Ren Allen

~>i need my own life and they need me to have one.~

I think this is a good topic to address.
In our family, we all have our own interests that overlap into each
other's lives to varying degrees. Dh and I have our work we do for
money, but again, it's all part of our family flow. I DO have "my own
life" and the most important part of that life is my children and husband.

On the other hand, if a mother is so stressed and focused on what the
kids are or are not learning, it's time to find some interests of her
own....yes. A parent that is joyfully pursuing an interesting life,
will naturally draw their children into that life (hopefully) and
learning will happen effortlessly.

Children NEED to see what passion and interest look like. They need to
know the best parts of their parents. If unschooling is to unfold in a
home, I think it's really important for all members to have interests
that are shared with all other members in whatever capacity those
other members want to share in it!

Ren
learninginfreedom.com

Joanne

>>>>i need my own life and they need me to have one.>>>>

I agree with Ren on everyhting she replied and I also agree this is a
great topic.

When you say you need your own life, what exactly do you mean? Do you
need more of your own interests OR do you need more time away from your
family OR do you need more alone time?

Figure out what you need first.

If you feel that you need more of your own interests, then go for it.
Start all the things you've put off! Start those things you've always
wanted to do! Your kids may even catch your enthuasium and join in!
I've just started herb gardening. It's something I've wanted to do for
a while and my youngest is enjoying it with me. :-)

If you think you need more time away from your family, figure out ways
to make that happen. Maybe a monthly lunch with friends? Maybe a class
at a local college? Maybe late night grocery shopping with a friend?

If alone time is what you need (this is my need), get up earlier (I do
this) and have time alone. Stay up later than the rest of your family
and have some time for yourself. Go late night shopping by yourself.

The other side to this is...and I've found this to be true is all
things unschooling), it's all in how you look at it.

You say you need "your own life". You do have your own life. You're not
sharing someone else's life. It's all yours. It doesn't have to an
either or type of thing. Either I'm a stay at home mom OR I have my own
life. I share my life with my family...that's my life...my own life. I
have my own interests, just as the rest of my family members do. Like
Ren said, sometimes they overlap. I try to get time alone when I need
it, just like the other members of my family. I'm not the only one who
needs to be in their own head sometimes, know what I mean?

Also remember that your life right now is different than it was in the
past. Your life right now is different than what it will be in the
future. Needs change, Lives change.

~ Joanne ~
Mom to Jacqueline (7), Shawna (11) & Cimion (13)
Adopted into our hearts October 30, 2003
http://anunschoolinglife.blogspot.com/
http://foreverparents.com

Ren Allen

~You say you need "your own life". You do have your own life. You're not
sharing someone else's life. It's all yours. ~

Yes. And "your own life" (from the OP) included choosing to have
children apparently. They need to feel that they are wanted, needed
and appreciated. I get the feeling they aren't getting that message
with the stress level in the home.

If there are hassles over homework, restrictions to elicit desirable
behavior, I think the message being sent is that they are a problem
and/or causing stress in the parents. The reality is, the parents are
CHOOSING their own stress. We can make a different choice.

Ren
learninginfreedom.com