Ren Allen

"And yes if I had been the one to leave it open he
would definitely have yelled and cursed at me!"

He's acting emotionally abusive. I would not tolerate that.
I also agree that you have to model a different way of relating to
your children, in order to affect change in your home. Harmoney
between the parents might be a good place to start. There can't be
harmony if someone is allowed to yell and curse at you. Not acceptable.

If a person did that to me, I would walk away and say "when you're
ready to talk calmly and respectfully to me, I'd be happy to have a
conversation, I will not let you talk like this to me". And mean it.

Are you playing into his rants, by yelling back? Are you enabling him
by allowing it to continue? He needs to understand that what he's
modeling for his children is not healthy behavior.

Ren
learninginfreedom.com

Ren Allen

More from OP:

>I don't understand how an amusement park and freezer are related.

actually they are not. my OP did not make that clear and after I sent it I
realized that.

> Will a punishment help them remember to close the freezer? No.

I agree, what's done is done. I had/have no intention of punishing them
for that. It was my dh who was hopping mad and seemed to think they
did it
on purpose.

> I doubt that your children deliberately went and left
>the freezer door open to cause all that food to go to waste.

oh no! I totally agree it was not deliberate and was an accident!



> > I had a
> > conversation with them both about what it means when we say Stop and
> > Don't. They just don't care, they want to do what they want to do!
>
>Is that so wrong? Is it so wrong to want to do things that you want
>to do? What is it that they do that you feel needs to be stopped and
>that they can't do?

actually i do feel that they should listen and do as i say. its not
like i
demand so much. in fact i may be what some describe as a permissive
parent.
so i should never tell them to do or not do anything? they have so much
freedom, way too much according to folks like my mother. I don't want them
jumping on/off the leather couches. I don't want them throwing whatever
they lay hands on. I don't want them eating in carpeted areas. I don't
want
them making so much noise that it hurts my head. I don't want them
damaging walls and furniture and breaking things and wrecking the
house. Is that too much to ask?

my kids do a lot of things that don't bother me, but DO bother my dh. not
to excuse him just to add to the picture here, he is disabled with a
chronic illness and home 24/7. Has been home about 2 years now, and
before
that was working out of town for 3 years. So the boys have gone from one
extreme to another regarding his presence and his negative
contributions to
the household. but I actually think I am a better parent when he is
around,
maybe it just seems that way because he is worse? I take zoloft though
which helps me considerably, I'd be monster mommy without it. btdt.
(honestly my oldest would try the patience of a saint).




> I'm wondering if more mindful parenting could
>have prevented this accident. Instead of saying, "You many NEVER go
>into the freezer again" you could just as easily say, "When you need
>something from the freezer, let me know and I will help you since that
>door has problems shutting all the way."

that's a wonderful way of putting it. except knowing my boys, they would
agree to that and then forget and open it on their own anyway.

> Or be aware of when they
>have been in the freezer. Check it from time to time to make sure it
>is closed yourself. Before you leave the house or go to bed. Make it
>part of your routine.

good idea. thanks :) I don't know why it doesn't shut all the way, it
looks
like its shut but its not, unless firmly closed. I'll have dh check
if its
level.



>Do you really think that they say to themselves, "Hey, I know mom told
>us not to do this, but let's see how much damage we can cause?"
>Children don't think like that.

I don't think that regarding the freezer, but sometimes I do think that
about other things. Sometimes it really seems that way! with my oldest
especially, I can stand right in front of him, look him in the eye, and
tell him not to do something, and he will do it right in front of me. He
has been this way for years. An example: I'll tell him not to touch his
sister (she tends to screech lol) so he'll touch her one more time and
then
dart away. Or I'll tell him not to stand on the couch so he'll do it one
more time. This is extremely regular behavior for him. Just yesterday he
had a giant ball and bounced it so high in the garage I was afraid he'd
take out a light bulb. He did it again, and this time the ball hit the
metal pieces that hold up the garage door, and popped. Trashed. And I was
standing right there. another example, if I am laying on the bed nursing a
sleeping baby he'll come in and I'll ask him to be quiet, he'll stand out
of reach and hoot and/or throw something at me before he darts out of the
room. I realize I should treat all this with humor but it is very hard to
do! I get so annoyed!

Thanks :)

Ren Allen

More from OP:

>Do they want to sell some of their toys on ebay to make up for it?

yes in part. definitely could use the money.

>Otherwise you are just further distancing trust in your family. How
>will they learn to trust you if you say that you forgive them and then
>continue to punish them for something that most likely was an
>accident?

good point. I have in the past made selling the toys a punishment for
destroying property (like the water bottles I mentioned in a previous
post).



>Where were you when this was going on? Were you with them? Engaging
>them in an activity? Finding something for them to do so that they
>could safely and less destructively use their energy? A romp in the
>park, bouncing on a mattress on the floor, tumbling on said mattress,
>a gymnastics class or dance class or just a run around the block on
>their bikes or scooters (with mom joining them). When my kids seem to
>be "cluttery" and restless I know that is a big signal to get out of
>the house and go somewhere. Sometimes the park. Sometimes the
>bookstore. Sometimes the backyard.

this was at night, 8 or 9 p.m. although it seems like it went on for hours
and hours so it must have started earlier. but this kind of wildness
often
occurs at that hour. so going to the park wouldn't work. but the mattress
on the floor is a great idea! as for going to a class, they are in
swimming
lessons (this is the last week) which are first thing in the morning but
whatever energy they burn off in that class gets restocked quickly lol.
they are like the energizer bunny!

> > I've read on this list that it is ok to tell children to stop if they
> > are engaging in behaviors that bother other people (not in those
> > words). I was trying so hard to do that. They will not listen to me,
> > obey me, whatever word you want to use. I ask them over and over to
> > stop.
>
>You need to build trust and respect with them before you can expect
>the same back.

yes, I understand that, and have dried to explain it to dh. (his response,
they don't respect anything! obviously he is a very negative person.)

> Yelling at them constantly to do things that annoy you
>is not the way to build trust. What are your priorities when it comes
>to your children?

my children are my priority. they are the most important part of my life.

> To your family? How will the words you say bring
>you to a point where your children trust you and respect is mutual and
>you are joyfully living your lives?

I am trying to figure that out! I don't want my kids growing up like I did
with an authoritarian father whose very presence in the house was like a
dark cloud that lifted whenever he drove away. I don't want every
birthday,
holiday and vacation ruined like my father ruined ours. I want my kids to
know joy and happiness, to love life. I want that so much! I am
trying but
its hard and so often I just don't know what to do.

Thanks :)

Ren Allen

More from OP:

At 07:01 PM 7/31/2006 +0000, you wrote:

>If my dh screamed and cursed at me, I don't think I'd stay married to
>him!!

I know what you mean. I have become wiser with the years and now when he
screams and curses at me I tell him not to talk to me that way. I try not
to talk to the children that way, but do lose control of myself too
frequently.

> Children don't have the power to get away from their parents,
>they don't truly have that freedom usually. So parents should try
>really, really hard to give children the same respect they'd give
>another adult...while understanding that they ARE children and are
>going to make mistakes like that.

I'm trying. Its going to take time.


>Money comes and goes, food pretty much goes!:) Your children are
>hopefully here to stay and they need parents that create a loving,
>nurturing and supportive environment for them. Threats, yelling,
>cursing and anger do not support them as they grow, it only causes
>them to lose trust in their parents, themselves and their world.

I know :( I think I am much better at not threatening, but I still do
lose
my temper and yell. I try to protect them from their father's verbal
abuse,
but sometimes I am so frustrated with them myself that I don't, because I
just can't get them to listen to me when they are acting so wild and
out of
control! (but if he makes a ridiculous threat I am quick to assure
them its
not going to happen)


>Not the best environment for joyful unschooling to take place.

ok. (I am not totally sold on unschooling the school stuff. I think I need
to conquer these parenting issues before I work on that.)

>I suggest viewing them as perfect, beautiful human beings that are
>learning and growing.

I love the way you put that, and I am trying to do that!

>Obedience is not an ideal trait for an
>unschooler in my opinion. Choosing to obey a directive because it
>makes sense is one thing, blind obedience is what you're asking for
>though and that isn't honoring the child or their own intelligence.

I love the way you say that. my oldest does know (as I have discussed it
with him) that he can ask why or discuss the issue. that tends to make my
dh irate when he does that. but I have encouraged him. I tell him instead
of whining or crying about it, talk to me. ask me why. suggest an
alternative. I have also told the boys, if there is something you want to
do, come to me and ask me and I'll help you find a way to do it in an
acceptable way. (example, a month or more ago they were outside
playing.....as I found out too late, they went in the garage, got unopened
bottles of soda and water, took them out into the side yard and smashed
them open with baseball bats, that was some $20 worth of beverages ruined.
you can imagine our reactions.) I used that as an example to them, if you
want to do something tell me and I will help you find a way to do it that
doesn't cause grief.


>Work WITH them, not against them. They are very little boys and what
>you're doing to them today, is building a relationship with two
>teenagers and men. Treat them as the men they are going to become (as
>far as respect) while letting them be the small people they ARE.

thank you. I will try doing exactly that. In fact I will print that out
and put it where I can see it.

thanks for helping me!

Ren Allen

I really think that if joyful unschooling is going to unfold in your
home, the issues surrounding your dh are going to need some attention.
It sounds like you already know this, but how much is he willing to
accept responsibility for? I'm importing a couple of links about
verbal/emotional abuse for your perusal. Some of it may apply and some
might not, take what helps and leave the rest:

http://www.womanabuseprevention.com/html/emotional_abuse.html

This is part that stood out to me:
~~Aggressing

* Aggressive forms of abuse include name-calling, accusing,
blaming, threatening, and ordering. Aggressing behaviors are generally
direct and obvious. The one-up position the abuser assumes by
attempting to judge or invalidate the recipient undermines the
equality and autonomy that are essential to healthy adult
relationships. This parent-child pattern of communication (which is
common to all forms of verbal abuse) is most obvious when the abuser
takes an aggressive stance.

* Aggressive abuse can also take a more indirect form and may even
be disguised and "helping." Criticizing, advising, offering solutions,
analyzing, proving, and questioning another person may be a sincere
attempt to help. In some instances however, these behaviors may be an
attempt to belittle, control, or demean rather than help. The
underlying judgmental "I know best" tone the abuser takes in these
situations is inappropriate and creates unequal footing in peer
relationships. This and other types of emotional abuse can lead to
what is known as learned helplessness.~~~~

It's from this website: http://eqi.org/eabuse1.htm


I'm sure a lot of it does not apply, but I think it's worth looking
at. If he cares about his relationships, then I'd hope he's willing to
look at the very real ways he's hurting both you and your children.

I would not play into his drama. I would stand up for my children and
let him know that unless he speaks calmly and non-critically you will
NOT stand by and let it happen. Take the kids and LEAVE the area.

Ren
learninginfreedom.com

Crystal Griesel

I'd like to respond to these comments with memories of my own childhood. My grandmother was a very strict authoritarian, and I honestly don't think she liked little kids. There were a lot of rules at her house. Children were not allowed in the kitchen (which was where Grandma, my mom and aunts spent a lot of their time, btw) and we weren't allowed to touch any of the "interesting" things, such as a candelabra on a coffee table right at small child height. I was known as the contrary child; the one who refused to potty train, the one who pushed all the rules, the one who wouldn't share her mommy. I've heard the stories all my life, and even remember some of them. When my grandmother told me not to lay another finger on the candles, I looked her straight in the eye, stretched out one finger, and touched. I even said, "Touch." I would stand at the door to the kitchen, and slowly inch farther in, just to see how far I could get. I refused to potty train, simply because it was
so important to everyone else, and didn't make sense to me. I didn't have a good reason to want to. i received lots more attention when I did things my way. The rules didn't make sense to me, therefore, I pushed them as far as I could. Even as a teenager and young adult, I still did that. I'm trying very hard to parent my children differently. One of the arbitrary rules as I was growing up was no ears pierced until you were 13. I took that stand for a long time myself, because it's what I was familiar with. Thanks to my lurking on this list for close to a year, after my almost 4 yo asked for the umpteenth time in several months to have her ears pierced, instead of just saying not yet, we talked about what it would involve and how we'd have to care for pierced ears. She still wants them pierced, so we're going to do it later this week. I've learned that arbitrary rules are useless, and children understand that frequently much better than adults do. We forget so much as we
grow up! I'm trying to learn to be little again, and have the innate intelligence and common sense of a child.
Crystal



>Do you really think that they say to themselves, "Hey, I know mom told
>us not to do this, but let's see how much damage we can cause?"
>Children don't think like that.

I don't think that regarding the freezer, but sometimes I do think that
about other things. Sometimes it really seems that way! with my oldest
especially, I can stand right in front of him, look him in the eye, and
tell him not to do something, and he will do it right in front of me. He
has been this way for years. An example: I'll tell him not to touch his
sister (she tends to screech lol) so he'll touch her one more time and
then
dart away. Or I'll tell him not to stand on the couch so he'll do it one
more time. This is extremely regular behavior for him. Just yesterday he
had a giant ball and bounced it so high in the garage I was afraid he'd
take out a light bulb. He did it again, and this time the ball hit the
metal pieces that hold up the garage door, and popped. Trashed. And I was
standing right there. another example, if I am laying on the bed nursing a
sleeping baby he'll come in and I'll ask him to be quiet, he'll stand out
of reach and hoot and/or throw something at me before he darts out of the
room. I realize I should treat all this with humor but it is very hard to
do! I get so annoyed!

Thanks :)








[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

[email protected]

-----Original Message-----
From: kriekle@...

Thanks to my lurking on this list for
close to a year, after my almost 4 yo asked for the umpteenth time in
several
months to have her ears pierced, instead of just saying not yet, we
talked about
what it would involve and how we'd have to care for pierced ears. She
still
wants them pierced, so we're going to do it later this week. I've
learned that
arbitrary rules are useless, and children understand that frequently
much better
than adults do.

-=-=--=-=-

You might want to make arrangements to have BOTH of her ears pierced
at once---one piercer on each side with a "one, two, three,...."

Maybe you daughter's one of those tougher souls, but *I* wasn't! I was
ready to walk out with only the one ear pierced when I got mine done at
12.

I have a BUNCH of single earrings (you *never* lose BOTH! <g>), and I
have toyed with the idea of having another hole in one ear. I can't get
over the memory of that "crunch-thud" sound! (would that be crund?
thunch?) Yuck!

Don'tcha just love onomatopoeia? <g>

But if Ren and Jon can get a new tattoo at every conference,...maybe I
could get another hole in Albuquerque.

On second thought... Naaaahhh!


~Kelly

Kelly Lovejoy
Conference Coordinator
Live and Learn Unschooling Conference
http://liveandlearnconference.org

"It's a small world...but a BIG life!" ~Aaron McGlohn. aged 6



________________________________________________________________________
Check out AOL.com today. Breaking news, video search, pictures, email
and IM. All on demand. Always Free.

Lesa ODaniel

>From: kbcdlovejo@...
> Maybe you daughter's one of those tougher souls, but *I* wasn't! I was
>ready to walk out with only the one ear pierced when I got mine done at
>12.
>
>I have toyed with the idea of having another hole in one ear. I can't get
>over the memory of that "crunch-thud" sound! (would that be crund?
>thunch?) Yuck!

**After my first ear-piercing experience at 10 years old (both ears), I
vowed never to do it again. As a teenager and then in college I occasionally
dabbled in a new *single* hole now and then. I would always split the cost
with a boy or boyfriend who was getting a single piercing. Now I have 4
holes on one ear and 2 on the other. Funny, though, now I NEVER wear
earrings! In the future, my kids are going to wonder what all these empty
holes are for...

Tattoos, though, are another thing - despite the annoying discomfort during
the process, I have slowly become addicted and this discussion has made me
start thinking about my next one... :)



Lesa O'Daniel, AAHCC
Instructor, Bradley Method� of Natural Childbirth
323-541-5515
http://www.bradleybirth.com/ndweb.asp?ID=O123&Count=N

_________________________________________________________________
Don�t just search. Find. Check out the new MSN Search!
http://search.msn.click-url.com/go/onm00200636ave/direct/01/

Michelle/Melbrigða

On 8/1/06, kbcdlovejo@... <kbcdlovejo@...> wrote:
>
>
> I have a BUNCH of single earrings (you *never* lose BOTH! <g>), and I
> have toyed with the idea of having another hole in one ear. I can't get
> over the memory of that "crunch-thud" sound! (would that be crund?
> thunch?) Yuck!


Have your ears pierced at a tatto shop rather than at a mall boutique. For
one it is much more private. There aren't two hundred people gawking at you
as you get your ears pierced. Plus everytime I have had my ears pierced at
a tattoo shop I was lying down. Much more comfortable. *And* (and IMNSHO
the most important thing) it is sterile! They don't use a gun so non of the
"crunch-thud" sound. They use a needle to pierce it with. No noise at
all. I think the only reason that my last one even hurt a little was that
she hit the cartlidge. I didn't have a cartlidge piercing, it is just
beside the cartlidge, but I think she hit it. There is definitely a dent in
the cartlidge on that ear. LOL! Besides, it's sort of walking on the wild
side to go into a shop in the first place.

I just don't know about the cleanliness of those ear piercing guns at the
malls. I've seen several people get a piercing in a row with only a wipe of
an alcohol pad between each person. Ewww.





--
Michelle
aka Melbrigða
http://eventualknitting.blogspot.com
[email protected] - Homeschooling for the Medieval Recreationist


[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

Ren Allen

"We forget so much as we
grow up! I'm trying to learn to be little again, and have the innate
intelligence and common sense of a child."

Beautiful.
My dd Sierra has two holes in each ear now...something I was never
allowed to have (fundi church we were raised in didn't allow for
jewelry). She takes great care of them and her funky style fits her so
well. I'm really glad my children are getting the freedom to enjoy the
things they're drawn to,so they don't have to go crazy trying to
figure it all out later.

Ren
learninginfreedom.com

Ren Allen

"But if Ren and Jon can get a new tattoo at every conference,...maybe I
could get another hole in Albuquerque.

On second thought... Naaaahhh!"


Aw c'mon!! I think Danielle is coming along for tattoo night this time.:)
I might get a second piercing before the conference...Sierra is
inspiring me.

Ren
learninginfreedom.com

Melissa

What!? Tattoo night? No way don't joke me!!!

You know, Oklahoma is way behind on this, tattoos are still
technically illegal, and I was already thinking about doing something
there. If there are definitely other people doing this, and you know
the place, i would love to go along! I have a piercing for every
child but Avari, but again, I don't wear earrings 1) because toddlers
tear them off and 2) it's hard to find ones I don't react too.

We are so excited about this...the girls printed out the list of
funshops and talk about the hotel/NM every day!

Melissa
Mom to Josh (11), Breanna (9), Emily (7), Rachel (6), Sam (5), Dan
(3), and Avari Rose

share our lives at
http://360.yahoo.com/multimomma



On Aug 1, 2006, at 5:35 PM, Ren Allen wrote:

> "But if Ren and Jon can get a new tattoo at every
> conference,...maybe I
> could get another hole in Albuquerque.
>
> On second thought... Naaaahhh!"
>
> Aw c'mon!! I think Danielle is coming along for tattoo night this
> time.:)
> I might get a second piercing before the conference...Sierra is
> inspiring me.
>
> Ren
> learninginfreedom.com
>
>
>



[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

Rue Kream

>>If there are definitely other people doing this, and you know
the place, i would love to go along!

**Jon's definitely doing it. He hasn't found a place yet - may not til we
actually get there. The more the merrier :o). ~Rue


[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

Michelle/Melbrigða

On 8/1/06, Melissa <autismhelp@...> wrote:
>
> What!? Tattoo night? No way don't joke me!!!
>
> You know, Oklahoma is way behind on this, tattoos are still
> technically illegal, and I was already thinking about doing something
> there. If there are definitely other people doing this, and you know
> the place, i would love to go along! I have a piercing for every
> child but Avari, but again, I don't wear earrings 1) because toddlers
> tear them off and 2) it's hard to find ones I don't react too.


Get titanium captured ball earrings. I react horribly to metals and can
only wear real silver, real gold (has to be at least 18K), real platinum (
no nickel in the alloy) and titanium. I've been wearing the same titanim
captured ball earring for 3 years now and I have yet to react to it. Plus I
got a small enough ring that tiny fingers just wouldn't fit through them. I
wish I had found out about these when my babies were, well, babies. :)





--
Michelle
aka Melbrigða
http://eventualknitting.blogspot.com
[email protected] - Homeschooling for the Medieval Recreationist


[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

Danielle Conger

Ren Allen wrote:

> Aw c'mon!! I think Danielle is coming along for tattoo night this time.:)
> I might get a second piercing before the conference...Sierra is
> inspiring me.
>


Lesa's right--they are addictive, and I was so bummed we left last year
before the tattoo parlor! I've already designed mine, though I'll
probably tweak it a bit.

I've been seriously toying with repiercing my nose, which I took out 10
years or so ago when it became really mainstream.

Midlife crisis? Wait! It's too early for that!


--
~~Danielle
Emily (8), Julia (7), Sam (6)
http://www.organiclearning.blogspot.com

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Connections: ezine of unschooling and mindful parenting
http://connections.organiclearning.org

Deb

--- In [email protected], "Michelle/Melbrigða"
<pamperedmichelle@...> wrote:
> Get titanium captured ball earrings. I react horribly to metals
>and can
> only wear real silver, real gold (has to be at least 18K), real
>platinum (
> no nickel in the alloy) and titanium. I've been wearing the same
>titanim
> captured ball earring for 3 years now and I have yet to react to
>it. Plus I
> got a small enough ring that tiny fingers just wouldn't fit
>through them. I
> wish I had found out about these when my babies were, well,
>babies. :)
My SIL reacts big time to real silver oddly enough. Generally, if
we're going to get her jewelry of any kind, it's gold (so it's rare
to do that since the good stuff is $$$$). Earrings, though, we'd get
the surgical stainless steel kind with enamel type decoration on the
front. Now I know I can look for the titanium ones and see how that
goes. Thanks for the tip.
--Deb

Deb

--- In [email protected], Danielle Conger
<danielle.conger@...> wrote:
>
> Ren Allen wrote:
>
> > Aw c'mon!! I think Danielle is coming along for tattoo night
>this >time.:)

Okay tattoo-ed folks, I need your real life input - just exactly
what kind of pain is involved either during or afterward? I'm a
coward about needles in general (I can just about manage to get
blood drawn each year to check some medical stuff but that takes
lots of relaxing breathing just to get the needle in and there's no
permanent marks or anything left). So, swelling afterward?
irritation? pain (mild to severe)? etc. What kind of afterward-care
is needed? (like with piercings that need certain types of cleansing
and such when they're fresh)

After the Northeast conference (where I got a couple of lovely
though short-lived henna tattooes), I went out and got a temp tattoo
just for fun. Alas, the temp place was also short-lived - it was
gone before the temporary tattoo wore off (one of those mid-aisle
kiosks in the mall). The thought of a small tattoo still keeps
popping up but the thought of needles in my skin gives me the
willies. We won't be making it to ABQ this year so I won't be able
to go on the tattoo night outing or anything. I know several
tattooed folks so I'm pretty sure I can find a good, safe, reputable
place to have the artwork done. I'm thinking of having DH make a
Celtic knot pattern of some sort that I can have inked around an
ankle - he draws tons of them just as doodles and even wrote a
computer program to make the designing easier if he's going for
precision.

Help me with my midlife crisis LOL (after all, I'll be 46 in a
couple months - DH's age PLUS DS' age equals my age!)
--Deb

Joanne

Deb,

I have several tattoos....




--- In [email protected], "Deb" <soggyboysmom@...>
wrote:
>
> --- In [email protected], Danielle Conger
> <danielle.conger@> wrote:
> >
> > Ren Allen wrote:
> >
> > > Aw c'mon!! I think Danielle is coming along for tattoo night
> >this >time.:)
>
> Okay tattoo-ed folks, I need your real life input - just exactly
> what kind of pain is involved either during or afterward? I'm a
> coward about needles in general (I can just about manage to get
> blood drawn each year to check some medical stuff but that takes
> lots of relaxing breathing just to get the needle in and there's
no
> permanent marks or anything left). So, swelling afterward?
> irritation? pain (mild to severe)? etc. What kind of afterward-
care
> is needed? (like with piercings that need certain types of
cleansing
> and such when they're fresh)
>
> After the Northeast conference (where I got a couple of lovely
> though short-lived henna tattooes), I went out and got a temp
tattoo
> just for fun. Alas, the temp place was also short-lived - it was
> gone before the temporary tattoo wore off (one of those mid-aisle
> kiosks in the mall). The thought of a small tattoo still keeps
> popping up but the thought of needles in my skin gives me the
> willies. We won't be making it to ABQ this year so I won't be able
> to go on the tattoo night outing or anything. I know several
> tattooed folks so I'm pretty sure I can find a good, safe,
reputable
> place to have the artwork done. I'm thinking of having DH make a
> Celtic knot pattern of some sort that I can have inked around an
> ankle - he draws tons of them just as doodles and even wrote a
> computer program to make the designing easier if he's going for
> precision.
>
> Help me with my midlife crisis LOL (after all, I'll be 46 in a
> couple months - DH's age PLUS DS' age equals my age!)
> --Deb
>

Joanne

(my first post went through before I finished)

Deb,

I have several tattoos. If you go to a good tattooist, they'll help
you choose a spot that will give the least amount of pain. Yes, it
hurts...but, it's not that bad. Scrap your fingernail over and over
again, in the same spot...it kinda feels like that. More annoying,
than actual pain.

Use ice for swelling, don't scratch it and apply neosporin for about
2 weeks.

Start with something small and be sure before you do it.

I started with one and now have sex...they're very addicting. :-)

~ Joanne ~
Mom to Jacqueline (7), Shawna (11) & Cimion (13)
Adopted into our hearts October 30, 2003
http://anunschoolinglife.blogspot.com/




-- In [email protected], "Deb" <soggyboysmom@...>
wrote:
>
> --- In [email protected], Danielle Conger
> <danielle.conger@> wrote:
> >
> > Ren Allen wrote:
> >
> > > Aw c'mon!! I think Danielle is coming along for tattoo night
> >this >time.:)
>
> Okay tattoo-ed folks, I need your real life input - just exactly
> what kind of pain is involved either during or afterward? I'm a
> coward about needles in general (I can just about manage to get
> blood drawn each year to check some medical stuff but that takes
> lots of relaxing breathing just to get the needle in and there's
no
> permanent marks or anything left). So, swelling afterward?
> irritation? pain (mild to severe)? etc. What kind of afterward-
care
> is needed? (like with piercings that need certain types of
cleansing
> and such when they're fresh)
>
> After the Northeast conference (where I got a couple of lovely
> though short-lived henna tattooes), I went out and got a temp
tattoo
> just for fun. Alas, the temp place was also short-lived - it was
> gone before the temporary tattoo wore off (one of those mid-aisle
> kiosks in the mall). The thought of a small tattoo still keeps
> popping up but the thought of needles in my skin gives me the
> willies. We won't be making it to ABQ this year so I won't be able
> to go on the tattoo night outing or anything. I know several
> tattooed folks so I'm pretty sure I can find a good, safe,
reputable
> place to have the artwork done. I'm thinking of having DH make a
> Celtic knot pattern of some sort that I can have inked around an
> ankle - he draws tons of them just as doodles and even wrote a
> computer program to make the designing easier if he's going for
> precision.
>
> Help me with my midlife crisis LOL (after all, I'll be 46 in a
> couple months - DH's age PLUS DS' age equals my age!)
> --Deb
>

Crystal Griesel

Yeah, I was planning to have both ears pierced at the same time! I used to work in a shop where I did ear piercing, and you learned to always do that with little kids. Even as an adult (I got my ears repierced last fall after letting them be closed for a few years), it was hard to do the second ear. However, I have no problems with tattoos! I have quite a collection with lots more planned. My dd likes to mimic that, too, so she's always drawing or painting "tattoos" on herself. Dh and other family members freak out occasionally, but I just remind them that she just wants to be like her parents, and it's not as if her artwork is permanent!
Crystal




You might want to make arrangements to have BOTH of her ears pierced
at once---one piercer on each side with a "one, two, three,...."

Maybe you daughter's one of those tougher souls, but *I* wasn't! I was
ready to walk out with only the one ear pierced when I got mine done at
12.

I have a BUNCH of single earrings (you *never* lose BOTH! <g>), and I
have toyed with the idea of having another hole in one ear. I can't get
over the memory of that "crunch-thud" sound! (would that be crund?
thunch?) Yuck!

Don'tcha just love onomatopoeia? <g>

But if Ren and Jon can get a new tattoo at every conference,. ..maybe I
could get another hole in Albuquerque.

On second thought... Naaaahhh!

~Kelly

Kelly Lovejoy
Conference Coordinator
Live and Learn Unschooling Conference
http://liveandlearn conference. org

"It's a small world...but a BIG life!" ~Aaron McGlohn. aged 6

____________ _________ _________ _________ _________ _________ _
Check out AOL.com today. Breaking news, video search, pictures, email
and IM. All on demand. Always Free.








[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

Momma

It hurts! But the pain is temporary and the tattoo is forever so it's worth
it if it's important to you. I didn't have swelling afterwards but itching
when it was healing. You shouldn't scratch but smacking it helps a lot. DO
NOT use NEOSPORIN on it!!!!! I did cuz I ran out if the stuff they gave me
and I had to get it redone! Neosporin heals it from the inside out and
pushes out the ink. Use Bacitracin (sp?) only. After care is pretty simple
and a good tattoo shop will inform you of all aftercare in writing and give
you the stuff you will need.

-Dawn



Okay tattoo-ed folks, I need your real life input - just exactly
what kind of pain is involved either during or afterward? I'm a
coward about needles in general (I can just about manage to get
blood drawn each year to check some medical stuff but that takes
lots of relaxing breathing just to get the needle in and there's no
permanent marks or anything left). So, swelling afterward?
irritation? pain (mild to severe)? etc. What kind of afterward-care
is needed? (like with piercings that need certain types of cleansing
and such when they're fresh)



.


<http://geo.yahoo.com/serv?s=97359714&grpId=12789513&grpspId=1600081972&msgI
d=16109&stime=1154523466&nc1=3848530&nc2=2&nc3=3>




[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

Melissa

Yes, so far my interest in earrings has not been outweighed by the
cost of my needs ;-) I found a pair of hoops I like, and after buying
a few other pairs in the line with the same allergy info (supposedly
all nylon orwhat was it? nickel free backs...that's what it was) but
the posts were safe, the balls or decorations all were not. dh joked
with me that I get leprosy as a punishment for my vanity rotfl.....

but I will check into the titanium ones. I know *where* I want my
next tattoo, and I know it'll be a celtic knot of some sort. But I
don't know which one yet. :-P
Melissa
Mom to Josh (11), Breanna (9), Emily (7), Rachel (6), Sam (5), Dan
(3), and Avari Rose

share our lives at
http://360.yahoo.com/multimomma



On Aug 1, 2006, at 6:59 PM, Michelle/Melbrigða wrote:
>
> Get titanium captured ball earrings. I react horribly to metals and
> can
> only wear real silver, real gold (has to be at least 18K), real
> platinum (
> no nickel in the alloy) and titanium. I've been wearing the same
> titanim
> captured ball earring for 3 years now and I have yet to react to
> it. Plus I
> got a small enough ring that tiny fingers just wouldn't fit through
> them. I
> wish I had found out about these when my babies were, well, babies. :)
>
> --
> Michelle
> aka Melbrigða
> http://eventualknitting.blogspot.com
> [email protected] - Homeschooling for the Medieval Recreationist
>
> [Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
>
>
>



[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

Crystal Griesel

The gun doesn't actually touch the ear, so it's more sterile than it appears. The only part that touches the ear is the earring, which is factory sealed and sterile. That being said, I also prefer body piercers doing the piercing, because it's healthier for your ears. With a gun, it punches through your ear, pushes the flesh to the sides, and causes scar tissue. A body piercer uses a hollow needle to "core out" the hole in your ear. It's much less prone to infection that way, no matter how much you clean or don't clean your piercing. ( I also used to work at a store that was getting ready to open a body piercing shop, when the location flooded. I have quite the varied work experience!) The only reason I'm not taking my dd to a body piercer is because of the price. Body piercers are more expensive, but they're worth it. However, dd wants her ears pierced before she's a flower girl in my brother's wedding on Saturday, and I just don't have the money to take her to a body
piercer right now.
Crystal

----- Original Message ----
From: Michelle/Melbrigða <pamperedmichelle@...>
To: [email protected]
Sent: Tuesday, August 1, 2006 4:44:26 PM
Subject: Re: [unschoolingbasics] Pierced ears WAS: post from anon member

On 8/1/06, kbcdlovejo@aol. com <kbcdlovejo@aol. com> wrote:
>
>
> I have a BUNCH of single earrings (you *never* lose BOTH! <g>), and I
> have toyed with the idea of having another hole in one ear. I can't get
> over the memory of that "crunch-thud" sound! (would that be crund?
> thunch?) Yuck!

Have your ears pierced at a tatto shop rather than at a mall boutique. For
one it is much more private. There aren't two hundred people gawking at you
as you get your ears pierced. Plus everytime I have had my ears pierced at
a tattoo shop I was lying down. Much more comfortable. *And* (and IMNSHO
the most important thing) it is sterile! They don't use a gun so non of the
"crunch-thud" sound. They use a needle to pierce it with. No noise at
all. I think the only reason that my last one even hurt a little was that
she hit the cartlidge. I didn't have a cartlidge piercing, it is just
beside the cartlidge, but I think she hit it. There is definitely a dent in
the cartlidge on that ear. LOL! Besides, it's sort of walking on the wild
side to go into a shop in the first place.

I just don't know about the cleanliness of those ear piercing guns at the
malls. I've seen several people get a piercing in a row with only a wipe of
an alcohol pad between each person. Ewww.

--
Michelle
aka Melbrigða
http://eventualknit ting.blogspot. com
MedHS@yahoogroups. com - Homeschooling for the Medieval Recreationist

[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]








[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

Danielle Conger

Joanne wrote:

>
>
> I started with one and now have sex...they're very addicting. :-)
>

ROFLMAO!

Well, if this isn't an endorsement for tattoos, I don't know what is!


Deb, ankles hurt more than fleshy parts of the body. My tattoo is on my
ankle, and there were lots of nerves on bone there, but still not
terribly painful. I'll be getting one on my tail bone--cloche, I know,
but I like them.

My big criteria is making sure it won't be saggy and totally unfortunate
looking when I'm walking around on the beach when I'm 80. ;)

And, just to tie all this back into unschooling...

Anybody watched Miami Ink yet? I'm sure there are loads of life learning
opportunities in that show!

Oh, and a totally different note, it's Shark Week on Discovery Channel,
and Dirty Jobs is doing all kinds of shark-related jobs around the
world. Very cool!

--
~~Danielle
Emily (8), Julia (7), Sam (6)
http://www.organiclearning.blogspot.com

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Connections: ezine of unschooling and mindful parenting
http://connections.organiclearning.org

Ren Allen

More from OP:

At 12:47 PM 8/1/2006 +0000, you wrote:

> > And yes if I had been the one to leave it open he
> > would definitely have yelled and cursed at me!
>Yow! And he thinks it is okay to do this?

apparently he does. he's been like this for years. its only very recently
that I have learned how to deal with it better, from an aunt of mine who
has had a similarly emotionally abusive marriage. now finally I have the
tools and the courage to not accept this kind of abuse. but I am still
working on it.

>And you think it's okay to
>accept his behaving this way toward you?

no i don't. but this kind of abuse is subtle, and creeps up on a person,
for a long time i didn't know what was wrong with our relationship, and i
was re-acting to his stuff, often by lashing back at him. in the early
days, by spending my time at home high. (I smoked he drank. these days
because of his health he doesn't drink often and I gave up the weed
years ago).

>. Unfortunately, school wouldn't
>solve it because he'd still be there when they got home from school.
>And there'd be yelling and cursing because they scraped a hole in a
>pair of jeans when they were on the playground...

you understand it very well. it seems like with him, its always something.
I think he'd be happy if they were little robots that followed their
(his?)
programming to the letter. he always has to criticize everyone and every
thing. there is always something he has to bitch about.


>This is way bigger than simply figuring out what to do about the
>kids.

yes you are right. and once again i need to remind myself to put the kids
before him. i am in a very difficult position. i don't want a divorce,
that
would lead to so many more problems than we have now.


>(BTW I agree with other posts that it sounds like the bigger kids
>need more running room that they aren't getting cause you've got
>your hands full with the little ones. Finding ways for them to burn
>energy - at-home things like punching bags, mini trampolines, actual
>safe mats for wrestling around on, whatever and/or ways to get them
>out to a park or something where they can run, even if that means
>spending $20/week to hire a teenager to run around with them for a
>few hours)

are those mini trampolines safe for highly active kids? I was researching
them on line and am concerned that they would hurt themselves or each
other
on it. have you had one for your kids? I want to get them a big
trampoline
but that's no good during our winters.

Crystal Griesel

If you want earrings that you won't react to, try a body piercing shop and look for titanium (my first choice, and what I used last time because of all the infections I've had) or surgical steel. There's a good chance you're allergic to the nickel, and that's in dang near all the earrings unless you get really expensive ones. Plus, at a body piercer's, the jewelry isn't your every-day, run-of-the-mill earrings, and it makes it so much more interesting! I wish I had the money to go to the conference and meet everyone! I'd definitely be joining you for tattoo night! Unfortunately, it's not just money, but also my husband wouldn't be able to come because he's in *blush and whisper* school! But he wants to be there, so it's all good. Only six months till he's done! Yippee! Mybe next year we'll make it.
Crystal

----- Original Message ----
From: Melissa <autismhelp@...>
To: [email protected]
Sent: Tuesday, August 1, 2006 6:17:58 PM
Subject: Re: [unschoolingbasics] post from anon member

What!? Tattoo night? No way don't joke me!!!

You know, Oklahoma is way behind on this, tattoos are still
technically illegal, and I was already thinking about doing something
there. If there are definitely other people doing this, and you know
the place, i would love to go along! I have a piercing for every
child but Avari, but again, I don't wear earrings 1) because toddlers
tear them off and 2) it's hard to find ones I don't react too.

We are so excited about this...the girls printed out the list of
funshops and talk about the hotel/NM every day!

Melissa
Mom to Josh (11), Breanna (9), Emily (7), Rachel (6), Sam (5), Dan
(3), and Avari Rose

share our lives at
http://360.yahoo com/multimomma

On Aug 1, 2006, at 5:35 PM, Ren Allen wrote:

> "But if Ren and Jon can get a new tattoo at every
> conference,. ..maybe I
> could get another hole in Albuquerque.
>
> On second thought... Naaaahhh!"
>
> Aw c'mon!! I think Danielle is coming along for tattoo night this
> time.:)
> I might get a second piercing before the conference.. .Sierra is
> inspiring me.
>
> Ren
> learninginfreedom. com
>
>
>

[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]








[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

Ren Allen

More from OP:


At 02:44 PM 8/1/2006 +0000, you wrote:
>I really think that if joyful unschooling is going to unfold in your
>home, the issues surrounding your dh are going to need some attention.
>It sounds like you already know this, but how much is he willing to
>accept responsibility for?

don't hold your breath on that one. but there's one thing i've learned, i
can't change or control anyone but myself, and that's what I have to work
on, for my kids sake.



> * Aggressive forms of abuse include name-calling, accusing,
>blaming, threatening, and ordering. Aggressing behaviors are generally
>direct and obvious. The one-up position the abuser assumes by
>attempting to judge or invalidate the recipient undermines the
>equality and autonomy that are essential to healthy adult
>relationships. This parent-child pattern of communication (which is
>common to all forms of verbal abuse) is most obvious when the abuser
>takes an aggressive stance.
>
> * Aggressive abuse can also take a more indirect form and may even
>be disguised and "helping." Criticizing, advising, offering solutions,
>analyzing, proving, and questioning another person may be a sincere
>attempt to help. In some instances however, these behaviors may be an
>attempt to belittle, control, or demean rather than help. The
>underlying judgmental "I know best" tone the abuser takes in these
>situations is inappropriate and creates unequal footing in peer
>relationships. This and other types of emotional abuse can lead to
>what is known as learned helplessness.~~~~
>
>
>I'm sure a lot of it does not apply, but I think it's worth looking
>at.

Oh I think it applies. The part you quoted above. All of it applies.

>If he cares about his relationships, then I'd hope he's willing to
>look at the very real ways he's hurting both you and your children.

he does care about the relationships, but he doesn't see that there is a
problem. he sees that the children are a problem, not himself. they don't
listen (obey), they don't care, they don't respect, they lie, they sneak,
they deliberately destroy, etc etc. that's how he sees everything.


>I would not play into his drama. I would stand up for my children and
>let him know that unless he speaks calmly and non-critically you will
>NOT stand by and let it happen. Take the kids and LEAVE the area.

Thank you. I needed to read that. That is what I will do from now on.
Chances are he may follow us though. I've had him follow me around trying
to continue an argument that I refuse to continue.

Ren Allen

At 05:50 PM 7/31/2006 -0400, you wrote:

>Oh boy. You and the kids have my sympathy. I wouldn't feel safe in
>a situation like that if it were me. Is there anyway to help your
>husband understand that his temper tantrums are interfering with your
>kids' ability to be themselves and respond to their environment in a
>positive way?

I doubt it. He doesn't see himself as a problem.

> If he can possibly understand that, in the absence of
>a safe and peaceful environment, everything they do is in response to
>some adversarial input. They're really not getting the chance to be
>themselves! And, he should understand that their responses are
>actually entirely appropriate! They're just trying to do the best
>they can in that situation. They're not being willfully disobedient;
>they're being seen that way and they know it, so they have to do
>things to either prove it or disprove it, and because of that,
>they're not able to just be Who They Are.

that is very wise! I have never viewed the situation this way before.


>Is he on-board somewhat with unschooling? How much does he
>understand about how it works and how much does he support it?

actually, i haven't discussed unschooling with him at all. home
schooling,
yes. I want my boys home, I don't want them in school. if he were not home
all the time this entire situation would be different. he wants the
oldest
one to go to school just so he doesn't have to be around him all the time.
the other kids are more peaceful when the oldest is not around. as to
unschooling i think it would work better than what i was trying to
with him
last year, which wasn't working well at all. I am trying to move in that
direction, but obviously the other issues are more important to work on.
but I've got a lot of pressure from my mom, 3rd graders need to do this,
learn that, etc. she and I have discussed unschooling and she thinks its
awful (well, she is a public school teacher so whaddya expect). but
whether
to unschool or eclectic home school or whatever label it gets, that is my
decision not his, as he doesn't get involved in any of it.


>Two things come to my mind. First, is that they're young kids who
>need a safe place to be able to do big physical play run-around play
>like that. Second, though, is that point I brought up earlier. I
>believe you don't have their support because they don't have your
>husband's support.

you're right, they certainly don't. they only have his support if
they are
doing what he wants them to do.

>If they could feel a partnership from him they
>would be more likely to respond to reasonable requests you may
>have. Being told to stop, though, is not reasonable in and of
>itself, especially when they're feeling antsy and needing to move and
>run and play!

i am dreading the coming winter, when they can't go outside much, we get a
lot of snow, and parks are out of the question. and no basketball. so I
have learned from you and others, that they need to run, that it is OK to
run through the house. but that is not something dh can deal with.
what do
I do about that? just tell him its ok, I told them they can run through
the house, and try to keep the noise level down while they do it?


>You've got quite a full plate! Perhaps you and he can work together
>to find ways that your he can help rather than just criticize?

perhaps. but I might have more luck spinning straw into gold.


> >I just don't know what to do to have a
> >joyful household.
>
>I think the first step has to be educating your husband about his
>role in a joyful house. He has to change first; then, I believe the
>kids will be able to respond in kind. Your husband has to understand
>that he is the impediment to a joyful household!

well, I agree with you, but I also know, I can't change him, only he can
change how he acts and reacts. this really sucks. I want my kids to
have a
happy childhood. (which is one reason I don't want them to go to
school). I want them to enjoy their childhoods, to love their lives,
to be
happy and not have to creep around so we don't piss off daddy. I want
them
to have better than what I had! he is such a jerk. believe me I knew that
before I had kids, and at one point believed I should not have kids with
him. the first one wasn't born til we'd been married for 12 years, and i
had fertility problems, so he was a surprise. then, well, kids are like
potato chips I guess, you can't have just one lol. baby #4 was a complete
surprise too, the only one I really tried for was #2 <g> i'll try again to
get my tubes tied once my cycle comes back (since of course he refuses to
get snipped). i definitely am not planning any more babies! sorry got off
topic there. but I want ya'll to know that I didn't think we were dancing
around in a rose garden where everything was just wonderful and that's why
we had all these babies.

Ren Allen

More from OP:

At 05:50 PM 7/31/2006 -0400, you wrote:

>Oh boy. You and the kids have my sympathy. I wouldn't feel safe in
>a situation like that if it were me. Is there anyway to help your
>husband understand that his temper tantrums are interfering with your
>kids' ability to be themselves and respond to their environment in a
>positive way?

I doubt it. He doesn't see himself as a problem.

> If he can possibly understand that, in the absence of
>a safe and peaceful environment, everything they do is in response to
>some adversarial input. They're really not getting the chance to be
>themselves! And, he should understand that their responses are
>actually entirely appropriate! They're just trying to do the best
>they can in that situation. They're not being willfully disobedient;
>they're being seen that way and they know it, so they have to do
>things to either prove it or disprove it, and because of that,
>they're not able to just be Who They Are.

that is very wise! I have never viewed the situation this way before.


>Is he on-board somewhat with unschooling? How much does he
>understand about how it works and how much does he support it?

actually, i haven't discussed unschooling with him at all. home
schooling,
yes. I want my boys home, I don't want them in school. if he were not home
all the time this entire situation would be different. he wants the
oldest
one to go to school just so he doesn't have to be around him all the time.
the other kids are more peaceful when the oldest is not around. as to
unschooling i think it would work better than what i was trying to
with him
last year, which wasn't working well at all. I am trying to move in that
direction, but obviously the other issues are more important to work on.
but I've got a lot of pressure from my mom, 3rd graders need to do this,
learn that, etc. she and I have discussed unschooling and she thinks its
awful (well, she is a public school teacher so whaddya expect). but
whether
to unschool or eclectic home school or whatever label it gets, that is my
decision not his, as he doesn't get involved in any of it.


>Two things come to my mind. First, is that they're young kids who
>need a safe place to be able to do big physical play run-around play
>like that. Second, though, is that point I brought up earlier. I
>believe you don't have their support because they don't have your
>husband's support.

you're right, they certainly don't. they only have his support if
they are
doing what he wants them to do.

>If they could feel a partnership from him they
>would be more likely to respond to reasonable requests you may
>have. Being told to stop, though, is not reasonable in and of
>itself, especially when they're feeling antsy and needing to move and
>run and play!

i am dreading the coming winter, when they can't go outside much, we get a
lot of snow, and parks are out of the question. and no basketball. so I
have learned from you and others, that they need to run, that it is OK to
run through the house. but that is not something dh can deal with.
what do
I do about that? just tell him its ok, I told them they can run through
the house, and try to keep the noise level down while they do it?


>You've got quite a full plate! Perhaps you and he can work together
>to find ways that your he can help rather than just criticize?

perhaps. but I might have more luck spinning straw into gold.


> >I just don't know what to do to have a
> >joyful household.
>
>I think the first step has to be educating your husband about his
>role in a joyful house. He has to change first; then, I believe the
>kids will be able to respond in kind. Your husband has to understand
>that he is the impediment to a joyful household!

well, I agree with you, but I also know, I can't change him, only he can
change how he acts and reacts. this really sucks. I want my kids to
have a
happy childhood. (which is one reason I don't want them to go to
school). I want them to enjoy their childhoods, to love their lives,
to be
happy and not have to creep around so we don't piss off daddy. I want
them
to have better than what I had! he is such a jerk. believe me I knew that
before I had kids, and at one point believed I should not have kids with
him. the first one wasn't born til we'd been married for 12 years, and i
had fertility problems, so he was a surprise. then, well, kids are like
potato chips I guess, you can't have just one lol. baby #4 was a complete
surprise too, the only one I really tried for was #2 <g> i'll try again to
get my tubes tied once my cycle comes back (since of course he refuses to
get snipped). i definitely am not planning any more babies! sorry got off
topic there. but I want ya'll to know that I didn't think we were dancing
around in a rose garden where everything was just wonderful and that's why
we had all these babies.

Crystal Griesel

I think it really depends on your pain threshold and how you view pain. I had two that were painful; one because it went over my spine and kidney, and one because it went over an area that was seiously out of whack and I jumped anytime I was even touched there. Now it's better with chiropractic! The rest of mine have been pretty hypnotic experiences. Btw, I am petrified of needles. I hate them, even thinking about them gets me tensed and anxious. However, I have no problems with tattoos. If you have needle issues, though, get a tattoo artist who's has loads and loads of experience. They're likely to be quicker, smoother, and not as heavy of hand. The heavier the hand is, the more painful it's likely to be. Plus, that puts the ink too deep, and it fades a lot more quickly. I use pure lanolin to heal mine. Some people do have problems with fainting when they get inked. My dh passed out twice during his first sitting, but he's been fine ever since. Our tattoo artist did say
that it's usually the big, buff, muscled, macho guys who tend to pass out or complain about pain the most. My dh finds tats more painful than I do, also, but he has a lower pain threshold in general than I do. To me, they're very addicting, and as soon as I find the right image, I'm getting my next one. I'm looking for a fairy that reminds me of my son, something like a leprechaun or somesuch. If anyone knows of any pics that they think might work, let me know!
Crystal

----- Original Message ----
From: Momma <southernbelle@...>
To: [email protected]
Sent: Wednesday, August 2, 2006 8:36:59 AM
Subject: [unschoolingbasics] RE: [unschoolingbasics) tattoos



It hurts! But the pain is temporary and the tattoo is forever so it's worth
it if it's important to you. I didn't have swelling afterwards but itching
when it was healing. You shouldn't scratch but smacking it helps a lot. DO
NOT use NEOSPORIN on it!!!!! I did cuz I ran out if the stuff they gave me
and I had to get it redone! Neosporin heals it from the inside out and
pushes out the ink. Use Bacitracin (sp?) only. After care is pretty simple
and a good tattoo shop will inform you of all aftercare in writing and give
you the stuff you will need.

-Dawn

Okay tattoo-ed folks, I need your real life input - just exactly
what kind of pain is involved either during or afterward? I'm a
coward about needles in general (I can just about manage to get
blood drawn each year to check some medical stuff but that takes
lots of relaxing breathing just to get the needle in and there's no
permanent marks or anything left). So, swelling afterward?
irritation? pain (mild to severe)? etc. What kind of afterward-care
is needed? (like with piercings that need certain types of cleansing
and such when they're fresh)

.

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d=16109&stime= 1154523466& nc1=3848530& nc2=2&nc3= 3>


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