Betsy

**I'm with Kelly. I always want to know what is going on with my kids
and
a good purveyor of information can be very useful. Sometimes it can be
annoying -- because the tattler's motives may not be of purely helpful
intent. Sometimes (or many times) they just wanna see someone get in
TROUBLE.**

Oh! In non–punishing families "telling" what happened doesn't actually
get anyone into "trouble".

I personally have always been a tattler -- I think because I am
genetically predisposed to gossip.

Betsy

[email protected]

In a message dated 10/21/02 5:33:24 PM, ecsamhill@... writes:

<< Oh! In non–punishing families "telling" what happened doesn't actually

get anyone into "trouble". >>

True!

Kinda like if you're unschooling and so learning is the goal (instead of
grades and "school work") then there can be no such thing as cheating.
Either you learn something or not, it doesn't matter whose hands were on the
keyboard or the book or the pencil.

So if tattling doesn't lead to punishment, tattling is no longer worthy of
being considered a trouble-making sin, but is only a safety or fairness issue.

Sandra

Heidi Wordhouse-Dykema

I love tattlers.
Really.
They get to tattling and every time they pause, I say, "Uh, huh. And THEN
what did you do?". Even when they're done with the complaint part of the
story... ...and there I am just asking them what they did next instead of
commiserating.

Takes all the fun right out of it and puts the end right back on their own
shoulders.
Poor things.
Heidi
(except when fire was involved, maybe.)
(but only because I like to play with fire too...)
(er, I mean, experiment with fire...)
(er, I mean, work responsibly with fire and never burn stuff just to see
how it combusts.)
(ever)
(except for maybe sometimes.)
(because that's science and everyone knows that Unschoolers need more
science in their lives.)
(right?)
(right?)

Betsy

**
Kinda like if you're unschooling and so learning is the goal (instead of
grades and "school work") then there can be no such thing as cheating.
Either you learn something or not, it doesn't matter whose hands were on
the
keyboard or the book or the pencil.**

An odd example of this came up in my husbands experiences while teaching
and working on his credential simultaneously. People post lesson plans
on the 'net to share with other teachers. It's legitimate to use them
for your job but not to submit them as part of your homework for your
college classes.

Betsy

[email protected]

<<So if tattling doesn't lead to punishment, tattling is no longer worthy
of
being considered a trouble-making sin, but is only a safety or fairness
issue.

Sandra>>

I've never used the word "tattle" with my kids, I've never wanted to
discourage communication. A few times I have been clued in to problems
that needed intervention.

The place Lanora has had problem is with other kids, "Why did you 'rag me
out'?". She has always discussed everything with me and most of the
things she tells me about her friends I just absorb. There have been a
couple of times that I had to step in and they have gotten angry with
her. She just replies, "I tell my mom everything."

She knows that I trust her to know a safe secret from an unsafe one but
she feels weird keeping it from me. The funny thing is, when the
neighborhood kids have a problem they come to her, maybe it's their
roundabout way of telling me too. Most of them have parents who are not
involved, as long as their kids aren't bothering THEM they don't care
much WHAT they are doing. Not much wonder that our house seems to be a
hang out spot.

Kris

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