Gathering
Randi Timmons
Hello,
We have been deschooling for 2 months. For ten years, I worked with children with varying special needs in the Florida public schools. I left the school system in 2012.
Our 12 yo went to ps for K and 1/2 of 1st... we have homeschooled since then with a variety of curriculums. She is a peaceful, go with the flow kid and enjoys learning of most kinds.
Our 9 yo has never attending ps... always homeschooled but I definitely coerced LOTS of time spent “teaching” her when she would have rather been playing knee deep in mud or with an entire village set up of her critters. A deep regret for me but now I know what I know and we are going about things differently.
Our 5 yo has been wild and free... did voluntarily sit with us regularly during “lessons”, jumping in and out as he pleased.
Our 20 month old and 3 month old get lots of attention and playtime throughout the day with whomever is interested at the time or whom they are interested in.
My question is... my heart desires a gathering time during the day to read our Bible, listen, draw, and dance to music, read picture books they’ve chosen from the library, look at art, and watch videos about interesting stuff. I usually have food available if they are hungry and they bring things to draw/color/create while we are together.
Everyone stays as long as they are interested, leaves when/if they want.
Is this ok to do? Is this a form of strewing?
Thank you for your insight,
Randi Timmons
Sent from my iPhone
Sent from my iPhone
We have been deschooling for 2 months. For ten years, I worked with children with varying special needs in the Florida public schools. I left the school system in 2012.
Our 12 yo went to ps for K and 1/2 of 1st... we have homeschooled since then with a variety of curriculums. She is a peaceful, go with the flow kid and enjoys learning of most kinds.
Our 9 yo has never attending ps... always homeschooled but I definitely coerced LOTS of time spent “teaching” her when she would have rather been playing knee deep in mud or with an entire village set up of her critters. A deep regret for me but now I know what I know and we are going about things differently.
Our 5 yo has been wild and free... did voluntarily sit with us regularly during “lessons”, jumping in and out as he pleased.
Our 20 month old and 3 month old get lots of attention and playtime throughout the day with whomever is interested at the time or whom they are interested in.
My question is... my heart desires a gathering time during the day to read our Bible, listen, draw, and dance to music, read picture books they’ve chosen from the library, look at art, and watch videos about interesting stuff. I usually have food available if they are hungry and they bring things to draw/color/create while we are together.
Everyone stays as long as they are interested, leaves when/if they want.
Is this ok to do? Is this a form of strewing?
Thank you for your insight,
Randi Timmons
Sent from my iPhone
Sent from my iPhone
Belinda D
If you have only been deschooling for two months and you have worked in the school system for many years I would say you are only just at the beginning of your deschooling journey. It’s OK, it can’t really be rushed but it can be addressed and analysed and taken seriously as an undertaking. You are looking to be a careful observer of yourself, but in a spirit of curiosity and fun, not judgment.
It takes a long time, and usually longer for the parent than the kids.
Your wish for a gathering sounds a little (actually, very!) schoolish to me, and I wonder what it is you think it will bring to each of your individual children. Take some time to really ask what it’s purpose is other than to make you feel purposeful? I know I used to think I’d really achieved something if both my kids were sitting at a table doing something with pen and paper together at the same time. Then I realised what an agenda I had. And what if they simply said ‘no thanks mum not today’ and simply carried on playing in the mud. Would that be ok for you? would you feel someone was missing? Families ebb and flow. They rarely formally ‘gather’ with ‘activites’. That sounds like a class. Many willingly gather at mealtimes though, or to watch movies. But not always.
As to the idea of strewing, in my understanding strewing is something completely different. It is a seemingly casual, often unmentioned, enriching of your environment with cool and interesting stuff. Yes, books, games etc maybe, but also things you find in a junkshop, a wierd sweet from japan you found in the supermarket, an obscure musical instrument given to you by a neighbour… It might generate interest, it might not. It might be for anyone in the family, including your husband. Something to discover, trip over, trigger conversation. No agenda.
Belinda
It takes a long time, and usually longer for the parent than the kids.
Your wish for a gathering sounds a little (actually, very!) schoolish to me, and I wonder what it is you think it will bring to each of your individual children. Take some time to really ask what it’s purpose is other than to make you feel purposeful? I know I used to think I’d really achieved something if both my kids were sitting at a table doing something with pen and paper together at the same time. Then I realised what an agenda I had. And what if they simply said ‘no thanks mum not today’ and simply carried on playing in the mud. Would that be ok for you? would you feel someone was missing? Families ebb and flow. They rarely formally ‘gather’ with ‘activites’. That sounds like a class. Many willingly gather at mealtimes though, or to watch movies. But not always.
As to the idea of strewing, in my understanding strewing is something completely different. It is a seemingly casual, often unmentioned, enriching of your environment with cool and interesting stuff. Yes, books, games etc maybe, but also things you find in a junkshop, a wierd sweet from japan you found in the supermarket, an obscure musical instrument given to you by a neighbour… It might generate interest, it might not. It might be for anyone in the family, including your husband. Something to discover, trip over, trigger conversation. No agenda.
Belinda
Jo Isaac
Two months is really no time at all to be deschooling - especially with multiple children who all also have some deschooling to do
😊
So, I would be avoiding anything that looks remotely schooly for a good long while yet.
==My question is... my heart desires a gathering time during the day to read our Bible, listen, draw, and dance to music, read picture books they’ve chosen from the library, look at
art, and watch videos about interesting stuff.==
The 'gathering', to me, sounds more like an informal lesson - a way for you to still 'teach' them things you think are important (reading, drawing, Bible study, art). Who decides if a video is 'interesting' and why? What do their individual hearts desire at
this exact time of day?
==Everyone stays as long as they are interested, leaves when/if they want. ==
If that is really true - great. But I'm wondering if everyone is free to not come at all, if they want.
== Is this a form of strewing? ==
I don't think so, from what you've described. It sounds like Mom is choosing the time and place for certain, Mom sanctioned, activities to take place - that doesn't seem like strewing to me. Strewing would be getting some books from the library and leaving
them out somewhere. Finding an 'interesting' video and maybe sending it to a child who might like it via a Skype link. Driving to a market and watching a performance of street dancers. etc.
Jo
.
Sandra Dodd
-=-My question is... my heart desires a gathering time during the day to read our Bible, listen, draw, and dance to music, read picture books they’ve chosen from the library, look at art, and watch videos about interesting stuff. I usually have food available if they are hungry and they bring things to draw/color/create while we are together.
Everyone stays as long as they are interested, leaves when/if they want.
Is this ok to do? Is this a form of strewing? -=-
Not strewing.
It won’t hurt unschooling to have a time you want to read to them.
It would be good not to call it anything that would seem like that was the learning time, more than other times, for unschooling, though.
Sandra
Everyone stays as long as they are interested, leaves when/if they want.
Is this ok to do? Is this a form of strewing? -=-
Not strewing.
It won’t hurt unschooling to have a time you want to read to them.
It would be good not to call it anything that would seem like that was the learning time, more than other times, for unschooling, though.
Sandra
Sandra Dodd
Belinda’s response was better than mine. :-)
If the mom thinks more learning will happen during those times than others, or if she’s not willing to look at art or videos any other times, then it could slow down (or prevent) deschooling; Belinda’s right about that.
http://sandradodd.com/deschooling
Don’t try to read that all at once. A little at a time. There’s quite a bit there.
http://sandradodd.com/readalittle
Read a little, try a little, wait a while, watch.
Sandra
If the mom thinks more learning will happen during those times than others, or if she’s not willing to look at art or videos any other times, then it could slow down (or prevent) deschooling; Belinda’s right about that.
http://sandradodd.com/deschooling
Don’t try to read that all at once. A little at a time. There’s quite a bit there.
http://sandradodd.com/readalittle
Read a little, try a little, wait a while, watch.
Sandra
Anna Black
We have fairly naturally evolved a kind of regular reading time, it doesn’t happen every day, but when we don’t have a reason to go anywhere in the morning, we snuggle in one of the beds and I read to my two girls, aged 11 and 8. We do it usually around when they wake up, sometimes while they are eating.
So I have one book that I’m reading to both of them, and then if my youngest doesn’t feel like listening, I have another couple of books I’m reading with just my oldest, who would happily listen to me read all day. Their dad has different books he’s reading to them after dinner and once a week we do some poetry.
None of this is at all compulsory and it doesn’t happen at the same time every day or every week. But it’s something fun and we all enjoy it.
So I have one book that I’m reading to both of them, and then if my youngest doesn’t feel like listening, I have another couple of books I’m reading with just my oldest, who would happily listen to me read all day. Their dad has different books he’s reading to them after dinner and once a week we do some poetry.
None of this is at all compulsory and it doesn’t happen at the same time every day or every week. But it’s something fun and we all enjoy it.
Randi Timmons
Thank you for taking the time to share your thoughts, I truly appreciate the dialogue.
I read to them because they enjoy it (their words). We all enjoy the conversation, shared experience, and rabbit trails or just the beauty of the word. I want to share my interests with them as I want them to share theirs with me. It feels connective and often inspires interests, common or tangental.
I don’t see it as any better or worse than gathering for a movie, a hike, a backyard baseball game... just enjoyable.
Yes, they are free to leave at any time or not come at all... they typically do come, staying for varying lengths of time.
We read, listen to music, look at art wherever and whenever. This time is how we come back together after being apart and share what’s been going on in our day. We drink tea or lemonade (they can fix these anytime they want, I just have them available if desired) and slow down for a bit to chill. It’s sort of the time of day where I’m doing the work and they are kicking back and relaxing.
I attempt not to “school it up”, I’m quiet sure I’m imperfect as can be at this.
Does this sound like it could/would interfere with deschooling? I’m open to putting it on hold or phasing it out.
Sent from my iPhone
On Apr 25, 2018, at 9:52 PM, Sandra Dodd Sandra@... [AlwaysLearning] <[email protected]> wrote:
Belinda’s response was better than mine. :-)
If the mom thinks more learning will happen during those times than others, or if she’s not willing to look at art or videos any other times, then it could slow down (or prevent) deschooling; Belinda’s right about that.
http://sandradodd.com/deschooling
Don’t try to read that all at once. A little at a time. There’s quite a bit there.
http://sandradodd.com/readalittle
Read a little, try a little, wait a while, watch.
Sandra
Sandra Dodd
-=-Does this sound like it could/would interfere with deschooling?-=-
You won’t really be unschooling well until you can do it without asking other people “Is this unschooling?”
Two people have already said how it could interfere with deschooling. If five people come in now and say, “No, you’re fine—it couldn’t possibly hurt a thing,” will you relax and not wonder about it anymore? :-)
It’s WHY that’s important, not a majority vote. WHY could it hinder deschooling?
-=-It feels connective and often inspires interests, common or tangental. -=-
If your unschooling becomes solid, any connection between you and a child should feel that way.
-=-This time is how we come back together after being apart and share what’s been going on in our day. -=-
Why would you have been apart?
Keep your gathering time, but don’t expect it to be the only time of sharing or connection. That is what could mess you up.
Your older kids will be teens and out and about soon, so don’t take too much time deschooling or it will be too late, for them, for unschooling to have a good effect.
http://sandradodd.com/later
This will work better on a computer than a phone. There is a world of great information on my site, but it’s not very accesible by only a phone.
Sandra
You won’t really be unschooling well until you can do it without asking other people “Is this unschooling?”
Two people have already said how it could interfere with deschooling. If five people come in now and say, “No, you’re fine—it couldn’t possibly hurt a thing,” will you relax and not wonder about it anymore? :-)
It’s WHY that’s important, not a majority vote. WHY could it hinder deschooling?
-=-It feels connective and often inspires interests, common or tangental. -=-
If your unschooling becomes solid, any connection between you and a child should feel that way.
-=-This time is how we come back together after being apart and share what’s been going on in our day. -=-
Why would you have been apart?
Keep your gathering time, but don’t expect it to be the only time of sharing or connection. That is what could mess you up.
Your older kids will be teens and out and about soon, so don’t take too much time deschooling or it will be too late, for them, for unschooling to have a good effect.
http://sandradodd.com/later
This will work better on a computer than a phone. There is a world of great information on my site, but it’s not very accesible by only a phone.
Sandra
Belinda D
"We all enjoy the conversation, shared experience, and rabbit trails or just the beauty of the word. I want to share my interests with them as I want them to share theirs with me. It feels connective and often inspires interests, common or tangental. “
I am interested in why this needs to be part of a ‘meeting’. To be honest this is what my day looks like much of the time - with my kids, my husband, even many friends. We are always sharing, talking, just as it comes up. They will show me stuff, read things to me, I do the same to them. But naturally, like you would with a friend, or like they do with each other. And it seems easier and more natural to chase rabbit trails (nice expression!) on a one to one basis, but if the other is around they will often get drawn in to the conversation anyway.
Sometimes I use a benchmark to myself when I am talking to or interacting with my kids, maybe to see if it is truly partnering them on their journey or part of my agenda for what i think is right for them. (Though as I write this I realise I don’t use it much any more!! I suppose that’s progress?!) I ask myself ‘Would i talk to my husband or friend like this?’ I’m not just talking about lack of respect or rudeness, I am talking about ‘imparting information’ type stuff too.
Sometimes I do make ‘appointments’ with my kids, when we both know we want to do something together and the day looks full, we decide a time to meet. So if they were younger I might have said ‘I’ll be on this beanbag at 4pm today and if you want stories I’ll definitely be available then!’ But if they were busy then we might try to reschedule and I would always try to fit it in another time if possible. I can’t actually remember a time when they both wanted to meet up at the same time though, they usually want me on their own for their own thing, and the other will be drawn in by nosiness, curiosity… or not.
And then there are the times when they go find each other with exciting things to tell and don’t involve me at all. Which I love.
I sometimes think one of the things that separates unschoolers from conventional parents is that I never see just shooting the breeze and hanging out with kids who WANT to chat and share ideas as a waste of time. We sometimes ‘waste’ ages just chatting about this and that. A little part of me is saying ‘time to get on with something useful’ but it’s getting quieter as I get better at this. The biggest part of me is saying ‘wow, you have teenagers who like to chat to you and laugh and share their lives and passions with you. This is huge’. And could NEVER be scheduled.
Belinda