Ren Allen

I got this comment at my blog today, thought some of you might want to
add your own thoughts so I can share some of them at my blog on this
very topic:

~~"I find it interesting that when unschoolers say this, everyone is
supposed to just take it on faith that this is true, but if someone
comes along and says that they have observed something different,
unschoolers rush in to blame it on everything under the sun than the
fact that maybe some kids will just veg in front of the tv forever if
given the chance. I believe in the idea of unschooling, but I also
believe that some things that our brains are not hardwired for, such
as tv and highly processed foods, can affect our bodies in ways that
are detrimental to us."~~

Ren
learninginfreedom.com

Amy Mason

New Amy here again...thanking everyone for your responses to my initial
newbie questions...this blog comment leads me to another question
regarding food and lack of exercise because of excess tv viewing...

I've spent a lot of time researching the latest with nutrition and we've
turned our lives around by eating natural and organic foods - nothing
processed- unless grandparents or us treat them with something
occasionally. I don't think I'll be able to let my children, young as
they are with maturing brains and bodies, buy and eat whatever they
want. I do let them get things they like from the natural food store
but when we're in the regular grocery store I turn down suggestions to
buy pop tarts, for example, and cereal they see advertised on tv.
Special occasions like our recent camping trip do we splurge and eat
some less nutritious foods, but at home we have a pantry and
freezer/fridge full of fruits and veggies (that they love eating anyway)
and snacks without trans fat and artificial preservatives and colors.
We also limit fast food because we eat only natural/organic meats but we
do visit Micky Dees from time to time so I don't think they would ever
be likely to binge when they are older and on their own more.

As far as tv goes, how do you not end up with overweight couch
potatoes? Luckily I don't think I have to worry about that as my
children have remained pretty active, even when we dropped our "school
at home", at least for the time being. Granted it's been in the 100's
this past week so we've all been vegging inside but we are nature lovers
so that's in our favor...but I know this is a question people ask a lot
regarding unschooling picturing kids sitting in front of the tv and
chowing down on chips and candy bars all day.
Thanks again

Amy in WV

Lesa

What post were they responding to?

Anyhow, herein lies the issue of making your lives full of joy and
adventure! And the fact that this person is only seeing the world
through their paradigm... it is possible to shift those glasses to see
a different view of the world. The poster most likely is comparing
unschooled kids (who have tons of freedom) to those kids who's lives
are repressed by outside influences (i.e. school, parents, etc...).

And yes, there are things in the world that can affect us... so, then
you as parents, facilitators, guides to the world need to talk to your
kids about these things. And if you're consumed by these things then
you need to STOP FIRST! It's like telling your kids not to smoke and
then going and lighting up... it's just stupid. Walk the walk...
don't just talk the talk!

Lesa
http://lifeacademy.homeschooljournal.net

--- In [email protected], "Ren Allen"
<starsuncloud@...> wrote:
>
> I got this comment at my blog today, thought some of you might want to
> add your own thoughts so I can share some of them at my blog on this
> very topic:
>
> ~~"I find it interesting that when unschoolers say this, everyone is
> supposed to just take it on faith that this is true, but if someone
> comes along and says that they have observed something different,
> unschoolers rush in to blame it on everything under the sun than the
> fact that maybe some kids will just veg in front of the tv forever if
> given the chance. I believe in the idea of unschooling, but I also
> believe that some things that our brains are not hardwired for, such
> as tv and highly processed foods, can affect our bodies in ways that
> are detrimental to us."~~
>
> Ren
> learninginfreedom.com
>

Melissa

Wow, what an interesting thought. You know, it's exactly the
opposite, our bodies *are* wired for processed foods and TV. IF
you're an evolutionist, you know that 10,000 years ago people were
walking around trying desperately to look for food, foods high in
carbs were desirable because they were easy to process and had lots
of calories for very little work. TV appeals to the part of our brain
that needs to track multiple things. It appeals to the part of our
brain that wants to learn by example. It appeals to our need for
socialization, in a world that is too crowded and too loud, it does
it in a way that doesn't force us to give more than we're able.

It's all about hardwiring...heehee.

But completely off the whole post, sidetracked and off topic. That's
kind of how my day is going anyway....
I think that the reason unschoolers can say, this is how our kids
are, is because we see it every day. Then someone comes in and says,
"But I don't see that", trying to disprove our practice with an
example that does not fit the situation. For radical unschoolers have
no limits on TV. For someone who is harassing their children about
TV, they have no means of proving that their kids would not watch TV
because there has never been a control study done ;-) Even more so,
we see the value implicit in a) the TV that our kids watch and b) in
the choice that the kids have to watch or not watch. Even someone who
'allows' their kids to watch TV but does not see the value in it,
will hold negative connotations in their hearts about it.

And I don't know if that explains it all, but I've got one girl who
wants her head shaved, one baby who wants rocked to sleep, and one
boy he wants a chapter read from goosebumps, four kids playing mario
party and needing snacks, one autistic kid who's freaking out over
the neighbors' dog barking, and one toddler who probably needs
reminded that their bladder is full. :-) fun every minute!
Melissa
Mom to Josh (11), Breanna (9), Emily (7), Rachel (6), Sam (5), Dan
(3), and Avari Rose

share our lives at
http://360.yahoo.com/multimomma



On Aug 3, 2006, at 9:27 AM, Ren Allen wrote:

> I also
> believe that some things that our brains are not hardwired for, such
> as tv and highly processed foods, can affect our bodies in ways that
> are detrimental to us."~~
>


[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

Ren Allen

"What post were they responding to?"

I'm sorry...I should have posted that part too. Here's the link, it's
one that Joanne included in the blog carnival:

http://radicalunschooling.blogspot.com/2006/07/unschooling-trust.html

Feel free to leave a comment if you wish. I almost didn't let her
comment through, because it sounded so negative. But I think it's good
fodder for discussion. It's funny when people just ASSUME that I
couldn't possibly understand about a kid that will do NOTHING but
watch tv. Yeah right. That's exactly what I thought my kids would be
like, especially my oldest.

He seemed to get more aggressive after watching too much, he'd want to
do NOTHING but watch tv when it was on etc.... I had plenty of PROOF
that all the RUer's were just nuts.:)
But then my thinking shifted. Then I started to become their ally
instead of their adversary and voila! all my "proof" evaporated
before my eyes.

I've seen this from both sides and now I KNOW that tv does not hold
any special power over people unless we GIVE it more power, it's all
about balance.

Ren
learninginfreedom.com

Lesa

Ren,

Awesome! That's just the paradigm shift that I'm reading about in
"The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People" by Stephen R. Covey! HIGHLY
RECOMMENDED READING :)

Lesa
http://lifeacademy.homeschooljournal.net

--- In [email protected], "Ren Allen"
<starsuncloud@...> wrote:
>
>
> "What post were they responding to?"
>
> I'm sorry...I should have posted that part too. Here's the link, it's
> one that Joanne included in the blog carnival:
>
> http://radicalunschooling.blogspot.com/2006/07/unschooling-trust.html
>
> Feel free to leave a comment if you wish. I almost didn't let her
> comment through, because it sounded so negative. But I think it's good
> fodder for discussion. It's funny when people just ASSUME that I
> couldn't possibly understand about a kid that will do NOTHING but
> watch tv. Yeah right. That's exactly what I thought my kids would be
> like, especially my oldest.
>
> He seemed to get more aggressive after watching too much, he'd want to
> do NOTHING but watch tv when it was on etc.... I had plenty of PROOF
> that all the RUer's were just nuts.:)
> But then my thinking shifted. Then I started to become their ally
> instead of their adversary and voila! all my "proof" evaporated
> before my eyes.
>
> I've seen this from both sides and now I KNOW that tv does not hold
> any special power over people unless we GIVE it more power, it's all
> about balance.
>
> Ren
> learninginfreedom.com
>

Michelle/Melbrigða

On 8/3/06, Melissa <autismhelp@...> wrote:
>
>
> And I don't know if that explains it all, but I've got one girl who
> wants her head shaved, one baby who wants rocked to sleep, and one
> boy he wants a chapter read from goosebumps, four kids playing mario
> party and needing snacks, one autistic kid who's freaking out over
> the neighbors' dog barking, and one toddler who probably needs
> reminded that their bladder is full. :-) fun every minute!


Amazingly that sounds like my house but rolled up into just three kids!
LOL!! Oh and it isn't the dog barking but the lawnmowers buzzing behind
us. Drives Keon crazy!

Ren, I agree with what Melissa said about how people who don't RU who
haven't truly allowed their children these freedoms CAN'T see how living a
RU life would work. I used to be that parent. I couldn't imagine that my
kids would ever get to the point where they weren't junkfood face stuffing
television zombies. Now that I've "come to the other side" LOL! I CAN see
how some days there is just a need to be a junkfood face stuffing television
zombie, And some days there is a need for peaches and sunshine (literally)
and other days for books and soda crackers. And still other days when
peaches and television are a good thing. But it took trusting my kids with
their own freedom and stepping back and observing even minute things and
being able to appreciate all the things my kids did as being valid before I
could release that fear that my children were going to grow up into mindless
zombies that weighed 800 lbs and needed a crane to remove them from their
houses as they clutched their last box of Ho-Ho's to their dying chests.
:-) It's that "inside perspective." We dont' have scientific studies to
prove it. In fact I don't know that we could have a scientific study to
prove it. How would one possibly create such a study. We can look at
models though. The model of coercive limiting parenting vs. mindful free
parenting.




--
Michelle
aka Melbrigða
http://eventualknitting.blogspot.com
[email protected] - Homeschooling for the Medieval Recreationist


[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

Manisha Kher

--- Amy Mason <doodlemakers@...> wrote:
> As far as tv goes, how do you not end up with
> overweight couch
> potatoes?
By having an interesting and full life. If tv is the
most interesting thing around then it will be watched
a lot.

Anytime I hear that nagging voice inside me saying the
kids are watching too much TV, I try to come up with
something that we could do together. Sometimes they
join me and other times they don't and that is okay
too. This is just how I handle that nagging voice
inside me.

Manisha


__________________________________________________
Do You Yahoo!?
Tired of spam? Yahoo! Mail has the best spam protection around
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frozenandcold

It is funny that this is always the subject that comes up,
especially with newbies. The reason that I find it so amusing is
that a parent gives their child complete freedom, from having very
little freedom, and then wonders why their child will only watch
TV. Usually those comments are made within a couple weeks of
allowing that freedom and it takes MUCH longer than that for kids to
learn how to regulate themselves and start listening to their
bodies.

The other thing that always comes to mind when I read comments like
that is "What are you offering them that is so much more exciting
than watching TV?" When my kids watch a lot of TV it is usually
because I am being lazy and not doing anything with them or not
offering them a choice that seems better to them. The more
interesting my life is and the more options I give them the less the
TV is on. When my kids say "I'm bored" what they are really saying
is "Mom, I either want you to do something with me or help me find
something interesting to do." I have learned to cue into that now
but I used to let it go and guess what? They would turn the TV on
and watch it all day long!!

We definitely go through spurts of lots of TV viewing but for the
most part our lives are too interesting to sit in front of the TV
all day. The other side is that what is so bad about TV? My kids
have learned a TON watching TV and it is always funny to have family
members that are very critical of TV be amazed at some of the things
my kids know and ask them where the heck they learned
that..........................."TV!!"

I do know though that in our family it took about two years after
letting go of trying to control everything for us to live an
interesting, full life like the unschoolers lives that I read
about. We were raised in a very strict, fundamentalist, legalistic,
cult-like religion. We didn't have TV in our home, we couldn't wear
pants, cut our hair, etc, Our entire life was controlled by someone
else. My husband and I only left that religion four years ago and
even though we were technically unschoolers we certainly weren't
RU's and I still tried to control my children's lives. Thank
goodness for my sis, Ren, who really helped me see life from a
different perspective and taught me how to start seeing things out-
of-the-box!!! Now I question everything and everybody!! Very nicely
of course!! But I am unwilling to take people's word for everything
now.

Heidi Snavley

Michelle/Melbrigða

On 8/3/06, Amy Mason <doodlemakers@...> wrote:
>
>
> We also limit fast food because we eat only natural/organic meats but we
> do visit Micky Dees from time to time so I don't think they would ever
> be likely to binge when they are older and on their own more.


Depends. Some do and some don't. Some see those cereals, cookies, fast food
as the "holy forbidden" and when they have sudden freedom (such as going to
college or moving out on their own) they will binge on those things that
were coveted when they were kids. They are not learning to trust their
bodies when mom controls all their food. so when on their own they may tend
to go overzealous with their eating because they haven't learned that eating
3 meals a day for a month At McD's will make you feel bloated, overweight,
listliss, and gross (not that I am advocating this diet - our family gags
whenever we pass most fast food places and we ate at them often). In the
beginning when you start releashing control and giving over to freedom you
will see what looks like a lot of unhealthy eating. they have to work it
out of their systems. they have to know that you are going to trust them
and that as soon as that box of Fruit Loops is gone it isn't gone forever.
My oldest daughter has a sensitivity to Red Dye #40. I gave over the
control of that to her years ago. We both fully acknowledge that when she
consumes RD40 that she acts differently. But it is her choice. For a while
she went hog wild, eating all the formerly colored foods that were
forbidden. After a while she realized that she didn't like the way that she
felt when she ate certain foods and decided to eat alternatives instead.
Sometimes she still has food containing RD40, but it always reminds her why
she abstains from it. Not because I told her that she shouldn't eat it, but
because she knows how she feels, how her body reacts, when she does eat it.



As far as tv goes, how do you not end up with overweight couch
> potatoes?


As with food at the beginning it is going to look like your kids are turning
into brainless zombies. First you have to find the value in television.
You have to see their viewing television as part of their joyful lives and
that there is merit in television. Second YOU watch with them. Learn their
lives. Understand their shows (or in my case try to understand their video
games - which I am dreadfully inept at) Third, you strew (do a search
through the archives for strewing) and make opportunities to expand their
world. Sometimes that strewing is other television shows. Sometimes the
strewing is a museum or park or activity. Sometimes it is more of what they
are doing. Our children's lives are full of interesting things and given
the opportunity they will pursue those things. Read through some of the
pages at Sandra Dodd's website http://www.sandradodd.com She's got quite a
few posts in there about how our mindless zombies, uh, I mean kids are
thriving even with television. :-)





--
Michelle
aka Melbrigða
http://eventualknitting.blogspot.com
[email protected] - Homeschooling for the Medieval Recreationist


[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

[email protected]

-----Original Message-----
From: doodlemakers@...


As far as tv goes, how do you not end up with overweight couch
potatoes? <snip>...but I know this is a question people ask a lot
regarding unschooling picturing kids sitting in front of the tv and
chowing down on chips and candy bars all day.

-=-=-=-

Yeah. Maybe sending all our kids to school would be a better idea. NO
couch potatoes *there*!

Those schooled kids wake up EARLY and eat a PopTart while they ride
the bus to school where they sit in a chair all day until they're
allowed (whether they are hungry or not) to go wolf down a corn dog and
fries with jello or pudding and a milk. Then they go BACK to their
chairs and sit for another few hours. After the last school bell rings,
they ride a bus home and then sit on another chair or lie on their beds
and do homework while munching on some chips and a coke. Then they eat
supper (fast food or a meal hastily prepared by mom---mac & cheese or
Hamburger Helper?) before watching the two hours of TV/video gaming
that they are allowed before they go back to their rooms to sit in a
chair while on the computer. Then they stay up as long as they possibly
can before they have to get up EARLY and eat a PopTart while they ride
the bus to school where they sit in a chair all day until they're
allowed to go.........

Right.

The *school system* is creating couch potatoes. Unschoolers DO things.
They visit friends. They go to the store. They visit museums and zoos
and parks. They spend hours playing instruments or with the dog. They
get enough sleep. They eat GOOD food, when they are hungry. They can
swim or run or bounce or swing whenever they want to. They work *with*
their bodies. They can learn how their bodies feel with a lack of
sleep, with enough sleep. They can learn which foods work best for
them, how much exercise they need/want to feel good. They watch tv
because they *want* to, not because they have no other options.

Unschooling does NOT produce couch potatoes. School does.



~Kelly

Kelly Lovejoy
Conference Coordinator
Live and Learn Unschooling Conference
http://liveandlearnconference.org

"It's a small world...but a BIG life!" ~Aaron McGlohn. aged 6


________________________________________________________________________
Check out AOL.com today. Breaking news, video search, pictures, email
and IM. All on demand. Always Free.

Melissa

On the first count, I wouldn't bet on it. My mom never let us have
any kind of junk food, fast food or snacks. I'm about 60 pounds
overweight, still trying to recover from the urges I have to binge.
I'm also terrible at sharing, because in my subconscious, I never
know when I'll be allowed more. It's only taken me 16 years to get to
where I can hear it.

On TV. Kids' aren't designed to be overweight couch potatoes. the
freedom to watch TV doesn't create them...the restrictions that force
them to gain every second they can because they don't trust the
adults in their lives NOT to take it away is what creates couch
potatoes. If a child is only allowed to watch TV for one hour, they
will sit for every second they have. If a child feels judged while
watching, he may turn it off and the parent thinks they've won, until
they find ten years later that the child either doesn't trust the
parent or the child watches mindlessly because they've never KNOWN
they can watch TV for pleasure or that they can even learn something.
Children who know that they can turn the TV on any time they wish are
free to turn it off whenever they wish, because they can trust that
they can use it later. Ironically, once my children had that freedom
to watch, they spent a lot less time watching.

I don't think it's fair to try to generalize kids who watch TV and
eat sugar as doing it all the time, and it's certainly not as likely
as one think to create overweight couch potatoes. I don't even know
of any unschoolers who do that consistently. It may look like it, but
their time is broken up into segments of interest. Kids who grow up
restricted either break out of the mold ("Wow...now that I'm out of
the house, I'll be hiking when I feel like it" and it won't happen
again, or "I'm never doing that again") Of course, now I'm
generalizing, but from reading on all the unschooling stuff, it is
far more likely for a restricted child to do that than an
unrestricted child to overindulge. It's worth it to plan about eight
months to let the kids sit in front of the TV to know that they are
learning about their true interests, not one that may have been
artificially created through restrictions.

One more comment, the original post has a lot of "we" being used...do
you mean you and your husband chose those things, or that your kids
did too? I only say that because I noticed that it was mentioned that
they requested poptarts and were denied. Is it ever possible to even
just say, "Well, sure, why not?"
MHO
Melissa
Mom to Josh (11), Breanna (9), Emily (7), Rachel (6), Sam (5), Dan
(3), and Avari Rose

share our lives at
http://360.yahoo.com/multimomma



On Aug 3, 2006, at 9:56 AM, Amy Mason wrote:

> t we
> do visit Micky Dees from time to time so I don't think they would ever
> be likely to binge when they are older and on their own more.

>
> As far as tv goes, how do you not end up with overweight couch
> potatoes? Luckily I don't think I have to worry about that as my
> children have remained pretty active, even when we dropped our "school
> at home", at least for the time being. Granted it's been in the 100's
> this past week so we've all been vegging inside but we are nature
> lovers
> so that's in our favor...but I know this is a question people ask a
> lot
> regarding unschooling picturing kids sitting in front of the tv and
> chowing down on chips and candy bars all day.
> Thanks again
>
> Amy in WV
>
>
>



[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

Amy Mason

<<Is it ever possible to even
just say, "Well, sure, why not?">>

We do plenty of that...but I know that if we buy pop tarts, for example,
on a regular basis, I myself would be eating them every morning as well
and that would not be a healthy diet for me so how could I allow my kids
to eat that way? One example, again with the pop tarts, is we buy them
when camping or on the mornings the first few days after a new baby has
been born in our home as a treat, but they are not available to any of
us on a regular basis because they are not a healthy way to start the
day. Now, I have to say that Pringles hold a special place in my heart
because when I was growing up they were only purchased for vacations and
horse shows. I still love them and will occasionally buy them as a
treat for myself, and children, but if I bought them regularly I would
eat them everyday knowing they weren't good for me.

Ugh...this is all so confusing and hard.

Between reading these posts and yahoos AlwaysUnschooling and "Everyday
Blessings: The Inner Work of Mindful Parenting" which I just started
reading, I can already see in our past few days how much a change has
occurred in our day to day living - for the better. We, DH actually,
always got on the kids for leaving the lights on and not flushing the
toilet. After he and I discussed the latest thread about the flushing,
we told our two oldest (7 and 5) that we realized we were expecting too
much from them regarding those issues and that it wasn't going to be a
problem anymore. You should have seen their faces light up with
relief. Hopefully there will be a lot more of that.
Thanks again...more questions to follow ;-)
Amy in WV

Joyce Fetteroll

On Aug 3, 2006, at 11:08 PM, Amy Mason wrote:

> One example, again with the pop tarts, is we buy them
> when camping or on the mornings the first few days after a new baby
> has
> been born in our home as a treat,

You've elevated Pop-Tarts and Pringles above the level of "just
food". They are a treat, something to be coveted and desired and
placed on a pedestal of Only For Special Occasions. Is that what you
want?

> but I know that if we buy pop tarts, for example,
> on a regular basis, I myself would be eating them every morning as
> well
> and that would not be a healthy diet for me

I used to think that if I kept the things I had a weakness for around
I would just scarf them down. One year I bought 3 bags of candy for
Halloween and polished them all off in a couple of days. :-P I
learned to wait until the day before Halloween to buy it. When I went
to visit my father who kept bags of candy around I spent the week
visiting the bags several times a day.

But on a list several years ago someone mentioned something about
"giving yourself permission" to eat the things you were limiting for
yourself and you'd find you wouldn't pig out all the time. I said,
yeah, sure. ;-) All the evidence points to "No way!"

Eventually when my daughter was old enough and she was bringing candy
into the house and I kept asking her permission to have some ;-) I
decided to try to what was suggested. And, though it took 3 bags of
almond M&Ms to gain my body's trust that almond M&Ms were not going
to disappear off the face of the earth and I could have as much as I
wanted anytime I wanted, I did get to the point where I can walk by
chocolate without thinking about it.

Right at the moment there are Dove milk chocolate miniatures, Lindt
chocolate balls with the melt in your mouth centers, and Ghirardelli
chocolate bits in the house all easily accessible. I think I had a
Dove a couple of days ago. Maybe.

There are chips that come with sandwiches piling up on top of the
refrigerator that no one's touching.

There are Pop-Tarts in the cupboard that my husband finds convenient
for lunchbags when there isn't something better.

I *couldn't* have done that when I treated chocolate as a special
food to be eaten only on rare occasions. Now it's just there and I
don't have it far more often than I do. I *thought* I knew what I
would do with unlimited access but I had never given myself unlimited
access. I had only given myself a small window of opportunity to glut
before it all disappeared again. Now I do have unlimited access and I
don't eat an excessive amount.

> so how could I allow my kids
> to eat that way?

Why are you imposing a solution to a problem that may not even exist?
Why are you assuming your children would be exactly like you?

How is that different than buying Barbies for a dinosaur loving
child? It's not looking at who the child is and responding to their
unique needs but treating them as a generic entity.

Joyce

[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

[email protected]

-----Original Message-----
From: doodlemakers@...

We do plenty of that...but I know that if we buy pop tarts, for
example,
on a regular basis, I myself would be eating them every morning as well
and that would not be a healthy diet for me so how could I allow my
kids
to eat that way? One example, again with the pop tarts, is we buy them
when camping or on the mornings the first few days after a new baby has
been born in our home as a treat, but they are not available to any of
us on a regular basis because they are not a healthy way to start the
day. Now, I have to say that Pringles hold a special place in my heart
because when I was growing up they were only purchased for vacations
and
horse shows. I still love them and will occasionally buy them as a
treat for myself, and children, but if I bought them regularly I would
eat them everyday knowing they weren't good for me.

-=-=-=---=

Chocoholic here. But I have two HUGE bowls of M&Ms in my foyer. I kep
them FULL all the time. I just found dark chocolate M&Ms for one bowl.
I hardly ever put my hand in that bowl. Hardly ever. Guests do. All the
time. Because they don't have M&Ms avaiable 24/7. But *I* can have them
anytime I want. I don't want them.

I dare you to buy a CASE of PopTarts. Go to Sam's. Get TWO cases and
keep 3-4 boxes in the cupboard at all tines. I bet the first box will
be gone in a few hours. But I'm willing to bet $25 you won't finish
that 2nd case without help.

Same with the Pringles. The reason you *crave* Prngles is because they
were "sacred" and "special" and only doled out sparingly. Buy two cases
and have ALL you want any time you want. They'll lose that appeal.

It works with PopTarts and Pringles! Ice cream and M&Ms! Champagne and
doughnuts! I promise.

I dare you!

-=-==-

Ugh...this is all so confusing and hard.

-=-=-

Yeah. We know. We've been there, but we slogged through it. It's truly
better over here!

-=-=-=-=-

Between reading these posts and yahoos AlwaysUnschooling and "Everyday
Blessings: The Inner Work of Mindful Parenting" which I just started
reading, I can already see in our past few days how much a change has
occurred in our day to day living - for the better. We, DH actually,
always got on the kids for leaving the lights on and not flushing the
toilet. After he and I discussed the latest thread about the flushing,
we told our two oldest (7 and 5) that we realized we were expecting too
much from them regarding those issues and that it wasn't going to be a
problem anymore. You should have seen their faces light up with
relief. Hopefully there will be a lot more of that.
Thanks again...more questions to follow ;-)

-=-=-=-

Cool. Taking away the adversarial relation IMMEDIATELY softens the air
in the room. And it gets better and better. You've only spotted the tip
of the iceberg!



~Kelly

Kelly Lovejoy
Conference Coordinator
Live and Learn Unschooling Conference
http://liveandlearnconference.org

"It's a small world...but a BIG life!" ~Aaron McGlohn. aged 6

________________________________________________________________________
Check out AOL.com today. Breaking news, video search, pictures, email
and IM. All on demand. Always Free.

Michelle/Melbrigða

On 8/3/06, Amy Mason <doodlemakers@...> wrote:
>
> <<Is it ever possible to even
> just say, "Well, sure, why not?">>
>
> We do plenty of that...but I know that if we buy pop tarts, for example,
> on a regular basis, I myself would be eating them every morning as well
> and that would not be a healthy diet for me so how could I allow my kids
> to eat that way?


Ah, this is about you. :)

I still love them and will occasionally buy them as a
> treat for myself, and children, but if I bought them regularly I would
> eat them everyday knowing they weren't good for me.


I encourage you to go to Sandra Dodd's website and read the pages on food
issues http://sandradodd.com/food and freedom
http://sandradodd.com/freedom and choices http://sandradodd.com/choice As
those are three things that are the biggest stumbling blocks to joyful
living through unschooling. Food is a huge control issue for many people.
We had food controlled for us as children and we hated it and it created
poor eating habits in us. And for some reason we are doing the same thing
with our children thinking that somehow we will succeed where our parents
failed, yet we haven't changed what our parents did. You've proven that.
Pringles were limited to you as a child. As an adult you still crave them
because you see them as the forbidden fruit (so to speak) that is golden to
you. (Ask me sometime about my relationship with cookies.)






--
Michelle
aka Melbrigða
http://eventualknitting.blogspot.com
[email protected] - Homeschooling for the Medieval Recreationist


[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

Deb

--- In [email protected], "Michelle/Melbrigða"
<pamperedmichelle@...> wrote:
>
>(or in my case try to understand their video
> games - which I am dreadfully inept at)
Me too - most of the first person type games (where there's lots of
moving camera angles) make me dizzy but DS loves them. Fortunately,
DH is a gamer from way back (like the old Atari systems and all).
And, DS knows that Mommy gets uncomfortable when playing those games
(or even being nearby - even catching the motion peripherally makes
me woozy. I'd have to sit with my back to the screen entirely to
manage staying in the room) so, if he REALLY wants to play one with
me, he picks certain 'easy' stretches we've determined I can handle
and we only play for maybe 20 minutes (one round or whatever). OR
he'll pick a simpler thing like the videogame versions of trivial
Pursuit or Risk or mini golf that don't have the same motion issues.

> Sometimes that strewing is other television shows. Sometimes the
> strewing is a museum or park or activity. Sometimes it is more of
>what they
> are doing.
One thing that is fun is noticing the credits of programs and
checking IMDB.com for related stuff - for instance, the new movie
Ant Bully was written and directed by the same person who directed
Jimmy Neutron. Or, we'll notice that this peripheral character in
this James Bond movie shows up in these other James Bond movies as
well. Or we might see a location or event in one thing that ties to
something someplace else. Connections are COOL!

--Deb

Deb

--- In [email protected], Joyce Fetteroll
<fetteroll@...> wrote:
> But on a list several years ago someone mentioned something about
> "giving yourself permission" to eat the things you were limiting
>for
> yourself and you'd find you wouldn't pig out all the time. I >said,
> yeah, sure. ;-) All the evidence points to "No way!"
BTDT ice cream was always a big treat, always watching portions and
festive occasions called for BIG portions with all the trimmings. In
college, I would type term papers for friends for the price of a pint
of ice cream (regular store bought for end notes, hand packed Carvel
if I had to fight with footnotes in the days before word processing)
and then proceed to eat the whole thing for dinner (or breakfast or
lunch). DH's family had/has all sorts of food issues. When we got
married, a half gallon of ice cream -might- last a week, probably
less, rarely more. Then we had DS and chose not to limit his eating
right from the start - the idea that he could nurse at will, start
when he was hungry and stop when he was full, started to seep in to
the rest of our thinking (that and reading message boards a bunch). We
have -learned- from DS to consider what we -want- to eat and how much,
rather than just randomly browsing the kitchen eating everything until
we can't manage it anymore. We're just as likely now to say No thanks
if offered ice cream if that's not what we want. We've even had
favorite premium ice creams go to ice crystals because they didn't get
eaten for weeks and weeks. It's still something we struggle with -
years and years of habits and thought patterns don't go away in a day -
but we're learning. And, DS? He LOVES some things like Lindt white
chocolate bars...but at the same time, he'll eat maybe half a bar over
the course of 2 or 3 days and then it just sits there for a bit and
maybe gets nibbled a little more and then just sits. It has no 'hold'
on him - he is in charge of it, not vice versa. Not only that, but he
takes joy in it - it isn't all a blur of "gotta have some" but
rather "I am enjoying this bite of chocolate", savoring it but not in
the 'make it last as long as possible, there ain't no more' way but
rather 'this is something I am really enjoying right this moment'.

--Deb

Deb

--- In [email protected], kbcdlovejo@... wrote:
>
>
> Chocoholic here. But I have two HUGE bowls of M&Ms in my foyer. I
>keep
> them FULL all the time. I just found dark chocolate M&Ms for one
>bowl.
> I hardly ever put my hand in that bowl.
Hey Kelly - guess what I found a week or so ago? WHITE chocolate
M&Ms themed to the Pirates of the Caribbean (they're called Pirate
Pearls or some such thing). It seems that if you look in the right
places there are all sorts of M&Ms. (Speaking of which, I actually
got to try the prototypes of the red & green holiday M&Ms before
they hit the market. A friend's sibling worked at M&M Mars in NJ,
where I grew up, and they gave big bags of them to the employees as
sort of a 'test marketing' thing. Also, the almond M&Ms that are now
pretty common started out as a special gift that Mrs. Mars would
have made to give as holiday gifts.)

--Deb

Michelle/Melbrigða

On 8/4/06, Deb <soggyboysmom@...> wrote:
>
> --- In [email protected], "Michelle/Melbrigða"
> <pamperedmichelle@...> wrote:
> >
> >(or in my case try to understand their video
> > games - which I am dreadfully inept at)
> Me too - most of the first person type games (where there's lots of
> moving camera angles) make me dizzy but DS loves them.


I don't get woozy, but I do get lost. I get all turned around. I have
enough problems with navigation in real life (the standing joke in the
family is that mom isn't allowed to lead when we go to Disney because I can
get lost walking in a circle.) On these games (Kingdom Hearts 2 is our
latest passion) if the perspective of the character changes, I'm lost. I
don't know where "back there" and "behind you" and "where you came from"
are. I spend hours aimlessly wondering around in the games. Now the game
that I do enjoy playing is the Star Wars Lego game (the Episode 4, 5, 6 is
coming out this fall). I still get lost, but it doesn't matter too much. I
also enjoy running my characters into walls, making them jump off tall
buildings, picking fights with my own side (it's a two person game) and
watching my character fall apart into all those little Lego pieces. Oh and
I never get to be the lead character. I always have to be the "sidekick"
because I get lost less. The lead character controls where you go for the
most part.

> Sometimes that strewing is other television shows. Sometimes the
> > strewing is a museum or park or activity. Sometimes it is more of
> >what they
> > are doing.
> One thing that is fun is noticing the credits of programs and
> checking IMDB.com for related stuff - for instance, the new movie
> Ant Bully was written and directed by the same person who directed
> Jimmy Neutron. Or, we'll notice that this peripheral character in
> this James Bond movie shows up in these other James Bond movies as
> well. Or we might see a location or event in one thing that ties to
> something someplace else. Connections are COOL!


We are forever "IMDBing" stuff. I'm learning all about a new side of voice
acting (Anime) and which actors and musicians are voicing which characters
and which actors are prefered for different characters. The other day we
were watching Forrest Gump and at the end when we see his son, they girls
were all trying to figure out who he was as he looked familiar and we didn't
see him listed in the credits. (It was Haley Joel Osmet in case you were
wondering - who we remembered from the Sixth Sense and Second Hand Lions).





--
Michelle
aka Melbrigða
http://eventualknitting.blogspot.com
[email protected] - Homeschooling for the Medieval Recreationist


[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

Michelle/Melbrigða

On 8/4/06, Deb <soggyboysmom@...> wrote:
>
> Also, the almond M&Ms that are now
> pretty common started out as a special gift that Mrs. Mars would
> have made to give as holiday gifts.)


Oh then I love Mrs. Mars. Those are my absolute favorite. I like them
frozen. Just a handful at a time on a hot day. (Although frozen M&M's will
leave color behind on your hands as they warm up and water condenses on
them.)





--
Michelle
aka Melbrigða
http://eventualknitting.blogspot.com
[email protected] - Homeschooling for the Medieval Recreationist


[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

Deb

--- In [email protected], "Michelle/Melbrigða"
<pamperedmichelle@...> wrote:
>
>
> I don't get woozy, but I do get lost. I get all turned around. I
>have
> enough problems with navigation in real life (the standing joke in
>the
> family is that mom isn't allowed to lead when we go to Disney
>because I can
> get lost walking in a circle.) On these games (Kingdom Hearts 2
>is our
> latest passion) if the perspective of the character changes, I'm
>lost.
I'm really good at navigating in real life (I'm always in charge of
leading if we're at a mall or other large place, like the Big E (New
England state fair in the fall) but I can never make heads nor tails
out of the games. (oh and I do get motion sickness in some
situations IRL as well)

> Now the game
> that I do enjoy playing is the Star Wars Lego game (the Episode 4,
>5, 6 is
> coming out this fall).
Thanks for the tip - my guys love Lego Star Wars. Have you guys
found BrikWars? It's a live, battle game made with Lego bricks and
figures. Google 'brikwars' and you'll find info about it. The cool
thing is that it has a freely downloadable 'rulebook' (One of the
first rules is don't take the rules too seriously - gotta love it!)
and you use all those bins of Legos you've accumulated (if you're
anything like us, you've got thousands of bits).

>
> We are forever "IMDBing" stuff.
One of the bonuses of a laptop with a wireless network - we can sit
wherever (in bed, on the couch, etc) and track stuff down as it's
happening instead of trying to remember to do it later on.

> (It was Haley Joel Osmet in case you were
> wondering - who we remembered from the Sixth Sense and Second Hand
>Lions).
>
Sixth Sense was one of the few scary/creepy movies I've actually
enjoyed. It's good for maybe one rewatching (to pick up the clues
that all is not as it seems) but after that, it loses something
because the twist isn't surprising anymore. I just watched Second
Hand Lions the other day for the first time - interesting movie
mostly, though I did want to flat out smack his mom upside the head
when she chose to leave with her abusive boyfriend instead of taking
care of her son. I cheered for the lion when she erupted from her
cornfield jungle to chew up on the guy.

--Deb

Angela S.

The one food I wanted as a child that we didn't get was sugared cereal. My
cousins had it and we camped together and sometimes they'd offer it to us
but my mom didn't want us (6 of us) eating all their food and so we weren't
allowed. It was expensive when we were little. It isn't any more, at least
not on sale and store brands.



When my girls were little we didn't offer them sugared cereal or pop tarts
but eventually they had it at other people's houses and wanted it. When we
began buying those items I did not limit it for them. As much as it made me
cringe sometimes, I allowed them to have all they wanted, which was usually
only a bowl a day or one or two poptarts a day. It got old fast.



My older dd sometimes still eats a bowl of sugared cereal for breakfast but
her foods of choice are fruit and veggies so I don't worry about her diet
and more often than not she's the one eating rice crispies or some other
lower sugared cereal. My younger dd, whose food of choice is chocolate
doesn't eat sugared cereal at all. She doesn't like it and says it's too
sweet. She is having strawberries and watermelon for breakfast today. More
often she has left over supper for breakfast like rice and corn. We still
buy a LOT of sugared cereal however. Guess who eats it? Dh and I do. I've
finally allowed myself to eat it without guilt and overall my diet is good
and I am very healthy. I am at a fairly healthy weight and I exercise
almost every day.



Eating foods peacefully and happily is more important to me than the
nutritional content of a particular food. Stressing over what you allow
yourself to eat or not eat will probably kill you faster than eating less
nutritional foods.



Angela

game-enthusiast@...



[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

Ren Allen

"I cheered for the lion when she erupted from her
cornfield jungle to chew up on the guy."

Great scene!
That is one of my favorite movies ever. I vow to go out "with my boots
on". :)

Ren
learninginfreedom.com

Ren Allen

"We do plenty of that...but I know that if we buy pop tarts, for
example, on a regular basis, I myself would be eating them every
morning as well and that would not be a healthy diet for me so how
could I allow my kids to eat that way?"

I've heard of a family that ate ONLY organic, only used organic
products (household cleansers, soaps etc..), was very, very strict
about diet and what they came in contact with, yet one of the children
ended up with cancer.

My Grandparents ate beef their entire lives (farmers), and eat all
sorts of foods that make me cringe, yet they're in their 90's and
doing pretty well (still gardening, tinkering, living on their own).

I don't think there are any guarantees about lifestyle and diet. I
think we all have to find what works best for our own bodies and not
worry so much. I am personally horrified by some of the additives,
preservatives and dye in certain foods....yet I don't think focusing
on what is wrong with food will help us either. I think trying to
bring in lotsa good, yummy, healthy food is better than trying to keep
certain foods out.

I used to work in a health club and counsel people on lifestyle
changes. One of my biggest pieces of advice for those trying to lose
weight, was to NOT limit themselves, but to try and focus on ADDING
certain things to their diet. ADD more water drinking, ADD more fruits
and veggies, the thought process of adding to diet is much more
fulfilling and works better in the long run than trying to keep food
OUT....feeling limited usually backfires.

I think pop-tarts are nasty little things.:)
BUT, I don't make a big deal when my kids want some and I CAN go buy a
healthier version if we need to have them around a lot. So far, my
kids don't have a desire to have them around all the time.

I do a lot of self-talk in regards to food. I cringe at sugary cereal,
but really, it's no worse than eating a candy bar and that's something
we choose regularly. I think the best thing I can do for my children,
is look at their food choices as part of the learning experience and
trust that they will find a balance that is best for them eventually.

My job is to provide lots of healthy, delicious foods, help them try
the things they want, provide them with information (when they're
ready for it) and not stress if they eat pop-tarts!!:)

Ren
learninginfreedom.com

[email protected]

In a message dated 8/4/2006 8:13:14 A.M. Eastern Daylight Time,
kbcdlovejo@... writes:

+++Chocoholic here. But I have two HUGE bowls of M&Ms in my foyer. I kep
them FULL all the time. I just found dark chocolate M&Ms for one bowl.
I hardly ever put my hand in that bowl. Hardly ever. Guests do. All the
time. Because they don't have M&Ms avaiable 24/7. But *I* can have them
anytime I want. I don't want them.+++

We have chocolate and cookies and chips around all the time and often they
will get stale before we eat them. This summer when my stepkids were visit
ing, (all public schooled and in a fairly rule oriented family during the school
year) I bought bags of M&M's, Reeses Cups, and other snacks I knew they
liked. I kept a giant bowl filled with the M &M's on the cofffee table. My 13
year old stepdaughter ate 8 of the large Reeses Cups the first night she was
here. My 17 year old stepson hid a bag of the M & M's behind the
entertainment center so the other kids wouldn't eat them. They were here about a month
and I just kept filling that bowl. It took about 2 weeks before they realized
that the candy was going to continue to be available anytime they wanted it.

The difference with this situation and unschoolers is that next summer, we
will go through it all again...with the food, the sleep, the TV. They have
lived their school year with arbitrary limits and rules and just haven't had
any experience listening to their bodies.

Our unschooled kids have learned to make choices about eating, sleeping, TV
watching, etc. for years and with our trust in them, they have learned to
trust themselves. I know Kelly says this often but I just have to echo..."It's
all about the trust."

Gail








[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

Deb

By the way, since poptarts seem to be a big theme here, you might
check out Food Network's website - Alton Brown did a show a while back
where he made an equivalent product to pop tarts - but he made them
himself so he could choose whatever to put in them (his own homemade
jam for instance). I think he made them with sliced apple but noted on
the program that you could put any kind of filling in them you want.

Basically, if there's something that you just can't abide, odds are
you can find something similar enough to fill that niche - like
getting SunDrops instead of M&Ms.

--Deb

Deb

--- In [email protected], "Angela S." <game-
enthusiast@...> wrote:
>
> The one food I wanted as a child that we didn't get was sugared
>cereal.
Lately we've been buying an organic multi-grain with honey cereal -
we all like it. The best thing is that we can then "dress" it as we
choose instead of buying a bunch of different cereals. It's mildly
sweet to start with - sweet enough for DS usually. I generally put a
small scattering of pecans and a sparse handful of chocolate chips
on mine (yes, I eat chocolate chips on my organic healthy cereal).
DH puts nuts and banana and raisins on his. DS will sometimes add a
bit of additional honey but his favorite thing is to put some
raisins in a ziplock bag, add about half a teaspoon of sugar, zip it
and shake it to coat the raisins, then put the raisins on the
cereal - like the commercial raisin bran type cereals but way less
sugar (and other stuff) over all. We've gone through almost 3 boxes
of this stuff in the last week and a half - it was dinner last night
because anything else required too much heat or time in the hot
kitchen - cereal was fast and cool.

--Deb

Pamela Sorooshian

On Aug 4, 2006, at 3:11 AM, Joyce Fetteroll wrote:

> I used to think that if I kept the things I had a weakness for around
> I would just scarf them down.

I LOVE Jelly Bellies - we've been to the factory tour a couple of
times and I - well, I just really really love them.

I now buy them at Costco in a huge container.

The first time I bought that huge container, I ate them until I felt
ill. I even ate the flavors i don't like that much. But I bought
another container, anyway, and left it sitting out. After that, I
occasionally ate too many and was annoyed with myself - never ate so
many as to make myself actually feel sick, but I would just feel like
I'd over-indulged in sweet stuff. AND I'd feel icky and guilty and
ashamed of myself. But I kept reminding myself that it was okay - I
actually heard myself say, to myself, "Pam - you're a grown-up and if
you want to eat jelly-bellies it is YOUR decision." I figured that
"you're a grown-up" phrase, coming to mind, was a key indication that
my "issues" were based on having been restricted by adults when I was
a kid. I definitely remember that we had very healthy foods when we
were kids - no sodas, no store-bought cookies - dessert was pre-
prepared and served right after dinner. A little tiny dish of
homemade pudding was common. Ice cream on a special occasion. Cake
was for birthdays. It wasn't that we were denied - I don't think we
ASKED for other stuff - and my mom did the shopping every 2 weeks and
we just ate what she bought. But I remember seeing sodas in my
neighbor's refrigerator and being absolutely flabbergasted - I hadn't
realized you could buy them and take them home - sodas were something
we had when we were on vacation - my dad would buy them from vending
machines when we were on the road.

And now it has been months since I ate a bunch jelly bellies - we
have a huge container that has been sitting out on the table in front
of me for the past month and I think there is another huge container
under the front seats of my car <G>. I can't remember the last time I
had ANY of the candies, but I had a peach and a banana in the last hour.

It is kind of a scary thing to really test whether this will work -
giving yourself a huge abundance of the things that have, in the
past, felt like a weakness. But in a world of abundance, our minds
seem to relax and start to think more clearly and we make more
thoughtful choices.

It is AMAZING how strong and how pervasive the impact of a sense of
scarcity or limitation can be.

-pam

Unschooling shirts, cups, bumper stickers, bags...
Live Love Learn
UNSCHOOL!
<http://www.cafepress.com/livelovelearn>





[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

[email protected]

-----Original Message-----
From: pamsoroosh@...


I LOVE Jelly Bellies - we've been to the factory tour a couple of
times and I - well, I just really really love them.

-=-=-=-

Yeah--I have two huge bowls of M&Ms in the foyer---yet when I put JELLY
BELLIES in them,.....I tend to eat and eat and eat... <g>

I buy them at the commissary by the pound in 2-3 of those produce bags.
The check-out lady asks whether we're having a party! <G> Gawd, they're
expensive! But eventually even *I* quit eating them. <bwg>

-=-=-=-=-

It is AMAZING how strong and how pervasive the impact of a sense of
scarcity or limitation can be.

-=-=-=-

Years ago, when I spent my junior year ('80-'81) in Europe, I met this
adorable couple on the train from Berlin to Frankfurt. We sat and
chatted for hours. They told me about their lives in East Berlin. How
they could leave at 65, but that he'd waited until his wife was 65 so
that they could both leave together. This was their exit train ride.
They'd spent the last two months in West Berlin, living with her sister
and getting reacclimated to the West, but now they were travelling to
his childhood home town near Frankfurt.

I asked what he liked *most* about the West.

He said, "Strawberries." She said, "Pineapple." <g>

Scarcity and limitation at its extreme.

I have a lovely photo of them in my scrapbook. They were darling.


~Kelly

Kelly Lovejoy
Conference Coordinator
Live and Learn Unschooling Conference
http://liveandlearnconference.org

"It's a small world...but a BIG life!" ~Aaron McGlohn. aged 6



________________________________________________________________________
Check out AOL.com today. Breaking news, video search, pictures, email
and IM. All on demand. Always Free.