New writing about parents as light
Sandra Dodd
Last night I needed a Just Add Light and Stir, and I wanted to go to sleep. |
Posted: 24 Sep 2017 11:01 PM PDT  I liked the shadow this basket was making on the wall and floor of my bathroom. You can see inside the basket which part the light shone on to make the pattern. Every bit of the shadow corresponds to part of the basetweave, and to the angle of the light. What you do shines on, and sometimes through, your children. You affect them, and others can see the effect. photo by Sandra Dodd |
Sandra Dodd
I’m reading Behave by Robert Sapolsky, about what is natural for humans, biochemically, genetically, evolutionarily and psychologically. :-)
I’m listening to it, and and going to the paper copy to mark some good parts. Someday I might make a report, for this group, because I was asking months back for people to help me think about what is instinctive, and this book has lots of answers to that, and interesting studies.
So parents DO affect their children, lots of ways, clearly. And some parents aren’t doing their biological duty, sometimes, and sometimes when they ARE, the kids balk, or their friends criticize them and say not to listen to their instincts.
It’s not so simple and straightforward as any one educational or parenting or political theory would like people to believe. But still, no matter what else the parents believe or deny, the tone and mood they set make a difference, for good or ill.
It’s harder, I think, living in high-tech surroundings. Flush toilets are great, but the house isn’t as likely to break if there’s an outhouse.
And that can be a representative sample of info to think about. :-)
Thanks again for reading here, and though it seems off topic sometimes, it will come back to peace, joy, learning, and parenting as directly and as sweetly as possible. :-)
Sandra
Deb Lewis
***It’s not so simple and straightforward as any one educational or
parenting or political theory would like people to believe. But still, no
matter what else the parents believe or deny, the tone and mood they set
make a difference, for good or ill.***
The chapter on adolescence especially stuck with me. I found hope in the
idea that the slow development of the prefrontal cortex in young people was
possibly a way to not saddle us primarily with our genetics. I wanted to be
able to feel slightly less guilt for
having passed on faulty genes. If development of the prefrontal cortex is
shaped by environment and experience, then what parents do, or don't do,
makes a difference. How you talk to, and about your child. How you talk to,
and about others. The choices you make to be honest, calm, rational,
reliable. All of that matters to the brain development of your child, and
how that child will live in the world.
***It’s harder, I think, living in high-tech surroundings. Flush toilets
are great, but the house isn’t as likely to break if there’s an outhouse.***
When my son was born we were living in a cabin with no plumbing. When the
power went out for other people around us, as it often did in winter,
nothing about our lives changed. We still brought our water in from
elsewhere, we still had wood heat, we still had an outhouse. We were used
to life that way. Our biggest challenge during a heavy snow wasn't the power
outages, but moose on the path to the outhouse. They were sometimes not that
enthusiastic about stepping out of our shoveled trail, back into the deep
snow. I could easily live that way again. If our son was *exactly* like me
he might not have hated that life if we had stayed. But, we left when he was
a baby, and it turned out that he's not exactly like me.
There are problems when things go wrong, whether your flush toilet breaks,
or your outhouse roof gives way under the weight of snow. :) One hardship
might be in the expectation that everything will work the way it should, and
being caught off guard when it doesn't. Your TV probably will quit working
one day. A water pipe might break. Your computer could crash. The more
you're aware of how good things are when they are good, the easier it will
be to wade through the times when things are less good. If you're aware of
how lucky you are, everyday problems by comparison can seem smaller, and
more manageable. And being that kind of parent who can cope well in a
crisis, is good for your kids, too.
Deb Lewis
parenting or political theory would like people to believe. But still, no
matter what else the parents believe or deny, the tone and mood they set
make a difference, for good or ill.***
The chapter on adolescence especially stuck with me. I found hope in the
idea that the slow development of the prefrontal cortex in young people was
possibly a way to not saddle us primarily with our genetics. I wanted to be
able to feel slightly less guilt for
having passed on faulty genes. If development of the prefrontal cortex is
shaped by environment and experience, then what parents do, or don't do,
makes a difference. How you talk to, and about your child. How you talk to,
and about others. The choices you make to be honest, calm, rational,
reliable. All of that matters to the brain development of your child, and
how that child will live in the world.
***It’s harder, I think, living in high-tech surroundings. Flush toilets
are great, but the house isn’t as likely to break if there’s an outhouse.***
When my son was born we were living in a cabin with no plumbing. When the
power went out for other people around us, as it often did in winter,
nothing about our lives changed. We still brought our water in from
elsewhere, we still had wood heat, we still had an outhouse. We were used
to life that way. Our biggest challenge during a heavy snow wasn't the power
outages, but moose on the path to the outhouse. They were sometimes not that
enthusiastic about stepping out of our shoveled trail, back into the deep
snow. I could easily live that way again. If our son was *exactly* like me
he might not have hated that life if we had stayed. But, we left when he was
a baby, and it turned out that he's not exactly like me.
There are problems when things go wrong, whether your flush toilet breaks,
or your outhouse roof gives way under the weight of snow. :) One hardship
might be in the expectation that everything will work the way it should, and
being caught off guard when it doesn't. Your TV probably will quit working
one day. A water pipe might break. Your computer could crash. The more
you're aware of how good things are when they are good, the easier it will
be to wade through the times when things are less good. If you're aware of
how lucky you are, everyday problems by comparison can seem smaller, and
more manageable. And being that kind of parent who can cope well in a
crisis, is good for your kids, too.
Deb Lewis
Sandra Dodd
-=-The more
you're aware of how good things are when they are good, the easier it will
be to wade through the times when things are less good. If you're aware of
how lucky you are, everyday problems by comparison can seem smaller, and
more manageable.-=-
Beautiful.
Thank you, Deb Lewis, for writing in this group, so wonderfully, all these years.
For those who don’t know, all the posts are numbered, and #1 was Deb Lewis.
Anyone who wants to read through older posts should go to the main page, and down to the months (the numbers were how many posts there were that month) and have fun!
Sandra
you're aware of how good things are when they are good, the easier it will
be to wade through the times when things are less good. If you're aware of
how lucky you are, everyday problems by comparison can seem smaller, and
more manageable.-=-
Beautiful.
Thank you, Deb Lewis, for writing in this group, so wonderfully, all these years.
For those who don’t know, all the posts are numbered, and #1 was Deb Lewis.
Anyone who wants to read through older posts should go to the main page, and down to the months (the numbers were how many posts there were that month) and have fun!
Sandra