Misty Felner

As usual I'm a couple of days behind, and for some reason this list just
really seems to mesh with events in my life. Just this morning I was
reading in "What to Expect the Toddler Years", a book I only read
occasionally since I know that along with some of the good information it
contains a lot of bad advice and information. Anyway, the part I read dealt
with explaining the facts of life, in light of the recent posts I wanted to
share what it said. It really explained it in a way I thought was good.
They gave seven points on dealing with the facts of life. First of all it
said "Don't dodge the issue." It could make your child feel shameful about
making babies, or about his curiosity. Secondly it said to "keep a united
front" make sure that anyone who might be discussing the issue with your
child agree on the approach and use the same terminology. It also said to
"Give it to him straight." They reiterated what several of you have said
about shaking his faith in you when he learns the exact truth. The next
point was to "Use the correct terminology." One important point I felt they
made was "to give only as much information as is asked for". From the book:
If the child asks where the baby is tell him it's in the uterus or "womb"
not the tummy. If she asks how it got there say that "Mommy and Daddy love
each other a lot and love you so much, they wanted to make another baby. So
Daddy put his sperm into Mommy. And that sperm got together with a tiny
egg, called an ovum, that was inside Mommy all along, and they grew into a
baby. Explain the biological part of the process only; for now, stay away
from the sexual aspects. If she asks how the sperm got there just say
through the vagina. If she keeps persisting you can explain that Daddy's
penis put his sperm into Mommy's vagina. The sperm met the egg and a baby
began to grow. And the last point they made was to "Give the child
perspective" by showing pictures of when you were pregnant before, and
children's books that show a baby growing in the uterus.

Anyway I thought this was a good way to explain so I wanted to share.

Misty

Pamela Sorooshian

On May 20, 2006, at 6:26 PM, Misty Felner wrote:

> One important point I felt they
> made was "to give only as much information as is asked for".

I've heard that point made many times and I don't agree with it at
all. IF it said, "Be careful not to get carried away and overwhelm
the child with too much information, too fast," then I'd agree. IF it
said, "Be sure you understand their question before you launch into a
lengthy explanation of what you 'think' they want to know," then I'd
agree.

But I always give a little extra information, beyond just what is
asked for, and then wait and see if that's appreciated or brings on
more questions.

No different than the way I engage with my kids on other topic of
conversation that ever comes up.

-pam

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