park and just be out more. My
oldest has even blown off karate class for a whole week (something
she loves) in order to stay home and watch TV.
Is there a detox period for this? When does the gorge wear itself
out? Are there signs to look for?
Another thing is that my oldest daughter is experiencing some kind
of boredom phase. She's frustrated or something and hasn't learned
how to get over being bored by herself? Is this something she has
to learn on her own? Is there a way to guide her through this
time? I'm totally new to this and would appreciate any feedback and
lots of criticism.
Cara :)
wasn't "homeschool". My daughters are 4 & 7. They used to
imagination play for hours on end, but now since there is unlimited
computer and tv time that's all they want to do.
Some times I offer things to do - like going to the park, playing
outside or riding bikes, read a book to them (my 7 year old does
read by herself), play board/card games. Sometimes they accept, but
more often they do not. Many times they will do things with me
while they wait for their turn on the computer (we only have one so
we take an hour at a time as a turn).
My only problem with TV and computer all the time is that we are
homebound more often then we used to be. We used to go to story
time at the library, play at the park and just be out more. My
oldest has even blown off karate class for a whole week (something
she loves) in order to stay home and watch TV.
Is there a detox period for this? When does the gorge wear itself
out? Are there signs to look for?
Another thing is that my oldest daughter is experiencing some kind
of boredom phase. She's frustrated or something and hasn't learned
how to get over being bored by herself? Is this something she has
to learn on her own? Is there a way to guide her through this
time? I'm totally new to this and would appreciate any feedback and
lots of criticism.
Cara :)
Solé
Hello Cara,
we are unschooling for 2 weeks now :-) The first thing my daughter
(7) did, was play computer ALL DAY. Also, since there were no
bedtimes, she went to sleep at 2, 3, even if we were in bed already.
Since 2 days, the computer is kind of "out". She hasn't touched it!
Now it's the TV. So yes, tehre is definetely a detox period, I think
they call it "deschooling" here :-) It may take longer for your kids
until they find out that there is more to life than TV and PC.
I don't know how it is, but maybe you are showing them that you don't
like this behaviour. They might fear that the limits come back. So
they feel they have to hurry up and do as much as they can now!
Another problem is probably that there is only one computer. I know
it's not very cheap to buy another one but if this is causing them to
still feel they are limited in their freedom it might be worth it.
There are cheap, used ones and if you cannot afford it now you can
work out a plan on how to finance it (save up...) I'm not from the
US, but some here have been talking about some cheap thingy/place/???
where they wait (?) for a cheap computer, maybe you can ask.
And finally, you are clearly seeing "imagination play" and going to
the party, playing outside and so on as more valuable than watching
TV and playing on the computer. I can recommend Joyce Fetteroll's
website: http://home.earthlink.net/%7Efetteroll/rejoycing/ Check out
the parts on "Television" and "Videogames" and you might change your
view :-)
I think you have to let them take their time deschooling and of
course continue doing strewing! http://sandradodd.com/strewing
If you want to read something good about boredom: http://
sandradodd.com/BoredNoMore
And you might also be interested in this: http://sandradodd.com/
unschool/stages
I hoped it helped a bit :-)
Greetings from Germany
Johanna
we are unschooling for 2 weeks now :-) The first thing my daughter
(7) did, was play computer ALL DAY. Also, since there were no
bedtimes, she went to sleep at 2, 3, even if we were in bed already.
Since 2 days, the computer is kind of "out". She hasn't touched it!
Now it's the TV. So yes, tehre is definetely a detox period, I think
they call it "deschooling" here :-) It may take longer for your kids
until they find out that there is more to life than TV and PC.
I don't know how it is, but maybe you are showing them that you don't
like this behaviour. They might fear that the limits come back. So
they feel they have to hurry up and do as much as they can now!
Another problem is probably that there is only one computer. I know
it's not very cheap to buy another one but if this is causing them to
still feel they are limited in their freedom it might be worth it.
There are cheap, used ones and if you cannot afford it now you can
work out a plan on how to finance it (save up...) I'm not from the
US, but some here have been talking about some cheap thingy/place/???
where they wait (?) for a cheap computer, maybe you can ask.
And finally, you are clearly seeing "imagination play" and going to
the party, playing outside and so on as more valuable than watching
TV and playing on the computer. I can recommend Joyce Fetteroll's
website: http://home.earthlink.net/%7Efetteroll/rejoycing/ Check out
the parts on "Television" and "Videogames" and you might change your
view :-)
I think you have to let them take their time deschooling and of
course continue doing strewing! http://sandradodd.com/strewing
If you want to read something good about boredom: http://
sandradodd.com/BoredNoMore
And you might also be interested in this: http://sandradodd.com/
unschool/stages
I hoped it helped a bit :-)
Greetings from Germany
Johanna
> They used to
> imagination play for hours on end, but now since there is unlimited
> computer and tv time that's all they want to do.
>
> My only problem with TV and computer all the time is that we are
> homebound more often then we used to be. We used to go to story
> time at the library, play at the park and just be out more. My
> oldest has even blown off karate class for a whole week (something
> she loves) in order to stay home and watch TV.
>
> Is there a detox period for this? When does the gorge wear itself
> out? Are there signs to look for?
>
> Another thing is that my oldest daughter is experiencing some kind
> of boredom phase.
Michelle Leifur Reid
On 9/8/06, Cara <casonnier@...> wrote:
let them realize that you weren't limiting them? And you *are* limiting
them when you set up hour blocks that they can be on the computer. They are
trying to get in as much as they can because they only get an hour at a time
*and* there is that fear that the limitations will come back. You've only
been unschooling for 3 weeks. They've lived a life with at least some
restrictions, limitations and boundaries for 4 and 7 years. Yes; a "detox"
period is definitely going to have to happen. Join them when they are
watching TV and on the computer. Find out what they are doing that is SO
interesting to them right now. Start strewing some things. Phrase things
in statements rather than questions. For instance instead of saying, " Do
you wanto to go to the park?" say "I'm feeling cooped up and need some air,
let's all go to the park and kick the soccer ball around for a while." or
"Hey, it's story time at the library. We haven't been in a while and I miss
it. Let's go and afterwards we can look at the computer software that the
library offers for checkout."
I never made a big announcement to the kids that they were free from all the
controls. I simply started saying yes more and no less. Eventually the
kids caught on that I wasn't as "mean" as I was before and not long after
that they glommed onto the word "unschooling" (which my oldest decided to
google to find out more about :) ) Your kids are still pretty young but
they are new to these freedoms. They have to build your trust that you
aren't going to take away those freedoms again. 3 weeks isn't a very long
time to build that trust. You may have given them more freedoms in the past
and then tightened the reins again fairly quickly. They maybe in a holding
pattern waiting to see when "summer vacation" is going to end this time.
Our role as unschooling parents isn't to sit on the sidelines and watch.
Our role is to be active and mindful of their needs and to help enrich their
lives through participation. And have you "detoxed" yourself as well? Have
you lessened the restirictions that you have placed on yourself like
*having* to do certain chores? Have you changed the way in which you think
about the things you do in the house? An exercise that I did about a year
ago (thanks to a post by Kelly about making choices) was to tell myself in
my head "I choose to pick up these dishes in the living room" when I would
find them (yet again) strewn in the living room (or maybe my kids were
strewing for me what they felt I liked doing :-D ) I would say to myself "I
choose to do this load of laundry" or "I choose to sit at my hobby desk and
make a few cards" or "I choose to do the recycling today" or "I choose to
clean the cat box." I let go of the "have to's" and embraced the "choose
to's" Try it!
--
Michelle
Michelle Leifur Reid
YOUR Pampered Chef Consultant
850-474-0817
http://www.pamperedchef.biz/michellelr
Check out my homeschool cooking classes!
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
>Did you announce that there were now no limitations or did you just slowly
> We went unschool about 3 weeks ago with everything that
> wasn't "homeschool". My daughters are 4 & 7. They used to
> imagination play for hours on end, but now since there is unlimited
> computer and tv time that's all they want to do.
let them realize that you weren't limiting them? And you *are* limiting
them when you set up hour blocks that they can be on the computer. They are
trying to get in as much as they can because they only get an hour at a time
*and* there is that fear that the limitations will come back. You've only
been unschooling for 3 weeks. They've lived a life with at least some
restrictions, limitations and boundaries for 4 and 7 years. Yes; a "detox"
period is definitely going to have to happen. Join them when they are
watching TV and on the computer. Find out what they are doing that is SO
interesting to them right now. Start strewing some things. Phrase things
in statements rather than questions. For instance instead of saying, " Do
you wanto to go to the park?" say "I'm feeling cooped up and need some air,
let's all go to the park and kick the soccer ball around for a while." or
"Hey, it's story time at the library. We haven't been in a while and I miss
it. Let's go and afterwards we can look at the computer software that the
library offers for checkout."
I never made a big announcement to the kids that they were free from all the
controls. I simply started saying yes more and no less. Eventually the
kids caught on that I wasn't as "mean" as I was before and not long after
that they glommed onto the word "unschooling" (which my oldest decided to
google to find out more about :) ) Your kids are still pretty young but
they are new to these freedoms. They have to build your trust that you
aren't going to take away those freedoms again. 3 weeks isn't a very long
time to build that trust. You may have given them more freedoms in the past
and then tightened the reins again fairly quickly. They maybe in a holding
pattern waiting to see when "summer vacation" is going to end this time.
Our role as unschooling parents isn't to sit on the sidelines and watch.
Our role is to be active and mindful of their needs and to help enrich their
lives through participation. And have you "detoxed" yourself as well? Have
you lessened the restirictions that you have placed on yourself like
*having* to do certain chores? Have you changed the way in which you think
about the things you do in the house? An exercise that I did about a year
ago (thanks to a post by Kelly about making choices) was to tell myself in
my head "I choose to pick up these dishes in the living room" when I would
find them (yet again) strewn in the living room (or maybe my kids were
strewing for me what they felt I liked doing :-D ) I would say to myself "I
choose to do this load of laundry" or "I choose to sit at my hobby desk and
make a few cards" or "I choose to do the recycling today" or "I choose to
clean the cat box." I let go of the "have to's" and embraced the "choose
to's" Try it!
--
Michelle
Michelle Leifur Reid
YOUR Pampered Chef Consultant
850-474-0817
http://www.pamperedchef.biz/michellelr
Check out my homeschool cooking classes!
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Cara
>Phrase things in statements rather than questions. For instanceinstead of saying, " Do you wanto to go to the park?" say "I'm
feeling cooped up and need some air, let's all go to the park and kick
the soccer ball around for a while." or "Hey, it's story time at the
library. We haven't been in a while and I miss it. Let's go and
afterwards we can look at the computer software that the library
offers for checkout."
Thank you so much! The phrases will really help. The ideas are all
floating around in my head - I'm just having a hard time "detoxing" -
incorporating the phrases and releasing control. It's like learning
to speak and act all over again.
I didn't realize that by setting the hour block I was still limiting
them - I was trying to be "fair". I guess I need to trust and respect
them to be fair with each other instead of me being bossy. I just
realized that my oldest is doing the exact same thing I did when I was
a kid and my parents controlled my time.
This morning, my oldest asked when I was done typing if she could be
on next. So I said ok. When I was finished I told her and she jumped
on. Her sister then wanted to play so she asked and my oldest just
turned it over without a fight. Then my oldest wanted to play and my
youngest picked a game they could play together. Then my youngest
came to cuddle with me on the couch, and my oldest played by herself
and we watched a movie together. NO FIGHTING, NO ARGUING. That in
itself was heaven.
Thank you!