Friendships
Sarah Cannon
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Sarah Hurn
This quote came to mind when I read your post, it’s from a talk I listened to recently on children needing connection with adults more than friends, by Dr Gordon Neufeld, “Socialisation does not lead to socialisation, healthy development does”. The general findings are that young children need attuned adults in their life more than they need socialising. In light of this, instead of focusing on getting your daughter to behave in an acceptable way with this other family, focus on developing a connected relationship with her first, at home, away from new people.
We started out keen to meet people in the homeschooling community where I live because my daughter had had a year of school and was used to the socialising. We did a casual trampolining class with other homeschoolers for about 6 months but haven’t been back for a formal get together for about 2 years because our greatest joy (at the moment) is being around each other and connecting through our interests. My daughter (9) has some friends but they have been chosen by her (all neighbours, one cousin) and we’ve sifted through a few along the way, she goes months without asking to see them because she also has a great friendship with her brother .When I’ve tried to force socialising on my children it hasn't worked.
My 5 year old boy attended a lego club at a local library recently, he didn’t interact with other children, he wasn't rude to them either, he was more interested in building lego, he talked to the lady in charge when she talked to him, he was there to play with different lego pieces rather than socialise. My daughter brought something along to occupy her while he built his lego and joined in at the end and built a lego sculpture but there was no pressure to do this - I was happy for her to sit in the corner with her Pokemon Go and eat the cake I had packed for her if that is what she wanted to do. If you are really set on still seeing the family bring things along that she can enjoy without pressure to play.
I mention any group activities that I think my daughter might be interested in, but mostly we do new activities together at home first - we have been playing badminton in our back yard and she enjoys that, maybe this will lead to tennis or wanting lessons, who knows, point is, I don’t mind because we are doing things that bring us Joy right now.
Sometimes my husband will do an activity with my son and a family he enjoys hanging out with and my daughter and I will stay home and have some girl time because she doesn't connect with the children in that family. There are heaps of ways it can work if you are willing to be flexible, it may not be the way you imagined it to be.
//I'm stuck between a Mum I've made friends with, my 3 year old son who still wants to see that family, and my daughter who wants to delete them from our life.//
Think carefully before making new friends with other parents when you don't know if it will work for your children, it will save awkwardness later when you then have to chose between your children's happiness and saving face.
On Tue, Feb 14, 2017 at 8:37 AM, Sarah Cannon cannon_sarah@... [AlwaysLearning] <[email protected]> wrote:I'm looking for ways to be helpful as my 5 year old daughter (nearly 6) meets new people and potential friends in our homeschooling life. We will start to hang out with a family and then when disagreements happen she is quick to anger and quick to decide that person isn't her friend anymore. She doesn't pull her punches. And then I'm stuck between a Mum I've made friends with, my 3 year old son who still wants to see that family, and my daughter who wants to delete them from our life.
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