Re: [AlwaysLearning] Digest Number 6435
Chris Barrett
Is there a Facebook group of homeschoolers in your area? My daughter (5) is more social than my son (8) or myself. She told me this fall that she's bored and misses her friends (many of whom used to come over for regular playdates, but are in kindergarten this year), so I put a FB post up in the largest local homeschool group in my area, looking for new (homeschooling) friends for her. I've been hosting a lot of playdates for families with kids around her age since my post. So far, it's been whole families coming over, so they can meet us, but I'm hoping that after they get to know us, we will be able to have kids dropped off here to spend a few hours with my daughter. And twice a week her Montessori-schooled friend comes over after her half-day school is over to play. And on weekends I try to set up playdates with her school friends. We used to belong to a co-op too, but my son didn't want to go anymore, and it was very difficult to take my toddler, and my daughter said she would only go if she could take the classes I taught, and no others, so we're taking a break from it right now. At this time, I feel like hosting playdates at my house is the best way to meet her needs (she wants lots of friends, but she doesn't like to be apart from me), so that's the avenue I'm pursuing. I'm sure it will change at some point, but it works for now. Maybe if your 7 year old had friends come over to your house, that would be fun for him without the structure of the co-op.
On Sun, Oct 30, 2016 at 4:13 AM, <[email protected]> wrote:6 Messages
Digest #6435
Messages
Sat Oct 29, 2016 10:31 am (PDT) . Posted by:
"Sarah Thompson" wallacesmum
My almost 7yo often says he is bored if his brother isn't playing with him.
I play with him, but I'm not as sparkly, I don't think. I want to be, I try
to be, but I know it's not the same. Also, I am in school and there are
times when I need to do school work and thus am not as available. I have
not been able to find a mother's helper who can come over and play during
the day.
His one other friend that lives close by is in school and is almost ten;
he's happy to play with my son but he is busy with school and sports and
friends his age, so that isn't a regular option.
I think I need to find more fun friends so that I can get him the kind of
interactions that he is craving. When his brother does anything without him
out of the house, he freaks out and my older child feels guilty. He needs
his own circle, so there are some alternatives when his brother is busy or
uninterested in his stuff.
In an effort to do this, I joined a new local homeschool coop. Our old coop
was really great; the "classes" were mostly just projects and games and it
was very informal. We got lots of free play and relationships out of it,
which we all needed. Sadly, it disbanded.
This new coop is very schooly. I can hear my language and thoughts becoming
schooly again. The expectations of the children are schooly. Part of my
responsibility is to offer classes, which puts me in the position of
teacher, and I'm uncomfortable. Because the group is new and large, he has
not made any friends there yet. My older child is happy there because he is
doing some activities he enjoys that I didn't have resources for, like
archery and group games. I am not sure whether to continue in the coop,
whether it is hindering my growth as an unschooling parent, whether it is
hindering my kids (especially L, the younger). I am also not sure how to
meet L's need for cool boys who will play sword battles, and how to meet my
need to get my work done so that I can start to have a career again.
I realized in the money thread how easily I have fallen into this schooly
mentality of thinking about activities in terms of their teaching
potential, and of imposing objectives onto my expectations.
I want my home to be joyful and bright. I want my children to continue to
love themselves as who they are, where they are, without external criteria.
I feel I am losing my way, and as I read Sandra's site yesterday and today,
I felt very much that I was doing better before now, and that I am
foundering.
Is it possible to be in this coop and still be unschooling? If it is not,
is there a better way to dind social engagements that meet his needs? How
am I getting in my own way?
Sat Oct 29, 2016 11:22 am (PDT) . Posted by:
"Cass Kotrba" cass.kotrba
---Is it possible to be in this coop and still be unschooling? If it is not, is there a better way to dind social engagements that meet his needs?---
We unschooled for 2 years and then my daughter decided to go back to school. It was a challenge for me because I was just starting to really "get" unschooling and I was afraid it would slip away from me and I would slide back into old thought patterns. I made up my mind that instead of letting this experience pull me backwards I would use it as an opportunity to take my understanding to a deeper level. To take the experiences we were having and try to really understand the dynamic of what was happening, how it was effecting the kids there - including my own - and use my new unschooling knowledge to see beneath the surface of what was happening. It was not an easy time but I can see in hindsight how much we all learned and grew from that experience. I emerged much stronger and clearer in my understanding.
When you see yourself sliding back into old, engrained thought patterns, spend some time questioning yourself and thinking through why you think differently now and use it as an opportunity to move thoughtfully forward. Sliding back isn't a problem if you recognize that you're doing it and choose to move forward and work your way through the puzzle.
As for staying at the co-op, how do your boys feel about it? Do they want to continue? Why or why not? What can you do to support them to make it a better fit? And when/if THEY decide it's not a good fit then gracefully find a way to support them, whether that be supporting them so they do feel happy to continue or help extricate them from the commitment as gracefully as you can manage.
--How am I getting in my own way?--
By thinking this is something that you need to "fix" rather than letting it gently unfold while you support. By thinking it's a yes or no question. Life is not a test, it's an experience that unfolds. Try to tweak and nudge as you flow with it, not make huge definitive statements or have set expectations. Focus on the good and beautiful, try to expand that instead of focusing on the negative and scaring yourself into a feeling of failure or helplessness.
Life will have challenges. Don't expect that if you do it "just right" there won't be bumps in the road. Accept the bumps and don't let them overwhelm you or take them as a sign of your inadequacy. Being unschoolers does not opt us out of life's challenges. Hopefully it gives us tools to think things through and make thoughtful choices and decisions so that we can gracefully flow forward through our experiences.
-Cass
Sent from my iPhone
Sat Oct 29, 2016 12:07 pm (PDT) . Posted by:
"Kelly Callahan" kellycallahancch
My daughter love(d) the co-op we belonged to: the classes, being a student
in the classes, the social scene, and leading classes. My son hated it. We
had to figure something out so that he didn't' have to go. That solved our
problem. My kids don't have the same relationship yours do, so that piece
is not the same. It took me too long of my son being miserable and telling
me he didn't want to go for me to realize that he didn't have to, and to
make other arrangements.
I can't tell from your post if L likes the co-op or not. If he likes it and
is willing to go, then I guess the work is more with you in your own
mindset in terms of how it's infiltrating your thoughts. I think some kids
can participate in something like a co op that has schoolish expectations
without it hindering their own process. And again, some kids just like
that. My daughter does. Especially when she chooses it and it isn't imposed
on her. That's the difference.
I'm sure others will have ideas/ thoughts about your son and playing and
friends.
I have learned to be creative about when I get work done, how to do it in
bits and pieces... 10 min here, 20 min there. While I detest getting up
really early, sometimes I do, because that's the time I have without it
interfering too much on my kid time. I set myself up to be ready to work
during those times when my kids are both engaged- setting up for 'work'
can't be a big ordeal. I need to be able to get to it fast. When my husband
is home on the weekends, I will block out big 3-4 hour chunks when I need
it, and go to a separate space.
I don't like feeling like I'm not doing my work, or unschooling, well. And
that happens when I begin to resent one for cutting into the time with
other. That is my cue to be more observant of my time... am I only 1/2
paying attention to my kids while trying to do email? Am I telling them 'no
i can't take you xyz because I have to work?' when really I could if I was
creative and efficient when I do have time available.
I also find that it's an on-going situation to balance. Some weeks it feels
really good and seamless. Other weeks not so much. I'm not a natural
planner, but that always helps.
Also, it has been important to me that my life is not just the dichotomy of
my kids/work. I make sure I am doing other stuff as well, pulling out some
creative projects whether my kids join in or not. I think this helps with
the 'sparkly' factor.
On Sat, Oct 29, 2016 at 1:31 PM, Sarah Thompson thompsonisland@...
[AlwaysLearning] <AlwaysLearning@yahoogroups. com> wrote:
>
>
> My almost 7yo often says he is bored if his brother isn't playing with
> him. I play with him, but I'm not as sparkly, I don't think. I want to be,
> I try to be, but I know it's not the same. Also, I am in school and there
> are times when I need to do school work and thus am not as available. I
> have not been able to find a mother's helper who can come over and play
> during the day.
>
> His one other friend that lives close by is in school and is almost ten;
> he's happy to play with my son but he is busy with school and sports and
> friends his age, so that isn't a regular option.
>
> I think I need to find more fun friends so that I can get him the kind of
> interactions that he is craving. When his brother does anything without him
> out of the house, he freaks out and my older child feels guilty. He needs
> his own circle, so there are some alternatives when his brother is busy or
> uninterested in his stuff.
>
> In an effort to do this, I joined a new local homeschool coop. Our old
> coop was really great; the "classes" were mostly just projects and games
> and it was very informal. We got lots of free play and relationships out of
> it, which we all needed. Sadly, it disbanded.
>
> This new coop is very schooly. I can hear my language and thoughts
> becoming schooly again. The expectations of the children are schooly. Part
> of my responsibility is to offer classes, which puts me in the position of
> teacher, and I'm uncomfortable. Because the group is new and large, he has
> not made any friends there yet. My older child is happy there because he is
> doing some activities he enjoys that I didn't have resources for, like
> archery and group games. I am not sure whether to continue in the coop,
> whether it is hindering my growth as an unschooling parent, whether it is
> hindering my kids (especially L, the younger). I am also not sure how to
> meet L's need for cool boys who will play sword battles, and how to meet my
> need to get my work done so that I can start to have a career again.
>
> I realized in the money thread how easily I have fallen into this schooly
> mentality of thinking about activities in terms of their teaching
> potential, and of imposing objectives onto my expectations.
>
> I want my home to be joyful and bright. I want my children to continue to
> love themselves as who they are, where they are, without external criteria.
> I feel I am losing my way, and as I read Sandra's site yesterday and today,
> I felt very much that I was doing better before now, and that I am
> foundering.
>
> Is it possible to be in this coop and still be unschooling? If it is not,
> is there a better way to dind social engagements that meet his needs? How
> am I getting in my own way?
>
>
>
--
Kelly Callahan CCH
Concentric Healing Classical Homeopathy
www.concentrichealing.com
concentrichealing@...
(207) 691-6798
facebook <https://www.facebook.com/ ConcentricHealing>
Sat Oct 29, 2016 2:10 pm (PDT) . Posted by:
"Jo Isaac" joanne.isaac
==How am I getting in my own way?==
Maybe by seeing the co-op as the one place to make and find friends? I don't know if that is the case, but your post didn't mention any other options.
Is there a more informal homeschooling park day near you - rather than the coop with organized activities? It there are not many unschoolers near where you live, it's often easier to interact with school-at-homers at the park, rather than in a more schooly atmosphere.
If there is a local more unschooly group - great!
Has your son made any friends at the coop that you could organize a 1 on 1 with outside fo going to the coop, yet?
In the past, in an area where we lived where there were a lot of 'organized' homeschool activities, but nothing much that was less formal, I started a facebook group specifically for park days and open gym and other fun meet ups. If it doesn't exist already, I'd suggest making such a group and advertising it locally.
Jo
<https://yho.com/1wwmgg>
<https://yho.com/1wwmgg>
.
Sat Oct 29, 2016 3:39 pm (PDT) . Posted by:
"Sandra Dodd" sandralynndodd
-=-as I read Sandra's site yesterday and today, I felt very much that I was doing better before now, and that I am foundering. -=-
If you read some EVERY day, you’ll be more on track.
This might help:
http://justaddlightandstir. blogspot.com
Sandra
Sat Oct 29, 2016 4:05 pm (PDT) . Posted by:
"Sandra Dodd" sandralynndodd
-=---How am I getting in my own way?—=-
I liked some of the other suggestons fine.
If you feel that the co-op is going a direction you don’t want to go, then that could get in your way. Nothing anyone else says will change it.
If you expect too much of the co-op (friendships) it will be frustrating for you and maybe the kids too. And if you’re willing to be there but would later not be a good match with the other family (if you’re unschooling and they’re "doing school,” and if the parents only wanted to associate with kids who are doing school, it might be a lot of investment into a relationship that won’t be easy.
That might be too much thinking on my part. :-) But I have seen people “infiltrate” homeschooling or unschooling groups looking for friends and NOT honestly wanting to be a part of the group, and it’s not as cool as could be, and has caused frustrations sometimes.
Sandra
