Kelly Callahan
The essential question I want to ask is- I think! -
Do you think living a radical unschooling life is enough for a child to bring these principles into the rest of their lives?
I wanted to bring an observation to the group and hear others' experiences and thoughts.
So we've been homeschooling 3 years, unschooling 2 years. My daughter (Raelin) is 13 and has a really sweet group of (mostly) homeschooled friends she has been fairly tight with for the last couple years. They range in age from now 12-16.
We are the only radical unschoolers of the bunch. There's one other, though I don't think his mom actively engages in reading and seeking information about it, based on our conversations. That's not a judgement, just an observation.
Compared with conventionally raised kids in school, or even homeschooled, this group of kids have a lot of freedom and parents are fairly progressive. But I can tell from what I overhear from the kids that they are not inherently trusted by their parents. Their parents do not perceive an opportunity to learn in all the kids' chosen interests and activities. When some of the girls have come over and seen my son on his computer most of the time, they will say things like- Do you ever do anything else?
I overhear lots of comments about technology specifically-video games, being on phones, about it being stupid, a waste of time... but then they engage in it a fair amount. I hear this mostly from the girls, because I am around them more often, and I also know the boys play a lot of video games. The perception is that these games are just fun, diversion, for when you're bored.... not really a valuable use of time.
I also hear about needing to 'catch up' in certain subjects, or 'my parents are making me xyz..' just to name a few examples.
My daughter has also made comments along these lines, esp. regarding her brother and his gaming. When it's come up between the 2 of us, I have gently countered and shared the value I see in his gaming, or asked her about what she enjoys from the handful of games she plays.
I don't know that she has ever said 'my parents are making me...' to her friends, because we really don't.
When the topic comes up naturally of how/why we do things and changed our parenting approach, I have kept it light and basic and only as far as she's been interested in talking about it. I think it is obvious to her the difference between some of her friends' experiences with their parents and home life, and her own. And yet, their words and thoughts are strong influences as well. I understand that we are unschooling in a conventional world, and there's no magic 'unschooling bubble.'
I know there are no guarantees. There's been so much value- for me and my husband- in shedding the rigid ideas of conventional parenting and moving to radical unschooling, that I do hope my kids are absorbing these principles as they are living them. I know that might sound weird- how can you not absorb the principles you live? But I don't think it's a given.
I wonder what makes the biggest difference- going to conferences where you see unschooling in a really big way, not just something you and a handful of other families do?
regular conversations with parents?
a teen getting interested in the big picture of it, and digging into it on their own?
not-back-to school camp?
I imagine different experiences will have varying degrees of impact for each individual. But I'd like to hear how others have seen unschooling - the ideas/priniciples- taken up- or not- by their own kids.
Thanks!
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Kelly Callahan CCH
Concentric Healing Classical Homeopathy
(207) 691-6798
Sandra Dodd
-=-Do you think living a radical unschooling life is enough for a child to bring these principles into the rest of their lives? -=-
Each parent will live by his or her own principles, and if the ideas that help radical unschooling settle more widely into one’s life and beliefs, that might be helpful.
But whether a child understands or adopts one principle or another is part of his or her personal development. It’s not the goal of unschooling to cause each unschooled child to become just like the parents. :-)
-=-So we've been homeschooling 3 years, unschooling 2 years. My daughter (Raelin) is 13 -=-
Two years of unschooling isn’t long enough for the parents nor for the daughter to have fully deschooled, and she’s already a teen.If you look at anyone’s list of stages of human development there’s going to be a description of a need for the approval of other people their age, and teen years are about that time.
It might help to look at it as having come to unschooling late:
http://sandradodd.com/later
-=-My daughter has also made comments along these lines, esp. regarding her brother and his gaming. When it's come up between the 2 of us, I have gently countered and shared the value I see in his gaming, or asked her about what she enjoys from the handful of games she plays. -=-
This seems good.
It’s normal for older kids to be jealous and resentful when younger kids have privileges they didn’t have. That can’t be avoided, but it can be soothed. I think the best thing unschooling parents can do is to say “I wish I had known these things sooner! Sorry we didn’t do more of this when you were that age,” or whatever, and then make their favorite foods, do something nice for them, and don’t engage in the negativity if you can help it!
Sandra
Each parent will live by his or her own principles, and if the ideas that help radical unschooling settle more widely into one’s life and beliefs, that might be helpful.
But whether a child understands or adopts one principle or another is part of his or her personal development. It’s not the goal of unschooling to cause each unschooled child to become just like the parents. :-)
-=-So we've been homeschooling 3 years, unschooling 2 years. My daughter (Raelin) is 13 -=-
Two years of unschooling isn’t long enough for the parents nor for the daughter to have fully deschooled, and she’s already a teen.If you look at anyone’s list of stages of human development there’s going to be a description of a need for the approval of other people their age, and teen years are about that time.
It might help to look at it as having come to unschooling late:
http://sandradodd.com/later
-=-My daughter has also made comments along these lines, esp. regarding her brother and his gaming. When it's come up between the 2 of us, I have gently countered and shared the value I see in his gaming, or asked her about what she enjoys from the handful of games she plays. -=-
This seems good.
It’s normal for older kids to be jealous and resentful when younger kids have privileges they didn’t have. That can’t be avoided, but it can be soothed. I think the best thing unschooling parents can do is to say “I wish I had known these things sooner! Sorry we didn’t do more of this when you were that age,” or whatever, and then make their favorite foods, do something nice for them, and don’t engage in the negativity if you can help it!
Sandra